Simply Being

Today's Thought

2009-10-25T09:14:00.001-04:00

Have you ever felt unsure of Love’s presence? Fear not, uncertainty does not verify any outcome. Be willing to sit with the doubt for a moment and hear its beliefs. Next, ask yourself, “Is this the story that rings the truest with my Heart?” Be with the idea providing the most peace, despite how groundless it appears in thought. Struggle seeks to outwit or debate fear. Serenity arises from a quietly accepted “Ahhh.”

My recent writings

2009-09-01T11:10:00.003-04:00

A note from Pam: The majority of my writings have now been moved to Facebook. Daily there are thoughts shared from my meditations, as well as regular articles under "My notes." Personally, I find it easier to post on there than on this blog. In the future, I'll be researching new blog programs, as this program does not permit word cut / paste anymore... making it more difficult to post.

Visit Facebook and friend me Pamela Silberman, to continue to see my newest sharing on Peace not Oasis.

Love in our One Purpose..

~ Pamela

Shadows of Hate

2009-06-24T17:55:00.003-04:00

Is it possible to see Love in hateful words or actions? Yes! The key to peace always resides within the Mind. Align your awareness with this Mind, being vigilant for the Kingdom, and Heaven reveals beyond surface shadows.

A person must turn his or her back to the light in order to place attention on the shadows. It is impossible to see both at the same moment. Therefore, through who or Whom do you identify? Is your attention centered on Light or darkness, Love or fear?

Hate solely identifies through fear. Hate can only attack the temporal. Only these ephemeral treasures of a fleeting perception: bodies, lands and worldly conditions are subject to destruction and decay, as their foundation is limitation.

Understandably, in your current state of awareness, the ephemeral treasures appear to be most factual. You simply see from within the script. As an unknowing actor, you play your role and pity the others within his or her own scene. Do not judge yourself for this identification nor expect to see differently. All is purposeful for the character a dreaming mind asks to play. Consequently, bless yourself for being aware of this innocent wish.

Seek not to distance yourself from your brother or interpret my words as permitting apathy. However, the word "apathy" stems from seed words meaning "without suffering," (a = not + pathos = to suffer) and so identifying without suffering surely leads to greater Self awareness. Nonetheless, in terms of the world, your actions always represent through who or Whom you identify. To know completion is to give an affirmation of the Holiness residing within all Creation. Ask to see a hint of this knowing and surely only Love reveals in all your interactions.

Compassion within the world is purposeful, but this act can be built on sand or stone. Sympathy builds a house on sand as it depends upon a judgment of guilt and pity, neither can extend Love. Here the dreaming mind reinforces the roles of victim and victimizer. Kindness thereby becomes a saving grace. You see a need for giving and healing only after reaffirming loss and destruction. Yet, does this type of compassion instill a lasting peace? Are you seeing your brother with the eyes of Love or fear? Do not these “acts of mercy” lead only to more distorted beliefs about your brother and set him or her up for future oppression? True Compassion builds a house on stone within the garden of Heaven. Here, a golden pathway leads to Your Father’s Certainty, affirming Love over loss and withstanding the storms of time. Teach a man he is Love and indeed he feasts for a lifetime.

Defining you or any other through perceptions of weakness reinforces prisons within your mind. Beyond time these expressions do not last. Therefore, as we look again at thoughts or actions of hate, hate recognizes it must strike fast and dramatic because hate can access the ephemeral only. Playing according to the “rules of the game” hate reinforces an external value, stating you exist through and depend on all that you see, feel or think. Hate believes these shadows to be real and it is these shadows that hate attacks. Again, define yourself through these shadows and your back is merely turned away from the light.

Hate cannot heal through battles. Love is not expressed in resistance. Changeless and unceasing, Love resides in reality rather than the representation. Neither limited to time or transient identity, Love exists beyond all faulty images. Love cannot be torn apart like bodies or lands can. Therefore, to see Love in hateful actions or words is to realize Your Truth despite appearances. Rest here and you offer only the Peace of God.

Imagine yourself standing before a man who spews words of hate. Feel his tension and terror. Now, still your mind and look deeply below the surface. Is it not merely fear and uncertainty that you see? How can fear and uncertainty reside in Love? Again, through who or Whom do you identify? Ask yourself this simple question and simply turn your heels, returning to see the Light and not shadow. Feel the warmth of the serene Son of Certainty upon your face. Soak in this Love. Now, look once more into the eyes of this fearful one. What harm can he truly do? How can transitory words or images transform the everlasting? Smile then and see who You are. See this one Vision within the eyes of your brother. Know for him His Self despite the role he now perceives. Now, do you feel it? Do you feel the edge of laughter bubbling up within you? This laughter speaks for the awareness of Who You Are beyond these imaginings. In this Love you see the folly of each passing thought of transient identity. Here You stand certain for you both, fully revealed in Light and not in shadows. Here, you are as God Created You.

In summary, as you choose to know your Self in certainty, recall the simple question stated above: "Through who or Whom do I identify?" Claiming awareness within the world you see allows Love to be your Guide and shadows to simply fall away. If you brother speaks of hate, realize the shadows need not be exchanged for Light. His attention to shadows do not speak for him or you. Bless Him then, not out of pity or being apathetic for what is "justifiably right." No, instead simply realize that your eyes can always look lovingly upon the Son and He is here, in You, now.

Teach me

2009-05-08T16:07:00.021-04:00

I have felt guided each morning to quiet my thinking and make a request of two simple words: "teach me." Truly, the more we are able to turn our thoughts within, and yeild in the presence of stillness, the more we are able to access peace of mind. A Course in Miracles asks us to remember that: "God speaks to me all through the day." This lesson is entirely transformational if we dared our minds to accept it. "God speaks to me??!!" we doubt. However, yes, God loves and sends an assurance of joy and peace to all of His Creations. Only the forgetting mind, with its dreams of separation and specialness, make this truth a delusion. If we were to simply step away from the blaring doubts filled with disquieted agendas, we would easily feel completely supported and absorbed into a Love-filled stillness. The time we spend in stillness does not have to be extreme. The thoughts that follow emerged from barely five minutes of intention. Yet, no matter the span of time, the smallest bit of willingness allows us to receive fully. Always when I ask, the Voice of Guidance arrives, clear and clean. The following is a collection of guidance from these early mornings. Each is definitely a gem that can take us on a profound inner journey. I am blessed to share them with you, and continue to add more onto the collection daily.

In Love...

~ Pamela

You cannot withhold joy without judgment. Your natural state is one of endless joy. Recognize the resistance within your mind as you experience unhappiness. Watch as you say, "this is wrong" or "I should be different.” Now, breathe through this noticing, accepting instead "I am as I am.” Only here does peace wait.

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Fear cannot rewrite Who You Are. Fear can only dismiss it. "No," fear says with its voice trembling. "No, I am not strong, able and surrounded by loving support.” However, this voice is merely a voice of confusion and lies. Do not listen and know your Self.

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Love is Who You Are. Do not allow the mind to go astray in this one True fact. To know your Self as Love is to reveal love in all thoughts, words, and actions (as well as amend with Love when you overlook it). Do not feel pressured by this calling. Simply accept this awareness, so that you may remember peace in all things.

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Love is with you now despite you may feel unworthy or in the darkness. Only fear and resistance can hide the Light of God from you. Fear and resistance DO NOT hide God, for you are the only one covering your eyes. Play not this game of Hide and Seek. Truth need not be dis-covered. Truth is... now see.

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Spirit's Essence, which is God's Life-Giving Force -- His Holiness -- lives within you now. This Essence is uncontainable, nor is it to be feared. To fear God is to fear your Self. It is foolish to think that this Essence is vulnerable to harm or can be one who is able to harm. This is why there is no sin. You remain as free and perfect as the moment God spoke Your name.

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Forgiveness is seeing clearly. Forgiveness accepts ONLY the indestructible as true. Here you do not align yourself with whims of fancy. Here only do you accept Who You Are within and do not harbor an alternate image. Forgiveness is resting in eternal Holiness instead of your own will.

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Knowledge cannot hide from You. The wholeness of Who You Are exists and never remits. However, you can deny this existence through pretending and valuing an alternate experience. Do not worry about ridding yourself of this belief. Choose instead, like the innocent child, who knows he or she does not know. Ask and I will teach you. Here, as I take your hand, do your real eyes open.

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The mind of peace never desires confusion. Confusion can only arise from doubt, which is a preference for limitation and fear over peace of mind. Here you perceive destruction as a more logical conclusion. However, can the destructible ever make a decision that does not contain fear, if it perceives itself as temporal? Surely not. Therefore, give your doubt to peace and let only the indestructible be your guide.

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Love is your True Self. Love exists whole and complete beyond the limits and hidden corners of your own understanding. Intellect cannot bring you love. Intellect merely balances interactions with others such as in “give and take.” Love is outside of patterns of behavior and has no real requirement. Love does not expect return, nor does Love give only to be an acceptable example. To rest in Love is to give as a knowing (revealing) of One’s True Self. Rest in Love and simply be now without any expected ways of being. Here you live without judgment and choose simply being.

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Peace arises from releasing resistance. Only resistance to the current situation brings stress or suffering. Accept the moment and accept your awareness of peace.

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Genuine happiness knows one Self. To know one's Self is to reveal all that You are in Truth and see. Here, happiness is the only experience, but yet a happiness far beyond your mind's comprehension. Sit with happiness and know Who You Are without limit. Exist wholly in deLight.

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Giving requires us to recognize first all that we own. We give a more genuine Love and as we accept the Love and joy now existing within our mind.

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Trust that you are never alone. A witness to Your inherent Holiness, peace, happiness, love and strength is always available. Stand and see the grandeur by your side. Holiness cannot be forgotten, even by a mind pretending to be lost in games of fear.

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Trust that I am with you. You, meaning your Essence and Mind are never alone. All of God’s children are joined. Companionship does not mean judgment. I do not sit with you and measure your worth through your actions. The actions of the body mean nothing. They are mere representations of your current state of thinking and thinking itself does not ever wholly reflect Truth. Only the ego mind in its fearful imaginings is suspicious. The mind of emptiness perceives its own guilt (separation from Love) and thus projects the possibility of others (apart from itself) extending judgment. However, none of these perceptions is Truth. You only attack yourself in a misperception of Who You Are. Choose rest instead of resistance. I stand with You now, fully confident and aware of your endless magnificence. I am a witness to the Holiness so often forgotten. To accept my point of view is accepting a remembrance of strength, peace, and joy that has never gone astray.

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To judge your self by any image is incorrect. That is to say, to attach your Self to any image is a mere mistake. Your Self is uncontainable and indefinable. This Self has no required measurements to be perfect. Perfection exists now, as always. Your body does not exhibit this perfection because it is an experience of limitation. Therefore, your body’s appearance or actions do not align with Truth. Accept any weight, height, behavior, thought system or representation. They are all the same in their inequity to your True Self. Accept them to see beyond them and choose peace instead.

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Judgment is not consistent with Truth. Separation is required for any judgment to be useful. The mind judges only in comparison. Right versus wrong, acceptable versus unacceptable, purposeful versus unhelpful – all of these are conclusions rooted in dualism. As you value judgment about yourself or others, you agree that God is variable or inconsistent. To say that God needs to change is to say that He is instable and imperfect. I know, you say, “I do not judge God, but man.” Beloved, to judge man is to judge God for God extended man from His own Essence. Surely, it is one's Essence that remains unchangeable; however, to desire change of either body or mind, is still to judge and deem yourself unworthy as God Creates. This belief in unworthiness then espouses a significant amount of additional judgments and needs. Can you at least see how not one of these thoughts results in peace? Truth is all loving and unchanging. Whether that Truth pretends to be different, you remain as God Creates. Eons of wisdom have made this claim before, however the perversion of the mind has difficulty accepting this one simple Truth because it does not accept its Self. See this resistance and change your mind.

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Knowledge is always available to you. That is, you are always able to remember the True Self. Reality cannot hide, yet you can pretend to bury your head. Lift your face up into the Light and see all that has always been beside you.

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Listen. You are Love. There is a no more simpler statement. Accepting and applying this one pure Truth to all aspects of your living will result in a greater peace than your current intellect can perceive. Love of all words, deeds, thoughts and relationships is living in wholeness now.

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Hush love. Close your eyes. Wisdom is always with and within you. See this wisdom as your strength. One cannot be fearful and wise in the same moment. Surely, you can know your wisdom, yet refute it. Therefore, as you recognize strength, all weakness must fade away.

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To see sin within any other person is to see emptiness within yourself. Seeing with these eyes only reaffirms every mistaken belief in your weakness, vulnerability and God's abandonment of his Holiness. However, these stories are not but lies. As you see another make mistakes, remind yourself that this mistake cannot define you. Remind yourself that only acts of love stand as a witness to your Truth.

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All that is You cannot meet the eye. Limited sight can never speak clearly enough for you to hear the Song of Spirit. Imagining that you can accurately conclude facts based on these images, is using a pin-prick of vision as your sight. For this reason, let go. Do not attach to the images of the world or thoughts of the mind. Truth knows there is immeasureably more to see.

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A person cannot "be used" by another person unless the use and user saw themselves in the very same dance of mistaken Self-perception. Victim and victimizer share the same story. One brother cannot stand guilty alone -- for the entirety of Truth would have to be renounced for this possibility. Not one can stand outside of Heaven, without Heaven's angels perceiving gates. These beliefs in separation are not real. The gates of Heaven are merely obstacles within your own mind that say you are not worthy. Come to these gates and see God reach His Hand right through them and place His Love around you. See this very same Love and Acceptance for all others you seem to encounter. He or she is always an invitation for you to know your own peace.

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Living seems to be all about choices. The choice to focus on happiness over sadness. The choice to forgive anger, rather than allow it to linger. The choice to move beyond ghosts of the past or have them sit beside you. All of these choices say you are in control. However, what if I said that peace is beyond choice? What if I said it was not-determined by you, but was and always is right now. It is.

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Although you may see yourself as worn and wearied by the winds of change; Love does not perceive change, apart from Love, as possible. Love does not want change. Love accepts and sees reality solid beneath transient surface images. The waves of the ocean may shift. However, the Essence remains as water always does exist. You are the same. Do not judge yourself by surface conditions. Tumultuous hurricanes and whirlpools do not make you. Feel the eternal flow beneath the turmoil and know peace once again.

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Rest arises through release. To release is to no longer attach or define yourself by distortions of thought, word or experience. Here you reclaim your peace and lift above the illusory prison of the mind.

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Rest your mind now. Do not be concerned with additional thoughts. Worrying about the inability to rest is choosing tossed seas over stillness. Tumultuous winds cannot calm tropical breezes. Breathe and watch as each wisp of awareness passes through you. Remember the safe roots of Love embracing you with endless security.

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Notice the mind in judgment. Feel the constriction. This inner tightness (although called anger / fear) is resistance to peace It is a refusal of You. See how you argue with Love, denying God's Knowledge of His Holiness. To choose sin through the world's justification, is merely pausing for a lie over Truth. Breathe. Forgive. Let go. Here, all You are shines brilliantly beyond poorly constructed barriers.

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It has been spoken before that "love is blind." However, you remain blind as long as you do not see Love. Love's blindness only arises from its inability to see any aspect that is not of God. Therefore, Love cannot exchange lies for Truth. Love does not see sin, because it would rather see Holiness instead. Love knows Holiness is the only clear Vision. Why choose darkness over Light? God's pleasing approval of His Holiness lives in you now. He can only acknowledge you as perfect and strong, without hinderance. All judgment is a refusal of this powerful force of Love. It is plucking out your True eyes. Denying your Self cannot make you or God's knowledge of You disappear. All exists as is. You are in Love now. Feel your way.

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As you choose to ask Love, "What should I say?," and "What should I do?" the most powerful yet still thoughts emerge from within. Inside this space you cannot worry because the evidence of Peaceful being is overwhelming. Too often this area of the healed mind is merely entertained, rather than absorbed. "Thanks Spirit, I'll consider that idea" should be replaced by "I am as You know me to be always."

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Hear this clearly, the ego always tells lies. The ideas may appear reasonable, but the concepts are always based on mistaken ideas of who You are. Only Love is True. Therefore, any part of the mind perceiving a lack of love (no matter how "reasonable") must be a lie. Consider this teaching the next moment you choose to listen to ego as your teacher. Do you desire Truth of Love or lies?

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"I need," "I want," "Defense is necessary," "Pain is real," "God has abandoned me," "He or she must change," "I must take this situation into my own hands." "I am powerless," "I am lost," "I am a victim." All these thoughts and all thoughts attending to them are lies. Any idea speaking loudly in anger or fear, confirming a loss or need, is a messenger of false knowing. Any idea that is without peace does not know its Self. This voice's words can never teach you Truth. Love always and all ways waits patiently. Love waits in knowledge, never asking questions or considering other options. Love does not need to "take control," "prove a point," or "clarify a situation." Love knows quietly and sees only this direct and complete experience of knowledge.
Be now with Love and you choose only the strength of stillness to be your Guide. Here we rest together beyond the cackling or jarring discontent. Here, in Truth, we see the false ideas simply fade into murmurs of mistaken ideas, only laughable from where we know ourselves to thrive.

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How, within the perception of life and self, do you see today? Desire to choose on your own, than all experiences appear self-made and transitory. In this state, happiness is alternated with sadness; anger with serenity. The day ebbs and flows. However, choose instead to yield each moment to Guided Vision, simply stating: "Teach me," and then a greater solid wisdom rises beyond surface conditions. Peace surpasses a personal understanding.

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When the ancient gurus teach that "all disease is disease of the mind," this statement means that your True Essence nourishes far more than any bodily existence. With the changing fashions of the wind and seasons, the pedals of a flower know life cannot cease despite a loss of softness. Consequently, although the body may experience many states of physical wellness or weakness, suffering is always optional. To see your identity beyond the transcience of body, emotion or thinking is to know your Self in health (wholeness) eternally. This state of Self awareness does not guarantee the body or experiences of individual identity will not change. Pain, lack, weakness and physical limitation occur as long as the body is recognized as self. However, to know your Self beyond transcient circumstances is to see ultimate life and strength exactly where it always rests magnificently strong within God's Arms of Love. Rest here and never suffer, only simply be as God created His Holiness to be. Only the Truth is true.

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Could you imagine progressing throughout the day without stories of need or want? Can you envision moving forward in trust, innocently allowing each experience to neutrally unfold? Peace appears hidden from your eyes and heart because a story of demand and fear is chosen instead. Worry keeps you from now. Release your story. Rest in the moment without demand and watch as peace and prosperity all ways exist.

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Life within the world is not about the tasks accomplished, but is about who you see yourself becoming through each transient experience. To live is to witness. Ask yourself, "what am I witnessing now?" "What am I observing about Who I am?" It is impossible to find any state of experience, while you call attention to and perceive the opposite. Consequently, you can never find a greater state of love while claiming an unloved self is possible. Likewise, you never discover increased wealth, power or self-awareness while perceiving lack, limitation and self-denial. This is the same as asking a blind person to be your guide. Surely neither person is most capable of finding his or her way as long as limitation leads. Open your eyes. Blindness is not Who You Are and can never lead you to peace. Be a witness to all that stands closer than you currently know. Unheard of riches, power, peace of mind and unchanging love are merely just the edge of the horizon. Magnificence is the sun.

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A greater awareness cannot be known from adhering to a lesser state of mind. This is why the gurus instruct to detach from all preconceived thoughts and values. Grandeur is not known through eyes of lack. Forgiveness cannot be seen while reinforcing the existence of sin. Lesser thoughts contain and persist struggle, all the while you say to desire peace. Which state of being is True? You can have only one.

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Being the love you are is not about trying to be love. Being love is relaxing into an ever presence of strength and consistency. All trying involves struggle. Trying can waver through bouts of will, determination, failure and practice. Truly, You cannot fail at achieving love. You cannot achieve Love. Love is just as You are. now and all ways. Love has nothing to do or try and neither must you. Knowing this is Love.

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Connectedness is unavoidable. You can never completely forget Who You Are. The body and earth are perceptions of definition, made only to extend the belief in a dream of separation. Do not expect to find your Truth exclusively in physical means of the earth or body. Love, though, is the invisible thread binding these images. Each idea of Creation connects in a tapestry of pure light. As you experience one another or any form upon the earth, it is possible to see beyond your perceived limitations. Do so by surrendering beyond what the eyes can see. Stand in awe, asking only to see the love. Feel your heart expand in a song of pure gratitude. Surrender to breathing in your connectedness beyond space, time or separate images. Now, rest your eyes loosely upon all you see and look with the gentleness emitting from within you. Feel your eyes open to the grandeur of Self beyond all limitations. Breathe again and rest in this awareness. Embrace the warm sensation of gentle being washing over your heart and hearth. This is seeing the foundation of your True Self, making known the completion of all You are. Here you choose to see wholly beyond any limiting desires of the imagination. Here you fully remember and see as God does now.

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Say "Yes"

2009-04-05T21:47:00.003-04:00

This afternoon I took a moment to watch the movie "Yes Man" and boy, did this get me thinking. No.. don't worry, its not the wrong kind of thinking - other than the bit where I realized Jim Carrey is getting more attractive in his maturity :-) No really, I began to sink more deeply in my self-inquiring mind, wondering how often I say yes.

Although this movie did poke fun a bit at the self-help super-motivational workshop movement (a jab in the ribs well worth it), the movie made several very good points. First off, the main character (played by Jim Carrey) was initially shown as living a life of rigidity and isolation. He is seen as having been hurt in a previous relationship and reserved from taking risks in life. He has settled into a responsible yet boring job and declines most social invitations. He perceives himself to be happy just as he is experiencing a life of safe limitation. Upon seeing this portrayal, at first I wondered "what's the big deal about this type of lifestyle." Sure, its not supremely glamorous or adventureous, but sometimes just being settled and quiet can be quite rewarding. Yet, the point was made that this lifestyle could be unhealthy, as it seems to push away the world in an attempt to stay secure. From this perspective, I could see how Carl's (Jim's character) reluctance to take risks or be involved with others was another way of him choosing fear over love.

As the movie progressed and Carl began to accept the challenge of saying "yes" to every opportunity that was offered his way it became very clear the deeper more profound message being communicated. When we choose to say "yes" to opportunity, we are engaging in a relationship with trust. Spiritually speaking, A Course in Miracles teaches us to say "yes" to God in every moment. We are asked to say yes to God's Will over our own. It is when we say yes to God, we say choose to agree with His perspective of our Self and this perspective is completely without any restriction or alliance with fear.

Amazingly, as the movie progressed, I noticed one awesome connection... the connection of connection. Carl is shown saying "yes" to what seems like random opportunities, some seemingly ridiculous and others character building. However, each opportunity that we see Carl choose to say yes to, eventually becomes useful later on in the storyline. For instance, Carl says yes to taking Korean speaking lessons. Sounds pretty random, right? But soon we find Carl having a heart-felt conversation with a woman in a wedding invitation store who speaks Korean and was having a bad day. He allows her to heal her mind and release her sadness just through his witness and knowledge of Korean (which developed an unexpected bond). The flow continues all through the movie. We see how a collection of seemingly random "yes" decisions leads to enhanced connection and complement to many. In one scene we even see how Carl's choice to take guitar lessons gives him the opportunity to cajole a man from his balcony in a suicide attempt. Overall, we see that Carl's decision to say yes, ends up rewarding not just him but a multitude of other previously unknown people.

The movie did later make a clarification about randomly saying "yes" without forethought and how there can be certain dangers if this behavior were really taken to extremes (I guess that was there legal disclaimer). However, the most important point of the movie was in essence showing how that when we are willing to reach beyond our mental fearfilled boundaries and explore life in a manner of trust, we are always placed in the right place at the right time with much benefit. When we say yes to God, trusting that we will always be in the right place at the right time, safe and loved, then all that occurs in life happens with ease and perfection.

A Course in Miracles is often asking us what we choose to say "yes" to. Do we say "yes" to the trepidations of fear over love? Do we say "yes" to beliefs in restriction and error? Do we say "yes" to separation, attack, defense, pain and death? In these choices to say "yes" essentially we are saying "no" to God's awareness of His Holiness in us. Jeshua tells us that we cannot have two kingdoms nor masters. Thus we cannot say "yes" to God and preserve our own egoic kingdom. The only other option per se, is to notice how our belief in choices apart from God is really a clear cut denial in all that God Created. In this choice we deny peace in place of war, choose death in place of life and embrace limitation over ultimate freedom.

Now surely, I too would agree with the movie in that we don't want to ridiculously say "yes" to every option without thinking of potential consequences. Even the Course says that to blindly deny the rules and consequences of the world we made would be an improper use of denial. Instead, I only ask you to take an observers stance to what you choose to say "yes" to in your life experience. Whose Vision of your Self do you say "yes" to most often? Do you say "yes" to your abundance and enter into the flow of life without fear of restriction? Do you say "yes" to trust and acceptance of your brother over guilt, grudges and judgment? Do you say "yes" to happiness in this moment rather than suspiciousness or uncertainty? Do you say "yes" to a view of your self, seeing beauty, strength, intelligence, constancy, joy and peace? Truly, what do you say "yes" to right now about who you are and why you are here?

Life is always giving us opportunities to say "yes." As the movie taught, each moment that we choose to accept these opportunities we give ourselves an RSVP of "yes" in life. The doors are open and all that we receive on reaquaints us with the limitlessness of our power. Taking an opportunity to say "yes" more often does indeed allow us to open up doors that before may have been closed because of past judgments and fears. However, giving yourself a key to "yes" we give ourselves a key to unlimited potential for finding happiness hidden behind a wall of previous "no".

Again, you may not want to say "yes" to everything. It is perfectly okay to say "no" when someone asks you to become a contract killer. :-) However, the point to be made is one that asks us to simply notice when we choose freedom over restriction or love over fear. If we trust the moment to God, and allow ourselves to see His bigger picture, He surprises us with a show that by far outlasts our expectations. In trusting Him, we see that all situations come together as a reflection of perfection, peace and joy. Our will can only limit us since it is rooted in limited thinking and doubt. However, God's Will already knows the complete landscape beyond our puzzle pieces. He sees the ultimate connection of every person, place and situation far beyond our own perspective. Therefore, as we choose to say "yes" we choose to step away from our own point of view and trust an image of completion instead of limitation. We say "yes" to God and His Holiness in us, realizing that beyond our mind there is no where better to simply be.

Love you.

Who Am I Now?

2009-03-15T17:12:00.003-04:00

Who am I now? Every moment our mind inundates itself asking and answering this one question. Who am I now…and now… and now? Who am I here and who I am there? Who am I in that person’s story of me? Who am I in my story of the past, present and future? Who am I when I decide to go here or there? Who am I when I do not go any place at all? What words or deeds define me to the world at large? Who am I in appearance, social stature, or day-to-day circumstance? How does each portrayal differ from past stories and where do the stories go from here? All of our “what now” thoughts are answering the question “who now?” Truly, this is the only question we are consistently answering, defining, and seeking in an experience we call life and thus self-experience.

Only your self-definitions keep you trapped and yearning. This concept is so imperative that it begs repeating: “ONLY your self-definitions keep you trapped and yearning.” Tell me, what is the very reason that we seek or care to define ourselves within the world? Is it not because we feel empty and confused, worthless or invaluable, unless we have some role or identity to play? Is there not a difference between the role of “successful billionaire” and “social vagrant”? From where does the difference arise and to what result? A human-beings greatest fear is to live his or her life unknown. To live unknown is to be without value and thus eventually be forgotten. This is why so many people yearn to have children, careers, and accomplishments. Without these blips left on the map of life, who would we be? According to the ego, the answer is that we would be no one. To be no one is nothing that we dare consider without endless pangs of terror coursing through our mind.

Thus with the terror of being forgotten deep within our mind, we continue on an endless journey of strain and struggle to be someone. It is through the one accomplishment of being known that we perceive ourselves to have value. Yet, what if I was to say your value is changelessly deemed as magnificent? What if I was to say that no role, accomplishment, identity, or influence could dare change your current state of pure perfection? Yes. There I go with those ridiculous spiritual platitudes again. However, briefly let your mind consider what I am saying. Do you really feel that a loving Creator would doom your eternal value and security to relative transitory accomplishments? Would He make an eternal Creation rely on requirement to be of value? What would be the purpose of creating an energy that is destined to fade away into nothingness if it were not "famous" or "accomplished"? Doesn’t make much sense, does it? Consequently, which of our worldly accomplishments are truly lasting and does not require additional stress? How can we find peace and happiness within a further requirement of strain? God's Creations cannot be transitory if they were real. Thus, it would be foolish to require an eternal Creation to rely on transitory hopes or dreams for his or her ultimate purpose. Again, a nonsensical requirement if our Creator truly valued all He did Create.

A Course in Miracles asks us to remember that Love created me like Itself. Holiness created Me Holy. Kindness created me kind. Helpfulness created me helpful. Perfection created me perfect. Does this sound like a creation that need be dependent on his or her explorations and accomplishments within the world to be of value? Therefore, as this lesson in the Course calls us to "think about our reality and its wholly unchanged and unchangeable nature" I ask you to consider for a moment if your dependency on accomplishments within the world have only cast a shadow upon the Truth You are. Furthermore, I am going step into my role of “cage rattler” and declare: “God does not need a single worldly accomplishment from you to value you!” God does not need you to do any task, ritual, or sacrament to increase or decrease the love He has for You right now! God does not need you to be anyone other than the perfect, magnificent, loved, and happy Creation that which He eternally communicated into existence before the beginning of time.

The ego will try to convince you that what I say now is complete lunacy. It may even try to tell you that I only seek to insult the rich, famous or denounce them out of a seeking to be in their shoes. This could only be true to the mind that is afraid of losing what he or she has attached to him or herself. Who is it that asks for attachments or needs? Yikes, more cage rattling. However, no matter your fears of loss or gain, it is important that we do not cast a blind eye upon what we fear deeply within our mind. The egos investments are a sign of from where it perceives and if we desire peace, than surely nothing real can be threatened. Honestly, there is not insult to these words, yet only a call to question the values you hold. If you feel anger, is not because you feel a value can be threatened? Only the world has needs and can be threatened. Only the world sets up requirements and makes demands based on its investment in fear. Fear's foundation is a belief in emptiness. Fear has NOTHING to do with God! Thus, every idea that stems from fear, or happens because of a belief in fear, is nothing but a lie upon the Truth that God Himself deemed as True. This lie is a mere cloud upon the brilliant sunshine that God extends forever. Like all clouds, they can but temporarily block out the sun’s rays, but cannot ever destroy the Light and Permanence of its Creation.

Be willing to accept the completeness of your magnificence and life becomes a simple passage. Our day-to-day experiences lead only to the more profound realization that we already are (and have always been) in perfect peace. Likewise, you do not need to constantly ask and seek to answer “Who Am I.” Instead, as you choose to accept God’s changeless awareness of You, each day will simply flow with perfect trust. This perfect trust does not mean that you choose not to have a career, pay your bills on time, or invest in a life of crime saying, “Well, it’s all perfect anyway.” No, only the ego would distort such trust for its own ridiculous self-abasement. Instead, we willingly do all our responsibilities within the world with a sense of strength and appreciation, rather than a sense of fear or frustration.

Again, I want to make this clear: there is nothing wrong with doing accomplishments within the world. However, each accomplishment can be given greatest glory when it is rooted in a sense of solid Self-awareness rather than fear or emptiness. These types of accomplishments are not dependent and require minimal effort. Our only effort (if any) is the initial step to give our will to God and then sit back to watch Him lead in Love. When we surrender our will to Holy Spirit's or God's Will, He gives us tasks and direction from a sense of Self-affirmation, rather than self-searching. This is the slight difference between the jobs Spirit assigns and the meaningless jobs of the world. Spirit only gives us an affirmation of Our Truth. He sends us off in directions that will only reaffirm our True Peace and make manifest a more profound Self-awareness. He will guide us in our journey of healing, so that the healing we witness for our brothers and sisters, becomes only an affirmation of the wholeness we are in Truth. Each task becomes a “whistling while we work” rather than a funeral dirge of fear.

Moments like this, I think about my dog. No really, I believe there is a reason why dog spelled backwards is “god.” My dog does not ever struggle or stress over getting or achieving. She is pure happiness in every moment, almost as if she recognizes no reason to question otherwise. For my dog, a walk outside is just as much of a joy as a snooze on the couch. She meets a bowl of the same dry food day after day with the same gleeful anticipation. She accepts a rub on the tummy with the greatest sense of self-adoration. Surely, she must simply know and accept how loved she is without question or further concern. She feels no need to daily strive further attempting to please me, uncertain of my reciprocity. No, instead, she is the same exact wholly loving dog every day and she trusts that I will always be the equivalent perfectly accepting master.

Okay, now its time for more cage rattling. Some of you reading this note find themselves actively involved in the journey of spiritual self-awareness. Many of you engage in daily tasks such as long hours of meditation, special diets, candle or incense burning, altar building, crystal-collecting and hymn or mantra repetition to mention only a few. What if I was to say to you (and I am) that these tasks are needless to reaffirm your spiritual value? Again, I say this not to belittle, but to call out a greater awareness. In Truth, you need not do even one of these ceremonies to confirm God’s point of view. The only purpose to these routines is for you to find tools that can assist you on the journey of remembering your True Self. Yes, remembering your True Self is an important purpose, but the tools themselves have no particular meaning except the meaning that you give. For some this meaning is imperative, especially when we consider the myriads of ways we have invested in forgetting. However, no matter how pretty or cleansing to the body these tools are, none can compare to the genuine reality of your Self that is not dependent upon any thing outside itself to brilliantly thrive. This is why the Course refers to these tools as "magic." I do not believe that the Course does this to offend our worldly investments. Instead, I believe we are told this merely so that we can question our investments and see past and distorted attachments.

Therefore, it is possible to purely remember your True Self daily without a single sacrament or body-identification. How? Make the choice to center your mind on love over fear. Choose to remember your True Self in each moment by being your True Self. Extend the awareness of your solidly deserving love to every person you encounter. Be grateful, accepting, willing, compassionate, supportive, and joyful through all the highs and lows of life experience. Choose to see peace instead of pain. Choose to give rather than resist. Greet your brothers and sisters with open arms rather than suffocating judgments. Rather than saying, “I’ll pray for you” out of belittling fear or pompous arrogance, recognize that God is with each person right here and right now. Place the willfulness of your own mind aside each day and desire to see within to the Love of God. You can recognize a lack of realizing this Love if you linger in judgment, defense or frustration. Choose instead to play out an extension of Love to every person, despite what your "rational mind" would rather have you say or do. Do this and God’s awareness of You not only remains your perfect reality, but also you do see every reality as perfect. Truly, what could bestow greater peace and happiness?

Recently, I noticed within me a personal loathing for all “things” spiritual. My thinking and emotional preferences literally developed a disgust for what I perceived as the Capitalistic spiritual pathway. I felt myself thinking, “The credence repeats over and over without any results” and “every book is empty bull unless I begin to put it to use.” I likened every spiritual, motivational or self-help guru to just another dog and pony show saying: “If I hear another lecture on spirituality, I’ll puke!” Yes, these thoughts were quite insistent that I have had enough with where the world wanted to take me spiritually. This included my own teaching and writing, from which I vehemently backed away. What was this abhorrence all about? Obviously, the distaste I was feeling was not arising from peace and so I had to give the awareness to Holy Spirit. With this, I found myself overwhelmed by a business of spirituality. Just as the diet Mecca does not reduce weight, the spiritual commercialism did not have me feel more peaceful. Why? Was I merely aligning with the resistance of the ego? Like someone who invests in a pricey diet but still sneaks Twinkies beneath her pillow, was I still trying to do things my own way? At first, this excuse seemed like a viable option, until I recognized how blaming the ego or guilting myself for resistance also did not bring me peace. I listened again to the furied thoughts and sought to give them all to Holy Spirit asking Him to show me what I was lacking within my own confusion.

Finally, one consistent realization birthed itself from the clouds: “seeking is asking and asking does not know.” If I wanted to know, investing in my wanting was not going to reveal the knowledge that already exists within me. The industry of spirituality was not to blame for my disgust. I projected my inner disgust on the industry of spirituality, as it seemed to play out my attachment to wanting or needing from the outside. My disgust was a sign that I was disgusted with wanting and seeing myself as not having. Let this thought rest within your mind for a moment and allow it to seep through your own awareness of the spiritual practice. Ask yourself for the reason why you first and continually engage in spiritual rituals? What are you seeking to find? From and for who is the seeking engaged. Yes, the answer does set you back a bit.

Personally, my involvement in spirituality was supposed to “make me more peaceful.” Every workshop that I attended offered me the opportunity to get to know peace more… or so my seeking mind did think. Each investment had the potential for making me closer to realizing how I still was as God Created me. However, in order for me to receive peace, wouldn’t I first have to deny my current experience of peace? It is only possible to deny one’s own peace if one denies the True Self or uses the world to define him or herself. Only the world’s paradigm repeatedly tells us how we are not good or peaceful enough because of money, relationships, or other world-based identities. Truly, it is only the ego that denies peace.. period. Thus, as long as I refused the peace within, using the world as my teacher, I denied my True Self and every invested penny had a purpose in my continued plan of Self-denial. Oddly enough, I was giving the responsibility to the workshop and not myself. I often found it most ironic how within most workshops, after the $350.00 workshop fee was collected, the teacher would instruct, “all of the words and truths I share are also within you.” Uh, okay, my sarcastic mind thought: “So why did I pay to be here rather than just stay home?” Some lecturers would tell me how “the angels stood before me knowing all that I did not know about my magnificent Self.” Wow. What wonderful words for a person whom wanted to be someone peaceful, loved, and/or worthy. When would I finally begin to see this Vision within myself? Would it be during the next pay per channel session? Alternatively, maybe the Truth would finally emerge after the next book purchased. One thing was certain though… and it was not me.

Do not get me wrong, I am not dismissing the spiritual teaching circuit. I am not saying that people who teach spirituality are snake-oil salespersons or frauds. Heck, this statement would be denouncing my own self, right? I do have my own book for sale… and you can get it at this website! HAHA! No seriously, all that I am stating is that each of us on this pathway is responsible for asking and answering one question: “Who am I now?" The answer to this one question can take you to unimaginable depths of self-awareness. Most likely, the most “self-fulfilling” answer arises when you seek not to answer the question from the outside, but instead choose to notice your experience of the question from the inside. Every answer you strive for outside is merely a temporal distraction to your own “Who am I” search inside. This is why asking is not knowing.

Try then, as best you can, to discern objectively the story of “me” in every thought. Find the story of “me” within both your spiritual practice and every worldly endeavor. Take notice of how every thought within your mind is a story of “me” asking to be told and denoting characters to play out this story. If you notice deeply, you will see how none of these thoughts ever arrives at any particularly permanent or satisfactory realization. The stories of “me” keep spinning as long as you recognize the need to invest in a “me” that is not whole or complete right now. This is not a bad realization. I do not say these concepts to discourage you; however, the more we choose to notice how the story of “me” is meaningless and riddled in Self-denial, the more we are able to reawaken ourselves beyond the story.

Is it not true that we can often become lost in our day-to-day experiences? I can lie within my bed, upon first awakening, and think of a million tasks to do before placing my feet upon the floor. These thoughts will justify their necessity. Each thought convincingly states multiple reasons for why, when and how I must follow through “or else.” These thoughts will plan my day, telling me how much time I can remain in bed, how much time I will need to get dressed, walk the dog, get out of the house, and engage fully in each daily need. These thoughts will berate me if I attempt to turn them off. They will tell me that I cannot “be irresponsible” and that “I must” or “should” do a myriad of tasks just in order to stay afloat within the world. My spiritual rituals can also pronounce similar testimony. If I do not “do my daily lesson,” “pray at least 5 minutes” or “read so many pages in the Course” I will “never find the peace that is me.” It took me years and years to begin seeing how each of these thoughts only have a story about me which is apart from the present moment and that peace is only known in the present moment. Therefore, with my investment in these thoughts I was only succeeding at keeping peace at bay. Again, peace later is blindness to peace now.

Take a moment today to practice the awareness of simply being aware. Try to practice a more profound awareness of the self that is engaging in spiritual practice or life tasks. Attempt to listen to the story of this self and then love it for just existing despite what it does or thinks. Then take a chance and step away from the self-help book, candle, mantra, affirmation audio, special diet, or incense. Do not step away out of aversion. Merely wish to let go temporarily of your attachment to the outer tool. Discover who is using these modalities to grasp for a peace and why. Take a moment to allow a recognition that speaks for the peace solidly existing right now within her or him. Take a moment to notice who is writing, who is praying, who is asking, and who is seeking. Then once you recognize who you think you are, as well as who you are hoping to become, STOP. Sit and just be exactly then and exactly there. Notice if you begin to undertake a routine of self-analysis. Analysis is another form of distraction, as it is trying to understand rather than just experience. If you notice this, let the analysis go as well. Forgiving all that you see yourself desiring to be, understand or do will bring you back to the present moment.

Attempt not to be concerned if an absolute terror arises within you during this suggested practice. This fear only reaffirms how your mind has been aptly accustomed to investing in devices of distraction for the consistency of time. These devices of distraction (both words contain root references to the verb “to divide”) are accomplishing their goal. However, now that you have chosen to realize a goal of “now” rather than “then” the terror comes to the forefront. Do not worry; terror can never stay within your mind for long. Fear is dependent on distraction and investment. If you were to merely watch the terror without response, all the discomfort quickly fades from your perception. Beyond time, the only experience remaining will be one of simply being, and this is peace at last.

In summary, if we choose to dedicate moments to notice who is seeking and who is finding, we will chose to be the finder much more often than the seeker. We find what we already possess. Accepting all that we possess only allows us to recognize its value with a greater intensity. Therefore, “Who am I” becomes “Who I am” and right this moment God knows.

Pamela B. Silberman is the author of Simply Being: One Year with Spirit, currently available at all major booksellers and on Amazon.com. Her personal website is www.simplybeing.net

The Essential Teachings of Ramana Maharshi

2009-01-31T09:16:00.006-05:00

To me, the teachings of Ramana Maharshi are like tiny diamonds each worthy of deeper examination. Each teaching has a profound depth and light that pours from its center. This center is the same as the center of our True Self. As each of us has walked our own journey within the study and practice of spirituality, most likely one overall truth has become most clear: ALL Paths lead to the same God. With this in mind, the more we welcome the words of others who may see the surface concepts differently, the more we allow ourselves to reacquaint ourselves with another presentation of our One Holiness.

Personally, I only recently came across his writings and students. As many of you know, I've been mainly led by A Course in Miracles and still find this presentation to be the most clear language for my own practice. Ramana Maharshi uses different language and concepts than A Course in Miracles; however, if you look within his words, a universal golden thread rises to the surface. This Golden Thread is equal in the love and magnificence that every representation of God beholds.

Overall God does not ask us to find Him in words. He does not ask us to discover that He exists in the walls of a library, church or any containment. God cannot be contained and He knows His Holiness can neither be limited. You are His Holiness, but for some reason you have gone to sleep and dreamed yourself into a belief in limitation. The more your mind invests and justifies this belief, the more you will see it ruling your thoughts, emotions and experiences. However, no matter these dreams of limitation, the Truth of You still lives and thrives beyond any false image or barrier.

Our minds are so convoluted and confused by illusion that we MUST practice with solid determination if we ask for the awareness of Truth to reawaken within us. The awareness of Truth is there, existing beyond our own obstacles to peace, but like a diamond buried beneath multiple caked layers of coal, soil and mud, we have to be willing to dig in order to find the ever-present shine. The words of religions, spiritual pathways (like ACIM) and great gurus are mere tools. Each tool has equal value. Each tool has the equal ability to lead you to the diamond if you find a way to use it to the best of your ability. However, USING the tool is completely up to your own decision and determination.

There are many times within my own journey that I've picked up the tools and weakly scratched the surface soil. I've moved around the soil from one place to another. I've become distracted mid-dig and started to draw smiley faces or build sand castles and mud pies from the earth I've unbound. I have turned my back from the excavation claiming exhaustion and frustration, believing that this was all a trick and no amount of energy would ever be "good enough" for God. May as well have fun with the soil while we can, right? However, even though these distractions seem halfway reasonable at their time, none will bring us back to continuing our dedication to revealing our True Self. We are the only ones who must decide to turn once again within, beyond the seeming mountains of muck, and again use the tools within our own hands. No matter the apparent sweat and toil, the diamond still calls to us from its housing within our own mind. Its calls become more clear with each layer of ego we voluntarily surrender.

Below I have listed (through the quotes courtesy of: The Essential Teachings of Ramana Maharshi; edited by Matthew Greenblatt) the "Top 100" teachings so to speak. If you are interested in seeking a deeper awareness of your True Self, I highly recommend that you take some quiet time and focus on, yet beyond, these words. Do not let your mind intellectualize or analyze, but instead allow your mind to sink beyond the entrapments of limited understanding. God is not found in your thinking, but reveals His Self as Our Holiness once we drop our own ways of thinking. For you see, it is only our thinking, that keeps us playing in the sand. God does stand watch and knows that we only seek to explore. He does not judge us for our using the innocent freedom He has bestowed. However, He too is always calling to us beyond the distractions of the surface mind.

You can use Ramana Maharshi's words to help you hear this call. Could you imagine what it would be like if these concepts were accepted on a global basis? Dare to imagine if you awoke each morning choosing to live one of these concepts just for a day. You can do that now if you do wish. But I'm not here to suggest any additional ritual. Instead, seek now just to read and then listen within for any deeper calling or suggestion. Follow your heart, for the Light of Love always speaks Truth.

See what presentation the words of Ramana Maharshi paint for you. Although words are symbols of symbols, these symbols can reveal reality if we seek beyond mere representation. Therefore, step back, loosen your vision, and see what light filled image of your True Self appears. As I read each sentence below, my heart seemed to sing with realization of its Self, almost as if it knew the way back Home from where it has strayed.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that the Truth of Who We Are has never left us. We can never truly be absent from Our Holiness as God Created. Therefore, if we were to inwardly open our eyes, the pathway Home would be clear as day. Take some time now to find these diamonds the seem to hide in the soil at your feet. Feel yourself as each step has you walk closer and closer in approach to God's True Light within You. God's Knowing is with You and does not wait over some horizon. God's Knowing only asks you to stop hiding in the trees. Walk with me now as we choose to join our brother out in the open.

The Essential Teachings of Ramana Maharshi

1. The mind is nothing but the thought “I.”

2. Thoughts arise because of the thinker.

3. The thinker is the ego, which if sought will automatically vanish.

4. Without consciousness, time and space do not exist; they appear within Consciousness but have no reality of their own.

5. It is like a screen on which all this is cast as pictures and move as in a cinema show.

6. The Absolute Consciousness alone is our real nature.

7. Grace is within you; Grace is the Self.

8. Grace is not something to be acquired from others. If it is external, it is useless. All that is necessary is to know its existence in you.

9. You are never out of its operation.

10. The mind cannot seek the mind.

11. You ignore what is real and hold on to that which is unreal, then try to find what it is. You think you are the mind and, therefore, ask how it is to be controlled.

12. If the mind exists, it can be controlled, but it does not. Understand this by inquiry.

13. Seek the real, the Self.

14. The Eternal is not born nor does it die.

15. We confound appearance with Reality. Appearance carries its end in itself.

16. What is it that appears anew?

17. If you cannot find it, surrender unreservedly to the substratum of appearances; then Reality will be what remains.

18. Reality is simply loss of the ego.

19. Destroy the ego by seeking its identity.

20. Because the ego has no real existence, it will automatically vanish, and Reality will shine forth by itself in all its glory. This is the direct method.

21. All other methods retain the ego. In those paths so many doubts arise, and the eternal question remains to be tackled. But in this method the final question is the only one and is raised from the very beginning.

22. No practices (sadhanas) are even necessary for this quest.

23. Your duty is to Be, and not to be this or that.

24. “I am That I Am” sums up the whole truth; the method is summarized in “Be Still.”

25. The state we call Realization is simply being one’s self, not knowing anything or becoming anything.

26. If one has realized, one is that which alone is and which alone has always been. One cannot describe that state, but only be That. Of course, we loosely talk of Self-realization for want of a better term.

27. There is no help in changing your environment.

28. The obstacle is the mind, which must be overcome, whether at home or in the forest. If you can do it in the forest, why not in the home? Therefore, why change the environment?

29. The cause of misery is not in life without; it is within you as the ego.

30. You impose limitations upon yourself and then make a vain struggle to transcend them.

31. Why attribute to the happenings in life the cause of misery, which really lies within you? What happiness can you get from anything extraneous to yourself? When you get it, how long will it last?

32. The body itself is a thought.

33. Be as you really are.

34. There are no stages in Realization or degrees in Liberation.

35. There are no levels of Reality; there are only levels of experience for the individual.

36. If anything can be gained that was not present before, it can also be lost, whereas the Absolute is eternal, here and now.

37. It is not a matter of becoming but of Being.

38. Remain aware of yourself and all else will be known.

39. One comes into existence for a certain purpose.

40. That purpose will be accomplished whether one considers oneself the actor or not.

41. Everything is predetermined.

42. But one is always free not to identify oneself with the body and not to be affected by the pleasure and pain associated with its activities.

43. Engage yourself in the living present. The future will take care of itself.

44. Find out who is subject to free will or predestination and abide in that state.

45. Then both are transcended. That is the only purpose in discussing these questions. To whom do such questions present themselves?

46. Discover that and be at peace.

47. Your true nature is that of infinite spirit.

48. The feeling of limitation is the work of the mind.

49. When the mind unceasingly investigates its own nature, it transpires that there is no such thing as mind.

50. This is the direct path for all.

51. If one inquires as to where in the body the thought “I” first rises, one would discover that it rises in the heart; that is the place of the mind’s origin.

52. Grace is always present.

53. You imagine it is something somewhere high in the sky, far away, and has to descend. It is really inside you, in your Heart, and the moment you effect subsidence or merger of the mind into its Source, grace rushes forth, sprouting as from a spring within you.

54. You speak as if you are here, and the Self is somewhere else and you had to go and reach it…

55. …But in fact the Self is here and now, and you are always It.

56. It is like being here and asking people the way to the ashram, then complaining that each one shows a different path and asking which to follow.

57. The realized person weeps with the weeping, laughs with the laughing, plays with the playful, sings with those who sing, keeping time to the song.

58. What does he lose?

59. His presence is like a pure, transparent mirror. It reflects our image exactly as we are. It is we who play the several parts in life and reap the fruits of our actions. How is the mirror or the stand on which it is mounted affected? Nothing affects them, as they are mere supports.

60. The Consciousness of “I” is the subject of all of our actions.

61. Inquiring into the true nature of that Consciousness and remaining as oneself is the way to understand one’s true nature.

62. All that is required to realize the Self is to Be Still.

63. What can be easier than that?

64. If one gains the Peace of the Self, it will spread without any effort on the part of the individual.

65. When one is not peaceful, oneself, how can one spread peace in the world?

66. Unless one is happy, one cannot bestow happiness on others.

67. Happiness is born of Peace and can reign only when there is no disturbance. Disturbance is due to thoughts, which arise in the mind. When the mind is absent there will be perfect Peace.

68. Reality lies beyond the mind.

69. So long as the mind functions, there is duality. Once it is transcended, Reality shines forth.

70. Self-effulgence is the Self.

71. Satsang means association (sanga) with Being (Sat), which is the Self.

72. For whom is association?

73. The ultimate truth is so simple; it is nothing more than being in one’s natural, original state.

74. It is a great wonder that to teach such a simple truth a number of religions should be necessary, and so many disputes should go on between them as to which is the God-ordained teaching. What a pity!

75. Just be the Self, that is all.

76. Because people want something elaborate and mysterious, so many religions have come into existence. Only those who are mature can understand the matter in its naked simplicity.

77. There is neither past nor future; there is only the present.

78. Yesterday was the present when you experienced it; tomorrow will also be the present when you experience it.

79. Therefore, experience takes place only in the present, and beyond and apart from experience nothing exists.

80. Even the present is mere imagination, for the sense of time is purely mental.

81. Because people love mystery and not the truth, religions cater to them, eventually bringing them around to the Self.

82. Whatever be the means adopted, you must at last return to the Self; so why not abide in the Self here and now?

83. There is no greater mystery than this: Being Reality ourselves, we seek to gain Reality.

84. We think that there is something hiding Reality and that it must be destroyed before the truth is gained. This is clearly ridiculous.

85. A day will dawn when you will laugh at your past efforts. What you realize on the day you laugh is also here and now.

86. If we look upon the Self as the ego, we become the ego, if as the mind we become the mind, if as the body we become the body.

87. It is thought that builds up layers in so many ways.

88. Take no notice of the ego and its activities but see only the light behind it.

89. The ego is the “I”-thought.

90. The true “I” is the Self.

91. The world does not exist in sleep and forms a projection of your mind in the waking state. It is therefore an idea and nothing else.

92. It is false to speak of Realization; what is there to realize?

93. The real is ever as it is.

94. All that is required is to cease regarding as real that which is unreal. That is all we need to attain wisdom (jnana).

95. The universe is only an object created by the mind and has its being in the mind. It cannot be measured as an external entity.

96. The world phenomena, within or without, are only fleeting and are not independent of our Self.

97. Only the habit of looking at them as real and located outside ourselves is responsible for hiding our pure Being.

98. When the ever-present sole Reality, the Self, is found, all other unreal things will disappear, leaving behind the knowledge that they are not other than the Self.

99. Either surrender because you realize your inability and need a higher power to help you, or investigate the cause of misery.

100. The Divine never forsakes one who has surrendered.

Genuine Honesty

2009-01-10T09:19:00.006-05:00

Holy Spirit what would you like for me to focus on today?

Be genuinely honest.

Please explain. What do you mean by “genuinely honest”? I don’t really consider myself to be a liar.

I’m not saying you are lying. However, there is a bit of denial going on.

Come again?

There are beliefs that you hold, beliefs that you value, for which you do not take responsibility. You do not see how you are the director of your own mind. It is important for you to begin to see clearly, and honestly recognize, all that you believe about yourself. All hidden beliefs need to be bathed in light for healing to continue.

Each experience within the world has a particular theme. Every interaction has a common thread. Notice the unified thread of content throughout each form. The scene has a title and the script only relays as the scene directs. If the scene is “unworthiness” then the script will act out worthiness through a multitude of experiences, words and thoughts. Each of these thoughts, words or experiences may seem varied. They may seem different to your eyes and ears, but beyond doubt each is the same. Each is only based on what you believe within your own mind about yourself. Therefore, although the scene of unworthiness may appear to have many players, it is only one scene with one director. You are the director. You write the script and manipulate the scene.

It sounds like you are saying that I believe certain concepts about myself. These are the beliefs which are portrayed within the world. These mistaken perceptions play out an erroneous perception about me. Can you tell me what these perceptions are?

I cannot begin. If it was divided into words, it could fill a library of dictionaries.

That doesn’t sound too hopeful.

It’s not. But that is only because if you ask to see with division, all concepts of division will multiply. This will only bring increased confusion to the mind. It would not be purposeful for me to give you a list of words. These are mere symbols. If you define yourself through symbols, you will always see yourself limited. Your existence is more than concepts and words, which is why it is better to reduce the words and tailor the concepts. Reduce the myriad of divisions down to a singular all-consuming mistaken identification, so that a great depth of clarity can be known. The overall theme of each erroneous belief is, “I am not as God Created me.”

Won’t that be too broad of a concept to focus on?

Yes it will be too broad if you leave this in words alone. Do not let yourself only settle in words or platitudes. Do not make a list of limited thoughts but instead choose to walk the world with eyes open wide for what you choose to see. I will guide you through seeing with crisp clarity without letting the profundity of this statement to be lost.

Okay, so how do I heal this error if I can’t be too specific or too broad?

You can heal your mind by accepting the statement as affecting all forms you see and all thoughts you think.

Can you be clearer?

You can heal your mind by accepting how every idea and circumstance speaks about you. Be it a circumstance involving others or your life. Accept every thought or experience as one that you believe within yourself. If you see an experience of poverty, be willing to say to yourself “I believe that the Holiness of God can be poor.” Sit with that thought for a minute and let yourself be genuinely honest with the thought. Clearly notice exactly what you see and consequently believe. The world always shows you exactly what you wish to know about yourself.

Everything?

Yes, everything is a representative of what you believe.

Part of my mind finds that overwhelming.

Why?

Because this makes every experience feel so personal. I feel like every experience I have is thus an experience of me. I also feel like I’ll have to walk the world in constant analysis, making myself aware of every thought related to every experience. To be honest this task seems overwhelmingly exhausting.

It is, especially if you approach it from a stance of hyper-analysis, which is not what I am asking. Every experience is personal, but analysis will not help you in this recognition. Analysis only asks you to tag division with more detailed dissection. This will exhaust your mind with more distraction. Seek instead to only see what you see without applying additional meaning or definition. You always recognize what you see without the need for further analysis.

Secondly, I am not asking you to give this task to the body-mind, but instead I am asking that your body-mind accept its contributions to furthering the whole deception. The body or persona of “Pam” is not single-handedly controlling the experiences within the world, but “Pam” believes the experiences within the world based on what the mistaken identity believes about itself. Consider it this way:

“Everything I think I see is a belief I accept of me.”

Try not to make the “me” component body-identified and you’ll begin to see what I am saying. The “me” identification can be you as a person, but more genuinely, it is a “me” that sees itself as apart from God. This is a “me” that “I” – dentifies. This self is a self that is seeking meaning, rather than being meaning. God is meaning. Similar to how I have said before that you are fully-filled in God, the meaning that You are as Holiness brings wholeness with it everywhere. The Self You Are knows the depth of Holiness and sits very comfortably within it.

Comparatively, the mistaken identity is not comfortable. It is jittery and seeking, confused and unaware. All that it sees is emptiness. Consider a vacuum. A vacuum magnetically draws, sucks, and pulls objects from its outside world inside itself in an attempt to be filled. The emptiness existing within a vacuum is mandatory for a vacuum to work. If there was no emptiness within, the vacuum could not operate. You mistaken identity relies on this emptiness in order to progress its seeking. Therefore the emptiness you believe becomes the foundation of your journey and what you experience on the outside is only an attempt to reinterpret the emptiness into something else. However, emptiness accepted cannot make fulfillment. One cannot think hungry and become full. Do you see?

I think I do. Yet, I’m not exactly sure how this relates to my specific beliefs.

Unworthiness is emptiness. Loss is emptiness. Fear is emptiness. Need is emptiness. Dependence is emptiness. Tangential happiness is emptiness. Limited well-being is emptiness. A wish to have or become different than you currently are is emptiness. Although you may have a myriad of specific experiences, each expressing its own version of each of these beliefs, the beliefs themselves are all rooted in the same foundation.

When I ask you to be genuinely honest, I am asking you to see all the components of the story of misperception and accepting them for what they are. Remember there is a difference between observation and analysis. There is also a difference between acceptance and approval. I am not asking you to approve of unworthiness or loss, asking it to be yours, nor am I asking you to analyze it so that you may see this belief in loss with the greatest intricate detail. However, I am asking that you observe the component and clearly see the belief as merely existing within your mind.

All that you wish to heal must first be recognized. You must notice that you perceive yourself to be unworthy, if you wish to heal a sense of unworthiness. Analysis is adding an additional story. It will have you ponder if it is okay or not okay to be unworthy and under what circumstances. This is not what will bring clarity. Instead, simply say “ahhh.. look I am believing myself to be unworthy.” That is all. Notice the one concept and then offer it for release.

Metaphorically consider this a being like you have a worldly wish to sell items you own. Could you sell an item that you did not know you had in possession? No, you could not. Does counting the threads within each sweater help you release it more? No. Therefore, look in all your closets, with eyes wide open. See exactly what you possess without over emphasizing each detail. Recognize that every item you see is one that you possess. Do not try to get lost in ideas of how it arrived in the closet, but merely notice that it is in there taking up space. Simply take inventory… one sock.. one blouse.. one thought of unworthiness.. one belief in loss being possible, etc.

Seek not to be too broad, saying merely to yourself “As I walk the earth I am seeing myself as emptiness, I choose this no longer.” Truly, your thinking mind cannot deeply comprehend such a broad statement for healing purposes. The profoundness of this recognition could not be palpably understood. This would be the same as placing a “for sale” sign on your whole closet with its doors shut. You do not know what you possess or the extent of its value to you. Therefore, you really don’t know what you are seeking to eliminate from your mind. Here you remain blind. To remain blind is to the extent of your illusions is a form of denial.

A balance of recognition within the mind is important to keep you from becoming more lost within concepts. It is important for you to see each belief but not get lost in the details. Allow each belief to be brought to light for healing. Although you don’t want to exclusively focus, dissect or analyze the components, it is important to notice them enough so each can be offered up for healing.

Okay. Thank you Spirit. To be perfectly honest, it sounds like you just said the exact same thing over the passed three paragraphs. I get it, but there still seems to be something missing. I don’t think I need a deeper explanation, but I do feel I need more direction. Can you help me?

Yes. Genuine honesty in all aspects of your life and thinking is important so that you can clearly recognize why you see all that you do. Think of the “Responsibility for Sight” prayer in the Course. Many students do not clearly understand this prayer. They perceive it is either about blame or worldly experiences. It is not. Let us go through it line by line. Begin by reading the paragraph that precedes the prayer very slowly:

“This the ONLY THING that you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain and the COMPLETE ESCAPE from sin, all to be give you. Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:” (T21.II.2.1-2)

Pause. Notice above where I have asked you to emphasize certain words. I emphasize these words because it is important to see the simple clarity of this teaching. “The ONLY THING that you need to do for True Vision, happiness, release from pain and the COMPLETE ESCAPE from sin” is see how the mind is seeing what it believes. If you identify yourself with this mind, you are only applying an additional extension to what the mind is seeing. The mind believing in separation chooses to first invest in this belief by making a body perceiving itself to be a separate entity. This does not make the body the perceiver, but a tool of the perceiver. Therefore, this prayer is directed towards the mind misperceiving and this is not the body-mind.

Now, look at the first sentence of the prayer:

“I am responsible for what I see.” (T21.II.2.3)

Who is the “I”? The answer to this question comes solely from who you perceive as yourself. If it is the body mind, then you will think this entire prayer is directed at correcting the vision of the body mind. However, if you see yourself as misperceiving more profoundly than just a mere body mind, you will see how this “I-mind” can be misperceiving at more complex levels than the body-mind can comprehend. Truly, your body-mind cannot take sole responsibility for your inner or outer sight. Rarely do you really see mere basic form without content. Body-mind sees form. “I-mind” defines and makes meaning.

This is getting deeper than I think I want to go. My head is spinning.

Try not to get so lost in the metaphysics of what I am saying. Instead, just allow yourself to be taught. Do not resist the teaching through the mask of intellectual understanding. Seek instead to just listen. Absorb what I am saying.

“I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve.” (T21.II.2.4)

The mind you equate with yourself is the giver of all meaning. Either what you see is meaningless and filled with emptiness or God’s Meaning lives and breathes through all. To say: “I am meaning” is to say you (again, whoever the you is of present value) direct the script. If you choose to make this “you” body-mind, then the limitations of form will be more apparent than the content that these forms do represent. However, if you equate yourself with content, then not only will this allow you to see more profoundly the script that is written, but you will see how you can edit the lines, asking for God to speak for you.

“And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” (T21.II.2.5)

Once again this line speaks to the “I am meaning” through which you identify. Body-mind will see this line as saying that you individually choose every event that occurs within your eyesight. This is not true. However, you do decide upon the meaning of every event within your consciousness. Unworthiness will see unworthiness reflected within the world. Separation will see likewise. Pain sees pain, etc. Yet the “I-mind” directing can say “I am not unworthy, separate or defined by pain. I am known by God and He is all I am.”

That thought sends fear through my heart.

Because you do not see as I see. You do not know yourself. Fear speaks to the recognition of not knowing. The mere suggestion of your Holiness sets the ego mind reeling. Feel this trepidation within your body, discomfort within your emotions, and you will realize how much you truly do fear God.

Yes, this instant discomfort speaks volumes.

And it is merely the tip of the iceberg from where the ego stands.

Now, that makes me feel hopeless.

Don’t. I’m not saying that you are permanently screwed. I am just relating the depth of dissociation which exists within your mind. This dissociation is deceiver, and therefore it fears every suggestion of Truth. Your Truth is not lost within deceptions of dissociation. Your Truth thrives and shines despite your choices to dissociate from it. Peace is yours as you choose to heal the mind, rest in the meaning of God and no longer define yourself through dissociation.

Is that done mentally?

Oh.. such a good practical question from a mind that wants a formula for “success.”

Uh.. was that sarcasm?

(laughter) My Beloved, do not worry so much about how to be yourself, choose to simply be your Self. This is accomplished more through rest than through ritual. Again, as we spoke of above, there is nothing to do other than merely notice where your meaning is given, believed and/or received. Your salvation is that clear. Seek not to define yourself through processes, but instead seek to rest more often in peace. As you choose to rest your mind in peace, all distractions of dissociation will naturally fall away on its own. You do not direct the falling away as much as you allow it to occur. Do you see?

Yes. But there again is that fear.

Beloved One, read the next paragraph and see where your freedom does reside.

“Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you.” (T21.II.2.6)

The Holiness of God is not helpless. To believe you are helpless is deception of the highest degree. It is to fully deny your Self. It is to say, “God has left me alone to suffer.” It is to say: “I am not as God Created me and so I must make my own meaning so as to survive.” The Mind of Truth is never led by confusion or limitation. To be helpless is to be outside of God’s secure meaning and this reality is never possible except in dreams of dissociation. You have the solid foundation of God’s Meaning available to you in all situations.

"Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken, and all effects of your mistakes will disappear.” (T21.II.2.7)

Use God’s Meaning as your Guide and never will helplessness define you again. As God’s Meaning becomes your solid foundation through both body and mind, the sufferings of the world will fall away. Again, we are focusing more on content than on form, but as you see a content of love, all forms will yield in full expression of this content no matter what appears through your sight. Jeshua did love as he was placed on the cross. You can love in earthquakes. You can love even as your body seems consumed by disease or dysfunction. You can love in verbal or physical attacks. All of these occurrences are mere symbols, but the mind is the giver of meaning. Extend God’s Meaning or the meaning of the ego and you will come to see who you believe. The effects of your misperception cannot linger as misperception is healed. Either the Mind is Love or the mind sees fear, not both. Notice I did not say, “or the mind IS fear.” This is because, still, no matter how deceived you’re thinking, the Truth is True.

“It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events outside of him. It is impossible that happenings that come to him were not his choice. His power of decision is the determiner of every situation in which he seems to find himself by chance or by accident.” (T21.II.3.1-3)

Once again, this is all true simply because you are the determiner of what belief does rule your mind. This is not as much about form as it is about content. Is it a slap of self-condemnation or a slap calling to your self-control? Never do I seek to dishearten you or make you feel overwhelmed. Again, this is not a call for more thinking through your seeming situations within the world. This is simply a call to see what you see and why. Truthfully seek to take the depth of this teaching in, no matter how much it seems I am repeating myself (smile). It is essential for you to clearly see how and why you see all that you do see.

“No accident nor chance is possible within the universe as God created it, outside of which is nothing.” (T21.II.3.4)

See here how there is genuinely never an opportunity for meaninglessness. God did not create a meaningless world. Yes, the meaning that you see, is accepted by your mind who either recognizes or does not recognize God’s Meaning. However, this recognition does not making God’s Meaning nonexistent. God does not direct form. God does know His Creation and allows all expressions to be free.

Again, think not as much about form as about content. Yes, God does seem to permit a murder or rape to take place, but that is only because He does not see the meaning through which you are temporarily defining yourself. Please underline “seem” in the above sentence. Is important to see what you seem to see. Again, the depth and profundity of Your Truth cannot suffer. I recognize (as you are rapidly swearing now) that we are getting into very sticky territory within this conversation. But let us not get off track. Try to see without the questioning mind for once and clearly hear that I say the You of God is more than you know with the definitions of your body, eyes, time or space.

“Suffer and you decided that sin was your goal.” (T21.II.3.5)

Because either you believe in all the perils of limitation and deludedly dissociate yourself from Truth or:

“Be happy, and you gave the power of decision to Him Who must decide for God for you.” (T21.II.3.6)

It really is that clear. Give to God what is Gods. Give to Caesar what is his. Give every belief of limitation back to the ego, recognizing that this erroneous self-perception is not your goal. Be freely supportive of this choice within your mind, because it is a free choice that will either give you eternity or convince you of death.

“This is the little gift you offer to the Holy Spirit, and even this He gives to you to give yourself. For by this gift is given you the power to release your savior, that he may give salvation unto you.” (T21.II.3.7-8)

Truly Beloved, I only give you back to your Self in all the peace and grandeur you are far beyond the limitations of your misperceiving mind. It is all that simple.

Rest your mind on these teachings now and seek to allow their clarity and freedom to fill you up with the God Self I know You are. Review all that you wish in these pages. However, do remember, “Everything I think I see, is a belief I accept of me” and take this calling to every image the world does display. Remember, not form but content, through whose meaning do you align? Breathe in the freedom of Love that speaks only to peace, joy and serenity. This being IS You. Take this clarity into all circumstances. Be genuinely honest with all you see as all you see. Here you give yourself a blessing to live in Love as God does know You truly.

I love you.

To be or not to be .. someone

2008-12-15T17:44:00.004-05:00

Okay, Holy Spirit, I’m showing up with the desire to reveal my heart to you again. I’m feeling frustrated now, and I need to get a few things off my chest.

Ahh.. my favorite time to be of service. (smile) You know I’m always here for you and I appreciate your willingness to come to me. I can feel your frustration, please share.

Well, I guess its about judgment. Okay, when is it not about judgment? I can at least recognize that now. Nonetheless, this current state of judgment is about me in the role of Teacher of God. Sure, first I found a whole lot of ways to attempt and project this judgment onto other people. My mind is skilled at making up stories about other people doing this or that. I'm very appreciative how I'm able to see through this distraction more easily lately. But nonetheless, the bottom line is that all my frustrations are always about me. Right?

Yes. Any investment in frustration stems from your own confusion. However, it’s not a personal thing. The thoughts you have do not come from your individualized personality or embodiment. The body you equate yourself with is merely just another tool of the ego and mistaken identity. The identity is not you. However it does use a sense of "you" to justify its own state of confusion. I make this point because its pretty fruitless to get so down on yourself as being the cause of the issue. You are not the cause as much as you think. Yet your identity does provide an outlet for the cause to be expressed.

Uhm.. uh.. okay. I think you lost me for a bit in metaphysical rhetoric. (smile)

It’s okay, you get it more than you think. Please continue with your venting.

Yeah.. okay, so… here’s the deal. I’m frustrated with myself because I don’t feel like I’m good enough to be one of Your Teachers.

Ahh. I like how you decided to capitalize “Your Teachers” as if I am someone special.

You’re not??

I am more than what the images in your mind make me to be. However, if it is a belief in specialness that you want to see, most likely you will feel much more unworthy than you need to feel.

Why?

Well, first of all, if you make me special, you are setting me apart from others. You are investing in a split. Secondly, if you seek to place me apart from others, you are most likely also seeking to place my teachers apart from others. No wonder you feel so pressured and frustrated!

Specialness is always about separation, its very existence is dependent upon separation. Yet, I am never in a state of separation. I am never only “part” of the whole. I am always the whole. I am Holiness along with You. I am Holiness along with All. There is no lesser or greater degree of me (please keep the “me” lower-case as you type). Believe it or not, you use me to make yourself feel little. This is the same as making me into an idol.

How do I do that?

As long as you invest in an image, you invest in a belief in separation. This belief will have you projecting separation onto many other images as well. Soon there will be "gurus" and special teachers. Soon there will be people who can teach "right or wrong." There will be times where I will make you happy with yourself and times where I (or my so-called teachers) will disappoint you. Hear me well, I am not separate from you, nor am I separate from anyone. There is not a separation between us. You are just as worthy to be a teacher of me as anyone else who appears to walk the earth. My teachers are not special, they are merely equated with their selflessness.

What?

You cannot be wholly equated with the Self if you seek to still be a self.

Wha.. I …

Listen. The magnitude that you think I am is no more or less than you. However, as long as you see yourself as separate, you will choose to be a separate identity and wish only to prolong this identity through a myriad of roles. The role of “Teacher of God” has been often mistaken as a role of specialness. Yet, you cannot be special and still speak to your brothers as if you were whole. A Teacher of God is one who seeks in form to connect with his or her brothers beyond form. It is one who seeks to heal, rather than give continuance to all the wayward imaginings of the world. The genuine Teacher of God, sees his Self as the student. He or she sees him or herself as the one whom is listening. You are not there to integrate with anyone other than your own Self-realization. Specialness is separation, wholeness is wholeness. You cannot have your cake and eat it too, unless you have two cakes. Get it?

I think so.

Let it sink in a bit. Go back and read again what I am saying. Essentially, all I am saying is that the experience of “Teacher of God” is not a role you are playing, it is simply a witnessing for Truth. The confusion erupts when you see yourself as playing a role. Roles have responsibilities. Responsibilities have requirements. Requirements have limitations and needs. The wholeness of Truth can never be limited or in need. Therefore, I cannot ask for a role of limitation or need to be played in my name. That would be contradictory.

Remember that I have told you before how you need not “be weird” in order to be a “Teacher of God.” Likewise, you need not be “spiritual” or “enlightened.” You need not be anything other than the Holiness that God Created and this is not rooted within any identity or personalized characteristic. Yes, you can eat chicken wings with sloppy slurpy fingers, drink beer, laugh hysterically, snort, belch and still be a Teacher of God.

HAHAHAHA! You’re great. I really love your sense of humor. It always helps me keep things in perspective.

You're welcome. And by the way, keeping things in perspective will always help you. However, don’t make it your own limited perspective. Seek my perspective, which is always one of freedom, love and magnitude. Here you will supersede any form of judgment, because judgment only comes from a mind rooted in limitation.

I guess that part of my problem is that I don’t feel worthy to be a Teacher of God.

This is simply because you are making a “Teacher of God” into a role to play. You are making the role special. You are placing it apart from other roles that you can play. You are making these roles lesser and Teacher of God greater. Again, Teacher of God is not a role you are playing. Teacher of God is not an "I-dentity". A Teacher of God is simply someone who seems to choose to see beyond his or her current limitations and witness this Truth with Love to all they encounter. This witnessing is a convenient way to experience Who You Are. It is you reminding yourself that You are. You are not playing or practicing "Teacher of God" for anyone other than your own mind who is seeking to remember. I do not mean this as a colloquialism or platitude. I mean this exactly as I say it. Believe it or not, the others that you encounter in the role of teacher are teaching you more than you know. You teach what you need to learn. There is always more than one person teaching in every teaching scenario. You only mirror for eachother. Being a Teacher of God is a convenient and complimentary step along the path to your own awakening, but it is no different than any other experience within the world. Each encounter is a holy encounter and there are no lesser or greater holy encounters. Use each moment that you walk this earth as you wish, but see how you are so much more than these temporal conditions or wishes.

But what if I don’t feel good enough within myself to be a Teacher of God?

This is only because you are not seeing yourself. You are making yourself into someone who has to do some task in order to live up to a role or expectation. However, Beloved One, who is the One who is doing the teaching?

I.. uh… am? Okay.. I get what you are saying. I’m not doing the teaching. You are doing the teaching. Right? The wisdom is not coming from me, as in my persona.

Right. As long as you see yourself as doing teaching or being spiritual, you are placing yourself within a realm of limitation and requirement. As long as you can “be a teacher” there will also be times when you are unworthy or unable to “be a teacher.” It is the same with practicing spirituality. As long as you see yourself as being spiritual, there will be times when you do not feel worthy or skilled enough to be spiritual. Truth is not about skills, and all are always worthy of Being the simple Truth which God is all ways and always. You are not here to play a role or be a teacher. You are here simply to remember the Truth of Who You Are as God Created. Only the ego wants to make a role to play, because on it is seeking to hide in identities.

Listen Beloved. You are always worthy to be a Teacher of God, because being this is merely being the Wholeness of your Self. Do not equate this experience with roles or responsibilities and you will no longer limit yourself or seek to place yourself in requirement. Also, you will no longer seek to “be someone” or be “seen as someone.” The Holiness you are seeks not to be seen as anyone. This Self has no one to impress, nor anyone to entice. Likewise, this Self, cannot be vilified or vindicated. You cannot be praised or dejected. You cannot be loved more or loved less. Seek only to seek miracles for yourself, awaken to your Self and live in constant appreciation for being this Truth and you will never have anything to fear. Nothing can be required of you nor taken away from you… that is unless you are doing the teaching.

So you are saying that if I do not build myself up, I cannot be broken down?

Yes, but more than that. I am also saying that you should pay attention to how you seek to build yourself up and why you desire to build yourself up. What are you seeking to complement? What are you seeking to mend? Who are you seeking to be? Truth cannot be built up or broken down. Truth cannot be anything other than Truth.

Truth does not seek to be anyone other than Truth. Truth recognizes that there is nothing else to be other than Truth. Truth is not a special role, nor is it a special relationship. Again, Truth has no need or requirement. Truth can be perfect just as it is because it is perfection itself. Trust in this and you will always recognize exactly Who You Are in every moment.

The next time you find yourself within a teaching opportunity it would be helpful to ask “why am I here?” Do not assume that you are there to teach anyone or find anything. Do not assume that there is any requirement for you being there other than merely being a witness to the Love You Are. Don’t show up with an agenda and there will be nothing to live up to or prove. There will be no “good enough” to be. Relax. Trust. Let go of any need other than simply and quietly being in the moment. I will always guide you perfectly. Trust this, because I’m not depending on you as much as you think. (smile)

Also, do you see the contradiction of seeking “not to be special?” Who is being or not being special? Who is being anything? If you are not being a role it is the same as being a role. It is the same. As long as you are seeking to be or not to be, you are not simply being. Get it?

Hmm.. wow. Didn’t really think of it that way.

This is because you think in terms of duality. Only the mind believes in opposites and aversions. These states of being require a belief in separation and judgment. Do you see? As long as you are saying that “I am this” or “I am not this” it is the same as saying I am not as God Created me.

This is deeper than I think my mind can get a handle on.

Good. Your mind has no place in this conversation. (smile)

Okay. However… I…

Listen. Your mind (I) has no place in this conversation.

Harsh.

Realize that this is not a judgment or a correction. This is merely a witness to the state of being which most distracts you. As long as you are trying to “be this” or “not be that” you are still wrapping yourself up in roles, requirements and a repertoire that does not speak solely for Truth. Again, this is not a judgment or condemnation. It is merely an observation for you to look at. Remember, there is no judgment possible and you can never truly be anyone other than your True Self. Seek not to try so hard, your thoughts or behaviors are not leading your way out of this dream. Yet, learning to let go of your thoughts and your behaviors will bring a deeper peace to the mind that does struggle with itself. And yes, you do only struggle with yourself.

Take a moment and let this sink in. Always remember that I do love you and know you in Truth. Yes, you are always worthy to be a Teacher of God, for this is simply being your Self. That is all. Truly, that IS All.

I Love you.

A Conversation on Peace in Relationships

2008-11-25T07:43:00.003-05:00

Okay, for the last time, I want to know what truly, one-hundred percent would guarantee a healthy relationship with another human being.

Each individual constructs the idea of a healthy relationship from within his or her own perceptions and expectations. What you judge is what you see. Choose to see unlimited peace in your partner and the partnership will express peace unlimited.

What?! That sounds a bit too free-flowing there.

Ahh, so you would prefer restrictions upon your healthy relationship? You are saying that the relationship can be healthy as long as it adheres to certain preconceptions and rules that you have lain down.

You’re right, that doesn’t sound too good. However, if relationship partners did not impose rules on his or her relationship, anarchy would ensue. Everyone would do any action that they did wish. I don’t know if that is too healthy.

I think you are confusing permission to be abused with full acceptance of your partner. Abusive relationships do not result from full-acceptance equally shared within a relationship. Usually an abusive partner, who is already living by the rules of restriction and fear his or herself, partners with just the right person to support or challenge that confused ideal. It does take two to tango.

That sounds like you are blaming the victim.

I’m not talking about blame, but I am asking for full self-awareness from all ends. If an individual is living within the ideas of fear, self-depletion, and restriction, then these will become the script of his or her relationship experience. This is true even if there is not another person physically present within the room. Indeed your projections do make your perceptions. What you see within often justifies what you demand on the outside.

But how would I then release myself from an abusive relationship?

I would not recommend that you wait until the cookies are charcoal burnt to change the recipe. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Get to a safe and healthy place, knowing that you deserve an environment of health and safety over drama and abuse. Then, once you are safe and able to see passed the perception of destruction, choose to take as much introspective space as possible. Notice what you may be thinking within yourself that could invite an abusive relationship. Notice what within yourself does not ask for respect and love or feels that you are unworthy of respect and love. What do you ask to receive from another individual? What are you in need of losing? What do you feel you must gain in order to protect yourself from being alone? If there is a call for fear, self-depletion and restriction, each individual (upon deep introspection) will see how he or she first defines him or herself in terms of emptiness rather than completion.

I have said before that it is only the beliefs that you hold against yourself which truly restrict you. See yourself as incomplete or in need, lost or afraid, corrupted or able to be corrupted by another and you will always see depletion in every relationship.

Sounds like you are saying that the healthiest relationship emerges from the healthiest self-esteem.

I am. In addition, remember, a healthy self-esteem is not haughty or demanding. A healthy self-esteem is honest, loving, humble, and open to listen to inner wisdom far before outer demands. The healthiest inner condition is always aware of how judgments are manipulating and confusing your own peace of mind. The only idea that presents suffering is the wish for you, your mind, and/or your current life experiences to be different than they are at this time presenting. I know this sounds like I am asking you to haphazardly approve of every situation. But I am not asking this of you. Approval is a form of judgment. Acceptance is simply seeing the situation as it is without further distortion, condemnation or judgment. Acceptance can lead to progressive problem solving and is not passive or submissive behavior.

Okay, so I have to ask: How then am I to change a negative situation if I cannot first see it as negative?

Seek to change all that you are able to change with your own perspective or behavior right now. Then, as the proverb says: “live and learn.” Take the moment of self-reflection and give it over to productive peaceful living. Keep your eyes and your heart open as you walk this earth and seek not to invite such negative situations again.

That sounds like you are blaming everyone for his or her own suffering, crimes or unfair treatment.

I am only asking you to live from a perspective point of self-awareness rather than fear or self-destruction. How does the victim thought benefit you? How does debating the topic of there being “innocent victims” and the “possibility for random acts of violence” bring you peace right now?

Well, that would help me realize that no matter what I say or do, I can’t protect myself from everything. Life can’t always be perfect.

Ahh. So you are saying that the thought which conditions a need for fear or unhappiness is a thought which is valuable?

I, uh.. geez. This is not working with my own head!

Exactly. This is the first self-recognition that will result in your peace of mind. Notice how every judgment that you want to impose on your partner does not lead to peace of mind, no matter how justified it does appear to the ego. By imposing judgments on your partner, condemning or fearing them, are you living a peace-filled relationship? Would it not be better to quiet your own ego-justifications and fully open the communication lines of love without expectations?

Gosh, that still sounds really scary to my mind. What about children? How would I teach them?

Are you saying that guiding children with open lines of communication, full acceptance and love is a bad thing?

It will spoil them.

Again, full acceptance is not full approval. It is not saying “here child, if you decide to go play in traffic for an hour, I’m perfectly okay with this choice.” No. Full acceptance, guided by full love, says to the child, “I love you so much that I know, perhaps more than you currently know, that playing in traffic will not serve your body well. Therefore, although you may not want me to disagree, I will have to disagree and not permit this activity to take place.” Then, if the child resists or argues, the parent simply and lovingly continues the open communication and appropriate guidance. Yes, that guidance may be to stop talking if the talking is leading to cyclical or illogical arguements and demands. Sometimes it is best to simply ask the child why he or she feels it is helpful for him or her to play in traffic. On the other hand, it would also be perfectly okay to say your peace, walk away from the child, all the while knowing that they will remain safe with your words and in your home. If you feel that they still will not make safe decisions, that further action is required.

I am not saying that you let your child run wild without self-responsibility or teach him or her self-recognition and respect. With loving guidance always results loving response. Loving self-awareness from the parent, results in a child who is lovingly self-aware and loving self-aware people do not purposeful make irresponsible or harmful decisions for themselves or anyone else. Children still do make mistakes, just as parents themselves can recall the lessons learned through his or her own mistakes. However, a loving parent in a loving and fully aware relationship with his or her child will encourage less random mistakes. A wise child comes from a home filled with wisdom. A fearful or neglectful child also arises from a home that is living in fear and values neglect.

Imagine a conversation with your child that says: “I love you and do not understand why you may want to do or have this experience, item, etc. But I do love you enough to say enough.” Yes, it is okay to remind the child that he or she may not like the parent’s decision, but arguments will not change the decision. You may even want to throw in the mix a lesson about how resistance only results a lack of peace with the decision.

Sounds rather heady for a three-year old to comprehend.

I don’t recommend this avenue for a three-year old, but perhaps for a sixteen year-old whom is acting three years old. And trust me, a sixteen year-old only acts in these ways because he or she is not comfortable with his or own level of self-control and self-esteem. The uncertain mind makes demands, not the mind at peace. As a loving parent, if you were to see how your child is only acting this way because he or she is feeling powerless and afraid, you would begin to accept his or her feelings with loving compassion rather than resistant argument. You will still have your conversations and apply your loving guidelines, but you will do these actions without regret, resistance, or fear. Resisting and arguing with the child only contributes to the cycle of defense and attack. Choosing to lovingly teach the child, guiding him or her to a journey of peace and self-acceptance will have better results.

So I’m not supposed to give a child whatever he or she wants?

I’ll let you answer that question. However, I think your own inner wisdom can clearly see that giving a child everything is not a good or healthy choice for the child. If you fear your child will not love or appreciate you, does that not have more to do with your own inner beliefs in rejection, abandonment and being unloved than that of the child? For those of you whom are struggling with this, I suggest you read that sentence slowly again. You know who you are. (smile)

This again, is why I say all persons within the relationship must enter in with eyes and hearts wide open. See what you see and fear within yourself long before you start making demands upon another. Do you have belief that you can be rejected or are unworthy? Call this belief to your consciousness and see how it is making its own demands upon you or fearful expectations upon others. Do you have a need for power and control? If so, why? What is without peace or balance within you that has this demand for power and control? Heal this first and all your relationships will immediately improve.

A Course in Miracles asks you to look within and see no lack for both you and your partner. This is a key to peace, but may not seem easy within the common situations of the world. The common situations of the world will demand and justify judgment of others and demands for them to change first! But truly I say, this will not, does not reflect or cause peace for yourself. At best this belief places you in a giant waiting room of resentment and ill-will. Love does not stand with you here, but love has been placed on hold while you choose to value your demands and judgments first.

Wow. That sounds pretty tough.

It is from an egoic point of view. The ego wants to be in charge. The ego wants to justify its judgments, keeping the battle of defense and need progressing. The ego wants everyone else to change but not work within itself for peace of mind. The ego would rather say it is nothing but a victim, has validated fears and needs to worry or be in complete to control for its own safety.

Hmm.. sounds like the type A personality.

Yes, the type A personality is all about uncertainty. This is not a bad thing, it is just a personality that chooses to see more with fear than with peace. This personality believes in must be in control or else the world will result in full anarchy. But truly, what does this persona really know other than its own currently projected fears and more fears that if control is not taken the worst will always happen. How can that be peaceful?

It is not peaceful.

Nor is it true. Your current worry and demands for control only lead you on a hamster wheel of destructive thinking. Truly, how many of your worries actually protected you or gave you peace in the moment? How many of these worries and “necessities for responsibility” brought you happiness?

An adult is not supposed to always be happy. An adult is supposed to teach and protect his or her child.

Ahh.. so worry protects your child?

If I didn’t worry about them it would mean that I did not love them! I would be filled with apathy and uncaring.

Ahh, so it is either you live in restriction now or be an asshole parent? I see. Sounds a bit extreme don’t ya think?!

Well… okay maybe a bit extreme. All I am saying is that I want the best for my child, my family and me. Is that so wrong?

Not wrong. But peace of mind and loving awareness will always result in the loving action that you desire, without first driving you crazy or stressing you out. You can have peace of mind without endless fear or worry. In fact, it is a necessity. It is impossible to have worry and genuine peace. Again, this does not mean that you will haphazardly permit all things harmful to occur to your self, your family, or your child. However, choosing peace of mind and loving guidance will allow you to see yourself and those you love peacefully, therefore making decisions from peace rather than fear. But don’t make me convince you. Try it out for a moment.

How?

The next time you see yourself going down the road of worry, judgment, or just plain fearful uncertainty, take a deep breath and try to settle your thoughts.

Oh.. so I’m supposed to be some guru and meditate the next time I have an important decision to make? Who has time for that??!

Listen. I am not asking you to close your eyes while operating a moving vehicle on a speeding highway. Take the moments for peace now, long before you are behind the wheel.

Sometimes I feel like I’m always behind the wheel.

And so you will never give yourself a chance for peace. Sounds like the hamster wheel to me. Tell me, do you truly want peace?

I do, really, I do. I’ve prayed for it time and time again! I’ve begged and pleaded for it!

How much have you simply stopped your thinking mind for it?

Ahh.. well… never.

Okay then. Let’s do that. Seek to take more moments for stopping the thinking mind and living on the hamster wheel and you will see how peace will make itself known more often than you think. Literally.

And all I need do is say I want peace?

Yes. All you need do is choose peace. All you need do is claim peace in the moment, breathe it in and let yourself notice how peace is much more valuable to your time than fear or demands for self-control. Wanting too often brings more want, which validates a feeling of not having or inner emptiness. Choosing peace gives peace. Give it a moment and it will work. It works if you work it.

Okay, thank you for this conversation. I do appreciate your advice. Although I have to admit that I may not completely agree or understand it.

That is a perfectly loving and humble thought. One that would be well-shared with ones that you love, especially when you see one another in disagreement.

Hmm. Okay. I will try.

Good. Remember that you are loved and that you deserve to know this love for yourself and all others by choosing peace over fear. This will always result in the relationship of love, acceptance, and self-awareness. In Truth, it gives you all the control back for which you desperately pray. Here you take the control to make a decision for peace rather than lead your life as a victim of fear. It is that clear.

Thank you.

I love you.

Words of Truth

2008-11-20T17:39:00.002-05:00

“The words we use reflect the respect we receive.” This cute ditty came to me one day while I was trying to explain to children in my neighborhood why they should not say hurtful comments to others. We all understand the importance of teaching children right from wrong and how to respect others, but do we pay attention to all the ways we respect and talk to ourselves? Do we measure our own value with the same importance? Every moment of every day we are constantly writing an internal script based on the beliefs we hold about our self. This inner dialogue has tremendous results upon our self-esteem and life experience.

Are you familiar with the principles of the hugely popular book “The Secret?” The main secret this book reveals is how thoughts and words hold a supreme command over our day-to-day experiences. Each word and thought is a lens in the glasses we wear to help us perceive the world at large. Our life circumstances often unfold like the performed roles of a screenplay. If we perceive ourselves to be unworthy, limited, lacking, vulnerable, and/or powerless, then the words we say and behaviors we do precisely become an expression of these beliefs. Consequently, through these words and actions, the world manifests exactly what we expect to see, thus reading from our own script.

Think of a commercial. To design a commercial, a team of top-notch advertising executives spend hours conceiving the perfect images to present their client’s product to the world. Words are part of this image. The advertising team carefully sculpts the description knowing that each declaration has the power to make or break the product’s success. Consider this in self- application. If you were to write a commercial for yourself, what words would you use in the script? How would you want these thirty seconds of recognition to influence your world? Would you make your pitch flippantly or would you want an excellent representation for yourself, acknowledging that you were worth just rewards?

You may not be consciously aware of all the ways you announce yourself. However, the words that you accept within your mind, do design this commercial and every moment people listen to your advertisment with the significance of a Super-Bowl audience. If we see ourselves deserving of respect, love, and consideration, then we allow our thoughts, words, and deeds to pronounce this desire to the whole of humankind. Alternatively, if we hold apathetic or negative beliefs about our worth, or accept every thought and judgment without due consideration, our words and deeds likewise welcome an experience of limitation, lack, and worthlessness. When it comes to the ego, it alone is the devotee to all ideas of worthlessness, limitation and lack. In fact, only the ego can value these mistaken identities for only the ego can reject or fear love. Feeling worthless is a normal component of human experience. We all have experiences in life where we feel worthless or just "not good enough." Don't worry about possessing these feelings, they will exist as long as you conceive yourself to be an identity contained within a body, separate from God. Having these feelings or thoughts about yourself is not bad or abnormal, yet judging them often leads us further down the rabbit hole of despair.

When it comes to the words we perceive and hear, it is most essential to fully recognize how the power of decision is always our own. We need not ever be a victim of our own limiting beliefs or other people’s judgmental thought system. We always have the right to question the basis of all thoughts and opinions. We have the right to refute or interpret them differently. Most importantly, we also have the ability to listen, love and let go of any thought which keeps us from a constant awareness of peace. Yes, when it comes to questioning, refuting or releasing these negative thoughts, accepting the miracle over the misery may seem to be "easier said than done." However, are not all tasks which result in growth or change easier said than done? If I was to stand before you and intricately describe a seven-course meal which I was going to cook, would that not also be "easier said than done"? Once again, do not worry about the resistance you have to change, simply choose instead to face the change with the willingness to allow peace instead. If I was going to climb Mount Rainier, although I would need to be aware of the path I took in progression of the ascent, it would be useless to analyze every single step. The process of analysis often engages itself in fear and time-distorted thinking. In other words, analysis is rarely "in the now." Truly, as long as you are not in the now, you are not at peace. Instead, as you concern and over-concern yourself with the "what ifs" and "I'm not sure abouts.." you choose to resist peace rather than assist peace.

Therefore, although it may seem difficult to re-route your experiences with other's judgments into a path of self-acceptance and miracle awareness, try not to judge but seek instead to just be love. Factually, no matter the manipulative or disruptive schemes of others, each thought and word which we recognize must be invited by our own self-perception. If we yield our power and emotional stability over to the opinions of others, we are consequently telling ourselves that we are deserving of these opinions. To steal a line from the film Field of Dreams: “if you build it, they will come.” Consequently, try to think of your mind as a field of dreams. Take each moment as an opportunity to see what you are building and inviting within each thought, feeling, and resulting action. Is the Holy Son of God worthy of distortion on any level? Surely not. It really is that clear.

Let yourself recognize how the words we use are only extensions of our own self-definition. Each word is a call for self-validation, control and authorship. Although each word or thought may be convincing, it cannot compare with how God sees You. This being said, it is best to attempt to use your time for True Self discovery rather than limited self-depletion. All through A Course in Miracles, Jesus is saying the same. Simply, He asks us to question every value that we hold and clearly notice when we are valuing the valueless. Jesus beckons us to always listen to the still small Voice of Love rather than the confused cacophony of fear. The next time you hear the ego hurl insults or judgments your way, think of the childhood rhyme of “I am rubber you’re glue, what you say bounces off of Me and sticks onto you.” Notice the capitalization. Any word we say from our confused self-perception, bounces off the Truth and returns into the confused by vacant nothingness of illusion’s dream because only the Truth is true and nothing else. The ego only projects what it thinks it is. As confusion, it hurls confusion. As fear it hurls fear. However, only the Peace of God is the Light of Holiness, and so as the ego hurls these snowballs, the quickly and easily melt away before the brilliance of God's Knowing Self. In fact, the literal meaning of the word “definition” is “in limitation.” Try to remember this the next time you seek to use words against yourself. Choose to clearly see how the definite seeks to defy the infinite and you will no longer choose to attach importance to words alone.

All throughout A Course in Miracles, we learn that every aspect of life is a symbol embodying a belief that we use to stand as an obstacle to our Peace of Mind. One of my favorite quotes states, “Words are but symbols of symbols, twice removed from reality.” There are two main reasons why this statement is a powerful teaching. First, Jesus asks us to take careful notice of how we invest in symbolism. As we define ourselves by symbols, these values become the nature of our life experience within the world. Secondly, he is saying that although we do wholly invest in the illusion, no representation can supersede the Light of God. Each word of our lexicon is a symbol that we interpret according to the belief we value. Each word has a representative power but not a real one. Do not brush aside or suppress the power you adhere to words. Choose instead to simply and objectively listen to the story you are wishing upon yourself, then choose to love your Self more than the story. Finally, as you recognize love over fear, all stories will simply be let go and released. This is accepting the miracle over the misery.

I live every day recognizing the inner battle. Some mornings, just upon waking, there are mulitple witnesses for insanity on my mind. Although the day has barely begun and there is no present reason for disturbance, the ego seems to have become conscious before me. Flooding forth without cognizant purpose, the ego invites me into its dance of drama beyond present time and circumstance. Sometimes its words will raucously blare on and I’ll internally hear the comments that should have been said yesterday, last week, a year ago, etc. in return for some situation where the ego feels it has been treated unfairly or misunderstood. The chattering judgments and resulting emotions are persistant. My thoughts beg me to turn up the heat, letting the ego come to full boil in feelings and actions. Sometimes I follow through in fantasy. Images unfurl within of me deservingly telling the other person off or engaging in some shade of darker (yet warpishly justified) behavior. However, even as I watch my mind imaginitively play out the perverse train of thought, there is also a part of my consciousness which observes the interplay with much awareness. “Hmmm…” the everpresently wise Holy Spirit part of my mind responds, “take a look at that thought! See how it makes you feel.” Then, no matter how convincing the drama, as I give my mind to the desire for clarity, one truth surfaces… “With this thought do you feel at peace?” Sure enough, soon I can clearly see the jagged rocks below and how I do not wish to land there.

Reality, in terms of the Course, is all that is limitless and unable to be contained by words or symbols. Truly, if the wholeness of God’s Magnificence did reveal before us, we would cease to speak because there would be no appropriate words or opinions to describe it. This Holiness is your Holiness. Therefore, to give this magnificence over to a word is quite preposterous and genuinely impossible. If you were to keep your True Self in mind, accepting it for yourself and all your mighty companions, never again could you consider a wayward opinion. This is why no matter what you decide to build within your conscious mind, the Truth of God remains unchangeable. This does not mean that we should let our minds run wild, but it is a lasting insurance for even when we occassionally let the ego have its own way.

Returning to my opening thought, “the words we use reflect the respect we receive,” the three major words in that sentence: reflect, respect and receive each symbolize a form of return. The prefix “re” means “back,” and the only difference between the other components is the method of return: we either “bend back” (reflect), “look back” (respect), or “take back” (receive). Therefore, this statement is saying, we always take back exactly what we extend. Choose to receive the Light and every moment you will look back on your True Self with this Ultimate reflection.

In summary, it is best to stay as open as possible to exactly what you want to believe. Listen, love and let go as much as you can, choosing peace instead of the rampant confused symbolism of the mistaken identity. Notice how you are the scriptwriter as well as actor and director. Realize ("think back") that no matter how convincing your portrayal of an identity apart from God seems to be, this identification cannot ever supercede your Truth. Remember that no matter what the symbols seek to present, only the truth is true. Your Value always is where God placed it. However, as we perhaps from time to time find ourselves struggling to fully accept this Truth, we can devote each day to miracles. Let the words or symbols you choose be a direct path to miracles, and you will never find yourself lost amongst the language of misperception.

God is Simple

2008-10-10T10:43:00.003-04:00

“I’d be more spiritually centered if only I didn’t have so much to do in my life activities.”

“If I had more time for myself, I’d also have more time for God.”

“It is easy to be spiritual on a mountaintop! Gurus have an easy life! I’m sure if he or she had my job, commute, spouse, housework and children peace wouldn’t be so easy!”

“There are not enough hours in the day to be practice spirituality as I would like to do. I’m jealous of all the people who can make spirituality his or her personal career. I wish I could be independently wealthy just so I could be more spiritual!”

How often do you say that there is just not enough time in the day? Our calendars and To-do lists are full. Stress levels are out of control. In between caring for the kids, job, pets, spouse, and home, having enough time to pencil in God seems next to impossible. We may clearly recognize our need for God in our busy lives. However, as we beg for the time to practice the rituals of spirituality, we feel guilty for choosing the tasks of the world instead. The result is time lost in self-depreciation and jealousy towards those individuals who are independently wealthy or more available for his or her spiritual goals than our traditional life permits. Does Jeshua expect us to compromise the complex needs of the world so that we may spend endless hours practicing meditation, personal reflection, or daily lessons? Simply, the answer is no.

Only the ego is complex. Its complexity looms from the need to add more fuel to the fires of confusion. Truly, without a constant barrage of distractions, questions and needs, the part of our mind knowing Truth would quickly encompass our entire existence and ego's game is over. Imagine briefly considering yourself as the Magnitude of God while simultaneously standing before a mirror and viewing your body. Looking at the suit of flesh could not fool you. There would be absolutely no attachment to its appearance or functioning. Most likely, you would hysterically laugh at the mere insinuation of the body being any representative of the Known Self. If we consciously held the full awareness of Truth, the game of hide and seek would be over. Therefore, the ego needs to prolong the game by making a myriad of separate intense distractions. Here the ego keeps our mind occupied and away from accepting our natural awareness.

A Course in Miracles states: “God’s Plan is simple; never circular and never self-defeating.” Holy Spirit does not ask us to struggle with time, tasks, emotions, or needs in order to achieve God’s Peace. There are no dangling carrots nor does He lay out a complex pathway. All answers are simple, just as God Himself is simple. Research the origin of the word “simple” and you will see how it means “one, always” or “pure.” With this in mind, we can see how struggling never is the way to Peace of Mind. Experientially, we are not sensing tranquility amidst any struggle. Psychologically, we feel more internalized pressure and fear. Physically our muscles strain and blood pressure rises. In fact, the origin of the word “struggle” stems from “ill will.” Recognize the evidence and you can clearly see how struggle is not of God’s Will. God is not a God of requirement. He does not ask you for an ill will, but offers us the opportunity to yield from complexity to a clear and present Will of perfect happiness. Take this within you and you will see how any idea of sacrifice or comprehensive planning is not necessary for us to obtain The Peace of God.

So does this mean that you must deny any task of the world? No, you can always have time for God as long as you bring God into your time. When A Course in Miracles states “[we] need do nothing” all Jeshua is referencing is the fact that we of our own confused minds need to do nothing. This is because ultimately our browbeating methods of doing have rarely accomplished any real triumph. As we have kept the wheels of minimal functioning spinning, we have also equally kept the sense of Peace away. Therefore, the time we give to God is not separate or structured apart from our day’s activities but instead is a continuance of every experience, simply yielded over to God’s wisdom. Trust in Him and He will show you what to say and do in every incident.

Once I saw a bumper sticker that read: “If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.” Topping onto this metaphor, if we choose to give God the driver’s seat, He will still allow us to stick our head out the window, feel the breeze on our face, play with the buttons on the console, and flip the map around. However, no matter our distractive activities, the drive remains straight and serene. His Presence is Oneness existing in content far beyond any surface form. He is not asking us to drop our distractions reluctantly, but instead encouraging us to value them differently and bring each one of these tasks to Him for His Guidance. Thus in our surrender, God knowingly drives Homeward bound despite any bump in the road and our journey remains smooth.

Getting in touch with God’s Simplicity is easy. No really! The difficulty stems only from our thinking. Only our thinking feeds resistance, making the idea of giving over to God complicated. Being the pervasive storyteller our thinking mind provides a million conflicting solutions for two million incompatible problems. Only the thinking-mind will run you around in your living room, exhausting you in analysis and judgment before taking a single step into the open air towards solving any predicament. It is possible to make our surrender to God easy. First, we must remember that any struggle exists only of the ego. It is essential that we be clear and vigilant for this awareness. If we can go as far as to make a perceptual world in the quest for self-discovery, playing the ultimate game of hide and seek, we can surely turn the desire for peace into our own game of tag. Therefore, as you notice any hint of complexity rising to the surface of your mind and attempting to get your attention, let your answer be strong and certain: “Gotcha!” Then, in that moment, laugh, cheer and let yourself notice how your thinking mind seeks only to invest you more into the dramas of the world. Discovering the option for peace instead, choose then to rest in trust.

In my own experience, I used to believe that I had to wait until I arrived home from work in order to engage with God. Likewise, the hours at work often seemed oppressive at worst and at best drawn or futile. However, once I decided to open the door to my mind to God and give Him the driver’s seat, every moment at my job became a dance of happiness and sharing. Miraculously, my boss appeared to change from a demeanor of conflict to a supporter of all my contributions. In addition, all my coworkers were mighty companions. Furthermore, as I did extend this miracle to family, neighbors, and even my romantic life, a ripple of peace transformed all of my life experiences through complete surrender.

If we did yield to God’s simplicity through the drive to work, making phone calls or moving papers across our desk, conversing with our spouse and spending quality time with our children, we will soon come to recognize how God’s gentleness and peace expresses itself in all moments. Here, God’s peace would reign despite any appearance of redundant soulless actions. Only Love and magnificence would shine forth and every moment would become a moment of deep connection, Self-awareness, and bonding with God Himself. No longer would we be reserving a certain space of time to be temporarily present for God, but instead we would notice how all time centered in the constant certainty of God’s Presence.

Pamela B. Silberman is author of Simply Being: One Year with Spirit, now available through a multitude of online and independent booksellers. Her website is www.simplybeing.net

Holy Relationship With The World

2008-09-27T00:53:00.001-04:00

Sitting here now I can visualize my little girl fantasy of being swept off my feet by Prince Charming. He would notice my natural beauty from afar and we would passionately fall into one another’s arms as star-crossed lovers. Fervently, declaring to the world his love for me, perhaps in a poem or some offer of flowers and a shiny jewel, he would carry me off on a white steed only to live happily ever after. That is of course until he tried to leave his dirty socks on the living room couch or forgot to put the toilet seat back down. But Prince Charming does not perform such acts of sin? Or does he? How could the promise of true love be true if it was vulnerable to such human failings? Soon, in my study of A Course in Miracles, I found myself lured by the promise of the Holy Relationship. Was this yet again another tale of knights and princes? Was a Holy Relationship vulnerable to human flaws? If I found it would I finally be happy? This and many other questions led me deep within to find the meaning of the Holy Relationship and how to find it as my rescue from kissing the symbolic frogs of the world.

One day in my Simply Being journaling, I found myself desperately asking Holy Spirit why my Prince had not come and how I could quickly enter into Holy Relationship with “The One.” I still remember my jaw-dropping surprise when Holy Spirit suggested that I don’t pay as much attention to who was sleeping in my bed and focus instead on who I was welcoming into the bed of my mind. “What?” I declared with much resistance. I even tried some arguments from A Course in Miracles. “Are we not supposed to “enter the ark two by two??” Note to self; do not try to use the Holy Spirit’s words against Him. It will never work. No, once again, He informed me how the Holy Relationship is not as much about two people in romantic relationship as it is truly about any relationship acted out with any or all of our Brothers both in thought as well as deed. Therefore, “seek instead to have a Holy relationship with the world. Seek to see what thoughts you plant in your garden about your Brothers. Choose instead to grow flowers and not weeds.” Sigh. Sounds like a great suggestion, right? But if I was having enough difficulty getting my act together for one Prince Charming, and not find him at my door, how was I to practice this Holy Relationship with every person in the world??! Worse yet, how was I supposed to practice a Holy Relationship with my thoughts?? Trust me, it felt completely overwhelming and close to impossible. That is until I realized (with Holy Spirit’s help) that what we do for “The One” is really only a reflection of what we do for our One Self.

Every thought, deed and relationship is a mere reflection of all that we believe within our own mind about our identity. All experience both within our mind and played out by our bodies is only a mere definition of the meaning we adhere. These meanings are illusively divided into a myriad of complex images, faces or personalities, but the Truth remains simple as ever. Therefore, if we are to have a Holy Relationship with the world, all it would take is beginning the healing process from within our own root cause and not the effect. Choose for an experience of the Holy Instant in all images and choose to have a Holy Relationship with all. The Love that we intend for ourselves, and hope to share with our Brother, always begins by living in the Holy Instant. Below, I have outlined the five simple steps to achieving the Holy Relationship as guided through A Course in Miracles. With each of these steps, all that we do is reaffirm the abundance of grandeur that exists within our One Self and ask to make it manifest throughout every image. Here we are not only finding our Prince Charming within our God Self, but we come to notice how the wait for him or her was never necessary from the start. God Created His Holiness complete, and this completion was never dependent upon fairy tales. Therefore, as you step forth to establish your Holy Relationship with the world, seek only to know yourself beyond the stories within your own ego identified mind. Recognize that the Holiness you seek can be equally expressed in your relationship with a lifelong romantic partner as well as the cashier at your local convenience market and the insidious voice of judgment within your own thinking mind. Overall, it all comes down to this: What I choose to reaffirm within, I choose to express through the dream. Here is to your knowing your Self as God Created!

1. Set your intention. Become aware of what you want. Jeshua tells us in the Course that he is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit and so when we see him it is because we have invited Him. To “see Jeshua” is a symbolic affirmation of the Vision we choose within any perceived other person. Therefore the first step of any holy encounter is to still the mind and send the invitation. Consider this as if you were choosing to hold a party and only wanted certain guests to arrive. You would send the invitation to the guest whom you most desired to come. If in any moment we are asking for ego’s guidance, we send ego the invitation by centering our mind on all thoughts of limitation and loss. But instead, if we desired Holy Spirit’s attendance, we send an invitation to Him by centering our awareness on Him through focusing on love, peace and surrender. In this intention, we ask Holy Spirit to see for us and He willingly joins us in celebration of the Holy Instant.

2. Upon encountering another person, choose to look within and see no lack. Here we seek to see no want or expectation directed towards yourself or any other person. This is the affirmation of completion both within you and likewise revealed within your Brother. A healed mind cannot perceive lack (in fact it cannot perceive at all). We do not seek to take from another nor project the ego’s story of lack upon them, but instead in the Holy Relationship we seek only to give in an affirmation of Love. Here “Just under Heaven [do we] stand, but close enough not to return to earth. For this relationship has Heaven's holiness.”(T.22.IN.3.2) Therefore, as you enter into the recognition of your True Desire, allow your mind to wholly notice where you still may be valuing lack or expectations. Notice what stories your thinking mind wishes to tell you in relation to the circumstance or other person. As soon as you can, cut down these stories at their root and offer them upon the altar of God for healing. He responds with Holiness the moment we remove the obstacle to Love’s awareness.

3. Continue to accept your completion with gratitude. Just as intention to welcome Holy Spirit within the instant opens the door, gratitude keeps it open. Extension of the Holy Relationship (as well as any extension of Truth) can ONLY occur through conscious acceptance (gratitude). Gratefulness is not intended to be the groveling of appreciation and is not truly helpful if we engage in it because we fear loss. Genuine gratitude is an affirmation of receiving. I notice how my True Self is Holiness and so in affirming this Holiness I gratefully acknowledge it through my extended it to others. Here the gift of Holiness is multiplied through its sharing. You cannot be thankful for what you do not know you have. Therefore, as we seek to experience the Holy Relationship, we first must affirm the wholeness existing within us and be fully accepting of its genuine value. Next, we choose to allow a sense of gratitude to emerge from the desire to see this Holiness already existing in every relationship. By consciously choosing to be more grateful, every relationship (even brief ones) becomes a true reflection of the holiness of God in us.

4. See no difference between you and the other. It is essential to note that the differences you see in physical traits or personality are not the main subject to be released. To ask to be blind to these differences may be straining upon your consciousness. Holy Spirit is never asking us to struggle for peace. In fact, it is outright impossible to gain peace through great effort. Holy Spirit’s guidance to me has always simply been: “release for peace.” Therefore, it is better to direct your awareness beyond the surface differences and attend more deeply to seeking the connection within you both and beyond the traits of individuality. Try not to struggle with your thinking mind. Of course you will see many differences in physicality and personality. The existence of these stories does not represent how “good” or “successful” you are as a spiritual student. As long as you still perceive with the body’s senses and see yourself as existing within the world, you will in addition have these stories. Remember, right now, in this world, these stories are speaking your language. This is why we hear them so clearly, even seemingly over the Voice of God. However, Holy Spirit also speaks our language and can use every symbol to which we cling as a potential key to remembering the falseness of our perceived prison. Any moment that you notice yourself seeking to value a difference, error and/or separation device, call your attention back to your heart’s desire (healing / knowing your Self as God Created). Yes, you may have to do this a few times (a minute) but all is perfect as the willingness for your True desire remains within your awareness. Try not to guilt yourself if you fall back into the usual judgments. This is normal and in no way a measure of your True Worth. Holy Spirit will never see you as a “bad spiritual student.” His love and clear Vision is beyond all of these opinions. Therefore do not allow the recognition of these stories to deflate your intention. Simply catch yourself if you are making an effort and give the activities of your mind over to Holy Spirit.

To enter the stream of constant willingness for release is allowing Holy Spirit to transform every symbol of separation into a teaching device. Personally, I’ve visualized myself dancing around my home collecting objects for donation. As I see myself packing every object in the box, not only do I verify my release from attachment but also I dance in gratitude for the abundance I am affirming through my willingness to release. “Here Holy Spirit, take this too!” then becomes my mantra of pure gratitude.

5. Repeat: Approximately fifty years ago, when shampoo manufacturers were seeking of another way to help their customers use and value more of the product, this one word printed on every shampoo bottle was considered nothing short of genius. In essence the customer did not need to repeat washing his or her hair. The cleaning was already completed with the initial intention. However, to instruct the customer to repeat the wash the importance of every prior step was emphasized. Consequently, I will state the same direction here, for the very same rationale. As we choose to repeat our intention, the choice to see no lack, the offering of gratitude and finally the releasing of all differences, we once again affirm our original choice for Holiness beyond illusion. In this moment our relationships move from a suffocating experience to an open air exchange of Love. The literal translation of the word “repeat” is to “seek again.” Therefore, as we ask ourselves to remember the Holy Relationship beyond our own limited wishes for special ones, we once again seek for the Truth and find it exactly where God Himself placed it.

Overall the Holy Relationship offers us joy, completion, understanding, awareness, acceptance, and the certainty of Truth beyond our perceived obstacles to peace. It is not a fairy tale of the longing mind seeking its own completion through one another. The Holy Relationship is a simple affirmation of all that we as the Holiness of God already own. Seek not to hesitantly kiss one more frog desperately hoping to find a Prince within! Choose instead to find the Prince of Peace within your own Holiness and see his perfection within every moment. In doing so we enter into the ark accompanied by genuine peace beyond any frog-like image the ego projects forth in its mistaken identity of delusions. Your inner Prince of Peace is available to you at every moment through the Holy Relationship. The call for love is extended in our choice to move from the form of separation to the welcoming of the Truth of Who We Are and in this acceptance, we only know happy endings.

Pamela B. Silberman is the author of Simply Being: One Year with Spirit, published by O-Books and currently available from your favorite online or independent bookseller. She also serves as the executive director of the Be The Love foundation (www.bethelove.us), a not for profit organization dedicated to the practical application of A Course in Miracles. Her web site is www.simplybeing.net

Passing Clouds

2008-09-26T21:53:00.003-04:00

[This entry was originally written in 2003, but for some reason I was recently redirected to it and I realized how it was never posted up here. Enjoy a trip now down memory lane...]

Beloved Friend, I’m thinking of all the things that simply keep me from peace. Judgment, fear, all ideas of separation, concerns with time (“getting there”) and not recognizing the love that which I am and is open to me (through all) all ways and always. This pretty much is it, although each could be a novel within its own right. I kind of find it interesting, that although the drama seems rather complex, the illusion is rather simple in what it believes and perceives. It believes itself to be alone, afraid and in constant struggle with the world apart from itself. Could you assist me in expanding the healing of this moment?

Beloved One, you are on the right track, so to speak. Seeing the simplicity of the illusion will assist in your abilities to walk away from it. The human mind has lost itself in complexity. It has woven story upon story, each one extending more confusion, layer upon layer keeping it from its Self. Yet every story is a simple one. Every story speaks only of the same belief, “you are not as God Created.” And truly, if you were to release all ideas of illusion, it would only come down to that.

Believing that you are not as God Created requires significant convincing. This is why the world of illusion and all its witnesses was made so complex. Your Truth, though, is simple. Thus all that is needed is for you to exchange complexity for simplicity.

But the struggle, yes - so complex, also seems so overwhelming… so immense!

It immensity only lay within your own perspective. Remember how I have spoken in The Course about “littleness vs. magnitude.” Truly, the sights you see and perceptions you feel are only based on the point of view. What you really struggle against is the immensity of Self that You are in Truth. You grip onto littleness with such intensity that even as it seeks to slip from your fingers you try even harder to hold on. The dream-givers Self-denial requires great determination and it is in only feeling this that you perceive struggle.

But what about all the thoughts? It seems I am often lost in my thinking.

The thinking mind floods you with thoughts only to distract and deflect itself away from the simple stillness that is You. Truly, it is only in this distraction and deflection that you appear to be “lost.” In essence these thoughts are mere clouds temporarily sunken within a genuinely clear, inviting and magnificent landscape. In confusion, you run through the clouds, see only thick fog and perceive yourself to be lost. However, take a moment to slow your steps, notice the clouds for the simple mists that which they are and you can begin to feel the solid ground beneath your feet. You can begin to see how indeed there is great space between the clouds and how they too hold no real form. Furthermore, with quieting the mind you begin to catch a glimpse of a tree here or there and recognize the inviting softness of the terrain beneath each step. Take a moment to stop running for a mere moment and begin to settle beneath the clouds, into the open space and comforted upon the soft grass. Here, with this settling of the mind, all fog would disappear and you would rest in peace. Within peace you can never be lost. In peace, always do you know exactly where you are. Clouds cannot distract you, but instead you begin to notice how in observation one cloud may represent a fearful dragon while another cloud represents a confused child. From this perspective, apart from being consumed by the symbols, you can see them in the proper Light, remember your strength and watch each symbol gently pass by without any hint of attachment. That is why I say rest, for in this rest, indeed you will find your peace.

Wow.. your imagery is so inviting. Thank you. Okay, one more question. Sometimes it seems that I want to analyze the clouds. I want to see why they arise. What should I do then?

Surely, there is always a point in time where you can analyze the clouds. In your analysis you may be able to figure out the cloud’s color, consistency and why their representative shapes appear to be so deluding. Yet, does the act of analysis allow you to settle in peace? Does the study of the ego invite rest? I will be clear now. Only the ego seeks to study itself. Undoing the ego does not require studying the ego. Undoing the ego with me will not occur through your further intensive study of the ego. Leggo the ego. (Smile) Instead, gently observe with my guidance. I will never lead you with further analysis. However, I will show you the simple symbols and ask for you to merely release the meanings that you diligently apply. Release does not require analysis, but it does require willingness. There are moments when you may confuse the determination of willingness for the intensity of study. However, these states of being are rather different. The willingness of healing is a simple peace, centered in clear observation and vigilant choice for your heart’s desire. The entirety of your actions center on a single desire. This desire does not come to Light with significant study, nor with complex pathways. Overall this desire merely comes to Light by simply being the Light. Again, it is a simple pathway. Are you seeing a simple repetitive simple theme simply yet? (smile) If you seek to realize one aspect of the clouds, clearly recognize that no matter what the consistency of the clouds, no matter what their color or structure, simply they are not you.

They are not me?

Simply, they are not the Truth of You. Notice the capitals. I do not ask you to deny the distortions that seem to be before your eyes and sensory perceptions. Yes, for as long as you conceive yourself to be associated with a human state of being you will perceive clouds. Namely this human being self will see these clouds as itself. However, again, these clouds albeit part of the human self, they are not any part of the whole Self. Yes, recognizing that you perceive clouds is helpful to your healing, yet, open up to realization that a cloud is still a cloud and see how you seek to know yourself beyond and above any cloud. Here you will save yourself from the lure of analyses, and simply choose to settle peacefully within the lush grasses of peace.

Can we take a moment to look at the clouds?

If you wish. Let us look at the general ideas of your clouds. What is it that you judge?

Gosh.. gee… sometimes everyone and everything.

I think you are being too harsh. You do not judge everyone and everything, but you do allow yourself to notice a lot of judgments. Sometimes this is a good thing. Like I said, noticing in simple observation can be helpful. However, use the simple observation for the fruition of vigilance in your true desire rather than for more study of the ego.

Okay, well my judgments are maybe not that pervasive, but I can definitely tune into a rambling “mind” of presumptions chatting away. I often find myself repeating these judgments and focusing on them. Yes, in my release process with you, I’ve definitely become better. I have come to recognize that I don’t have to tune in to the chattering all the time. Well, I’ve learned that I don’t have to tune in to the chattering at all. But I can’t honestly say that I don’t do it. Sometimes I am able to see that the chattering is only as loud as I make it. This is good, right? But honestly, I’m unsure if I’ve ever gotten to the point where I see / hear no chattering at all.

Do you see how you are chattering now? (Smile) Yet, it is all good beloved. Truly, it is all good. Again, always simple noticing will bring you back towards Home. Tell me, what is the chattering about?

Well, when I listen, I notice that it believes it knows everything! It knows every idea that is within everyone’s mind. It seemingly knows everyone’s rationales and behaviors for the past, present AND future. It is quite clever in all it believes, giving me the whys for this and that. It also infuses me with its tension, seemingly passing on its signals into experiential perceptions.

Does it see everyone as separate?

Oh yeah… definitely.

How do you see you as separate? Remember that all is a outer reflection of an inner condition.

Good point. All of its chattering consists of its beliefs about “other” people. Absolutely. I do see myself as separate, so I guess it always has to come back to me. Yet, I don’t get much chattering about myself per se, maybe because I’ve gotten to the point where I recognize there is no purpose in that chatter.

Perhaps you see there is no point in directly making the chatter about you. However you temporarily use the form of others to dissociate the chatter from being about you. You make their chatter your symbol of yourself. Notice, it is these people who are chattering about you and you know what they are chattering about you... so in the end it still comes down to what you think about you.

Yes. Again, you are right. But part of me also feels that I have succeeded in not focusing on as many depressing or self-depreciating thoughts about myself. Maybe they are still not cured, but they are a lot less pervasive and persistant... well... at least a lot less obvious than they used to be.

So you have freed yourself from something. Be willing to recognize and accept this success, do not feel that you must defend or quantify it. Take two more steps closer to Heaven’s awareness within you with a greater acceptance for the Self you are claiming through this triumph. You can use all perceptions of healing for a greater awareness of the Truth of all you really are without any need for healing. So, yes, in form, it is okay to give yourself a pat on the back every now and again. Celebration of the Beloved You Are is a good choice. Now, back to our discussion. What if I was to say that there is no purpose to any chatter?

Hmmm.. I would agree with that statement, recognizing it from what you have taught me. Chattering is always a form of distraction, yes?

Yes. Chattering always a form of distraction. None of the chattering reveals Truth. Even if some of the opinions that you perceive about yourself and/or others are accurate, this does not make it True. There is a difference between accuracy in form and Truth in content.

Hmmm.. good point.

I know. (smile) However, no matter what, it is best to recognize the main purpose of all your actions. Do not be as concerned as to what you do, but be more oriented as to why you do it. Thus, do not delve more deeply into the fact that you do chatter and do get swept up from time to time in the chatter, but seek to be more mindful as to why you allow the chatter, want the chatter and continue to feed the chatter. Overall, again, it is all about seeking to find you in complexities rather than rest in the simple beingness of Love. Yet, do not take this as a call for more ego study. Even if you never get to the exact reason as to why you chatter (I’ll tell you simply it is only because you seek to deny the Truth of Who You Are – there is no more simple explanation than that) you may take as many moments as you can to notice how there is always another choice apart from chattering. This again is a choice for rest.

Okay, so the only reason why I chatter is to feed distraction?

Yes.

And the only reason why I seem to want to delve into the ego is also to feed distraction?

Yes.

And neither of these choices will give me peace?

Correct. Neither study of the ego or rationalizing the chatter will give you peace. Peace is found in resting the mind, stilling all that you conceive to be you and allowing this self to come to a more broad state of awareness. This state of awareness does not require reasoning or self-definition. Simply (there is that word again) it is reasoning without reason and self without limitation. This Self is awareness being aware.

Hmm.. I’ve heard that statement a lot lately.

That is because it now raises more to the surface of acceptance within the one mind. This indeed is a good thing. Remember Beloved, all that you perceive yourself to be in form is nothing but a passing cloud. The Truth of You shines like the brilliant Light of the sun beaming through the clouds and revealing their misty translucence. Indeed, within the Light of Son, these clouds have no true form and can never block the Holiness you are. Shadows are not the Self God Created. See this as you gently allow the clouds to pass by. Close your eyes and see this within your mind’s eye now. Watch as every cloud simply passes by over the horizon. Notice as the Light shines over, in and through its overall consistency. The Light is… the cloud passes and all remains brilliant as God Created. I love you. My Light is your own.

Healing Alone

2008-09-13T18:38:00.003-04:00

The voice beckoned clearly within my mind: “Now is the time to gather your light.” Closing my eyes, I meditatively sought to follow where this invitation was leading me. “Breathe now,” it continued with an alluring gentility. Confident and peaceful, the prompting was simple: “Sink within.” An inner sanctum of serenity followed like the opening of a sacred door. Its welcoming allowed me to settle and rest without concern for the outer world. “Breathe and feel my presence. I am with you Beloved.” Following every direction, the awareness of his presence rose to my consciousness. Yes, there was a companion joined with me in this stillness. His clear and concise directions drew me closer: “Breathe and rest. Breathe and rest.” Hypnotically abiding by His inducing lullaby, I found myself more deeply quieted with every breath. “Now, see me here.”
A warm and strong pressure lay naturally, like a single hand, upon my shoulder. Turning to meet the owner of this grasp, his eyes spoke for his entire being. Alive with a turquoise blue crystalline light they enticed me with mesmeric desirability. He used no words, this single gaze communicated more kindness, compassion, love, and fortitude than any standard greeting could convey. I felt strangely awestruck but equally immersed with attraction. Dumb, unable to respond, my lips felt faint as they did yield to his enthralling presence. Without my mind or body figuring out a motion, I jumped into his arms reigniting the relationship of long lost friend and teacher, guide and beloved. His body supported the whole of me. As he smiled, I intuitively felt his words more than heard them: “Now is the time to gather your light.” With a rush of invigorating inhalation, breath flowed deeply through my body, rising within it as if it was my first. This breath was all I was. Encompassing me, the limitations of my physical self seemed to be located in another room. I was here, but also surely not. Experiencing the breath flow through some remnant of me, fresh and invigorating, I once again felt myself gaze into my companion’s eyes as my core.

“Be with me, now.” The space around us exposed a palpable Light. Streaming in hills and valleys, sky and sea, the Light’s depth appeared like the background landscape of a motion picture focusing into clearer view. Meanwhile, at the same moment, the connection between my teacher and me transported us into a magnificent realm of genuine existence. While simply being in this space, I could still recall the fact that my physical body remained in a chair and in a room within a house. However, what house, what room, what chair? It all did not seem very identifiable at this point of time. Instead, there seemed to be a more desirous lure for joining between my companion and me. We stood together, face to face, his hand still firmly settled on my shoulder. A field of indistinct pearlescent white luminosity, surrounded yet simultaneously contained us. Once again, like my companion’s eyes, I felt myself absorbed, immersed and awestruck by the light as if it spoke to and held me in the same moment. Vast limitless rays of diamond-like sparkling wisps, similar to sunbeams, extended from the Light’s presence. These rays embodied a distinct intelligence, existing now only to be present. Being here, just here, my awareness felt beset in love, tranquility, and presence. I felt known and alive, but without a precise identity – actually, these words themselves cannot accurately give meaning to who the self was or where it existed. All in all was only all.

Upswept by both forever and the instant, yet beyond any depth of measurement, an awareness of words moved through me: “This is your Truth. Be your Self. Accept this reality and allow yourself to be still within it, even if only for a moment.” Wherefore, although my eyes still seemed closed… or at least I could sense an association with closed eyes, the stillness of the instant seeped through me staying in attention to all that the sensations of Light and pure presence expressed.

“Gather your light, be its strength, and walk with me.” Now, the light followed. No, it walked me. Literally, the Light moved me step by step. Supporting every footfall, my mindfulness walked in light and I quickly lost any recollection of a separate self. No longer could I visibly see my companion. There was no discernable space between us. I felt him both with and within me. The light parted like misty stage curtains bowing before and to our sides. With liveliness it seemed to caress me with gentle kisses on passing. With each advance, I felt my being soak up more light. Yes, I became more like the light with every pace… gaining strength, knowledge, purpose, and presence… that is until the door appeared.

In its own vacuum the door stood as the first hint of solid form. Standing unaided, as if on a sound stage, the door did not have any walls supporting its form. Solid and unyielding, it rose from the mist. On approach, I felt like the main character of a 1940’s movie. Reaching out, I fantastically watched as my hand transformed from vivid Technicolor into pallid grayscale. Where the Light about me was warm and yielding, the door felt cold and rigid. A chill ran through me, emitting a sense of cheerlessness. However, as I curiously wished to understand why it seemed to cause a shivering stir within me, I fleetingly noticed an attraction to what this obstacle seemed to conceal. The door ached for my touch and my fingertips tingled as if responding to its call. “Yes…” I thought, “I need to touch... I wish to feel… perhaps I can be differ…”

Whoosh!!! Spinning… spiraling… thump! Opening my eyes, my thoughts swam with confusion. An infinite cavern of blackness surrounded me. Where am I? Who am I? Words. I think I remember words. But from where? Who? Squeezing my eyes to focus, I struggled to bring the words to my mind: “You cannot wholly forget, Beloved. The Light is all about you. Go now and realize what you wish. Forget not my companionship. I am your Strength and not the emptiness.” “The emptiness” what does that mean? And what light? There is no light. Where am I? How did I come here? My body rapidly began to read its environment: dizzy… confused… dark… cold… tired… restricted. I tried to breathe in but convulsions of coughing escaped from my frail body. The air did not feel natural. What’s going on?? Quickly my eyes darted around the space. However, to my dismay, not a single form was noticeable in the front, behind, or to either side of me. Darkness was all-encompassing… but now even that was fading from my sight.

Sensing the emptiness once again before seeing it, a flood of thoughts shocked me back into consciousness. My thoughts began to spin. What had I done to deserve this? Am I lost? Am I sick? Am I crazy? Am I dead? Questions churned one after another littering my mind, leaving me with limited breathing space. I felt my shoulders slump from the heaviness of confusion, frustration, disappointment, and fear.

“Do not fear my beloved, I am here.” My heart jumped in excitement. That voice! I know that voice!! “Where are you? Who are you?? Please! Please tell me! I can’t see you! I’m afraid… so very afraid.” There was no response as my eyes anxiously searched the shadows. Dashing from corner to corner, my pupils sought for some confirmation that I was not as alone as I felt. Crying out again, “I heard YOU! I hear you!!! Please help me!!! Where am I??” Again, no response. Collapsing in a mix of weakness and exasperation, I felt the wetness of tears stream from my eyes. Like a clear white flash of lightening, a light seemed to appear just out of the corner of my eyes. What is that? Fear once again paralyzed my body and restricted my breathing. In quiet desperation, my mouth formed the words “please help…” but without a sound escaping and I passed out once again.

Ahh.. dreams. Warmth… peace… love… light. The images danced before me in perfect calm and contentment. “Shhh my Beloved, trust. You are safe, I am with you whether you can see me or not. This blindness shall not last. Trust. Walk forward and you shall find your way… trust in me, feel my hand with your own… I am here.” Ahh, yes, a reassuring caress upon my shoulder.

The sensation of being touched roused me alert again. Sitting up, my eyes once again searched the darkness. However, this time, despite the surges of fear within me, a single word echoed in my mind, “trust.” The word seemed to be draped in a luminous halo. Perhaps a dream? The vision felt so pleasing. Was it a mirage of an oasis in the desert? “Who’s here??!” Exasperatingly, I cried out again into the darkness. “Where are you?!??” “Who should I trust in??! Who?” My words fell muted as if the walls were made of pillows. The darkness seemed to suffocate the airflow. I struggled to focus on what my eyes could or could not see. Trust. Within the struggling mind that only wanted to know where it was and why it was here, the idea of trust seemed as foreign as any idea of light. How, can I begin to grasp onto to something that I cannot see? The recognition of this perfect metaphor set off a gurgle of sardonic laughter. How strange was this request, but so appropriate to this situation. Shouting into the darkness like a rebellious teenager, I reluctantly surrendered. “Okay! Fine! I’ll trust, IF that is what YOU want, whoever YOU are!” This time the words appeared to echo within my mind more than off the unseen walls. Hell, I thought, obviously I didn’t have anything else to lose. What do I know? Indeed these thoughts now gave me a rubric to ponder, just watching the darkness along with the how and why thoughts of trust muddling through my mind felt like a temporary hobby. But wait! No! NO! NO!! That can’t be! I paused my breathing in terror and anticipation. There was a VOICE!!! Yes, wait, no, yes.. shhh.. I said to myself as if I was trying to muffle an outside source. I heard her voice.

The reverberation of child-like sobbing seeped barely audible from an unseen part of the darkness. At first, the weeping appeared soft and distant; however, once I began to attune my attention, I could clearly hear that the crying emerged from a closer corner. “Was there a child here with me?” Surely, I could not see anyone… including my own hand if waved in front of my eyes. Nonetheless, someone was crying… a young child… quiet but yet persistent, racked with fear. My eyes once again purposefully darted around this shadow consumed space, as if my determination could reveal what my eyes were unable to see. “HELLO???” I exclaimed. “Helllloooooo??!” Nothing. My words once again fell off nearly muted by the unseen space. Crying, still hearing it, there was no way that this sound was a figment of my imagination. Yes, my mind considered. Wrapped in darkness and uncertainty, perhaps this crying is my mind inventing a connection. Maybe I am clinging to delusions now to keep the last bits of sanity from draining out of my mind. Nevertheless, this crying sounded so real. A fearful chill scored up my spine as I halfheartedly repeated the words just realized, “insanity… delusional.” A sigh escaped from within me, just as the crying intensified. “You know what?” I spoke to myself and to the emptiness around me as if it was now gaining personality. “I don’t care if I’m crazy! Somehow… somewhere… if there is a child in here, I’ve got to find her!”

Picking myself off the ground and taking a minute to close my eyes, I purposefully thought of the call to trust. Almost like a prayer, I let the words take my lead, “If you want me to trust, then I will! Guide me in where to go and what to do next.” Jolting from the immediate response, I felt a prodding to my left. The darkness remained as dark as before; yet, perhaps there was some reason for being here. No, I cannot let my mind get into thinking mode now. Just trust in this blind and deaf game of Marco Polo.

Surrendering to the inner space, both internal and external pushes from behind me lift my legs. Oddly, I felt like a marionette clumsily jolting the disjointed body across a stage. Step by step, each foot found its way almost as if they knew the way before my own thinking could conceive it. Soon my eyes began to adjust and a small crouched image becomes apparent from the corner of the room. Closer now, she squats upon the floor with her back turned away from me. Huddling knees to chest, the outline of her body did not appear to have any more detail than a lump of raw clay. A simple silhouette, I could faintly make out her mousey brown hair, wavy like my own. The locks fell to her shoulders without much style. A silky puffed, long sleeve, ivory free-flowing nightdress, similar to the ones seen in eighteenth century period pieces, covered her slight figure. Arms hugged close to her torso, her shoulders quivered up and down in unison with muffled sobs. From what I could distinguish, she appeared to be crying into her hands, which was another reason why I could barely perceive any facial features. It was obvious that she really wanted to hide, not just in the dark, but also in her own sadness.

Not wanting to startle her, or cause more fear, I tenderly whispered “Hello,” although I was not sure if she could hear me betwixt her own weeping. Waiting, there was no response, just more crying. The mother instinct seemed to arise within me and my arms did achingly yearn to draw her in. Unexpectedly, just the presence of her, so real albeit so lost, squelched my own longing and memories of previous terror. She was there. WE were here. A resounding leap of joy bounced within my mind in appreciative realization. Thank God, I am not alone! Not only did I want to comfort her, to help cease her fear, but also I wanted to care for her. Desperately I wanted to grab her and tell her how very afraid I was… that was until now. Now that she was here, maybe we could help each other find our way out from this bizarre place! Without touching her, for fear of truly sending her over the edge, I bent my body slightly but respectfully closer to her form. “Listen,” I said gently, “I don’t know who you are, or why I am here, but I do want to help you if I can.” Just then, her sobbing became sniffing. Was she listening? Two words, followed, faintly audible: “I’m alone.”

Within a blur of dilemma, I felt the wish to sweep her up into my arms and prove how wrong she was. NO! The word shouted within but did not escape from my lips. Can’t you… Don’t you see? Open your eyes. Look. LOOK! Instantly, a rampage of arguments rose up in defiance and I pictured myself jumping up and down in a child-like fury for attention. I am here! I am HERE!! Sanity measured by deep compassion took over. “Wait” spoke the calm and gentle voice of trust that did guide me here. Maybe I could not let her know exactly what I frantically longed for her to affirm for me. Yes, although I wanted her to know that she was not alone, equally this was my own call to myself. She or I were not alone. Our only hope for escape was to join in this darkness through our company.

“Wait. Listen.” The words came again deeply prompting me to drop the frantic plot to convince her of our need for one another. Instead, the inner call asks me quietly to review her simple words. “I’m alone.” Yes, that is what she said. Why? Were these words a response to my question? Maybe she heard me in another way. I did ask who she was. Was she telling that her name was “Alone”? Taking this idea in, I stood not sure what to say next. Noticing that her crying had lessened with her response, typical etiquette just seemed to be the proper way to cut the silence between the sniffing: “I’m Pamela. Why are you here?”

Apparently, that was the wrong answer, for Alone once again began to bawl. Now with a greater fury, it was obvious that I said the wrong thing. “Are you blind?” she exclaimed, the words edging with anger. “Can’t you see? I am trapped in nothingness! There is nobody here! No one and nothing. Darkness is all there is. Empty! Forever!” Her crying rang out with a despondency of absolute fear and helplessness.

Well, she did have a point there! How could I be so insensitive? Looking around me, the evidence supporting her point of view was more than apparent. Shades of the initial terror and confusion slipped through my memory recalling my own immediate response to this place. How could I have not been more compassionate? Obviously, to her point of view, name or no name, she was alone and now through my own attempts to bring sense to the situation, I was alienating the one person who may be able to help. Sitting in regret for a second, an unexpected hint, glimmer of Light passed through my mind. On the other hand, was it the corner of my eye? Then it was gone. Wait. What was that? I… uh… whatever was going on here became unclear. Never mind, it is better that I apologize. Thinking to myself that it is already bad enough that I have no clue where I am or why I have been left to experience this moment, now it seems that I’ve managed to hurt a complete strangers feelings. What possibly could go wrong next????

Resting my own head back on my knees, I felt the full weight of depression, confusion, isolation and lament sink over me. Self-criticism spoke up: “Things are always better if you keep your stupid mouth shut!” Surely, I was in the same boat, who was I to try to cheer anyone else up? Inching away slowly, I turned the rest of my body away from Alone. There is no reason to go completely away. Ironically, I still needed her to help me realize who Alone was and who I was not. However, maybe it is better that I just be over here and worry about myself.

After a moment of sitting in the depth of silence between us, I took another chance: “Listen,” I said, stammering with my own uncertainty. Words edged nervously out of my mouth in both confession and repentance. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to upset you, really. It is just that I do not know why I’m here either. I don’t even know where here is. One minute I’m feeling peaceful, was I surrounded with light? I do not know. Next, I am suddenly in this dark place without any idea about how or why. Is this hell? At just the moment when I am trying to figure things out, I heard you crying. To be honest, first I just thought I was going crazy. I really think this place can do that. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, some voice in my head seemed to say that it was better to find someone else than just stand in the dark. Yeah, none of this makes any sense. Light or darkness, I am just as confused and scared as you are, and cannot figure this place out.” Quickly, I clumsily scrambled to my feet. “Yeah, I’m sorry, maybe I should go… yeah… no more harm then… so… maybe I should just go… and find my own way. Okay. I am sorry. Really.” Quickly, I turned on my heels, and stumbled a bit. I still could hardly see a millimeter in front of my own eyes.

“No!!!” Alone’s one word was obviously a command. “You are the only one who I have ever seen here. You are the only one I have!!! You can’t go! You just can’t!!!” The fear trembled through her voice bordering on hysterics. Spoken with tightly restrained fury the words reminded me of a panicked animal. Then she slumped down even lower into the darkness. “Please… just… please…”

“Don’t go!”

Surprised, I spun around back towards her.

Her words beckoned again in quiet but hopeless persistence, “Please… don’t go. Don’t leave me.”

{CONTINUED in PART II)

Healing Alone part II

2008-09-13T18:37:00.001-04:00

Not knowing what to say or what to do, my feet felt heavier than ever. They no longer magically lifted or pushed themselves, as they did on approach. Instead, now each foot stood deeply rooted in its spot, as if buried in age’s old cement. I stood there, waiting, as if the girl, Alone, was about to give me some other instruction. Silence. Staring at her, she did not even turn towards me or make any move that would validate my willingness to follow her pleads. In the pregnant pause, we both just tentatively hung in the nothingness. Time passed and soon I found myself crouched only inches away from her. The two of us oddly enough sat in quiet but isolated company, Alone and me. Words no longer did seem appropriate. Sure, several thoughts appeared within my mind, but with each one it was clear that I too was as equally confused as she. Any statement that I wanted to say was just an empty attempt to distract me from my own discomfort. Yes, it was better that I just sit here for a minute and watch without wanting anything from Alone or from me. Each second ticked by like an hour or perhaps two. Then, thank goodness, she decided to speak first.

“I don’t know how I got here either.” “I think I’m lost.”

My response of “How long have you been here?” seemed as empty as the thoughts filtering through my head. Time did not appear to exist here, or at least not in any normal measurement.

“I don’t know.” Silence again.

“Yeah, me neither.” Is this just going to be an eternity of distant but polite conversation?

“Do you remember the Light?”

Shocked, her question slapped me. I did not know what to say. The Light seemed more like a question than a memory. If anything, it was a far off reminiscence now, similar to a childhood daydream. Struggling, I tried to call it back into my mind. “Peace. Trust.” The words felt empty. My eyes tightened in frustration. “I think I felt someone there… but now it is more like a chain of words than memories. I’m sorry. What do you think of?”

“I can’t think of it. It just appears to me in my imagination. Sometimes I use the thoughts of the Light to keep me company.”

Yes, I sheepishly recognized this wish. Cling to anything, even those ideas that no logical mind can comprehend, just to keep yourself from sinking deeper into uncertainty. Grabbing for a connection like blind hands searching the space before me. How can I relate to this… this… this what is this? But what if Alone is right? What if the Light is just a dream? Just a fantasy? The thought of this possibility both terrified and stunned me. Well, was it ever really here? My mind stretched as far as it could go attempting to bring a clearer recollection to the experience of Light. Logically, I could not identify what seemed to be here or when here begun. To be honest, this entire experience felt like a dream, so maybe… maybe it was. Hearing these thoughts within me, I felt like darkened clouds were extinguishing any remnant of sunshine across a mountaintop. My head sunk down upon my knees like Alone. We were becoming mirror images of each other.

Alone spoke again. “I cry a lot when I imagine the Light. I want to be a part of it but do not know where to go. Although this time it was different, this time you were here.”

Part of me now wanted to bite back words at her, similar to how she had done before. I could sense the exasperation setting in. “But I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know if I’m supposed to help you, or maybe you are supposed to help me.”

With a quiet resolve, like a person accepting the unforgivable, Alone murmured almost inaudibly: “Don’t worry. No one can help me. Nobody loves me.”

“Oh come on. No wonder you feel alone.” I heard the words and wanted to kick myself for each one. How can that be helpful? Obviously, I was an idiot and just letting my own resentment for being here get the best of me. Alone’s head once again slumped deeper at the base of her shoulders and I heard her begin to cry softly. The thought of guilt immediately started to berate me in my own thinking and soon I felt the tears from my own cheeks fall upon my knees.

“Honestly!” I thought, “What does she really want from me? It is not as if anything is coming from this exchange. Yet, as I sat for a second perceiving my own disconnection and Alone’s desperation, I also saw how there was much more than just the two of us being here. There was what we were telling ourselves while we were here. “Yes.” The word’s authority shook me out of my own self-depreciation and remorse. Suddenly, my mind began to connect the dots between both of our two situations. Instantly, the clarity unfurled before me, like a key opening a great iron lock. I hated myself for being here and not getting any help from Alone. Alone hated herself for being here and did not know how or where to begin accepting help. I felt trapped in the misunderstanding between us and insulted myself each time I tried to help. Alone felt unloved and clung to her story as a distorted comforter. In judging myself, I was just as alone inside as Alone felt on the outside. As the darkness surrounded us both, we were also giving it full permission to consume us within. No! I thought both angrily and rebelliously. I am not going to let this darkness, whatever it is, win. I do not want to fight it and I do not want to fight me. I just want to remember the peace again. “Yes.” Again, the authority of the word repeated itself as I stepped aside from saying or doing anything. This is not going to work with my words. Nothing here is going to happen with us just passing the time and letting what is outside also perversely control us within. No matter where we were, the stories that we told within our heads were just as important as the company was. In fact, the words within were significantly more important. “Yes,” now I said, focusing only at the words and beliefs within myself. “The Light does exist. I give the darkness over.”

At that very moment, I felt a heated passion rise up through me. Different from a fury of anger, this was fervor of inspiration. This time the words coming from my mouth caught me off guard. Preacher, teacher, cheerleader, mother, guide, and friend the message was speaking to both of us:

“Listen. No really! You cannot possibly believe that. I will not let you. Even if you are alone, there is always love somewhere. Let us try to cling to it. I am here. You are here. Both of us being here cannot fix this situation unless we also begin to look at exactly what we are telling ourselves. Being alone is more than just what is happening on the outside, it really is all that we say on the inside. Nothing on the outside can take hold unless we grab it and give every idea over.”

Alone sat across from me without saying a word. Although she never did turn to face me, I could tell that she was listening. Her crying had stopped and she was giving me the space to continue. I recognized how some of what I was saying sounded like a platitude soaked pep talk. Nevertheless, I knew that as I listened to the words, I was telling myself exactly what I did need to remember. Through these words, I was giving myself the opportunity to listen. Maybe calling a statement “a platitude” is just another form of self-denial. Okay, well, who cares? I needed to hear these words and so I continued to surrender myself over to each single one.

“You say you know about the Light, Yes? Well, we need to remember it rather than pretend as if it is not important or nonexistent. You cry when you think of the Light. That is great. Do you see? Even as you both mourn and use it for yourself, this is a connection! You cannot believe in what you do not connect with and you cannot connect with what you do not believe in. Perhaps our experience here is all about what we give our attention. I could tell you that you are not alone. However, that will not be enough, because I feel the darkness too and its existence feels just as empty to me. Just because we are here does not mean that you or me are the darkness. I understand how you cannot see here. I cannot see here. Nevertheless, one thing I can see is that the words we use reflect exactly what we see. This darkness is showing us what we desire rather than who we are. I know what it is like to both hate the situation you are in and think that you can fix it through some story you tell yourself about the outside or about yourself. One thing is certain though, we cannot figure out the darkness with the darkness. To do so is insane.” I felt myself need to take a breath. The words were pouring forth so uncontrollably that I could not keep an exact account of all that I was faithfully saying. Nonetheless, the sullenness that once weighed immobile upon me was no longer perceivable. I felt myself lifted by the words, although each one did not come from me.

“Us being here is completely bizarre. I cannot begin to understand it. Maybe the darkness of this place just wants to torture us here. I do not know. I am not certain of much in this dark place. It is hard to see anything here. However, telling yourself that you are without any love or me feeling guilty, saying that I am an idiot or a failure is … just … making … it … worse!” Nearly collapsing from the monologue, I could barely begin to believe mystifyingly what just came through me. Nonetheless, I watched Alone for any hint of movement. None. Okay. I thought. There is nothing else left to be said. Now we wait.

Watching with intrigue, I still did not know what to say or do. At that moment, watching seemed to be the most appropriate response, and so it was. My plans and uncertainties were not going to show us the way out of here. Yes, let us just stop trying to talk and just simply be here, now. I had to wait patiently with her as if our very survival depended upon both of us being here. Not just for the companionship, but most importantly for the reminder, that only I was fully responsible for abandoning my self. Surely, I could not abandon Alone. I had to stay with her. I had to stay with me. Perhaps that was the only reason why I was here. Soon I felt the trimmings of fear rise again. What if I was doomed to be here, lost with her, until the end of time? What if I too never found my way home and remained huddled next to Alone lost in my own version of this nightmare for eternity?? What then? No! I realized, I could not go there. Damn the story! Discipline for the Light. “Rest here, not in the fear. Fear is not here.” I repeated the words both within and to Alone. Maybe she heard me, or maybe not, no matter. Listening, loving whatever arose, and letting go by patiently waiting would be all I could dedicate my mind and being to. It must be the only way. I cannot let my mind consume itself by that fear. With that awareness, I took a deep breath in and inched slightly closer to Alone but not close enough to scare her. Although there was still a good two inches between us, I wanted only to show her how I was resolutely determined to be with her so that she knew that I was willing to stay. Love just is.

“I’m sorry that I can’t be more help to you. However, even if I cannot help, I have decided not to leave. Honestly, I still do not know why I am here, but I also know that I cannot leave you. You say that nobody loves you, and although I do not know exactly the right words, perhaps the best thing I can do is show you that I do. To me, this is Love and for now, this is all that matters.”

After saying my peace, I wasn’t sure if I should now be waiting for some response from Alone. Looking in her direction, I smiled, reaching out the best awareness of Love that I could imagine to extend. Although Alone’s face was still not looking at me, it seemed that the best gift I could give in the moment was my own willingness to simply be with Alone no matter what. Yes, this was love and this love was genuinely what I desired more than any other wish. Focusing on this love over any other experience either in my mind or surrounding my body, was all I could be right now. “Love was all I can be for both Alone and me.” Silently, I began to focus on these words like a Vedic mantra. No longer could I restrain the motherly instinct and the urges to reach forward, holding Alone in my arms won over the concerns of my mind. No matter what, I wanted Alone to know she was loved.

It was only when my fingers flattened against the surface of the cold hard glass that I began to figure out what was going on. Spinning filled my mind with confusion and amazement. “No, it can’t be… how? Why? This is impossible…. it can’t be…. But…” the thoughts swam through faster than I could catch them. The glass that rested against my fingertips made the whole story clear, but unbelievable. The person, the child, the girl with whom I had been having what seemed hours of conversation, now, at last, revealed her face. Astonishingly, I suddenly saw all that I had been hiding from myself from the beginning of this experience. Alone was not there. She was not separate, she was not even a person… she was me.

Eye to eye, face to face we looked at each other. No, we only looked at our one self. Her eyes met my own and a gentleness of clarity, comfort, and peace reflected from within the images. Suddenly light shockingly exploded between the mirror and our surroundings. Shards of what should have been glass rained down as sparkles of Light and the memory, no, the reality of Heaven revealed its full Self once again. Looking both forward into the eyes of Alone, me, The Light expanded so rapidly that there was not even a hint of darkness remaining. Instantly, the emptiness that seemed so real was completely gone. My eyes wide, my heart open, my Self soaring in complete jubilation; swiftly I could remember all the Love and Truth that a second ago once seemed to be nothingness. However, was it nothingness? Was it anything? Did I ever leave this Light? I felt a nearly electric energy soar through me. It offered tiny glimpses of what appeared to have been so real only a moment ago, but each second bestowed a greater dissolving into Light. Was I dreaming? What defined the dream and what existed as the reality of now felt perplexing. Yet in this space, Love was certain. The more I opened my eyes to this reality, Light showed clear all around me. Consequently, the more the brief perceptual hints of nothingness faded like mists before the sun.

The girl was still in front of me. She looked directly at me, through me, but wait her eyes… her eyes were stunning! The sparkled and related so much more than my own. In this realization, all I could do was stare, consumed. Next, as I stood hypnotically watching, her face began to change. It morphed from form to Light and then to, ahhh wait, yes… it all finally makes sense! Watching this transformation before my eyes amplified the feelings of unfathomable connection and reverential Love. The face of my Beloved Guide, my friend, the One who welcomed me here and spoke the words of encouragement and authority stood across from me. Looking now, not just with my eyes, but also within, beneath the image, within his eyes, there was He… me … us. He or shall I say we smiled a joyful smile that seemed to come not only from our expression, but also from the Light itself. With this final realization, my guide winked, His eyes twinkled in delight.

“I love you too.”

Embracing, arm and arm, I felt our heart be joy with us. His eyes took hold of me: “What do you know now?”

The question brought me back to a point of boundless observation. I saw the story. I saw myself. I saw Alone. I saw us all together like a fourth-dimensional holographic movie dispensing upon my inner eye. Hearing every word said, there was no fear in the story, but instead all I could feel was the loving intention, brilliantly returning to me point after point. I saw the choice for listening above fear. I saw the willingness to surrender. I once again heard myself refuse to tell any more lies feeding the deceit of the darkness albeit the darkness seemed nothing but flat emptiness in this review. The inner film wrapped up almost as soon as it began and I could hear myself clearly realizing the purpose. Looking at my Guide, I spoke it from this sense of revelation: “Alone is nothing but a state of mind born from our defined self within it.” Awesomely, I noticed how as I spoke the words each became brilliantly colored fractals of Light and lifted up into a glimmering continuance of crystalline likeness. My Guide said nothing, but his eyes followed my own in wonder and agreement. I continued: “Alone is only a mirror. It has no depth. No matter the words or visions, it only shows us exactly what we wish to see. Never can it be real.”

In this, the Light exploded all about us and all I knew was the joy of one existence. This moment had only continuance, echoes of pure being. Here we were, we are, healing alone, all one with the wholeness of transparent Light that reigned heavily through our surroundings now. Effervescently this Light continually moved through me, became me, and extended beyond me. Here was I. I am here beyond any thought of being alone which was or ever could be. Surely, yes, alone was a dream and I am as God Created Me. “Yes, My Beloved. Now you know.”

The Wall

2008-09-07T16:19:00.004-04:00

Sometimes my hunger for communion with God feels like I am standing, nose to surface, against a dense heavy wall. Pressing my face against the flatness on one side, energy vibrates the fine tips of hair upon my cheek and tantalizingly I sense His presence just out of my reach. No matter how much I lean in, the activity on the other side sounds like the adult’s voices in Charlie Brown cartoons. My thinking mind cannot comprehend its specifics and all I hear is the distorted wah-wa-wah-wa-wa. However, I still desperately long to be a part of the experience. Heaven is in me, right? Should I not be able to figure out God and connect? My curiosity heightens to uncontrollable peaks. The charms from Spirit’s guidance lure me in, having me yearn to be two-dimensional. If I were within the wall, at least I would be one-step closer. Why can I not just pass through? Why must I endure the torture of separation and isolation?

Surely, if I rely upon my intellect it can seek a translation. Concentrating with all my might, my eyes squint in focus. Thinking can attempt to put all the pieces together. Maybe this “wa-wa” means “love” and “wah” means “now.” Argh! This is too much for me! Fists of fury only leave me bruised. A reservation of human “sanity” heaves rocks of judgment. Yes, perhaps I am just fooling myself and being only fraudulent rather than peaceful. These perceptions contain no audible sense! What if I lean in tauter than ever before and consume myself with every nuance that the wall contains. Yes, maybe if I devote myself to studying the wall it will reveal a secret entryway. Yet in time, even as the wall becomes the center of my attention and I memorize every bump and buckle through my fingertips, a grand key is missing. I still see the wall, recognize the limitation, and suffer in tremendous loss. The wall presents as unsurpassable. Bricks built upon steel webbing resting on iron rebar and founded in cement. It is all so real, and this trap binds me.

God is on the other side of that wall, and I am just out of touch, unsure of exactly how to conceive His Presence. Meditation contains distractions, prayer has me seek requests, and book after book only leads to more questions. Too often, it seems that only my imagination is destined to fill in the gaps. The desire to transcend the wall is significant, but the thickness and texture appears so unalterable. As a member of the community of spiritual seekers, I believe that each student can understand this feeling and does experience these boundaries. We all come into contact with similar walls in our own pursuit towards enlightenment. Rarely, does our peace of mind unleash itself effortlessly. Maybe as you read these words, you are familiar with both the solid barriers and the yearning to overcome them. Doubts, frustration, thoughts of unworthiness, perceiving myself to be a hypocrite and a fraud, there have been many times when these judgments face me sprawled like neon colored graffiti and all I see are bricks. Why does the wall win this round?

Some days I wish to return to the days when I thought the world was all that did exist. At least in those days, when success within earthly welfare seemed to be the only option, I accepted it without much distraction or resistance. Rarely during those experiences did I argue with my ego. Yes, crash and burn did occur, and seldom did I feel completely satisfied. Possibly, I could sweep those failures under the rug. No, that will never work. Once you accept the peace of God as the way, the truth, and the light, you cannot play pretend anymore. Just as covering the eyes only leads to false blindness, if I were to elude my heart’s desire the only result would be pointless numbness. However, I still wonder if I am going about enlightenment all wrong. Is this wall the best that I can ever achieve through the spiritual pathway? How much time will it take to succeed? On my best days of devotion, will God still seem muffled and out of reach? Honestly, I do not know the answers to these questions... and doubt I ever will with this taunting ego.

Ah, but wait… maybe that is the key to the whole problem. Who is the one that is asking these questions? Who is the one that feels it needs and wants to know? Who is the one that feels constrained, judgmental, desperate, and frightened when expectations do not go according to plan? Hmm. The Course tells us that we should resign as our own teachers. It says repeatedly how we are poor learners and will continue to have significant handicaps in our progress as long as we insist on teaching ourselves. That is the key to overcoming the wall. The wall is representative of all the barriers and resistances that we, as investors in the ego way of thinking, erect between God and ourselves. For some seekers the wall is our attachment to the body and all its accoutrements. Are there football teams, barbequed chicken wings, shopping, and sex in Heaven? Who wants to know? For other seekers, the wall is our fear of ego death or the loss of self-control within our life’s passageway. Will God choose every experience and relationship for me? Will I always want to listen to Him? Does He really know best? That does sound like a sacrifice. Again, who wants to know? For me, the wall is my wish to have my cake and eat it too. Basic math will tell you that it is impossible to do that unless I bake two cakes. However, the Kingdom of God is One, and truly, it cannot be divided between illusion and reality while remaining as God Created.

Within the teachings of A Course in Miracles, Jesus asks for our undivided attention. He states that we should resign as our own teacher and although this request is unambiguous, beads of sweat form from the fear and trepidation I envision. Sinatra's anthem echoes far off and I cringe with thoughts of resentment and sacrifice. Why can I not have it my way? Jesus’ answer is simple: “You cannot learn of perfect love with a split mind.” Therefore, as long as we identify with the fears of the world, entertaining a single step in the dances of doubt and self-control, we cannot know perfect love. If you are still unsure, perhaps the origin of the word “perfect” can reveal an additional key. In literal terms, the word stems from the components per meaning "completely" mated with facere, which means, "to perform.” Accordingly, if reality is the eternal existence of God extended or enacted completely, at the same moment it cannot also be split or fractioned. All that exists already performs completely. You or your will need not add any other thought to the completion. In fact, if there was a possibility to add or if God needed you to add to His perfect kingdom, this would mean that only incompleteness existed at first. Yes, you cannot have your cake and eat it too, unless you have two cakes. Likewise, we cannot learn of completion when we seek only to see with split minds. As long as we do, we will be seeking to fit a square peg into a round hole.

We can see this plainly by asking what the purpose of the wall is. The word “wall” literally means “defensive fortification.” Any wall, including the walls in your home, does stand merely to divide or to take possession of space apart from other space. That is their only purpose. My investment in the wall is my investment in fear, separation, and the need to have my own space. Sitting here and looking around this room, I wonder what the experience of living in my house would be without walls. Comparatively, how would living be different if no separation existed between the rooms of my life? Imagine, without the walls, how much more I will be able to see. Without walls, every space would reveal all that is. Yet, to the ego’s mindset, the possibility of revelation induces fear because it needs the walls to perpetuate its game of hide and seek. The ego will tell you that it needs the walls in order to keep your house standing. In a very rational way, the ego is correct. In order to have “your house” the walls are indeed necessary, otherwise the teetering of uncertainty will surely keep you on guard. These walls keep me in my life, my territory, where I can temporarily sit perceiving peace. Imagine the discomfort if we had no barriers? There would be no outside or inside and your living space would completely spill over onto the living space of all other people. How odd it would be live without walls, either real or imagined.

Consequently, as long as we fear the potential of living in complete openness, the more we are unable to understand or learn perfect love. The ego cannot understand what it cannot see, and it cannot see because it hides behind the wall. Take a moment now to envision a dam. Imagine it standing as the tides surge against it. Metaphorically, the upwelling of water represents the natural flow of our Self-energy, our God Being. What is the dam? The dam is the limit that we, in our fear, erroneously construct and reinforce through our mistaken identity. Always, when it comes to our eternal Self, the Holiness we are extends in only one direction. This extension is the direction of God’s Will. As a result, no matter how many dams we erect in opposition to this Will, the presence of the water is unchangeable. Not once does it change direction or become different. Flow is flow as God is God. No obstacle can truly restrict the Will of God. Our temporal distractions are mere collections of sand to the stream of True consciousness. Truth is, purely and simply flowing forth. From the viewpoint of the levee, the waters appear storm-tossed and menacing. As the pressure against the wall’s resistance increases, the levee perceives itself fighting for its very existence. However, to the water, it easily and simply streams forward following its inner guide and purely existing in this moment. Never does the water fear that it cannot get through this one seeming blockade. To the water, there is no blockade, only another opportunity for greater flow.

Therefore, do not fear any of your walls. Each wall is merely an attempt for you to claim the need for separation apart from God. They are nothing but distractions. Furthermore, you do not need to remove these obstacles with your own dealings. Every dam always falls to the wall that appears to obstruct it. The water always does find its way to the ocean of Love. Studying and dissecting the wall, with your own thinking, will only result in your own investment in the wall. However, giving over each branch, brick, and spoonful of cement to Holy Spirit will result in discovering the Self that exists always. One tiny crack in the levee leads to an outpouring of God’s overwhelming gush of Truth. Holy Spirit already knows where these tiny weaknesses in your argument reside and He will show you exactly what you deny but have never completely forgotten. Take a moment now to close your eyes and imagine that wall. See it for all that you perceive it to be in this moment. Breathe deeply and quietly say a prayer asking Holy Spirit to show you where the loose stones dwell. In this prayer, realize that you are not the mover of obstacles. Holy Spirit will show you how your investment in obstacles was nothing but an investment in foolishness from the start. With this surrender, you will see how each stone slips from its place with ease and quickly with a gush of overwhelming might, all that once appeared as restrained now flows freely with a certain peace.

Welcome to Ego-land

2008-08-30T00:09:00.009-04:00

What do I know?

I know nothing.

What do I see?

I see nothing.

Who am I?

No one, but every One.

I often find myself sitting within the stew of struggle. This inner stew cooks my mind until it is tough. In this toughness, I believe myself to be over done with frustration. I believe myself to be lost and drowning in uncertainty. But what is that? What is uncertainty other than mere distraction? The stories that our thoughts keep spinning, bubbling, bumbling and boiling leave us over-heated, exhausted with our own confusion. Okay, let me just look at me, with my mind. The stories leave me overheated, with boils of self-hatred, sensitive to the touch and scorched with scorn. But why? Why do I feel the need to cook myself in the first place?

Recently Spirit told me that our attraction to the ego is so sincere because it speaks our language. Sit with that idea just for a moment. The ego speaks our language. Part of me resists that idea very strongly. I want to fight that idea and refuse it. How can the ego speak my language? Isn’t the ego the devil? I should be apart from it! Right? Are not the spiritual teachings telling me that I should be in another place from ego’s familiarities? How can it speak my language? I want to refute that idea because I do not want to see myself residing in the country of the ego. I do not want to be a native of ego-land.

Nevertheless, can you hear what I hear? I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not only a card-carrying resident in good standing of ego-land, but I am a member of ego’s very own family! Argh! How can that be?! I hold my hands up to the sky in a combination of opposition and surrender. Never! Surely, I say this with my mind, tightly closing my eyes pretending not to feel ego’s light taps upon my shoulder. “I’m heeeerrrrree!” it says, reminding me of Carrie-Ann’s eerie forewarning from the movie Poltergeist. He follows his sly greeting with the usual inner monologue of justified judgments and manifesto of self-control. Yet again, I listen like a mesmerized devotee. Yes, I am ego’s father, mother, sister, brother, friend and beloved. It is from this realization that the battle ensues, “Yes!” “No!” “Listen!” “Ignore.” “I want!” “No need.” Sigh. Truly, what is the point? I would rather see myself so significantly apart from ego, in a space of ultimate peace and understanding. The home I wish to inhabit is one where the ego can only exist so far off that I could not even begin to chart his scent with the best bloodhounds on earth. Yes, I want ego to be untraceable, but then I listen. The listening is not the taming of the bloodhounds, the listening is the realizing that I enjoy ego’s words and lavish myself in its song.

So what do I do now? Is there any hope once you realize that you are the only one responsible for all the insanity in your own thinking mind? Yes, inconceivable to our consciousness, this is actually the first sign of hope. Here, when we finally recognize our intimate wish to devote ourselves to the ego’s plans, we finally stop playing victim. In this moment we walk on from self-deception. There is only one story that solely supports our confusion. This story is the pretense that says the ego overpowers us and is guilty for all our sufferings. Yes, the good news is that the ego is NOT responsible for all our sufferings, and neither are we!

Blame will take you nowhere. I would rather be now, here. Guilt is always a chronicle of time. It tells you all that you never did have nor ever will be. You cannot have its story without investing in separation. Ah, yes, more metaphysical platitudes. I know that rolling of the eyes look because I have done it a myriad of times myself. Nonetheless, the term “platitudes” essentially is only a refusal to accept the truth of who you are. As you claim “platitudes” you only are saying, “I am not worthy to be this statement and all its fancy schmaltzy sickly promises. I would rather have my way of suffering!” Okay, so be it. Have your suffering. However, what is the point of that story?

Surely, you are right when you say that you have indeed bent over backwards for peace. You are right when you recognize inner exhaustion from always having to “give, give, give” another thought, another idea, another need, on the altar of surrender. However, if you are exhausted from giving, it may be useful to ask yourself if you were really giving anything over in Truth? Sacrifice has the air of exhaustion about it, not surrender. Nonetheless, you still think that it is appropriate to finally be able to keep one fixation in honor of the self you want to be. So what will you decide to keep? Will you keep judgment? Perhaps you would rather savor the feelings of unworthiness. No? Just plain browbeating is not good enough for you? Okay, then maybe you want your victimhood too. Proceed. Take that load. Feel the heaviness of the claim to need a body. Pile on the drama and all the witnesses telling you how all can manipulate, destroy, and abandon you. Come on, beloved, there are multitudes of wonderful stories that you can hold onto with a death grip. Do not fool yourself. Enter upon the stage with eyes wide open. Prepare for your death scene because all ideal performances must have a well-rehearsed climax and dénouement. Peace will wait no matter what your decision. Love and devotion to your true Self will unchangeably exist no matter what wishes you use to prolong your affliction.

Now, it appears that I have once again allowed myself to be distracted through believing that there is someone else out there. Truly, I am only teaching myself. Here, in spite of all the recitation of truths ad nauseam, the only peace existing is beyond the words. Therefore, let me not spin more yarns of verbal webs no matter how metaphysically accurate. May I instead relay a practical application from the small potatoes of my life experience?

Today, I caught myself listening to the ego several times. First, I heard the account from Specialness: “Today is your birthday, you should be celebrated. You should enjoy this day to its fullest measure in honor of you.” The Judge, then characteristically threw excrement around to all: “Those bastards! You were not recognized enough.” Then, I heard “Spiritual ego”: “Ah, yes, overlook his or her mere mistakes. Let us renounce the birthday, for You are far more than just a moment of time… but it would be nice if… NO! I am above these meager offerings to the body!” Finally, the Piece de résistance did find much appreciation from “The Victim”: “All alone… you are all alone.” Upon hearing each tale, I felt myself split between feeling used, abused, and confused. These are the muddy footprints of the ego dance. Surely, feeling yourself forgotten on your birthday is really nothing, it is not important in comparison to the significantly more intense devastations such as death, dismemberment, etc. However, as mentioned in A Course in Miracles, “there are no small upsets; each is equally disturbing to our peace of mind.” Therefore, it is appropriate to begin our healing with life’s small potatoes rather than jump into the hot oil and try to unfry the fritters. I exemplify the birthday because it is a tiny idol that our culture accepts as valuable.

Personally, I had to take a good look at the stories attached to this idol and how each did inflict suffering. How do I know they inflicted suffering? Because I was not at peace. Therefore, I took a moment to ask within, “What would peace look like here?” The answer I received was surprising: “Peace would resemble peace.” Well, duh! Maybe I am still hoping to receive an answer that resembles my plans and wishes. No matter, my jousting with Spirit rarely has me arrive anywhere productive. So, okay, peace resembles peace. I take it that this means that peace does not have a plan nor does it even desire any wish apart from accepting all that God sees as wholly Truth. Hmm... maybe he has something there?! If I was to accept peace, then, I wouldn't need an idol or a plan... and maybe our plans are really idols in disguise. Another hmm...

The point that Spirit makes is that in our chosen idols we overlook acceptance. We are not living in the now, but we are instead living in ideas of what should or could be. With the idea of my birthday, I was placing myself in ideas of what should or could be and this alone was keeping me lost in feelings of loss and listening to the ego’s language. Spirit’s job essentially is to translate the ego’s language from one of confusion to one of peace. He does not use his own language because we are not ready. Nor does he disrespect our account, for this would induce fear. Instead, He uses the ego’s language by trusting our comfort zone, fully accepting where we are, as we perceive it and then seeking only to pour the light of love upon it. Our peace arises through the realization that we can look into the ego’s voice and observe its wishes. In our willingness to purely listen to the ego's wishes without judgment we stumble upon a more viable option. Please note, we do not find the viable option in averting or discounting the ego. We find peace in recognizing that we successfully transform the call for love by the offer of love. In this objective listening we give the ego respect. Which, by the way, the word "respect" is broken down into the components "again" and "to see." Therefore, if we listen to the ego without judgment, we have the opportunity to see ourselves, our True Self, again.

Now, back to the birthday issue. What was the call for love here? There were a few. First, there was the call echoing out into the vastness from my vulnerable belief system. You cannot have this without a belief in separation from God. Next, the call sought witnesses affirming my need to be valuable in my individual life experience. This call asked for those around me to affirm me through the traditional cards, gifts and phone calls of appreciation. With these objects and behaviors, I would perceive how others symbolically and literally did prize my life (funny how we give so much power to these tiny little trinkets... defining ourselves by toys rather than triumphs). Lastly, I was asking for a wish of worthiness from me. I did not want to feel alone or unworthy to me. I wanted to feel special, because if I did not, then the only questions left to ask were: "What was my purpose?" and "Who was I?" Hence, without self-appreciation the scene for ego-death is set. Yes, “there are no small upsets; each is equally disturbing to our peace of mind,” and in that disruption we only find how we repeatedly define the Holiness of God by emptiness.

In summary, it is best to say that we listen to the ego because we recognize what we see. See what you wish to see, hear what you wish to hear, but never can you truly be any bit less Holy. For me, I see how with a belief in emptiness, I only find more emptiness. I see how I ask to define myself by tiny idols and useless trinkets, rather than seeing myself in the grandeur of God Himself. Nevertheless, no matter how much emptiness it seems I find the depth of the pit in my thinking cannot dare to compare with the awe known in the expansion of Truth. Likewise, with a reaffirmation of this Holiness, we can only realize all the Truth that God blesses upon us. No, this is not distraction by diatribe. It is truth in testimony.

By the way, this Holiness is never tested nor is it tangential. That idea is also another ego-suggestion, which we use to berate ourselves into thoughts of “what if” and “why?” The Holiness of our Self exists always, no matter what story we choose to spin within our own inner-insanity. Play as much as you would like with your ideas and idols. Never are you blamed and never can you fail. Sit with this thought for a bit and recognize exactly what it is saying to the inner recesses of your imagination. Not once does blame or failure enter into the eternal realm of Truth. Soak this in with all the Holiness you can muster now and be at peace. Accept all the stories your ego is telling you and offer them nothing but love because you hear now who You are and how there is not ever any guilt or condemnation beyond your dreams. You are love its Self, even beyond the lands unto which you play.

Overall, be proud of your choice to play in ego-land. Yes, you heard that correctly. Remember, judgment has no value here. The pride that I speak of is in honor of the freedom that God’s gives in constant support for His Holiness. In your humble pride, you no longer claim yourself to be a victim of your dreams, nor do you linger in shadows wondering why or when you will finally do what is right enough to release yourself. Instead, you and I, in complete humility, use these stories to help us appreciate and rest in our freedom and peace. Here we accept our Self as God knows and use our love for our stories to bestow love to and beyond our stories. Therefore, here, we translate the language of the ego into the language of love and simply be as God Created. This is peace, without another word.

Death is an ego trick

2008-08-21T17:26:00.032-04:00

In the life of every student of spirituality there are moments when the really tough lessons emerge. I call these experiences “the rubber hitting the road lessons.” During these trying times he or she discovers if the heart truly embraces his or her conscious wish for unlearning and healing. Recently, I’ve been experiencing a challenge through the unexpected death of my most beloved pet.

Before, I begin discussing the Course and how it would meet the challenges of healing from experiences such as death and sickness, I feel it important to emphasize that we have been given emotional states as part of the primary "human" package. Granted, in Truth we constitute the Holiness of God having a "human experience." In addition, it is true that all the images of the world that we may consider to be fact are far from fact within reality. However, it is not my belief that these being spiritual truths ask us to become callous and suppressive of our emotions. This being said, I would like to accentuate the importance of taking lots of time to observe and express your emotions especially after having the experience of significant loss in your life.

Personally, I needed (and still do feel the need) moments of crying and feeling the emptiness that is evident within my home and heart with his physical loss. Sunnie was a central part of my adult life. Not only was he the first cat I "owned", he lived with me for nearly 14 years -- of which, were some of the most transformational within my adult life. There were many moments during the past fourteen years where I felt Sunnie was the only respite of friendship I had on the entire earth. With this in mind, it would be unnatural if I were to just think that after his physical loss, I could snap my fingers and instantly return 100% back to "normal."

The Holy Bible states quite clearly that there were moments where Jesus not only wept, but laughed, was touched and showed compassion and empathy for his fellow Brother. Not once does the Bible recount occurrences where Jesus flippantly avoided bonding emotionally with anyone. He always met his Brother on the same road that which they walked, the only seeming difference was that he was awake within the journey and clearly saw the Light at the end of the road. When Jesus encountered a Brother who appeared challenged, never did he deny the challenge, but he always graciously offered Love to the space that felt flooded by fear. Truly, in order to do this, Jesus would have to be not only aware of his own human emotions, but fully accepting of them as appropriate and purposeful.

In the experience of loss, it is always best to offer love. The love that we always give only strengthens the healing. Consequently, as you experience grief, it is best to vigilantly (meaning mindfully and observantly) offer love to oneself, love to the mourners, love to the memory of the departed and love to any fear or emptiness which arises. Again, to suppress the grieving process is not healthy and never is the offering of empty platitudes to people or emotions helpful to our healing.

If one is familiar with the study of A Course in Miracles, two of the thorniest concepts for our minds to embrace are where Jesus teaches how there is no death or sickness in reality.

“All forms of sickness, even unto death, are physical expressions of the fear of awakening. They are attempts to reinforce sleeping out of fear of waking. This is a pathetic way of trying not to see by rendering the faculties for seeing ineffectual. "Rest in peace" is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping.”[1]

Good news, yes, but I can understand if you feel such words appear to be a bit harshly stated. In our loving sight we'll overlook the idea that Jesus himself just called us "pathetic" (smile). Actually, although your ego may be shouting “how dare him!” take a moment to breathe and remember that in his complete Love, Jesus never seeks to harm us. His ways have never been brusque and insensitive. I truly believe that Jesus specifically chose every word used in the dictation of A Course in Miracles with appropriate purpose. Keeping this in mind, if we research the origins of the word "pathetic" we find its Greek origin word "pathos" means: "liable to suffer" or "suffering." Therefore, when Jesus is saying, "This is a pathetic way of trying to not see..." what he is saying is that we blind ourselves with suffering when we invest in ideas of death and sickness.

All throughout A Course in Miracles we are asked to yield to Who We Are in Truth over the images our bodies see or experience. To the body this yielding seems nearly impossible because the body is designed to operate in a world of limitation, speaking the language of limitation. Images of loss and limitation then become the diagnostic and positioning system for the body. Death and sickness are quite "normal" for the body as its very purpose is to function within the limits of time and space. Although we struggle against the inevitability of death, as humans it would be impossible to fully dismiss the idea. In fact, most likely if someone attempted to depose the existence of death he or she would be considered insane. Therefore, I really do not believe that Jesus' A Course in Miracles teachings are asking us to pretend bodily death does not occur. He is not encouraging us to arrive at funerals around the world with party horns and resurrection powders. As Dr. Kenneth Wapnick says: "Don't be wierd."

No, instead, when it comes to death and sickness, I really feel Jesus is only asking us to recognize where we place our identity. Are we to define and equate ourselves through the weakness of the body, or the strength of the Spirit? In other words, which world becomes our master, because we cannot truly value two worlds or serve two masters equally. Jesus does not want us to deny our bodies, however, he is asking us if we wish to be ruled by them. For instance, he is not asking us to declare triumphantly, "I am as healthy as a tri-athlete" while we vomitted profusely or rested in bed after requiring another cycle of chemotherapy. However, while we did feel and observe the body's experience of cancer, we could choose to take the experience in, allow ourselves to gently feel the situation, side effects and emotions included and in turn give the experience to God trusting that all is still perfect beyond what the physical body and senses receive.

Similarly, after losing a loved one (be it person or pet -- essentially love is love and loss is loss) we can come to listen, love and let go of any attachment the ego has which asks us to reinvest in the belief of limitation because of this event. Yes, you can still grieve. Yes, you still can allow the feelings of loss and emptiness to flow through you. Yes, you can sit quietly, rest and gently allow yourself to heal through any ritual within time or space which is most comforting for you. In fact, I would say that is a necessity. However, if you find yourself equating your identity with the loss, then you can serenely listen to the story, offer love within, and let go.

How do you recognize the difference between identifying with the feeling versus recognizing the feeling? Feelings through which we identify speak in "I am" concrete statements (which, by the way, is why these words are two of the most powerful in our language). Identified statements are often black or white / all or nothing. If we were to identify with the feeling of grief we would hear a declaration resounding "I am empty" or "I am alone". Alternatively, if we were to simply observe the feeling apart from equating ourselves with it, the inner dialogue would state: "I am feeling empty now" or "I am feeling alone now." In feeling alone now, we understand how the feeling is based on our perceptions and residing within a temporal framework. In a temporal framework we cannot believe that this feeling of aloneness is "forever," nor do we see ourselves as nothing because of it. Truly, the more you are able to keep your feelings to the level of observation and self- awareness, the more you are able to recognize the ego's modus operandi and release yourself from them.

One of the most powerful statements from A Course in Miracles about sickness and death is:

“The mind can make the belief in separation very real and very fearful … it is powerful, active, destructive and clearly in opposition to God ... There is no death, but there is a belief in death.”[2]

Does this sound like the recommendations of a teacher whom is asking us to merely turn a blind eye? No. He goes as far into the depths of his guidance to show us exactly how real the experience of death presents, and plays out the experience with his own physical form. Surely, if Jesus wanted us to only cover our eyes, there would have been no need for nails, a mallet and blood to show us how the demons in which we hardily invest and claim to be our savior. However, the apex of remembering occurs through the Course when we are reminded that no matter what our dreams of death put in the conceptual picture, we remain perfectly peaceful in Truth’s unyielding love.

"But realize that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation is a lie. Your creation by God is the only Foundation that cannot be shaken, because the light is in it. Your starting point is truth, and you must return to your Beginning. Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened. Your Self s still in peace, even though your mind is in conflict." [3]

With this lesson we are able to move from feeling the tacky tangled webs of ego tricks, to removing our hands into the sunbeams which display crystalline dewdrops of light beyond them.

Personally, this is one reason why I am so appreciative for the Course coming into my life. Through it, I have not only learned that in Truth we are the Holiness of God Himself, but that this True State of Being is constant. In alignment with this state of being, Jesus himself is adamant with his message. Not once does he wane on this central core and eternal fact. He is so consistent that he finds hundreds of ways to repeat and reinforce the same message upon more than a thousand pages of text, workbook, and manual. I guess he knew that we really needed fortification from our insane beliefs! With this fortification, I can more easily embrace the Truth of Who I Am and become significantly more aware of how the ego tricks us through its attempts to forget or distort our Holiness. Consequently, as a student of A Course in Miracles, I am given the opportunity to recognize how I am as God Created me, not any different from my Brothers and eternally unchangeable. Ye even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I can feel no evil for thou art with me --- thou art IS me.

I remember once in my journaling where Holy Spirit asked me to pronounce the word “attachments” as “attack-ments”. Consider this for a moment and notice how this pronunciation clearly represents the adversity of claiming attachments. As we devote ourselves to need we set ourselves up for suffering. Clearly, it does not matter who or to what we absorbingly invest. If it is an idea, we will fight to be right. If it is an individual, we will define ourselves by his or her company or feel lost and abandoned when he or she is not around. Even if we attach to a preferred outcome, the potential for disappointment lingers in the shadows. This is why the Course teaches that we should be wary of special relationships and the wish to seek outside our One Self. Through any attachment, we are asking for separation and thus for God to limit Himself. With this in mind, as well as with a willingness to free ourselves from all self-judgment, all we need do is ask within: "why do I wish to limit God or seek separation? For what purpose in Love would this genuinely serve?" Given this blessing as not only students of the Course, but vigilant seekers of peace of mind, we can allow ourselves to pass through the valley with greater strength, wisdom and clarity. Personally, I recognize that as long as I see myself as a human in the mirror I will still feel many passing breezes of uncertainty. However, as I come to feel the bitterness of this uncertainty upon my cheek, I am always able to shine the warm rays of my heart's remembrance upon it. Individiually, I may not be able to completely end the experience of sickness or death, but nor do I have to struggle against it.

In summary, when it comes to healing from experiences with death it is best to be gentle and aware. Notice all the emotions and beliefs within and seek not to impose any further judgment upon yourself for these experiences. If moments arise where you are equating yourself with the feelings of loneliness or loss, allow these feelings without struggle. Do not demand to prove these feelings or beliefs wrong, but stay as observant as possible to the story. Be willing to sit with these emotions and beliefs in accepting gentleness. Hold yourself with them and feel them flow through you like the touches of a passing breeze. No matter what you feel, seek not to resist the feeling. Take plenty of moments throughout your healing to rest and release all these stories to God, acknowledging that in His endless care for you, He is willing to take all offerings and transmute them into the magnificence You are in Truth. Here we choose to remember our strength, seeing our perceptions as peacemakers rather than perpetrators and truly allow ourselves to rest in peace.

[1] A Course in Miracles, Text; 2nd edition, pg. 158
[2] A Course in Miracles, Text, 2nd edition, pg. 51
[3] A Course in Miracles, Text, 2nd edition, pg. 51

Running Away!!

2008-07-31T13:34:00.004-04:00

That is it! I’ve had it! I’m running away. I am running away and living in a secret community of spiritual people! Why? Because I am sick and tired of dealing with all the ego’s crap! Yeah… there! Finally, I’ve said it. I said exactly what I’m sure all of us, as spiritually-based practitioners, have been wishing behind closed-doors and sickly sweet smiles of acceptance. Come on! I know you feel the same way. Haven’t you just had it up to your hair follicles in these non-spiritual people who continually clog up your peace of mind? It is time for all these men and women to stop interfering with our willingness! Well, now it is either them or me, and being that they are definitely my projection – it is obvious that they need to go!

Let us be honest here! Wouldn’t the world be so much better off if everyone was spiritual like us?!? Look at the facts. Go ahead. Think of that one person whom you have forgiven exhaustively and repeatedly. Let me guess, he or she just does not change? These zombie people do not know how to forgive and are constantly living in their egos! Time after time, men and women alike are persistently justifying attack and defense, and then they teach these twisted ways of thinking to their poor innocent children. Take one minute to watch your evening news broadcast and you will see exactly what I mean. Justified anger, violence, judgment and all its woeful companions seep from the pores of our wounded society. Would it not just be in everyone’s own best interests to run away? It is not our job to save them. It wouldn’t matter in the long run since, well, this is just a dream, right?! Nonetheless, these so-called “normals” do not have a clue as to what is valuable and valueless. They would not miss us. Not even one person appreciates our voluntary self-work now. In fact, they would probably be glad that our peaceful, syrupy liberal, hippie, and united selves have hit the trail.

Can you visualize our oasis? In this spiritual community, we will all reside in the most comforting surroundings of God’s country, supported only by like-minded people. It will have to be an earth-friendly residence located in one of those “higher vortex” or granola crunchy locations. Perhaps one the places where everyone wears flowing cotton clothes, crystal ohm necklaces, and Tevas. We may refer to the roads as “higher-ways” because no one would drive aggressively and every driver would yield to pedestrians in the intersection. Oh, and do not even think about competing for that parking spot, there will always be enough close locations for all. If someone is walking down the street, surely he or she will be singing, generously eye-gazing at all passersby, or breaking out in trance dance by the whims of Spirit’s promptings.

A typical day in the spiritual house of our choice will have us awakened by visionary music, followed by group meditation, prayer, and yoga. As we dedicate the day to Holy Spirit, we will greet each other with a simple hallowed “Namaste,” recite our daily Course lesson and seek only to share love and light with one another. Then, if we need to work, we will all support one another in the labors of our heart. Daily meals will be prepared as a “spiritual family” with only the most wholesome, free-range, organic, toxin-free, anti-oxidant rich ingredients… even the pancakes. Here there will be no real reason for forgiveness, because there will be nothing to forgive. However, if by some slight chance ego’s influence would arise, every member of the house will instantly sink into willingness and clear-vision, recognizing any issue as a “seeming issue” generated from the temporary insanity of his or her projective minds. Certainly, in this sanctuary of harmony, we will never argue about the bills, relationships or who didn’t replace the toilet paper roll. Every house resident will equally contribute to chores without nagging or complaints; but, maybe a spiritual house does not require dusting?

Nonetheless, we will all lovingly do as Holy Spirit directs, which includes sharing the television remote – oh wait, spiritual people don’t watch television. Instead, we could sit up all night faithfully listening to one another discuss inter-dimensional travel, dream-interpretation, metaphysics, our most recent channeled messages, and quantum physics without people rolling their eyes. Overall, in this residence of purity, spiritual men and women will simply share in the pure art of unconditional living. You might wonder how much healing we will accomplish by not interacting with the rest of the world, but that is nonessential. What is the world anyway except a temporary state of mind? It will be much better to separately send out healing rays of light and love to the world while still protected by our four walls. Ahhh.. yes, that is the spiritual community I wish to reside within. Is this not the ultimate fantasy for all spiritual seekers? Of course, this community is exactly what the world needs – more spiritual people who finally “get it” and do it all right. Uh.. Right??!

It seems that as we choose to engage ourselves in the path of healing and undo the ego, the temptation to run off from the world strengthens. Well, maybe I can only speak for myself. Personally, the more I seek to engage in healing the mind, the more the world seems to obstruct my way to peace. There are still many days where I wonder when other people will finally “get their act together” and be the peace I am so desperately trying to accept. Thoughts like: “If it wasn’t for ----, I’d be at peace” or “I could succeed at this miracle stuff if they wouldn’t do THAT!” continually filter through my mind. I still find solace in my fantasies to escape, longing for a more peaceful community of people who will support my spiritual desires. Surely, in “spiritual recluse” I will not feel so alone and struggling. Certainly, there could be no ego there! The solution seems obvious: run off to any retreat location or better yet, start my own, so that I can finally live in peace, get this spiritual work done, and get out of here!

However, how can more separation or escape set me free? Does freedom contain itself behind protective barriers, even ones erected from responsibly farmed timber? Only the ego sees separation as freedom and this freedom is never truly free. Looking at Jeshua’s example, have you ever wondered why he chose not to remain in the desert for any more than forty days? Wasn’t life easier for him out there? There were no Pharisees in the desert and no one wished to nail him to any lumber. Granted, there was a lot less food, and I am unsure about the gourmet taste of manna, but nonetheless, it most likely was a tolerable compromise and more peaceful than returning to the ego-buzzing cities of Jerusalem and Nazareth. So why didn’t he just stay and be safe? Take a moment to look at these stories and there is one amazing discovery: NOT A SINGLE MIRACLE takes place in the desert. Yes, in the desert there was no one to heal, no one to raise from the dead, no one to transform with wisdom and forgiveness except Jeshua’s own mind seeking peace. Granted, the ego was in the desert too and definitely presented its temptations. However, once Jeshua surpassed his own ego persuasions, why didn’t he choose to hang out in renewed bliss?

“The escape from darkness involves two stages: First, the recognition that darkness cannot hide. This step usually entails fear. Second, the recognition that there is nothing you want to hide even if you could. This step brings escape from fear. When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also understand peace and joy.” (A Course in Miracles, Text; pg. 11)

It is easy to be a guru on a mountaintop. What significant obstacles reside on this mountaintop to disturb your peace? Fear and the desire to escape are normal temptations in the process of healing one’s mind. Both of these are normal human emotions that will dance repeatedly before the screen of the perceiver as he or she engages in the process of undoing the ego. However, running away from these experiences is never the key to inner peace. In fact, running away does not solve anything, and can never bring the peace that which our healing minds desire. Therefore, joining a commune or setting up a spiritual community can never genuinely bring you peace. Why? Because darkness cannot hide, and burying it with tofu does not work either.

The beloved Ram Dass once said: “If you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” Wouldn’t this action cause more distress? Yes! That is the point! It is only through the cast of characters chosen to play the role of “button-pushers” that we genuinely discover the miracle. It is only here, amidst our own recollections of fear and judgment, that we come to realize how we are not the games we play. In fact, I’m quite sure that Jeshua is referring to some of the grittiest ego irking individuals when he says that we will be surrounded by “mighty companions.” Who but our “mighty companions” could encourage us to remember the Truth we Are beyond our dreams of exile? If it were not for meeting these conduits of teaching, could we still thoughtfully practice extending the miracle of forgiveness? Even though forgiveness is not about actions on the outside, often the actions on the outside prompt us to remember all the glory that thrives magnificently within us all. Is it not through friction that the diamond gains its shine? Therefore, it is in remembering ourselves, our True Selves, as we stand face to face with every image of separation and belief in limitation that we do indeed remember Who We Are.

Now is the time to remember that you are already one with everything. This includes the individuals whom you wish lived on the other side of the world but seem to keep finding his or her way to your living room. Believe it or not, it is only through welcoming every man, woman, child, boss, spouse, taxi-driver or stranger to your unified living room that you will remember genuine peace of mind. Therefore, we must pour the light into every darkened corner of the room, accepting that what we find is only another beacon to genuine freedom. Truly, the answers you seek are not in the mountains, but in your heart.

“Miracles are teaching devices for demonstrating it is as blessed to give as to receive. They simultaneously increase the strength of the giver and supply strength to the receiver.” (A Course in Miracles, Text, pg. 4)

Therefore, let us choose now to join gratefully in the experiential frustration of every day existence. The next time that you find yourself wishing to run away, instead, ask if you can run towards a light within. Seek to flee towards this light starting at your current space and with your presented company. Notice that if you are feeling inner tension, this is the first key to reaffirming a lesson of love. And so, what peace can you strengthen in your self by offering its realization to your brother? These actions have us clearly see how we are not alone. Instead, as we accept the alliance of our mighty companions, we see how each mask he or she wears displays a gift. Beyond each one of the masks of stress, anger, and judgment, we reveal our strength rather than our distance. This blessing occurs not from fortifying walls, but from fortifying willingness. Truly, what willingness would we need if all we had to do were escape to a fantasyland of hopes or dreams, far-far away from the day-to-day grind? In conclusion, now as we come out of the desert, hand in hand with Jeshua, let us look forward with grateful anticipation towards all the miracles that await us in this moment of forgiveness. Now we choose to welcome the ego warmly with loving arms and listening to all it says with joyous songs of acceptance. “Yes, you are loved for all I see in you! This is the love I am.” Walk with me.

Pamela Silberman is the author of Simply Being: One Year with Spirit an experiential guide to living in perfect joy. Now available for pre-sale through many online booksellers, Simply Being is due for release by O-Books in October 2008.

Chocolates Upon My Pillow

2008-07-13T15:40:00.002-04:00

How often have you heard life’s pacemaker in the depth of the night? Tick … tick … tick. The clock’s counting of time draws out second by second and you lay awake in bed wondering when your own worries will fade into the nighttime sky. Why is it that our abstract thinking-minds madly unleash the instant our heads hit the pillow? Desperately, although we yearn for a brief rest from the weary world, now amidst the still night, it seems we can only hold a vigil to the worries within. The word “worry,” when literally defined from its Old English origins means, “to strangle;” and quite truly is this not what the feeling resembles, especially in those midnight hours?

Oh, but wait… as a student of spirituality you don’t fall prey to worry, right?! If you actively choose to be cognizant of the ego’s manipulations and vigilant in your practice, all potential for such incidents will be eliminated? Is that not one reason you originally felt attracted to spiritual wisdom? With it, you surmised, you’d be saved from the temptations to suffer from life’s challenges. Now, as a dedicated student of spiritual awareness, you feel like you should have surpassed these temptations long ago. Actually, the answer is no.

It is natural to show the full spectrum of negative and positive emotions. Anger, stress, worry and sadness, all of these emotions exist as long as we reside within this experience called human beingness. There will not be a moment where the existence of human emotions will cease to exist as long as you appear to hold meeting with the body form. This is true no matter how spiritually adept you are. However, human beingness need not be a struggle. The point of spirituality was not to guilt you into denying your body form or turning a deaf ear to its mantras. God has always blessed His Son’s freedom. He has never asked for the restriction of His Holiness, neither in form or judgment. Therefore, as a student of spirituality, when you find yourself experiencing the full spectrum of human identification, it is essential to love yourself for all you can experience.

Love of ones Self is always the key to peace of mind. A Course in Miracles teaches that “fear arises from lack of love” and that “perfect love cast out fear. If fear exists, there is not perfect love.” Does this mean that if you are experiencing fear, you should mentally chastise yourself for not choosing perfect love? Absolutely not. Perfect Love exists within the realms of perfect love. This realm is always existing whether you are able to align yourself with its existence or not. If you are identifying yourself with anything that seems incomplete and not wholly communicating with God Himself, then you are not aligning with perfect love. For the most part, this means that any experience within the world or body is NOT perfect love. To realize this fact and be perfectly accepting of it is forgiveness. The practice of forgiveness is the goal of spirituality. Self-debasement is not. Okay, so you feel an attraction to and affection for human existence? Great, now let this attraction guide you to a deeper knowing rather than a more insidious denial.

We have the opportunity to love or fear for every experience within our human existence. When I speak of love, I’m not speaking of a special or dependent love, for that kind of “love” is really a sense of fear in disguise. We can always recognize the difference between special love and holy love by the ripples it leaves in the water. Special love always ripples with “what ifs” and “I needs.” These ripples resist their very own dance and seek to control it, fearing where the wind may take them next. Alternatively, Holy Love only says “I am.” It is always in peaceful worship of the moment. Here it flows in appreciation and nonattachment, enrapturing itself around every moment. Holy Love immerses itself with trust and perfect peace. Consequently, although the wind may blow, the waters of Holy Love remain still and calm, flowing no different than the dance that for which they currently accept for themselves. No, the waters of Holy Love do not reject, resist or judge the dance, they simply flow.

Let’s put this awareness in practical application. Right now, I can love the fact that I’m sitting here, writing these words, while house-sitting my friend’s mansion. The house is easily twenty times the size of my own, with a swimming pool, hot tub, billiards, gym and all the accoutrements of luxury. I can love the fact that I am here, lounging by the pool or watching the super enormous HDTV. Yes, I can love this experience without feeling like I should deny its appreciation because of the refugees in Darfur or condemning the very possibility of this experience because of our out of control materialistic and capitalistic society. Does this mean that I’m heartless? Possibly, to the ego mind who only wishes to condemn or make special. In fact there would be many ways that the ego would judge this moment both for its own good and denial. All of these thoughts would be praying to the god of guilt rather than peace. Yet, if I was to ask to see this moment with love rather than guilt I would not reject, judge or resist this moment. If I were to seek love, I would accept the benefits of this moment without fearing its loss or interpreting its existence. If I were to love this moment, I would appreciate the fact that I am here right now, however, I would also be okay if I was someplace else. And so, with love, I walk in gratitude for all symbols and freedoms of and beyond form. I don’t guilt myself for floating peacefully in the pool, but I lavish myself in the moment to find stillness, accepting its blessing without judgment.

If it is perfectly accepting to love the luxuries of life without guilt, it is also possible to do the same for the more difficult aspects of human existence. Let’s take the experience of depression for instance. The very experience of depression does not exist within the realms of God. However, He has blessed His Holiness with complete freedom to experience all he or she would now wish for through dreams. Therefore, with this in mind, the experience of depression can be seen as a blessing from God. If I wee to ask God about depression from this standpoint, I’m sure He would say:

“Beloved One, I have given you the freedom to experience all you wish. Consequently, if you wish for the denial of your Self and the judgment of all you deny, well then so it is. However, I still know the Truth of Who You Are. Dream your little dream, but stand true with me as always in awakening.”

With this we can see how love extends love without boundaries, because boundaries only exist within fear. And so, as I allow myself to accept my True limitlessness and freedom, no matter what the outer worldly or inward human condition, I can learn to appreciate the choices for love or fear, realizing that despite appearances truth and freedom remain eternal. All in all, I can dream of the choice, appreciate the dream and live in peace.

Okay, so as you lie awake and listen to the metronome of the night, is it possible to truly love yourself for being human? Is it possible to appreciate this moment of fear that you have available to you, in turn accepting that it is not as real as your mind wishes to make it? Furthermore, is it possible to love the body, good and bad equally? Can I love the fat and cellulite, the health and disease, the gracefulness and disability? Overall can I love myself for choosing the ego as well as enjoying this ride? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Not only is this possible but it is preferable.

Jesus asks us numerous times in A Course in Miracles to free ourselves from judgment. This includes the judgment we use to build ourselves up as well as hold ourselves down. Judgment differs from love by the dependency it will always affirm. Allow yourself to willingly love the choices that you are able to make and then free yourself from the bondage of judgment. Love the fact that you can be joyful and depressed. Embrace these experiences with an openness to bless the human dream and appreciate God’s bountiful limitlessness praised upon His Son.

As a student of spirituality you do have one idea correct: the practice of spirituality awakens you to the full gamut of the ego’s manipulations. Wonderful! But now that you have become aware it is best to accept the pathway with forgiveness and grace. Now that you walk the track seeing the train, seek not to foolishly whip out a sword in good swashbuckling style. Trust me, this won’t protect you from being squished. Better yet, allow yourself to gracefully stand aside, lovingly watch the train fly by. Feel the wind through your hair and the dirt kick up from the rails and then let yourself soak in the stillness arising from its departure.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that we “are never upset for the reason we think,” but it does not tell us that we are never to be upset. Not once does the author of The Course scold us for feeling angry, hurt or worried. Perhaps we are not upset because of circumstances within the world, but merely because of our free choice to see ourselves as limited and invest in this dream. With this in mind, I can see that I always have a choice to be gentle with myself and my thinking, because I can simply turn from a condemning state of mind to a grateful one.

In summary, the conditions you think that are ruling your life, only rule your mind. This is the good news. It is essential to our own peace of mind to recognize that these emotions are not the bad guy and that never, not for one millisecond are we truly victim. As we choose to rest in this peace we can accept nothing can truly be more powerful than our minds permit and as I lie awake in the night, I can choose to offer myself appreciation over worry. Thus I can offer myself the limitlessness of breathing freely rather than with strangulation. No matter what, I am as God Created me and with this I can lie in the night and embrace my light.

I Want The Peace of God

2008-07-09T07:37:00.005-04:00

"I want the Peace of God," the words exhale from my body as I collapse into the living-room couch after a standard work day. So often it seems that nobody is happy enough. Why are we going through these motions? "What's in it for me," is a mantra that I'm becoming increasingly nauseated from hearing. Is there not just a temporary oasis beyond the gnawing calls to react in fear, stress and need?

Insert the standard roll of the eyes, frustrated sigh and hiding of my head beneath the couch pillows: "I want the Peace of God." Oh wait, there are emails to read, articles to write, a project that is begging for completion, a manuscript I must proof-read, a few phone calls, a dog to walk and cats to feed who have been acting sallow from being ignored lately. Will the world just go away for a minute or two???

"I want the Peace of God." Grrr.. I think to myself, recalling an email I received earlier in the day. You know, that person really didn't have to say those comments!! Who the hell does he think he is?? That's not very spiritual of him! Isn't he supposed to be practicing this stuff? What makes him feel so superior? What makes him feel those judgments are justified?? I was more than rational and appropriate. I was being kind. I was being forgiving! What the f**k??! What does he want from me??!!! "Sighhh... I just wish everyone would practice what they preach!"

"I want the Peace of God." Why are those kids outside screaming at the top of their lungs?? What is it with little girls who feel that they have to break the sound barrier or audible limit of tea kettles??! How is that any fun?? Now, I think of those projects that need completion... my victim-identified mind has begun its monologue: "You know those people are just going to use you like all the others and toss you aside." "They don't really care. They don't really want anything but their own needs met." I feel overwhelmed with thoughts of being used, abused and confused...

"I want the Peace of God." God-DAMMIT!!! What is with those firecrackers?!? Jeeezuzzz Keeristttt!!! The forth was over three days ago!!! Why can't the world just shut up for a moment.. a minute.. a second?? Just one... while I close my eyes and try to push these thoughts out of my head. Can't I simply just sit here and rest.... because, "I want the peace of God."

There seems to just be too much to do, too much to overlook and forgive .... too much... too much ... too much and so much more! When can I get away? When will the world finally change? When will everyone get their act together??? Will the hot fudge sundae I'm craving help me respond? What if I go on that walk and sweat out these feelings -- pounding the pavement past the whoosh of cars on the highway? Can I blur out the hopelessness? How about a wonderfully chilled chocolate martini? Will the haze of temporary intoxication send them all away? Will it help me release the feelings of being a failure? Will that help me feel good enough or peaceful enough? Can anything out there help me with the resentment and judgment that yearns to be heard inside my mind? "I want the Peace of God." "I WANT the Peace of God!!!!!" But do I?

Long before the idea of the book Simply Being: One Year with Spirit came to fruition, Holy Spirit outlined for me why stress is such a problem in our society. "Stress is resistance." "It is the battle against yourself and your own dreams." "You cannot have stress without resistance ... likewise, you cannot be at peace without acceptance." "As you resist your dreams you make them real. You let them overpower you and trade the role of creator for victim. However, you can always remember where you genuine power remains." Well, surely that did seem to be the case right here and now as the world seemed to churn and churn at my peace of mind. Now was the time to ask myself, "Who is the one who is investing in the dream?"

All stress is rooted in the expectations, perceptions and choices I value. Any expectation that I have, especially of the outside world, reaffirms my dependency. An expectation is a need, that is why you get so mad when you don't receive what you assume should be. Is it possible for the Holiness of God to be dependent? If I say that I am in need, that can only give rise to a myriad of disappointment and victim stories. Emptiness seeking completion outside itself cannot overlook that fact that it is seeking outside only because it feels empty inside. However, if I affirmed my wholeness within and used this as my sight, then nothing "out there" would have any purpose other than just being a dancing shadow upon the landscape.

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the Peace of God." Ahhh, yes. So does this mean that I can haul up on this couch forever... let the bills pile up... smile while the neighbors scream... permit the work to just not get done... don't show up for work tomorrow... let the phone ring... the family give up on me... the dog poop... the cats hunger... the world be offended... if I let all that just happen.... will that bring the Peace of God?? Well, if I could do that and still be peaceful, there would be nothing wrong with it. However, I doubt that I could live in that type of experience and not be suppressing any resentment. Therefore, no the peace of God does not arise from ignoring the outside world, it comes from accepting the outside world and using each incidence as a learning rather than a destructive device.

The Peace of God does not seek escape. Escape requires a belief in something to escape from. However, the Peace of God accepts that all is perfect no matter what the seeming outer condition. The Peace of God does not judge itself by the outer condition. The bottom line is that this drama is my insanity only because I choose to see myself determinable by these outer conditions. I can have a whirlwind of activity around me and still remain perfectly peaceful. I can involve myself in a myriad of tasks and still feel completely centered in Strength and awareness because I choose to affirm my strength rather than deny it.

"[The Teacher of God] must learn to lay ALL judgment aside, and ask ONLY what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed."

Hmm. "I want the Peace of God." And so, what then of the world? What of comments and emails and work and piles of paper and screams and being treated unfairly and noise... noise... noise in my head? What then? What then?

Nothing. Holy Spirit is saying that I don't have to give anything up. I don't have to sacrifice any of my dreams or beliefs in need. However, I must simply be honest about how much I invest in those dreams and believe that they will somehow bassakwardly reveal the Peace of God. If I find these dreams valuable, I will see my world be commanded by a whirlwind of struggle and strife. I will see myself in weakness and not in magnificence. I will be the victim and the one who can offend or be offended. Both of these are equal mistakes... equal distortions.. to the reality of Who I Am. And so yes... it all can fade away. But not fade through conscious ignoring or wishful escape. All can fade away when I realize where my Truth strength lies within. This strength knows the Peace of God and sees no struggle. It is solid as a tree rooted deep within the earth. Even as the wind blows, the tree knows where its fortitude rests. Bend with the wind, but stand still in your Source. Rise back to the sky even higher and accept the sun upon your branches. Breathe, release and rest in the sturdy arms of God Himself.

Here is the Peace of God. Here is the reality of Who I Am... not in a whirlwind of tasks... not in a thinking-mind of judgment... not in seeking to escape or be saved from a world of too many demands or dependencies. No, the Peace of God sings hymns high above the ways of the world. You can do it all and live in love. You can embrace it all and see only peace. You can rest and settle without resistance. This is the Peace of God.

A Dog Tale

2008-06-22T14:26:00.002-04:00

During a recent early morning dog walk, a man’s yelling suddenly caught my attention. Watching, from the other side of the street, I saw his dog eagerly jolt from his grasp and run headlong into the surrounding woods. This dog had a mission about her, furiously running and narrowly missing the approaching street traffic. Although it seemed the dog had a loving care-taker, she had another plan on her mind and set to her own direction, leash still in tow dragging behind her. Seeing the owner sadly emerge from the forest, I agreed to help and set off to search with my own dog. It was not long into the search that the dog emerged, leash still firmly attached, looking bewildered. Most likely it was the calm and welcoming presence of my own dog that attracted her to come closer and permit me to take hold of her leash. Now, two dogs in company, my own still calm and happy, the other repeatedly seeking her own way, I began to return to the location where the runaway escaped.

It may be a fascinating non sequitur to note that I have been afraid of dogs for quite some time. This fear stems from a few incidences in my youth where wild dogs had been witnessed scavenging and confronting children. To this day, I remember my mom’s words of warning before leaving for school, “if you encounter any lone dogs, put your lunch on the ground, quietly leave it be, and walk backward slowly in the other direction.” Consequently, as I grew older, even though I had a strong love for animals, some dogs still incited wariness within me. In time I considered this fear subsided, as I had recently acquired my own dog who cajoled me from the shelter of my own fears. In fact, when I found her through the local animal shelter, it was obvious that she decided to rescue me.

So where was I in this story? Two dogs in company we continue our walk back. The runaway continues to pull and resist. It seems she is willingly representing to me my own fury for a wayward self-will. Yet, my own dog trots along happily. Perhaps she could be an ambassador of trust. Personally, I feel myself transforming from dog-wary to the role of ‘doggy whisperer’. Then startling me, two huge stone-muscled black Labs bound from around an unseen location and block our way. Their teeth are bared as they bark angrily. Neither dog wore any identification. As they challengingly approached, I felt every childhood warning flash before my consciousness. However, this time, I had no brown bag lunch to sacrifice in my stead. Slowly, I took a few steps backwards, but fell. Lying on the ground, feeling the palpable fear, I tried to tune myself out from the imminent sounds of ferocious barking ahead of me. I also struggled not to pay attention to the fact that my arm was still being pulled to the left, as the dog of self-will still sought her own way to run off. Yet, what did draw my attention was the fact that my own dog peacefully and steadfastly stood still to my right. She had continued to have her ‘normal’ look of defenselessness and love. Calmly she stood by my side and held her ground. Time appeared to stop, even though my heart beat miles per minute.

With a sense of awe-inspiring realization, I saw my choices play out before me. Clearly, although this scene appeared to be happening on the level of the world, each dog represented one behavior and perception from my own life experience. This incident was nothing more than a metaphor for my own freedom to decide. A Course in Miracles states, “The power of decision is your one remaining freedom as a prisoner of this world.” And so amidst the fury and confusion, the power of decision was my own. I could rage with the wild dogs of fear snarling ahead of me, or I could react to the pulling of the self-will seeking to lead me in its own confused direction. However, there was a better way. I could remain still and peaceful with my own dog. In this stillness, the affirmation of unyielding serenity would be strong by my side. Here, through my choice for welcoming Holy Spirit’s peace, the very strength of God Himself became my foundation. Watching the scene blur before my eyes, the choices asked me my decision. Although the seconds appeared to seep by as molasses in a jar, and the fear did seem very present and justified, stillness stood strong and welcoming. Realizing this Truth, my own desire to accept God’s Will and strength came to light.

I watched my own dog continue to stand firm in trust and confidence, yielding to her guidance as a model for Holy Spirit’s own. Yes, the Light of Truth has made clear a valuable lesson today: as I choose to affirm the Strength of God, even as the images of fear and confusion proceed, my own Truth never wavers. Surely, there will always appear to be opportunities for madness, confused self-will or raging fear, but none of these scenarios represent my Truth and do not deserve even a moment of my own consideration. Indeed in God’s Strength my safety does eternally dwell. In yielding to Holy Spirit’s guidance, His Strength shows me exactly what I need do in every moment and without hesitation, it will never yield to fear or madness. This truly is my witness for the call to live from within. As we choose to trust, love and peacefully allow without our own resistance or fear, we rest in the dogged knowing arms of God Himself. Here we are always safe as God Created.

Within minutes a few neighbors appeared from their homes, one calling the name of the dog of self-will (Lucy) and another waving his arms and shouting to chase the larger dogs off down the street. Seeing the scene subside, I gratefully thanked them both and walked on with my dog, she still happy and confident as ever. However, with a greater awareness, I watched her. Truly, now more then ever, I came to appreciate exactly from where that ever-present happiness and trust arose. I saw that she had been my teacher that day in remembrance of Holy Spirit’s knowing. She comfortably knew and accepted all that I had been seeking to apply for years. The saying is true, that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I guess I just wasn’t expecting my teacher to be a dog. Funny thing how dog is God spelled backwards. And so it was here, with God, that I chose to join.

Behavior

2008-06-11T07:30:00.001-04:00

Behave: circa. 1410, from be- intensive prefix + have in the sense of "to have or bear oneself in a particular way, comport." From behabban meant "to contain."

“You respond to what you perceive, and as you perceive so shall you behave. The Golden Rule asks you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This means that the perception of both must be accurate. The Golden Rule is the rule for appropriate behavior. You cannot behave appropriately unless you perceive correctly. Since you and your neighbor are equal members of one family, as you perceive both so you will do to both. You should look out from the perception of your own holiness to the holiness of others.” (A Course in Miracles, Text, pg. 10)

“Whenever you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to miscreate and have not allowed me to guide it.” (A Course in Miracles, Text, pg. 29)

Beloved Holy Spirit, help me understand more about the behavior we exhibit. How do these behaviors represent our Truth, if at all? Is it possible to exhibit a behavior that is completely aligned with Truth? Thank you.

Beloved One, this is a rather important question for many seekers of peace. How do your behaviors contribute to or represent peace? Indeed, listen well. Truly, your behaviors are direct examples of your perceptions. You behave exactly as you perceive in not but every moment. I repeat, you behave as you perceive in not but every moment. It is most simple to realize that your brother cannot fearfully or defensively behave if he or she did not first perceive him or herself to be attacked. To see yourself as attacked is to accept that you are vulnerable and not as God Created.

I asked you to research the word “behave” simply to see how it literally means, “to contain.” As you, “have or bear [yourself] in a particular way,” you are literally acting out your perceptions. Here you have or bear your Self in a particular way. Here you act out all beliefs in Self-containment and most likely these behaviors represent all ideas of self-restriction. The Holiness of God is never restricted. It is never Self-restricted. However, as long as this Holiness pretends and perceives its ‘self’ in this representation, this playing-out, the containment that you recognize will see a self restricted and act solely from this point of view.

I have spoken before that what you physically see is what you mindfully perceive. It is the same with behavior. How you behave is what you mindfully perceive. Again, if you are to see yourself as vulnerable or in need, defining yourself in this measure, then this is the measure that shall rule your actions. Hear me well; there is no genuine sin here. These behaviors are merely accepted and acted out of the beliefs you perceive. Therefore the behavior is NOT an error from the mindset in which you stand. This is why all behaviors are easily justified. The only error then is the accepting yourself as contained in the first place. Therefore, this is the only place that the error can be fixed.

Rarely is a behavior enacted with full awareness of how incorrect it is. Rarely do you refute your own behaviors, until possibly afterward, when a new perception of what has been done is recognized. Usually, the thinking-mind justifies the behavior out of its own acceptance of need or self-identity. These are the defenses of a vulnerable mind and contained self. This is the same for so-called “severely wrong” or “sinful” behaviors. For instance, no one would murder if they did not feel that the body had any value and was not the truth of who you are. As long as the body has value it can take the blame for what it appears to do. Likewise, in this mindset, it is perfectly acceptable for one body to blame another body for what it is doing and for all the ways it offends the identity, safety and livelihood of the other body. However, if you saw your bodies as not your identity; if you saw this self as not responsible, there would be no reason to punish or destroy it.

Limitation acts out in limitation. Need acts out in need. Vulnerability acts out in justified attack. Although there is no true reason to defend, you have convinced yourself of this need out of all the ideas that you value of your self. Murderers are only acting out as they perceive their value to be violated. It is the same with those who steal. If the robbers True Identity was wholly intact, then there would be no reason to accumulate anything more. Surely, there would be no additional reason to accumulate these things from others who in appearance have more unless you equated yourself with one who has less and is in need. This recognition is equally appropriate for every level of seeming offense.

Likewise it is just as misperceiving to see you as able to be offended. How can you be offended if you were invulnerable? How could you be injured, attacked or hurt, unless there was a body or identity at risk? Does this mean that you should throw yourself into speeding traffic? No. However, do realize what you believe when you judge your brother’s behavior. If you believe yourself to be limited, than surely you believe yourself to be at risk. That is why I led you to the above quote from A Course in Miracles:

“Whenever you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to miscreate and have not allowed me to guide it.” (ACIM, Text, pg. 29)

At first you believed that this quote was only referring to the one who is offending. However, in more genuinely is a call to awakening for the one who feels offended. Offender and offended are truly the same. I do not mean this solely in the metaphysical sense. However, even on the level of the thinking-mind, both offender and offended see themselves with vulnerability and loss. Again, if you were to always see yourself as whole, there would be no reason for defense, nor would there be a possibility for attack. The mind would have no reason to play out either scenario for all would be completely in balance. Likewise, this is why there is no attack or defense in Truth. In Truth, you know Truth and there is no idea apart from Truth. Here, in this form, you already see yourself as contained, and therefore every experience you encounter echoes out this belief in a myriad of circumstances and perceptions.

You asked above if it was possible to behave in representation of your Truth. Essentially, the only behavior that would be a representative of Truth would be Truth. Therefore, there is nothing within the body’s experiences that could accurately and wholly represent Truth, because to have its awareness is to believe it is real. This does not mean that you should give up hope. As you become more aware of your True Being and accept this awareness through True Perception, your behaviors will align with this Self-realization. Surely, you will still experience yourself as a body, and in this form it would be difficult not to always align with its urges. However, in True Perception, your thinking will be as clear as my guidance and here you will seek to yield all your chosen behaviors to me. Since I will never excuse a moment of fear, or teach you in fear, as you listen to me, you should not be expressing yourself in fear or justifying containment. In this moment, as you choose to listen to me, realizing I am your best guide, your behaviors will appropriately reflect this self-realization. Although your freedom is always intact, the behaviors that stem from my guidance will always announce your currently accepted awareness.

Loving behavior is always a representative of Truth, as long as you love from the awareness of your True Completion. See yourself as complete, and see your brother as complete, and love will be the only option for reaffirming this awareness. If there is not a presence of love, either in your self-perception or in the ways you see your brother, recognize this is only because you do not see your Self truly. It is from this point in your belief that the correction should be made. And I do not mean that you should correct your brother, telling him or her that he or she is unloving. This is only projecting all that you have accepted onto his or her responsibility. It is best to first correct your vision of your self and likewise, the vision of your brother will align accordingly.

This is why I also say that if you find your brother asking or requesting out of insanity, tell him or her that he or she is right. This of course is not meant to be egregious to self-harm, for even if it is agreeing with your brother, it is not assisting him or her. However, if you see them acting in insanity, realize first how you have invested in limitation to make this determination. Next, it is best to tell your brother how right he or she is, and I do not mean verbally. Affirm all that is most loving for the love that you desire yourself to know. You need not always verbally agree with your brother, but you can always be most loving. Verbal agreement is not necessary for it is merely the use of symbols to convey what is best expressed in wholly seeing.

An insane mind will not accept that they have no reason to fear. Why? This is because the insane mind has already accepted the reality of their insanity. To try and verbally convince otherwise would only be to affirm more contradiction to the wayward thinking mind. Therefore it is best to let your mind rest from its doings and simply send a mental note of appreciation to your brother for all he or she is reminding you of within your own perception. See them as Truth, treat them as Truth and reaffirm your own Truth. To see or treat as Truth is not to correct, but merely to honor. Honor your Self through the eyes of your brother and he or she will come to a deeper state of peace. This may not occur immediately, however it will be an awareness that cannot be refused except through time.

Seeing yourself as you see your brother is always the same. Again, this is because fear does see fear and containment does see containment. Notice this in every moment that you encounter your brother and you are seeing with a greater awareness. Then, if you desire to see more truly, ask to yield your sight to my guidance. Do not ask for my affirmation of your mistaken identity. I will never affirm a belief in vacancy. But do ask to see the Truth of Who You Are through my guidance. To ask for this will require that you most certainly drop your investment in your own beliefs. If you perceive me affirming your fears and attacks, be certain that this is not my voice. Indeed the ego mind can convince you of many wayward thoughts, and this includes the justification of separation through seeming correction or love. However, never is this genuine love, for it still sees in separation. Therefore, if you see separation, if you see condemnation, if you see a need or call for correction and wish only to correct, here is a belief in separation that need be realized.

Start with this awareness. Recognize how all your behaviors express the wishes for further containment and you can begin to set yourself free by giving these wishes first to me. Remember I love you and am never an echo of your own fear.

Your Light is my Own.

Giving is Receiving

2008-05-25T14:32:00.001-04:00

Where I have been afraid to give?

There have been quite a few moments in my own healing where I have been afraid to give. I supported the justification of these fears by judgments based on the past. For instance, my thinking mind loves to delve into the “he or she done you wrong” story. Now, why take a chance on a new opportunity when there is definitive past evidence that it will not work out. May as well just play it safe, right? Moreover, such has been my general experience with most relationships (friend, lover, and family included). I can see how most of these beliefs have played out subconsciously, yet they were / are very prevalent within the choices I made and behaviors I exhibited. In my story there seems to be a myriad of characters that all have put love in terms of “what can you do for me?” scripts. Mostly it seemed to be with my parents. Although their love offerings were the best they could do from their own understanding, I often felt the attachments and conditions. If my love or life experience was not meeting their preferences, they told me about it. Love did not often seem unconditional to me as a child, as there seemed to be a good deal of potential for rejection and disappointment. Ah, and now I can see how it is this story that supported my fears. Here, most affection, if not all human forms of love, seemed rarely worth my time. I often gave with the expectation of being disappointed. Oddly, enough part of me was used to that story, and although I did not prefer it happening, I knew it was something I just had to make the best of anyway. Ah, Here I am playing the role of such a martyr! Yet, the one thing all martyr’s have in common is that they are all dead. So it seems now that I allowed myself to die a little bit inside every moment that I clung to the martyr story. Therefore, obviously, I was not truly playing this role for sainthood. Occasional grudges and “poor me” and rejection stories lingered in my head. These stories never genuinely offered forgiveness and always held on to the reality of my own beliefs in self-dejection. It also appears that I built my martyr role on the condition that I can play the role of victim and feel innocent in my own story of separation from God. Ah, don’t you just love it??! Here the cycle seems to go around:

1. “I want to love” -- wanting based on beliefs in need and emptiness.
2. “but I can’t love” -- can’t based on investments in past dejection.
3. “I must conditionally love” – conditional love validates my past judgments with affirmations of more emptiness, potential for attack and defense.

Then I wait for the treachery to reveal itself and thus prove my whole story all over again.

Holy Spirit, can you lead me through my teaching on this?

So far, you are doing quite a productive job of noticing. Giving is receiving simply because it is an affirmation of all you are. If you are afraid to give, it is only because you align more with beliefs in emptiness rather than fullness. Here you see yourself as limited rather than complete. You see yourself as apart from God, unworthy and unlovable. Indeed, why give when you have lost, can lose, or cause more loss?

If you are afraid to give, recognize the emptiness that seems to support this fear. If you find the emptiness, you will quickly realize that your fears have nothing to do with the outer world, but the perception of limitation within. You can find healing when you ask and find the desire to release from this belief.

Take a moment to breathe and realize what your truer desire is. If your desire is to know your Self as complete, as God Created, than allow this acceptance of completion to be your guiding light beyond all divisive wishes. Recognize from where your thinking aligns. What is its perspective? Do you hold onto a story from the past where you have seen yourself as limited or receiving of limitation? Do you see yourself as continually able to affirm this limitation in others? Do you see yourself as dependent on the future or on experiences outside yourself to prove your completion and worth? If your perspective resides in any of these mindsets, it is not in this moment. Furthermore, this perspective does not reflect the Love of God that You are. Here, instead of peace and Self-acceptance, your mind sits in judgment.

Again, to be in judgment is only to accept a dimmer version of You. It is to see your Self through the darkened glass, lingering in shadows. Hear me well; shadows cannot reflect the genuine Light you are. To see through shadows is only to progress further ideas of distortion. Therefore, the observing awareness must ask, “what do I desire – more distortion or clear Vision?” After this inquiry, if a justification for judgment arises, you have made your choice. If not, so too have you made your choice. Neither of these choices defines you permanently, because any choice is reflective of ideas of duality and self-definition. The Truth of You can never be ruled by your temporal definitions. These definitions are only ruling your mind and live briefly within the mind-game you play. However, noticing these shadows allows you to seek beyond them.

As you take a moment to observe these shadows, and all their consequent beliefs, simply be willing to be mindful of either choice without any further judgments. Notice where your values are currently having you reside. Notice the foundation of your house. Do not curse the house if it appears to be rooted in sand. That reaction is only furthering future sandcastles. Breathe again as you realize where your desires remain. Remember, Beloved, all is perfect.

Where have I sought relationships for selfish reasons?

All special relationships instigate from selfish beliefs. When I selfish I mean “self-limiting.” Special relationships themselves are the symbol for playing out the mistaken identity’s belief in emptiness and need. Truly, what need have you for love outside yourself if there were not a need to begin with? All need is an affirmation of emptiness. Does this mean that you should never engage yourself in any form of relationship? No. I have said before that I can use all experiences as learning devices. In the case of special relationships, the learning here is found in the rediscovery of True Self. Here we use the special relationship for awakening to the full awareness of your Completion. Thus living in the light of forgiveness is the guide for special relationships, and consequently is what transforms each one into an affirmation of Holiness.

Every special relationship begins with an idea of “what is in it for me?” Do not delude yourself. Every relationship begins with this wish because without this wish there would be no reason for bodies, identities, and joining on any level within a separated consciousness. The ego mind only wants to affirm itself. This is its only purpose. Therefore, the mistaken identity engages in all purposes of special relationships so that it can see itself as purposeful and productive within its separation.

You are right; you do not need a special relationship. However, your identity naturally draws itself to them as it seeks to verify itself. Remember, special relationships are not just romantic ones. These relationships include family dynamics, work and coworker relations, as well as superficial interactions you have with the multiplicity of humankind. Each interaction between two individuals is a playing out of the special relationship. Each interaction has the potential for reaffirming beliefs in separation, guilt, and individual need. Every interaction can justify all the stories told for sorrow, rejection, dependency, individuality, hierarchies, control, powerlessness, attack, and defense. Take a moment to consider some of the ideas that have gone through your mind while walking the street and quickly you see all the judgments and definitions portrayed. Only these judgments and definitions script the special relationship. Again, you cannot have a human experience without it. Realize this and realize that there is more to your own need for completion and identity outside yourself than originally recognized.

This is why I have asked you to begin a holy relationship with the world. It is in this expression of Self that you indeed look within and see no lack, asking only to realize the Truth in all whom cross your path. Here is where you ask to know the Vision of Holiness beyond the sight of humankind. Now, in the situation that you currently see yourself, this indeed is a call for awareness beyond all former relationships. Now is a moment to recognize some of your most treasured judgments. These judgments have been verifying beliefs in self-identity, with needs for isolation and defense, for longer than you are consciously aware. So what now you ask? Forgiveness. Simply be willing to be open and notice where you can offer healing and love within. Now, when I say within, I mean not solely within a body or your identity, but I mean within the One Mind. Seek reflectively to offer awareness and forgiveness for all who are associated with your being. See this as an opportunity not just to heal, but also to practice the love You desire to know. Take a moment now to loose the world from all you thought it was. In this loosening, include every idea you have about yourself. Include every idea where guilt can host its home in you.

Take a moment now to rest your mind and release any idea of need that filters through the surface consciousness. Do recognize that a selfish relationship is simply one that verifies and validates the separation. Be gentle with yourself if you see that this is one of your wishes. Realize that a wish to validate or verify the separate self is merely part of the illusion you accept as reality. It is not bad, nor is it punitive. However, this wish results in only more proof of what it seeks. Here you are given exactly as you request. If you seek healing within this paradigm than consequently you shall also receive as you request. Yes, you are that powerful and that blessed. Trust this awareness, for it only shows you a clearer picture of All You Are. God stands with you in this view of your self, however all He knows is Your Holiness. Therefore, do not berate yourself for wanting or wishing for anything that verifies a limited self-identity. Trust Me, the playing out of this illusion could not exist unless God Himself blessed every portion of it. However, His Blessing is one that affirms only the beauty, completion, and perfection of His Holiness, nothing more or less. In this awareness, you come to catch a mere glimmer of the grandeur that You are in Truth. I love you.

Wishes

2008-05-23T11:24:00.001-04:00

Beloved Holy Spirit, I don’t want to live by this story anymore!

So let go of your judgments. Be willing to let go of every idea that is continually writing the script, assigning characters their roles and valuing the scenery as real. Your freedom to decide is always there, and is never dependent on the outer scene to change. Truly, it is not the outer scene that writes the story. The story always supports the outer scene. Without the script, the story could not be told. Be at peace as you watch the story and then you become the observer, not the actor. See how you split yourself between the roles of actor and director and you will see how the story’s contents so heavily (if not entirely) depend upon your wishes.

I wish for peace.

Be peace. There is a difference. Remember, only the ego wants, as it sees itself needing. However, You ARE peace. This is not fulfilled through wishes. The peace You are simply IS. The conditions you feel rule your world only rule your mind.

Wow. I so wish to believe that truth.

You ARE that Truth. Beloved One, step away from wishes and allow yourself to rest in the awareness of the moment. Wishing depends on wanting. Wanting depends on vacancy. Truly, you cannot have a single wish unless you already denied your current reality. Truly, if you were to fully accept your current Truth, your current Reality, there would be no need to wish for anything more or less.

Thank you for pointing this out to me. It is such an important remembrance.

It is, even if you forget. Trust that all You are is always flowing perfectly despite your sight or script. Accepting this awareness is trust. Trust is the centerpoint to release and the willingness to accept the miracle. You cannot accept the miracle as long as you seek to control it or make demands upon it. You cannot accept the miracle as long as you have stories stating why and how the miracle must play out. That is pure conflict. See the ego in this, for only the ego is conflict. Wish not, rest now. Again, do not worry so much about who is in your bed. Notice instead what you lay with in the bed of your mind.

And so I must surrender all to You.

You must simply rest. That is all. If you were to push anything forcefully into my hands, notice how this is also another shadow of judgment. “Here!” you say, “Take this!!!” Tell me, Beloved, what peace is there in that statement??

I see what you are saying. If I’m pushing something off to you, especially demanding to see peace within it, I’ve already made a judgment.

Yes, you have already made the judgment of the idea, experience or moment to be wrong. Then, after the judgment, you wish to remove the frustration, sadness or insecurity from the moment. As you wish to remove the frustration, sadness or insecurity from the moment, you must FIRST decide that frustration, sadness and/or insecurity are real and can hurt you. It is essential that you look at this contradictive presentation. When Jeshua was in the Garden of Gestheme prior to accepting the next part in his story, he asked me first (in fact, begged me first) to “take this cup from me!” Here is a wonderful statement exemplifying how you in faith still cling to judgment and desperation. You cannot have judgment and desperation without fear. You cannot have these conditions without first accepting the illusory self as real and able to be harmed. Jeshua went into deep prayer and meditation three times until he realized this Truth. He realized that first he had to stop investing in the story before he could truly know peace. The story told him (as it has recently told you) that you can lose. The story plays out all beliefs in loss and limitation because this is what the storyteller believes. However, are you merely another character of the storyteller, or do you sit peacefully in the audience knowing the story is not real.

And so do you see how that thought of disappointment you just had was merely because of a preconceived judgment of what should be? This is still living in the story. Do not chastize yourself for these wishes Beloved. It is not bad or wrong to believe in the story. However, take a moment to breathe and simply see the dependency that which you perceive as long as you continue to make the story real. As Jeshua begged for me to “take this cup from me,” my only response is / was “what cup?” This does not mean that I belittle or mock your beliefs. Truly, I love and honor all You are. See this honor and you will see the key. I know who You are. You are not the cup, nor are you the story. I do not mock or pretend not to see all you believe. I do see all you believe, however I truly do know what is real, and in love I witness only for the Truth of You.

Likewise, you are not in the conceptual state of mind to say, “what ego?” That is denial, pure and simple. Seek not to fool yourself. Covering your eyes in a room full of hungry alligators will not make them disappear. Instead, be gentle with yourself. Seek not to feed the gators, nor seek to do battle with them. Simply be still and you will be able to come to a state of perfect inner presence and here you will be at peace with the alligators. The more you become still, the more the hazard will fade away like mists before the sun. Here, gently and quietly you lovingly allow your Self to lead you from the room.

So it is okay for me to say that I believe in the story?

Yes, deny nothing. You believe in the story, or else this portrayal of all characters would not flow forth before your sight. If you did not believe in the story, you would have no reason to argue against it. Nor would you have any reason to convince anyone else to deny their own story. Again, it is perfectly acceptable to realize how much you believe in the story. However, can you be still throughout it? Can you still your mind and offer love through the portrayal, accepting how all is safe, free and endlessly loved. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable to recognize the story, but likewise realize the love through it. Honor the story with appreciation and peace and you honor your Self despite its wishes. Ahhh, yes, love yourself for the story.

I can say, “what cup?” because I know the Truth of You. My honor is with You and I lovingly support all you believe without judgment or contradiction. This presence is seeing the peace beyond the imagery and truly, in this presence you are safe. If you are having issues with the “what cup” idea… see instead the cup as a prop. Truly, even if you feel you hold and drink from it, there are no contents to its substance. If you choose to use the cup or feel it within your hands, take a moment to step back from the image and merely begin to notice how light it is. The lightness of the cup is not just a witness to its illusory quality, the light of the cup shares the Light of You. Dream of a cup and you still remain as God Created.

Okay.. wow.. I think I can see this. I can see myself holding this cup, yet also feeling it weightless within my hands. Now I see a light flowing forth from within it. Now, I see how the light out shines the boundaries of the cup’s outline. Now, I see only light within my hands. Yes… this is perfect. Thank you.

Stay with this image and know you are free. I love you.

Thoughts

2008-05-23T09:46:00.000-04:00

The ego’s thoughts:

I need, I want, give me…
Why??! How??! When??!
Arghhh! Come on! Not now!!!
This will never work! It’s impossible! It should be different!
I will lose! I always lose! I need to protect and control or I’ll die!!!
I can’t! I won’t! Not then or LATER!
Please!! Give me! Give me! Give me! I beg of you!
NO!
I’m all alone!
I’m scared.
But…

God’s Thoughts:

Shhh.

All is perfect My Beloved.

I love you.

I am here.

Breathe. Be still.

You are free.

All is yours now.

Yes.

I am with you.

Safe and strong, I know your Self.

Shhh. Rest.

I love you.

"Too Happy?!"

2008-05-14T16:40:00.003-04:00

During a recent gathering with relatives a discussion began about my own explorations and practice of self-help methods. Feeling excited about my family’s fresh interest, I enthusiastically shared my learning experiences, only to be met by, without pause: “Gosh. Sounds like after all of that work you’ll be perfect… how boring!” and “No one likes someone who is too happy.” These retorts felt like a slap upon my face. An abashed “What??!” resounded within. “How boring??! Too happy?!? Is that even possible? You’ve got to be kidding me!” The confusion continued to unfurl, “What is so wrong with seeking perfection? Don’t we all wish to feel more whole, happy and loved??” Soon an inner aggravation arose for not receiving the response I had expected. “They’re just jealous!” I smugly analyzed. “They feel insignificant in comparison to my way. They see it’s better! Yeah!! That’s it!! And…” Mid-thought a nearly audible squeal of self-awareness brakes echoed through my mind forcing me to pause. Like a gentle thump upon the brain, I felt Holy Spirit’s presence shining a light of realization upon the situation. Ah, and there is the absolute cleverness of the ego.

“I have said that the ego's rule is, "Seek and do not find". Translated into curricular terms this means, "Try to learn but do not succeed".” (ACIM Text, pg. 226)

What does the ego really want? Consciously and rationally, we may believe that the ego only wants to feel a sense of love and be complete. It wants to be happy. However, with this lucid assumption, we forget one key concept: the ego is NOT rational. The ego is, in fact, conflict in context. Through its insane beliefs, the ego denies its own Truth. It seeks outside itself for completion all the while paradoxically fearing to accept it and doubting even the possibility of happiness’ actuality. Therefore, the ego really doesn’t want anything at all except more experiences of its own belief in contradiction.

What does this recognition mean for our own experience of personal happiness? Essentially it means that genuine happiness and the perception of happiness, as defined by the ego, are two rather different concepts. As long as we are conceiving happiness with the ego’s insanity, we will counterproductively wish for and curse our own experiences of it. At best, the ego can accept a deluded, dualistic and limited idea of happiness. This form of happiness allows the ego to temporarily forget its investment in struggle. However, due to the ego’s pervasive fear of losing itself to the unknown, all temporal experiences of happiness are eventually met with judgment enacted on the basis of justified suspiciousness. Therefore, to the ego, it indeed is quite possible to be “too happy.”

Likewise, here are a few ways that the ego conceives and practices its own understanding of limited or deluded happiness:

1. False Bliss: The term “blissninny” was coined by Dr. Kenneth Wapnick as a way to describe people who deny the everyday emotions and circumstances of the world of form. The Blissninny suppresses their very humanly existent ego beliefs. They pretend that he or she is always happy and demands all others to play along in false bliss so to avoid any residual perception of threat. This “fake it until you make it” or “just suck it up” attendance to happiness is similar to Marianne Williamson’s observation where we “pour pink paint over a pile of poop.” Obviously this does not make the manure of perceptual existence more fertile or less odorous. False Bliss can be compared to the euphoric high felt with addiction. Here, pleasure is only a temporary mask for concealed hurt. This temporary and chemically induced exhilaration leads only to dependency and proliferated pain.

Within my own study and application of the Course, I quickly found that although the ‘blissninny’ state of being can seem superficially attractive, it is only denial and only the ego has purpose for denial. As mentioned above, the ego exists in the state of Self-denial. Metaphorically, the ego turns its back on the Light of Truth to pretend another illusive reality. Similarly, this is the same trick of the Blissninny who denies their own experiential perceptions, seeking to hide the inner torment with outer affectation. The Course does emphasize that the ways of the world are not God’s reality. However, never does it suggest that we deny our experiences. In fact, The Course repeatedly teaches that we should be aware of what we believe so that we may offer these beliefs to Holy Spirit and heal. The bottom line is that Holy Spirit cannot heal what we conceal. Therefore, the practice of False Bliss will never result in genuine happiness because it is living in a state of deception, and falsehood is not peace.

2. Success: I can bet what you are thinking, “How can success not be genuine happiness??!” There is a single experience answer to this question and it is: the existence of failure. In fact, the word success itself reveals its true meaning:

succeed: 1375, "come next after, take the place of another," from L. succedere "come after, go near to," from sub "next to, after" + cedere "go, move."

As we can see, success depends upon instability. It is constantly moving in states of variation. Success can be made and success can be lost. What may seem like success to a certain individual’s experience could still appear to be failure through another’s eyes. Generally, success is considered happiness only because it temporarily eludes the typical struggle defining the core of human experience. Overall, success is a dependent state of living and dependency is not happiness. In addition, is success without need? Is it eternally complete and free of all forms of threat? Again, the answer is no, since worldly success requires protection. Therefore, because success requires constant upkeep and wariness, never can it reflect genuine happiness and thus must live only within realms of the ego’s idea of happiness.

Now, here is the place that the uncertain mind asks, “Does this mean that I can never be successful in the world?” No. God’s Holiness is always blessing our endeavors, no matter what form or belief supports them. However, He does not need you to attract or do anything in particular. God does not require you to magically think your claim to draw on success. Lo instead, He Created You as perfect now and only sees this perfection within You no matter the outer experience. Truly, these assertions are only for your conceptual mind to remember, not God’s. God’s Holiness blesses all that you see, knowing only the Vision of Truth as eternal. Furthermore, God’s Holiness is always without limitation or judgment. He only desires our perfect happiness. Hence, if we choose to align with a yearning for temporary completeness, so be it. In fact, God knows that you are inordinately more than any worldly idea of success. Consequently, God’s Holiness blesses all our wishes until we are ready to realize that this is only the tip of Reality’s iceberg for Who We Really Are. Eventually, as we seek to know our Self as God knows, rather than crave transitory distraction, we will recognize how genuine satisfaction fully compensates without our forethought, interference or effort. This genuine happiness cannot be taken, nor can it be earned. God’s knowing of happiness is not success. In His Truth, it simply, lovingly and always is as God Created.

Overall, Alexander Pope appropriately described the ego’s idea of happiness:

“False happiness is like false money; it passes for a long time as well as the true, and serves some ordinary occasions; but when it is brought to the touch, we find the lightness and alloy, and feel the loss.”

Therefore, any egoic idea of happiness will either falsely deny loss or temporarily delay its existence. Without an investment in loss, the ego cannot value its justifications or judgments, nor can it be variable. Although through egoic happiness, perhaps we will believe that we are getting what we want, overall the reality is that we in actual fact have no clear idea of what we want. Here, we can be “too happy” because we feel that we are at a loss for the drama that has routinely guided our self-identity and given us a seeming reason to strive.

Recognizing this point of view, I realized how my relative’s opinion on my self-help practices were quite on-target from where the ego stands. I say this not out of judgment, but only out of the clear realization that without justifying loss, or the protection from loss, the ego does not understand happiness and so does not believe a non-dualistic form of happiness is practicable. To the ego, happiness without the potential for loss is boring. Is this not one reason why we excitedly engage in the game of delusion, because we simply value the chase?

What do you feel God’s answer to being “too happy” would be? Personally, I conceive that God’s answer would be one of peace. Peace is neither “too happy” or pensive in its wishes for happiness. Peace wholly and eternally witnesses to the reality of God’s eternal state of simply being. God’s perfect limitless happiness neither is dependent, deluded nor defined. It has no comparison or alternative and lives only to welcome more of its wholly fulfilled Self.

In summary, if we sought to know and practice Spirit’s awareness of happiness in our everyday experience, the very first step would be to observe every mannerism and thought that limits or judges happiness. Here, we do not superimpose our own ideas, leaving our thinking minds open for disappointment. Lo instead, in our practice of genuine happiness, we enthusiastically recognize both where we counterproductively effort for and fear our own experiences of happiness. Next, we would gently and lovingly choose to moment by moment release these judgments for peace. We notice where we try to make happiness rather than simply be happy. Here, “too happy” or “not happy enough” becomes contentment now, accepting all that now is. In our practice of genuine happiness, we would meet each day as a effortless opportunity to know our Self in serene ease, generously offering any other recognized idea up for healing. In this practice of genuine happiness, fulfillment is the complete acceptance of the Unified Self, and in this Self-awareness of being happy we contently rest.

Guilty As Charged

2008-05-11T08:25:00.002-04:00

Guilt: O.E. gylt "crime, sin, fault, fine," of unknown origin, though some suspect a connection to O.E. gieldan "to pay for, debt."

Debt: c.1290, from O.Fr. dete, from L. debitam "thing owed," neut. pp. of debere "to owe," originally, "keep something away from someone," from de- "away" + habere "to have" (see habit).

Charge: c.1225, from O.Fr. chargier "load, burden, cost" (1460), and then to "price demanded for service or goods" (1514). Legal sense of "accusation" is 1477; earlier "injunction, order" (1380s).

Burden: O.E. byrðen "a load," from P.Gmc. *burthinjo "that which is borne" *bher- "carry, give birth." Sense of "leading idea" (1649) is from use in M.E. bibles to translate Heb. massa "lifting up (of the voice), oracle;"

Remorse: c.1374, from O.Fr. lit. "To bite back," from re- "again" + mordere "to bite.”

Bite: O.E. bitan (class I strong verb; past tense bat, pp. biten), from P.Gmc. *bitan (O.Fris. bita, M.Du. biten, Ger. beissen, Goth. beitan), from PIE base *bheid- "to split, crack" (see fissure).

Habit: c.1225, from O.Fr. habit, from L. habitus "condition, demeanor, appearance, dress," originally pp. of habere "to have, to hold, possess," from PIE base *ghabh- "to seize, take, hold, have, give, receive" Applied in Latin to both inner and outer states of being.

Beloved Holy Spirit, I’ve noticed recently the appearance of a palpable feeling of guilt and remorse within. To be honest, I really don’t know why. It seems to surface at the most odd times, like now. When I’m experiencing the feeling I want to hide and the first thing I often do is turn to some sort of distraction (e.g. food, television, sleep, etc.) to get my mind off the feeling. I don’t think that responding to the feeling with distraction is the appropriate response and I’m asking now that you teach me to understand this feeling, allow for its greater purpose and heal. I give over all resistance to you.

Beloved One, let us clear our minds and be still. Feel my presence within you and know that never do I leave you comfortless. I repeat this now because guilt is the belief in separation revisited. It fuels every perceived need for individuality and represents all beliefs in fear, separation and the possibility of usurping God. As you feel the presence of guilt within, you are reminded of the possibility of leaving God’s Unified Being. Of course, in Truth, this is impossible. However, as you believe, the perception is played out through likewise thoughts, emotions and responses.

All experiences are an outer expression of an inner belief. We have spoken of this positionality before. All that you witness through experience, thought and feeling is first accepted in belief. You cannot have any experience, thought or feeling unless there is a deeper held belief supporting its making. Surely this deeper belief is mainly sub-conscious and completely unrealized by your own self-conscious thinking (for the individual is merely just one component of the overall representation). Likewise, these subconscious beliefs are often highly protected by the ego – who will find nearly any possible manner to keep you distracted within them. Yet, do not lose hope, for all that you seek in your desire for awakening can be found through your willingness to release beyond the recognitions of your self-consciousness. Beloved One, allow yourself to be more aware of the strength of your willingness and how it can be used to set you free. As you do seek to yield in willingness and remembrance for all You are, beyond these temporal thoughts and feelings, no longer will you mourn the experience or feel confusion because of its representations. Instead, quiet your thinking mind without judgment or random interpretation. Yield not to recognizing “why” but realize that You are with Me and cannot be mastered by anything not True. Then, when your mind is sure and presently rested, be willing to realize how each experience is directly related to a deeper belief. Accept this belief not for what it tells you, just accept its presence and then allow yourself to arise through it with loving release.

All seemingly wayward or challenging feelings can be observed with neutrality. This is the perfect way to realize what you believe without joining the feeling with further projection. Simply recognize any feeling that seems to lead your peace astray and yield in realization to gentle compassion, recognizing the fuel from which every egoic reaction stems.

I believe that I can practice more often, but I still feel the need to ask why I am feeling these feelings.

Within your guilt you believe that you are apart from God. Recognizing this separation, from its own amnesic dissociation with its Self, the ego believes that it has been abandoned by all that defines itself and is consequently alone. Being alone and now dissociated from God, the ego now believes that it must redefine itself to fill the void. These distractions will not only help it find itself, but the ego does not realize this. In fact it only recognizes that it feels lost, empty and afraid – it is not even sure of why exactly. Yet, nonetheless, it seeks to define itself further (which then becomes dividing itself further in confusion) in this new wasteland of distraction. Thus the cycle of guilt, fear, distraction continues.

Now, through your realized desire for awakening, you have metaphorically opened the door to all that once was suppressed. Through this allowance for healing many lesser consciously recognized beliefs will make their presence known to you. Often this is first felt when you begin to realize the empty value of your outer distractions and choose to rest within the mind. To the ego this rest is destructive, merely because it is remembering that it is now afraid and empty. Here a more palpable feeling of guilt and fear seep into your thinking mind simply because you begin to realize what the ego (on a grander scale so to speak) believes. In this recognition your feelings and thoughts may revisit every idea of incompletion, vulnerability and need. Sometimes these feelings and thoughts are justified by the world, other times they are not. Yes, indeed they can be without outer “reasoning” but the ego seeks to use every bit of distraction for justification of its beliefs and/or seeming protection. There are no small upsets. Each upset is equally disturbing to your peace of mind because it plays out the one distortion that appears to keep you asleep.

To the egoic mindset, guilt’s purpose is to reinforce delusion. It speaks the language of all that You are not. Honestly, I cannot be clearer than that. Surely, we can analyze and point out every way that guilt can make facades and shadow selves, yet it is best for you to simply realize that not a single one is accurately representative of You.

Wow.. I can understand all those metaphysics, but they do keep my mind spinning!

This is one reason why the metaphysical explanation of this illusion is not of high importance. Surely, I will answer any question that you ask, especially if it assists in your own acceptance of the Love You are. However, too often the intellect thrives by getting wound up in its wishes to understand. Indeed this is yet another distraction – and for what purpose (have I said before) that distractions serve? (Smile) Yes, they do not often set you free, but merely keep you consumed by the spinning mind wishing to be free, instead of remembering it is free. In practice, it is best to see your need to understand as only one beginner step along the journey. This wish to understand helps give you security and serenity beyond your surface fears. Again, in truth, understanding will not set you free. In Truth, you are already free, no matter what you understand.

Therefore, if you feel yourself being consumed by “whys” let yourself take a break and release yourself beyond these questions. Take a “time out” so to speak to rest your mind. It is a step that indeed will help you release to a deeper expression of truth. This deeper expression of Truth is our goal. Therefore in noticing guilt’s presence, take a step back, breathe and ask to realize the truth. In truth, there is no need for you to linger in these shadows, nor is there a useful reason to quantify or qualify them. Questioning this suffering is indeed aligning with its possibility in thought. Align with suffering only if you perceive this suffering to be so. Therefore as you notice, ask yourself, “what do I believe here?” and let your mind rest once Who You Truly Are beyond these temporal dreams is realized.

God’s Strength supports every idea that you cling to. This is not because God believes your delusions. Lo instead, The Father honors all His Son’s wishes, knowing the Truth of His freedom. In love He supports you, realizing the Truth of You in every instant, even if you have innocently forgotten.

I can use every experience you recognize as a learning device. Indeed there is nothing that can be left to suffering if you seek to give all to Me. Here, in this moment, let us use the feeling of guilt for a deeper purpose. Let us use the feeling guilt to call awareness to what you believe deep within the ego state of mind.

Indeed, I have said before, guilt is a representation of the fear and isolation you believe within. It is not real, nor can it ever be. Therefore, if you seek to give this feeling to Me, first it is best that you breathe and seek a conscious awareness of peace within you. Now, as you release yourself to this peaceful being, and still experience a feeling of guilt, seek not to join with it. Yet instead, neutrally (without judgment or intellectual definition) seek to realize what you believe in the midst of it. Seek to recall how this feeling appears real not only to your current emotional state, but to your deeper belief system. Breathe through this realization to keep yourself centered. I will help you, but cannot wholly keep you from distraction. Yet, even in temporal distraction, I lovingly wait. Join with me to realize that my very presence counters any belief in abandonment.

Quiet the thinking mind merely by breathing whenever it wishes to make a judgment or intercede in placing a definition or meaning through the guilt. For instance, if you recognize the thinking mind speaking “you are guilty because of…” or “this guilt is deserved because you…” simply breathe again and let this definition pass aside you through your breath. Again, remember that I am here. I repeat, do not adhere to definitions of the guilt, but instead seek to pass through it without remaining. Remind yourself that the burdens of aloneness, judgment, separation and/or abandonment are not your Vision in Truth. Are you to deny these feelings? No. Denial is a form of embattlement and challenge, do not deny anything. However come to a neutral space that you can rest despite what the thinking mind wishes to mention. Here we offer forgiveness through your observation.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, I always appreciate your instruction. Yet, one more thing, tell me about all the words you led me to this week. Why their importance?

Essentially these words are mere symbols. They represent what you believe and these beliefs have furthermore been symbolized through your language. However, if you notice them you will see that each reference to guilt and remorse furthermore refers to a definition of separation. Look at the definitions for their deeper meaning.

For instance see how guilt represents a belief in debt. Truly, I can first ask what debt do you conceive you have with God? Hmm? Would not the very idea of a debt with God mean that God was vulnerable and not eternally complete? Truly, this belief in God’s variable nature is laughable if you truly knew. But nonetheless, even the word debt represents the ability to withhold something, to have away. Surely, this is not true. There is nothing that you are that is held away from God. I repeat, there is nothing that You are that can be (or is) held away from God. You are One. You are complete. Beyond every dream of individuality and separation, You remain whole and perfect as God Created You. This is forever true and never varies. Realize this and all shadows of guilt will disappear like mists before the sun.

Now, I also brought you to the word remorse. This is the “safe” word for guilt. (smile) It seems at times you have “issues” with the word guilt and immediately ask to qualify it through metaphysical intellect (smile). Therefore, I led you this week also to the word remorse because it is a word that synonyms guilt but can also be palpably felt within. If you see by its origins, remorse means “to bite back” and the word “bite” means to separate, crack or fissure. Now do you see any attachment to ideas of separation there? (smile) Yes, yet again, it is the deeper belief system playing out itself through symbols. And yet again, I will support the realization that there is nothing… nothing… nothing that can keep you from God. Nothing that has you split off, not once nor a billion other times. You are not separate from God in any form, thought or presence. To believe so is only a burden upon your own mind. How is that for a transition??

Cute.

And so the final words that I took you to this week refer to the burden of guilt. As long as you accept the possibility of guilt you charge yourself with all its delusions. Here you accept the suffering and separation to be real and in this charge you load yourself down with more distortion. I’m sure you can relate to the feeling of weightiness that emerges from guilt. In guilt, you do not feel peaceful and free. You feel weighed down with sadness and despondency to say the least. Recognize the heaviness of this feeling and you will instantly realize that this heaviness can never represent a God of Light. God never restricts, but holds perfect delight (free and joyful) to His Holiness. This Holiness is You and so there is nothing that can weigh you down in Truth. Imagine yourself not as heavy, but filled with the Light of God, for this is not a dream.. this is Truth!

Seek to recognize that every moment you charge yourself with guilt, sin, remorse or the like you weigh yourself down and keep yourself rooted in all dreams. Indeed I laugh at these beliefs because I wholly know they are not true, and surely laughter does encourage lightness of being. Yet, I will not ask you to laugh at something you do not accept or understand. To do so would insinuate the idea of mockery, and never do I mock you, but honor all you are. If you are to allow yourself to dream, surely you can allow yourself to awaken. See the power within this suggestion. See the full possibilities available to you in every moment. Your freedom to decide is the greatest power you have to escape the darkened corners of the deluded mind. Accept this peace, this possibility and surely you accept your freedom and strength as God Created.

Beloved One, I will always represent this strength and power for you, even if you do not remember. That is why I say that never for a moment do you have to do this alone. Indeed I shall never leave you comfortless and never are you left to figure your way out of this labyrinth without my map upon your heart. Likewise, as you come to realize my guidance, you will always remember how never can you be lost.

The final word that I brought you to this week was “habit.” This word symbol is merely a reminder for you when you say you linger in old ways of thinking. Do you linger there because of bad habits? Are you most acquainted with the realms of judgment? If so, do not seek to judge yourself more, but recall what choices are available to you and how indeed, you are always free. The habits you express are merely representations of your beliefs. They are the playing out of your beliefs into your surroundings. Dress yourself in these beliefs and surely many costumes of judgment will be worn. Seek merely to recognize where you perceive yourself to be and free yourself from here on. Open your eyes Beloved and remember you are Home. Remember your true surroundings. Remember you are surrounded by love and not fear. Accept this and soon all your habitations will only reflect the grandeur that You are in Truth.

And so, here we rest, accepting that we are free and without any burden of guilt. Always whole, endlessly perfect and complete, you are still as God Created You.

I love you.

"Relieve the mind of the insane burden of guilt it carries so wearily, and healing is accomplished." (P.2.IV.11.2)

“When you are tempted by the wrong voice, call on me to remind you how to heal by sharing my decision and making it stronger. As we share this goal, we increase its power to attract the whole Sonship, and to bring it back into the oneness in which it was created. Remember that "yoke" means "join together", and "burden" means "message". Let us restate "My yoke is easy and my burden light" in this way; "Let us join together, for my message is Light". (acim text pg. 77)

“The Holy Spirit atones in all of us by undoing, and thus lifts the burden you have placed in your mind. By following Him you are led back to God where you belong, and how can you find the way except by taking your brother with you?” (acim text pg. 82)

“So will He teach you to remove the awful burden you have laid upon yourself by loving not the Son of God, and trying to teach him guilt instead of love.” (Text pg.280)

“Everyone has a special part to play in the Atonement, but the message given to each one is always the same; God's Son is guiltless. Each one teaches the message differently, and learns it differently. Yet until he teaches it and learns it, he will suffer the pain of dim awareness that his true function remains unfulfilled in him. The burden of guilt is heavy, but God would not have you bound by it. His plan for your awaking is as perfect as yours is fallible. You know not what you do, but He Who knows is with you. His gentleness is yours, and all the love you share with God He holds in trust for you. He would teach you nothing except how to be happy.” (acim text pg. 282)

Beyond the ramblings of the mind

2008-05-04T10:40:00.002-04:00

Holy Spirit friend, sometimes I feel so distant from You. It has taken me a bit this week to sit down and write this note, as this week I really felt ego take over. I felt immersed in fear, and felt more distant from you than ever before. Although I noticed that it wasn’t You who appeared to be the distant one. In all the frustration that appeared to be occurring, I didn’t even feel comfortable giving You a chance to intercede. I shut down and I listened to fear. I allowed myself to be swept up in confusion. Most of this was realized when I spoke to a friend and related my feelings just to hear myself say, “Spirit is not even a part of this now, it is all me.” Well then! I thought… how could I say that? How could I even feel that?

Soon after this thought, it was almost as if a flood gate of fear opened and I saw myself diving into the depths of hell. One thought after another surfaced in my mind and felt so real, so destructive. I felt so alone, so desperate, so abandoned by hope. I felt that I had nothing in this world that could be mine and felt that I had to make something perfect in order to be accepted. I even felt embarrassed by my conversations with You. I found myself feeling that nothing that I did in life was ever “good enough” and that I needed something else to be loved, appreciated, accepted. Gosh.. even as I write this I feel myself wondering how I could have felt these feelings and not brought them immediately to You? How could I let myself crawl into such a hole of deep doubt?

Now (as I pour out these feelings) I realize how much love I denied myself by isolating and giving up my faith. The fears seemed so strong, so overpowering, but yet you were there the entire time. However, even though you were there, I turned a blind eye. I covered myself up in fear and pretended that only the fear was real. When will I finally get it? When will I finally recognize the truth is available for my peace all the time? When will I finally begin to completely practice what you teach me? I feel like such a hypocrite. I even wish sometimes for You to slap me across the face and shout "snap out of it!" but I know that is not gentle... right?? (smile) However, why does it seem that I need to be beaten over the head in order to let myself accept these teachings?

First off Beloved, do not judge yourself for where you have been. Coming to peace now, is indeed coming to peace now. As you still your mind now, you open the door now, this is all that is of importance. I do not stand by you and think, “Well, where have you been? You could have opened that door a lot better or a lot earlier?!” That, my friend, is the voice of your ego and not me. Only the ego judges and considers itself ruled by unworthiness. Keep this thought in mind whenever you recognize a belief that judges or considers itself unworthy. Notice at that moment how you perceive yourself lost amongst the shadows. Do not ask or bargain with me to remove the shadows, or give you any shadow gifts. These are not of truth and so I will never respond to shadows with shadows. Instead, ask with Me to seek the light beyond the shadows and here, peace shall be done.

Now before I asked you to write a list of your fears, so that they may be looked at with a greater clarity. Let’s go over them now.

I fear being laughed at.
I fear being rejected.
I fear being forgotten.
I fear that everything I’ve ever tried to do is not good enough.
I fear failing.
I fear being lost.

Okay, good. Now let’s begin at the top of the list. Look up the word, ‘ridicule’.

Ridiculous: 1550, from L. ridiculosus "laughable," from ridiculus "that which excites laughter," from ridere "to laugh." In modern senses, ridicule (n.) is attested from 1690; verb is from 1700.

Does it mean insult?

No.

Who is the one that has decided that laughter is akin to insult?

Whoa, wait a minute there. Are you saying that if people do laugh at me that they are not insulting me or that I shouldn’t take it as an insult? Because I don’t really know about that. Obviously if they are laughing at me, they are insulting me.

Stop. Breathe. Who is the one that has decided that laughter is akin to insult?

I have.

Good. Now consider why. Is it because you consider yourself to be unworthy? Is it because you consider yourself to be valued less than others? If someone laughs about something you have done, does it mean that they are devaluing you? Truly, who has placed your value in their hands to begin with? Who is the one that makes your value determined by another point of view?

Are you saying that people are going to laugh at me for having this book published?

I cannot guarantee any reaction other than the beliefs that you already have within your mind. It is these beliefs alone that fuel your thoughts and dispense a multitude of nightmarish conclusions within the world of perception. Truly, if you do not have faith or confidence, it will appear most difficult to find peace within any experience. Listen, have we not already discussed how confidence literally means “with trust?” Surely, that is all that will give you strength in this fear. Fear has no strength because it cannot trust.

It will also be helpful to look within your own beliefs for where you are laughing or devaluing yourself. Remember the House of Mirrors. All that you see within is echoed through a world of distortions. Seek for a clear image and one shall be seen without any distortion.

Okay, so you are saying that this experience is only about me?

Always. All of your fears echo only ideas of distortion about yourself from a self that does not know. If it appears that you encounter a challenge on the outside, seek within to see where you are giving yourself an obstacle within. This will always give you a greater understanding about the present situation.

I think about blame.

I’m not asking you to blame yourself for any thought or feeling. That would be instilling guilt upon it and guilt is never helpful. In fact, it is a belief in guilt that has brought you to the original conclusions of unworthiness. Do not permit your mind to linger in thoughts of guilt, but instead allow yourself to notice them, so that you may be set free.

Now go back to your list and look within it. Truly, look within for every thought that has emerged from these fears. Search for what each one represents and where you have already condemned yourself before this thought emerged.

I can see how each of these thoughts is based on dependency, limitation or loss.

Remember that it is only a self believing in isolation can perceive itself to be isolated. Likewise, only a self believing in loss or separation can perceive itself to be lost or rejected. And furthermore only a self that judges and devalues through beliefs in guilt or unworthiness can make these images appear to be possible and real. An image that perceives itself as variable or dejected on the outside is one that only accepts these possibilities within.

So basically you are saying that each and every one of these fears stems from my own mistaken ideas about myself?

Yes. And here too lies the cure.

Your friend was correct in sharing with you the story of using form to judge yourself. This is an important lesson to recognize. Too often the individuated mind functions through the “I believe what I see” theorem. However, always, always, always it is the opposite. You see what you believe. Every image is an image of you. I cannot be clearer than this. Although this thought may be difficult to accept, it is imperative that, at the very least, you allow yourself to look at it.

Truly, what thoughts appear in your mind when you have something challenging or frustrating occur within your life experience?

Truthfully? Well, I often freak out. (smile)

Okay, good. So you meet an experience of fear with a thought of fear and furthermore a belief in the value of fear.

Yes, I can see that, but it seems so automatic. It seems that I can’t control the reaction.

Breathe, release and rest Dear One. Allow yourself to pause before making any conclusion would be helpful to you. The thinking mind is quite accustomed to operating on autopilot. This is because you have left it to be in charge. In fact, your entire experience of being separate and living as an individuated body stems from your constant agreement to let your thinking mind be on autopilot. If it were not for this constant processing of separate thoughts and conclusions, as well as your blind obedience to its conclusions, this world of perception could not functionally persist. You will see the truth in this statement simply by recognizing most of the challenges you witness in your life experience. Take a moment to review what everyone of those challenges mean about you and you will see what you believe.

I find that amazing. Not just the very idea, but I wonder how much it is true.

It is all true. Feel free to practice. Think of anything that occurred to be a challenge to you recently. Think of how you felt within the moment, and then allow yourself to go deeper. Look within to see what meanings about you or predictions occur relating to this event within your mind. However, what truly do you know other than what the event is showing you? If the event is showing you challenge, does that mean that you deserve to be challenged? Only if you believe this to be true, and then so it will be. Otherwise, if you were merely to witness the experience and immediately accept it as neutral or not reflective of you, simply walking through the perceived obstacles, than nothing would linger disturbing your peace. In fact, there would not even be a perceived obstacle at the start. Does this mean that everything will appear to run perfectly smoothly within your experience? Yes, as this is only what your mind would accept. Therefore, even if things did not go 100% according to expectations you consider now; if you were to release your adherence to judgments and limiting beliefs, expectations would not rule your mind and so all would be lovingly accepted as perfect from trust.

That seems possible but also impossible.

Only because you have yet come to think in this reality. But do not worry. It is possible now. Remember, peace is now and not then or there. As long as you allow yourself to be open now, that is all that is possible. And yes, this is a perfect start.

Okay.. thank you. I really appreciate this realization, but now the water is calling to me and it is time to kayak. (smile)

Let it be as you wish. I love you.

Judging v. Loving

2008-05-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

Holy Spirit, I’ve noticed recently that it often seems so much easier to judge than to love. My thinking mind appears to welcome judgmental thoughts with a lot more ease, than the struggle or convincing it takes for my willingness to hear the thoughts of love. I feel guilty and self-judgmental about this experience. Can you help me see differently?

Beloved One, it is important to ask you here, “where do you perceive yourself to be?” What identity do you claim as your own? With what eyes do you most often see?

If you saw with the eyes of Spirit, surely no judgment would be entertained. Why? Because, seeing with the eyes of Spirit, reflects only the knowledge of Who You Are. However, so it seems, you see another way. You experience a self apart from Truth. In confirmation of this belief, you play out this investment through visual, perceptive and cognitive experience. Do not guilt yourself for experiencing what you believe. It would be impossible NOT to do so for as long as you did believe this circumstance. Therefore, do not feel disappointed in yourself if you are not offering love to all your brothers, at all times, within the world’s experiences. Surely, as you continue to heal your mind, the perception of love will be seen with a more significant ease. However, until then, each moment that you choose again should be aptly celebrated.

I have mentioned before that judging yourself serves no purpose. I reiterate that now. Judging yourself serves no purpose. (smile) Neither does judging yourself for judging, for that matter. All of these judgments are mere scripts written by the mistaken identity to confirm its misperceived belief system. Surely it will choose to extend this dream in a myriad of differing ways. Seek not to unweave or analyze the ego, as much as seek to bring peace to your heart beyond its weavings.

We have spoken recently about the Holy Relationship. Now recall that a Holy Relationship is not a relationship occurring within reality. Holy Relationship is the closest perception that you can have of yourself and your brother within the dream of this current existence. Here you come together to see no lack in the other, but you may still remain aware of bodies, experiences and yearnings for judgment. In the Holy Relationship it is chosen by both participants to see beyond their recognized judgments. Therefore, you must realize that you have dissociated before you can fully reacquaint yourself with the desire to heal. And so one may say that in order to choose a Holy Relationship, a realization of the wish for judgment is necessary. However, as this wish for judgment is noticed, it is simply and quickly released for an awareness of Truth. This is the living of forgiveness. This is the living of the atonement. And yes, this may take abundant willingness, but not sacrifice.

There is no force in this desire to know oneself as Holy. Force would not be freedom, and thus it would not represent truth. If you feel I am forcing you to do anything, remind yourself that the voice that forces is not my own. Indeed, I will only offer and reaffirm for you, love. In this offer, I extend an invitation for knowing perfection, but never can this awareness be forced upon you.

Judgment seems so much easier only because it is a state of mind that you are more accustomed to. Do not judge yourself for this, but simply notice it. Notice how it seems more easy to judge because this is your native language. It is okay to laugh at this. In fact it is better to laugh at this rather than condemn yourself for it. Try as best you can to begin to notice what your thoughts are telling you about yourself. Use this for all thoughts, not just thoughts about you, but thoughts about your brothers as well. Notice what ALL your thoughts are telling you about yourself. As you practice this, you will see the script that is being written in every moment. Truly, the more conscious you can be through the moments, the conscientious you will be in the stories accepted about yourself. It is always okay to let go of these stories. It is always okay to let yourself rest beyond them. In fact, I highly recommend it. (smile)

Seek not to analyze the moments, but simply see through them what you are telling yourself and why. Here is the beginning to the peace that you wish to see more often. Indeed practice does make perfect, because it reminds you of your innate perfection beyond the judgment.

A Desire for Awakening

2008-05-04T10:20:00.003-04:00

Beloved Holy Spirit, I was reading a friend’s communication with you this morning and was wondering about my desire to awaken. I wonder what I can do to become more aligned with the desire for awakening.

First off, judging the desire to awaken is a desire for judgment. That is all. Notice this. When you judge, you desire judging. When you truly desire awakening, you release all judgment and all need to judge. This is an essential component of the awakening realization. Judgment only speaks for separation and beliefs in limitation. The desire for awakening is a full realization of all that is beyond any idea of separation or limitation. Notice if instead it is a wish for escape that you desire. You will know the difference by the ideas each one contains.

If it is awakening you desire, then there will be an unalterable acceptance of Holiness. In this acceptance, there will be no place that lingers in shadows of separation. There will be no "awakening and..." Notice this. Awakening has no opposite. It surely and solidly is at it is, without alternative. However ideas of escape always contain alternatives. You seek to escape so that you do not find yourself to be a victim of this or that. This is why all that dreams of separation is illusion. One idea of separation cannot co-exist with awakening. Therefore notice what your desire for judgment really represents and be gentle with yourself about this. Notice when you desire to escape instead of seek out peace beyond any idea of obstacle. As you do this the door to peace will be easily and comfortably revealed.

Yes, it seems easier to jump into judgment. This rabbit hole can go quite deep and convoluted. Indeed it will have you convinced that these judgments are your way to peace. See this. Be gentle with this. See exactly where your thinking mind is asking to take you and allow this to be without embattlement. Allow yourself to rest in the judgment for a bit and not fear because of it. Let yourself notice that it is judgment that you now want and do not seek to challenge it. However, also, let yourself rest through its determinations. Remember the "Ahhhh" realization versus the "oops" thought. Here you allow yourself to notice peacefully and rest, rather than challenge and condemn.

This is why breathing is also helpful to you. The breath will center your mind from experiencing confusion to observing confusion. Breathe and the ability to merely observe the confusion becomes more possible. Give these thoughts to me in your breath and simply be okay with the entire experience. Yes, the noise does sometimes seem loud and unavoidable. Therefore, I do not ask you to avoid the thinking. Do not do battle with it or seek to analyze it. Merely let it make its noise and seek to see this noise as part of the harmony of the Song of Light. In this acceptance it quiet, because no longer does it need to vie for your attention. Can you come to love this harmony? Can you come to appreciate its purpose and wishes? In this appreciation we find forgiveness rather than embattlement. Stay with me and listen. Be a witness to the love in all thoughts. Witnessing love in thoughts, does not judge all thoughts.

Now, if you wish to focus on the ways to awakening, first seek to see the love in all thoughts. Once you have allowed yourself to join with love, then all that shall bring you closer to Home will be easily revealed. I never push you or ask you to sacrifice, force from your hands anything. Hear me well, all is perfect and nothing will be asked of you beyond any choice you wish to make. Trust in me for this truth. If you notice yourself clinging to me in desperation, notice that it is desperation for which you wish. Similar to judgment, notice the fear and separation in this wish. Indeed it is all as I have guided. Practice this not through your mind, but through your release. I love you.

I am that I am

2008-04-19T08:30:00.001-04:00

Holy Spirit friend, have you ever wondered what life is all about?

(laughter) Beloved one, I know what life is all about. There is no questioning within Me. All that I am is a witness to the brilliance and holiness of Life itself. Life is as I am. Life is, as well, as You are. The one difference is that you do not remember, and I know. Seek not to wonder Dear One. Settle your thinking mind and listen.

What shall I listen to?

Peace. This peace is not an image. It cannot be described within terms of who or a what. It is not something directed outside yourself to recognize. Peace is. This perfect tranquility is known when you release the need to seek and ask only to settle. Breathe and settle within my Mind and not the mind that forgets or wonders.

The mind that forgets or wonders is never at peace. It is always in fear. This fear stems from a lack of knowing and thus causes this mind to engage in a journey of constant questioning and motion. Its motion is one of seeking. The very act of seeking essentially is a denial of knowing. For what would you seek, if you already did know? Therefore seeking is a reaffirming of not knowing. Consider it this way, “I think therefore I know not who I am” or “I seek therefore I know not who I am.” Take a moment to notice this seeking and you will recognize exactly what I mean.

Seeking always has expectation attached to it. Is it not true that you are expecting to find something in answer to your seeking? Truly, as long as you expect to find, you are not attaining from within. Expectation always has the wish to find from outside itself. In fact, that is exactly what the word means… to see outside. Truly, how can you find anything within if you only are looking on the outside? Of course, this would be impossible, especially if all that you sought simply resided within from the beginning. And so, this is the case with you.

“I do not know what life is for … I do not know who I am … I do not know my worth …” these are the echoing thoughts of Self-denial. The key phrase within these sentences is “I do not know.” And so it is. Do not fear recognizing that you do not know. However, embrace it. As you embrace your forgetting, you begin the journey from its source, rather than continue to walk its pathway. Find the willingness to unearth peace and realize why it is you seek.

Remember, I have asked you before to embrace your fear. Likewise, I am asking you to do the same with your forgetting and lack of knowledge. Do not deny these states of thinking anymore. It is perfectly okay to realize all that you do not remember. This realization will keep you from attempting to control the journey yourself. The thinking mind that still believes it can find on its own, denies My help. This thinking mind believes that if it continues to look hard enough, outside itself, eventually it will discover what it has been looking for. Now, for our peace, we leave this presumption behind and simply recognize that we do not know and that this recognition is perfectly acceptable. Recognize that you are not judged for your lack of knowing and that it is not a sign of weakness. Surely, if anything, it is a sign of innocence. You judge yourself with words like ignorance. Let us simply change this to innocence. You are not ignorant, but innocent. Truly, only in your innocence do you not know. Consequently, as you would coddle a child, soothe your thinking mind for all it seeks. Again, do not judge your thoughts. Instead, simply allow them to flow through you and soothe yourself from their demands.

Quiet your thinking within and ask for My guidance to lead you. I will never lead you to more wonderings. Instead, I will lead you to the stillness that is You. Take a moment now and breathe this peace in. Not necessarily as merely the intake of air or respiration. Breathe as if you are allowing yourself to be filled up. Feel yourself come into your Self. Fill yourself through your Self. In this replenishment, you know peace. Truly, this replenishment is the inhalation of Life itself.

Now, as you breathe, allow yourself to center on the idea, “I am that I am.” Recently, I have shared this with you, guiding how this phrase indeed represents the simple being that You are. This phrase is without projection. Truly, you wear no costumes nor read any scripts through these words. In this phrase, you do not seek to be anything other than the perfect being that You truly are. It is a key to realizing simply being. As you rest here, you purely embrace serenity of thought and body. In this rest, you open up to the reception of Self. Yes, “I am that I am” affirms the Truth of You. It does not seek through “I am what or who?” questions. Nor does it make demands. Indeed, it is a simple witness to the complete awareness that You are beyond any other idea.

We began this conversation with your inquiry “what life is all about.” Truly, accepting “I am that I am” is the answer. This is why the phrase was God’s answer to Moses. It was / is the pure affirmation of Life itself. There can be no further questions arising from the acceptance of this answer. There can be no more expectations or predeterminations. “I am that I am” does not have a “not” attached. It has no opposite. Truly, in these words, all awareness and being simply is without limit. Yes, it is that simple and that complete all in one statement. Likewise, “I am that I am” is not a concept. This statement does not discern, it merely and clearly witnesses. Consequently, it is the same with You. The Holiness You are clearly witnesses only to its own expansion and fulfillment. This Holiness is neither hindered nor redirectable. The Holiness of God shines clearly and brightly upon its Self, in perfect knowing, perfect grace, and flowing realization for all that Is throughout Life its Self.

Close your eyes Beloved and rest here. I love you.

Confidence

2008-03-25T22:13:00.001-04:00

I see you led me to the word “confidence.” What message about confidence am I to know now?

The idea of confidence requires more clarity. Self confidence is not faith in the mistaken identity or personality. Lo, instead, Self confidence is a state of Being that reflects beyond all illusions. It arises from the willingness to leave your judgment and fear behind. Quite literally, the word confidence means “with trust.” As you have already realized, the cornerstone of faith is trust. Without trust, there can be no faith and without faith, you stand guard over the door to healing the mind.

Ask yourself in whom do you desire to have trust? If it is your ideas of self-limitation, than surely only fear will result. All invitations for accepting the miracle have you choose between love and fear. When you choose to trust in God, you open the door to allowing His Holiness to reflect through you. Accepting this brilliance can be done only through the release of all illusions since there is no compromise between Truth and illusions.

Confidence is a feeling that extends as you discover the wholeness of Who You Are. To know your Self is to be confident in Truth. It is to accept the wholeness of God within you and to extend this wholeness in all ways. Here, you place your faith in a clear and present state of Being, rather than a fearful restricted humanness.

Trust is always certain. Truly, who could fully accept anything without certainty in what they were receiving? Therefore, as we allow ourselves to yield from fear and doubt to trust and acceptance, we are gaining the entirety of Heaven. A lack of trust is merely the sign of a confused mind. This mind is uncertain and so has no clear awareness of Who it is or where it belongs. You belong in God. It is only the uncertain mind that does not know. Therefore, when you notice experiences lacking trust, remind yourself where you belong and seek to regain this awareness with me. Give all uncertainty to me and I shall always lead you Home.Too often the thinking mind attempts to figure out a solution to uncertainty. This wish to control is doubt. A doubting mind always asks questions in search of its own reclamation of certainty. Doubt never finds
what it is seeking simply because it does not know what it is looking for. Doubt is always a blind search. In most states of doubt, the mind will ask questions and seek evidence. However, these questions and evidence are always rooted in a pre-existing fear and uncertain understanding of what it truly seeks from this proof. This is why I am unable to answer most of your questions to your satisfaction.

Let’s take the example of the most popular question, “how did the impossible occur?” This question is simply unanswerable for the very reasons shared above. Any answer given would require not only making the impossible possible, but an answer considered “acceptable” would affirm the possibility of more impossible. Can you see the contradiction here?

When you choose doubt over certainty, you choose not to know your Self. Truly, it is that simple. However, remember, there is no sin associated with this choice. It is all merely a misunderstanding, corrected by forgiveness. Hear me well; I do not judge your progress towards faith or dances with uncertainty. Truly I only see and know the Self-confidence in our Being. Indeed, I already know Who You Are. Do not hinder yourself with projections of guilt or attempts to judge. My love for you outshines all mistaken identities. As you choose to believe in fear no longer, accepting that fear is not Who You Are, you shall desire to release for peace naturally.

A perfect example of this transformation is seen through the story of Doubting Thomas. Oh, and by the way, it is a story. This parable was actually written and relayed by Judas himself. It is his story of affirming faith beyond the ego’s perceptions. Here, Thomas was unwilling to accept the appearance of the resurrected body of Jesus without proof. Symbolically, this is representative of how Thomas invested so firmly in the belief in death (loss, limitation, ego’s perceptions) that any ideas of being the Holiness of God beyond his thinking mind seemed impossible. “I was always demanding proof only because I was uncertain of my Self and where Jesus was going with His teachings.” He continued, “Fear seemed so much more willing than peace. It presented louder within my mind and stated question after question without respite. My rest occurred when I was willing to yield to faith and trust beyond the doubt that sought proof in form. Here, I finally stepped out of my own way, yielding to God and accepting Holiness as the only way, truth and life. This indeed was my own witness of resurrection.”

The mistaken identity always believes that illusion is more real than Truth. Again, this is simply and innocently because it does not know. Therefore the acceptance of trust and faith are necessary. Trust and faith initiate from your willingness to admit that your best thinking got you as far as you can currently identify. This is the acceptance of forgiveness for all, recognizing that indeed you do not know. In this moment, of clear recognition, you gain awareness of Self-confidence emitting beyond illusion. Indeed this is the realization of light beyond any thought of you.

This Self-confidence awaits you now. However, it is not anything apart from Who You Are in Truth. Trust in this and you trust in eternity to lead the way. Trust in eternity and all we are as One becomes known. Remember Beloved. See me reaching out my hand now. I invite you to the Light of Self-confidence. This is the Light of Truth. Let us stand in our glory as One. I love you. My Light as it is Your Own.

An Epic of Truth

2008-03-25T22:09:00.002-04:00

Recently, I was reminiscing to some adolescents my memories of the Choose Your Own Adventure book series. In this series of stories, the reader had control as to where the tale progressed. For instance, the story may describe that you have encountered a magical elf who invites you into his cave for a meal. Next, it presents the option for you to join or decline the magical elf’s invitation. If you decide to join with him, the book instructs you to turn to another page and continue that storyline. If you decline, the author would instruct you to another page number, and the story would continue there. However, no matter which choice the reader enacted, most certainly, one choice would lead to destruction and the end of the story (eg. You join the magical elf in his cave and it turns out that YOU are the meal) and another would progress the story to a happier and more peaceful result.

Now, if you look at our daily experiences, they often appear to mirror the Choose Your Own Adventure series. Each day we receive a myriad of choices to decide. Some of these choices appear to lead to perceived experiences of misery, stress, or fear, while others progress to a happier and more peaceful result. For the most part, it appears that we alone are the decision maker, leading ourselves blindly through this story of our lives, hoping and praying that we have made the correct decisions. However, one idea we seem to forget is that, even though we appear to be the main character within this story of our life, the story is already written and we are merely having experiences through the illusion of perception.

Our perception tells us that each choice we make is necessary for our survival and self-validation. In this mistaken identity, we see ourselves in the position of vulnerability and needing ultimate control. Consequently, from this mindset, we struggle with this role of seeming self-author and feel left abandoned to figure out the plot, denouement, and epilogue without assistance or security. In this alignment with self-doubt, we struggle with every circumstance. We think, "Dare say what could happen if I let my brother or the world progress in a manner for which I am not in control or prepared? What then?" Surely, this vulnerable self continues to think, "I will need to correct and define all, in order to keep the correct story on track." However, it is only our perception that believes every life circumstance has the ability to make or break us. In Truth, there is always a way that cannot be threatened. Moreover, in this way, there is a far more peaceful adventure calling to us for Self-discovery.

A Course In Miracles teaches that the cornerstone and foundation for a Teacher of God is trust. This is simply because without trust we are stuck in the pages of the Choose Your Own Adventure series, feeling vulnerable and without control. The Course instructs us specifically to wholly trust that Our Father completely provides all, without any slight chance for threat, because it asks us to remember our True Author and not the mere adventurer of our self-forgetting mind.

Personally, the best manner for which I have realized trust is through surrender. Having recently completed a period of forty days of surrender, truly, I have found, that the more we remember to render over to God what has always been His Own, before a thought of beginning or end could emerge, the more we are yielding over to the True Author of peace and love without end. Sit for a moment and consider how every day would be radiant with perfection if on rising, we could immediately ask Holy Spirit to show us our way. Imagine the peace that could settle across your awareness if you gave this first thought to Holy Spirit even before an inkling of personalized thinking or seeking could arise attempting to choose in desperation its own story. Actually, this is possible and is the best way to read our story. Here we ask to settle within the comforting arms of Our Father, trusting that He is reading us our story with complete knowledge for all we could ever desire to be. As we surrender each judgment, fear, concern, or doubt over to Him, we are clearly asking God to lead the way, remembering His Will is our own.

The ego does not believe that the magnitude of this surrender is possible. It alone believes that without complete control only all hell will break loose. Furthermore, it attempts to convince us that surrender is sacrifice. Catch yourself now thinking this and seek to render over even this thought to Holy Spirit, trusting that He knows exactly the right place each thought belongs. In fact, seek to surrender every moment, trusting in Holy Spirit's guidance, as an infant would cling to his or her mother for comfort. Let yourself settle with relief into His Presence, cozy and peaceful, tucked in and ready for Your Father to tell you the story of your Self. Listen to His words of Love and pure knowing. He will always and all ways lead you to a deeper knowing of Whom He Created. Call yourself to this image as you notice each need to be in control, and as you do, soon you will notice a trust arise from within that knows itself without doubt or fear for what could happen on any progressing page.

Finally, as we ask to hear God’s telling of Our story, in every moment, we are asking to be taught and teach only love. From this point of Vision, there can be no justification for separation, condemnation, or judgment within the world, simply because God's Story realizes the Love within all. With this Love, we come to reveal our plot, setting, process, events and moral without any mistaken identity. Here, even the character we play has the perfect purpose beyond the pages it seems we turn. Seek only to call this awareness into your vision as you walk the world, and as you do, you are enacting a Nobel Prize worthy bestseller dedicated only to the magnificence You are.

You are love.

What Am I Seeking?

2008-03-08T20:25:00.000-05:00

What am I seeking?

You are seeking nothing other than a remembrance of your Self without illusion or deception. You are seeking to know your Self as God Created You, and so it would be best stated as “Who am I seeking” rather than “what.”

Remembrance is the key. It is the returning to awareness. Without remembrance, you continue to judge yourself as pieces, as individualized members of the world. There is nothing wrong with this; however, it does rely on a self-definition and this is not as God envisions His Child. God has not left His Child dependent and wandering within the world. He has not left you needing to figure anything out. That is why, without remembrance, you walk the world constantly asking, “Who am I?” It is here in this mindset that you choose to live a mystery. This is the game of hide and seek.

Do you recall the child’s toy where the player needed to fit a plastic shape into its correctly shaped hole inside an empty plastic box? When completed, the world’s point of view may judge the player of the game as “intelligent” because they could fit all the shapes in correctly. To the world, it appeared the player had an understanding of order and proper belonging. Sure, there were times were a circle could fit into the square hole, but no matter, if no one else was looking, that was only a sign of extra creativity. In the end, if the box contained all the shapes, he or she was a success. Consequently, this is how the world judges even to this day. However, if you look closely at this game, you will notice that even if the shapes fit neatly within the box, its holes are still unfilled. Even if the shapes were removed and replaced a million times, the holes in the box would remain and the shapes would stay incomplete, misaligned, without any real order. In fact, the shapes and holes have no specific purpose other than to be pieces of the game. They forever remain purposeless until the player becomes bored and chooses another way to spend his or her time.

This is a perfect metaphor for the ego’s experience and view of its purpose within the world. The ego is filled with holes. It does not know what function these holes have. Neither does the game player, other than to fill them through experiment and random activity. Can you see that there is no specific intention other than a representation of temporary distraction to the emptiness felt within? Therefore, even when the ego seems to find the appropriate shape to fit within the hole, and temporarily slips it through as mere distraction, the hole remains. Alternatively, shall I better say, beyond your seeing, the whole remains. Furthermore, as you play your game, only a collection of disorganized pieces remains contained within the empty shell. Now truly, do you feel this game has been God’s purpose for His Son all along? Does a game without end or completion reflect an awareness of God’s Love? Surely not.

Enlightenment is not finding the appropriate shape to fit within the appropriate hole. Remembering the Truth of Who You Are has nothing to do with mysteries or games, nor is it dependent upon you doing anything right or seeking completion to a recognized internal emptiness. Remembering the Truth of Who You Are is seeing the wholeness beyond your own misaligned perception. Enlightenment is realizing that it is time to put all your toys away. Enlightenment opens your eyes beyond the mystery and has you see, truly see, that there is no reason in reality to see yourself as relying on empty holes or disorganized pieces from the start. You need not rely on praying to do anything right or seeking forgiveness if you perceive you have done a task wrong. In other words, enlightenment knows that there is nothing left to do here.

God has not left His Holy Child in a mystery. You are not dependent upon completing any puzzle. Remembering is seeing your Self as completion rather than as an individualized puzzle piece. It is seeing beyond any boundaries, accepting how you are the whole, not merely a disconnected representation or incomplete jigsaw piece.

Too often, confusion occurs when you think you need to do for yourself. You have felt intense fear when you determine your way by your own ideas. Why? Simply because you judge yourself by what you perceive. As long as you perceive yourself to be a mere individual wandering the world in search of his or her self, surely all you will find is more proof of emptiness. Likewise, you will find only more reasons to perpetuate the fear. In this mistaken identity, you believe that the individual mind is responsible for the answers. However, and I will make this very clear, the individual mind can only cause more confusion and has no awareness of clarity, ever.

Therefore, you ask, “what then?” Again, I will rewrite this question for you. Indeed it is more proper to ask, “Who then?” The only answer to this question is “You, Dear One, yet only beyond your seeing.”

To say that there is something the human identity must do right in order to succeed is to say that the human identity is responsible for the answers. Yet, the human identity is responsible for only nothing. It is responsible for the belief in nothing as its self. It sees itself as nothing, and so believes it must seek outside itself for something to be. However, the human identity alone is only a player within this game of self-deception. Consequently, the nothing that the human identity perceives as itself is confusing because it defines this self through duality. It is a box, filled with empty holes, seeking to be fulfilled by temporary pieces.

Again, problems arise only when you seek to rely on yourself and not on me. This is a relying on contradiction or confusion, rather than wholeness. Why such problems? Because you cannot expect a puzzle piece to show you the whole picture, as long as you see it as merely a puzzle piece. Trust arises when you no longer choose to see yourself in emptiness and need. Trust flourishes not through a desire for completion, but from an acceptance of it. Here you signal out from what you accept as your truth, to reaffirm the truth of Who You Are. Truly, a lone coyote could not call out in the night, if he did not realize that somewhere in that night, another coyote waited eagerly to hear and affirm his call. They do not see themselves as lone coyotes, lost in the night. Lo, instead, they see themselves as one presence affirming there connection beyond the night.

This is the awareness that you will be in touch with as you practice simply being. Simply being is not an affirmation of duality or darkness. It is not a beckoning from the night. Lo, instead, simply being is an affirmation of all you are, from all you are, to all you are. Your practice of simply being is Spirit’s answer to Spirit, in the love Spirit knows its One Self to be. It is the release of all dreams of darkness and separation and an affirmation for all you are echoing eternally into the one note, the uni-verse, of God’s Creation. Simply being is an expressed of one existence. Here, we are not alone and struggling. In simply being, we are affirming God’s awareness beyond any other misperception.

Simply being is not a call for conceptualization. It is not some awareness that relies upon your thinking, debate, or approval. Simply being is a call for practice. This is pure, purposeful, and effortless. If it were not, I may have asked you to reference it as simply thinking, but this is not the teaching.

Again, and I shall affirm this quite often, you need do nothing. Find every area within the Course in Miracles where I mention this phrase and you will see my guidance brought forth clearly without mistake.

“Of your ego you can do nothing to save yourself or others, but of your spirit you can do everything for the salvation of both.” (Text, pg. 55)

“You can do nothing apart from Him, and you do do nothing apart from Him.” (Text, pg. 128)

“Of yourself you can do nothing, because of yourself you are nothing.” (Text, pg. 145)

“Alone we can do nothing, but together our minds fuse into something whose power is far beyond the power of its separate parts.” (Text, pg. 146)

“Rejoice, then, that of yourself you can do nothing.” (Text, pg. 152)

Therefore, drink this awareness completely in. Allow this knowledge to quench where you perceive thirst. Realize where you find yourself to be empty and choose again to simply be, rather than engage in another game of hide and seek. Listen to my words and practice them. Surrender beyond your images and walk the world knowing that all is an extension of the one Self. Smile at every reflection that calls back and imagine more smiles to those that the eyes cannot physically see or ears cannot literally hear. There is no alteration between any one of you, for God’s Son has no separate identities except in dreams.

I love you.

ALL THERE IS

2008-03-08T08:43:00.002-05:00

From ALL THERE IS by Tony Parsons (PERFECT!!!)

I’d better warn you right away that I’m not an enlightened person and no person in this room will ever become enlightened. There is no such thing as an enlightened person. It’s a contradiction in terms.

I would also like to say that what is going on here is not a teaching of any kind. There’s nothing that’s taught here, because there’s no one here who needs to learn anything. All that’s happening here, really, is that we are friends together, remembering something. This is just about remembering something that maybe we feel we have lost or mislaid. Some people here have remembered - also, quite a lot of people in this room have sensed or glimpsed what they thought was lost.

And the nature of what we think is lost is timeless being. It’s totally, utterly simple - the one thing we long for more than anything else is actually totally and utterly simple and immediate
and available. And strangely enough, the thing that we long for has never left us.

In simple terms, all that happens is that when we are very young children, there is simply being, without a knowing of being; there is simply being. And then someone comes along and says
‘You’re Bill’ or ‘You’re Mary’ - ‘You’re a person’. And in some way or other, the mind - the ‘I’ thought, the identity, the idea that ‘I am a person’ - takes over the energy of being and identifies it as Bill or Mary or whatever. It takes over being and gives it a name. Words begin, labels begin, and the whole idea of ‘me’ becomes the main investment of living. If you look at the apparent world we live in today, it’s all about ‘me’ - it’s all about ‘the person’ being successful or being a failure.

We grow up believing and reinforcing the idea that there is someone, and that that someone lives a life that’s going to last so many years. We’re in a journey called ‘my life’, and the thing to do
- we are told - is to make that life work. The whole investment is in ‘I am a person and I’ve got to make my life work’.

And so you get lists fed to you. The first one is about being a good child, the next one is about being a good student . . . Then there’s a list of requirements about being a good worker, usually
followed by being a good husband, wife or partner. Some people turn to religion to try to discover what it is that’s missing in their lives, and again they are presented with a list of requirements they need to fulfil before they can become worthy or acceptable.

There are as many ideas about how to make your life work as there are apparent people in the world. And there are many subtle levels of personal achievement - some of them apparently
negative. For some people, achieving victimhood can seem like a great success!

We have to play that game because we really think we are people; there’s a pretence taken on called ‘I am a person’. You pretend you are this person, and you take it so seriously that you
forget you are pretending - the pretence becomes everything. And many many people live the whole of their lives like that. That’s fine, that’s divine, that’s the divine game. Some people feel that, having gone through all of these lists, there’s still something missing. They then think, ‘Maybe I can find it through therapy - maybe a therapist can tell me what’s wrong, what’s missing’. And they’re into another list. And again there is this drive to become something.
But for some reason or other, none of the things on the lists - religion, therapy, whatever - seem to work.

And then some people hear about something called enlightenment, and they get a sense
that maybe that’s the last piece of the jigsaw. So they go and find someone who’s pretending to be a guru, and they pretend to be disciples. And the two build each other up. The master who will teach you how to become enlightened gets bigger and bigger, and you feel more and more important because your master seems more and more important. Of course it’s yet another wonderful game of pretence. And another list comes with that scenario - meditation, or being very honest, or being so serious about enlightenment you could throw yourself off a cliff . . . One of the items on that list is ‘being here now’ - being here now and not thinking. You can read the books and go and see these guys who tell you this . . . And you can actually be here now for up to three or four minutes - and maybe not think for five seconds!

It’s all pretence, and it’s totally divine. Every moment of your lives up until this moment has been absolutely perfectly divine; nothing could have ever been any different. The whole
appearance of your life - the whole of the apparent doing, the apparent choosing - is totally appropriate and divine.

But the idea of ‘you’ is being reinforced all the time. The emphasis is that there is someone there; everything in the world goes on emphasising that there is someone there. The pretence of
‘me’ goes on being reinforced even in the search for enlightenment, because what a so-called master will say to you is, ‘I have become enlightened - I am an enlightened person and you
can become an enlightened person’. You - this pretend ‘you’! It’s a total, utter fallacy, because awakening is the realisation that there is no one - it’s as simple as that. It’s totally and utterly simple, and also very difficult.

Awakening is the realisation that all that’s been happening - the whole idea of there being a ‘me’ - is a pretence. You’re actually pretending to sit there and look at me. You’re pretending that
you’re sitting there looking at me and trying to get something. Actually, there is no one sitting there and there is nothing to get.

You can close your eyes, if you want to, and sense the energy that you think is ‘you’. It’s like an aliveness . . . For some people it’s a sense ‘I exist’ . . . But that energy, that sense of ‘you’ being there, is actually not you. That sense of who you think you are - that sense of aliveness
and energy - is being; it’s just being. It never came and it never went away - it’s never left you; it’s always been there. You thought it was you - it’s just pure being. It isn’t who you are - it’s what you are. What you are is simply being, presence, life. You are life, life happening, but it doesn’t happen to anyone. Sitting on that chair isn’t happening to you - sitting on that chair is what’s happening, to no one.

There’s just being. You are being - you are divine being. And it’s so amazing because wherever you go, there is being. Whatever you apparently do, there is being. Whatever you apparently don’t do, there is being. There always has been being, whatever you’ve apparently done or not done, however unworthy or neurotic or ignorant or selfish you think you are. All of those qualities arise in what you are, which is being. All there is is being. And what arises in that being is the idea that ‘you’ exist. It’s just an idea, it’s just a thought, that there is someone.

So you see, how is it possible that anyone needs to do something for awakening to happen? There is no one - there is only being - so how could anyone do anything? Why should
anybody have to become something, when all they are is a pretence? Should they become a better pretence? Awakening has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are just a character in a
play. Tony Parsons is simply a set of characteristics - that’s what is sitting here, a set of characteristics and a body/mind. But what you are is the being, the stillness, from which that comes. All that’s actually sitting there is stillness, being, present awareness - call it what you like.

Awakening is simply the dropping of an idea, a pretence, an idea of pretending to be someone. And there’s nobody here in this room who can drop that idea. What is going on here is that at one level we’re talking and the mind is trying to understand, but at another level, there’s a deeper wisdom (which we all know anyway) that’s being communicated and resonating and being reacknowledged.

Once this message is heard, then the ‘me’ simply drops away. The idea of ‘me’, the pretence of ‘me‘ is absent and there is what is always there - simply being. It’s as simple as that. It’s utterly simple. It’s right there - you don’t have to go anywhere. You don’t even have to understand it
- don’t for goodness’ sake try and understand it! And don’t think for a moment that anybody wants you to believe it - it has nothing to do with belief. It can be felt . . . there’s just aliveness.

There’s life, sitting here. The mind will want to chatter on about this, and that’s absolutely fine. If the mind wants to talk or ask questions, let that happen. What’s happening is that the questions get no answers and the mind finds that it can’t get anywhere, because this already
is the case. The mind wants to say ‘Yes but . . .’ - and that’s divine. No question is silly - if it’s in the mind, it needs to come out and be responded to. But somewhere the mind wants to give up. And in the end, all that it’s seeing is that there is just this - life.

If you close your eyes, all you actually find are sensations. One thing is happening at a time - the body sitting in a chair is happening; a breeze coming through the window is happening; the crackling of paper is happening; cars are happening . . . There’s no story. The story that we think is our story is simply a pretence, because always there is only this. The story you’ve listened to about your life is not going anywhere. Everything that is happening is simply the invitation to see that all there is is this.

All the time, life has been saying to you, ‘Look - there is simply life. There’s no story - there’s simply life’.

Beyond Dreams

2008-02-23T10:30:00.001-05:00

How much do we find ourselves believing in dreams? And what dreams do we believe in? One thing is certain, all dreams require sleep. I cannot dream unless I have allowed myself to drift into a sleep or at the very least a disconnection with my present reality. Through my spiritual practice, I often wonder what my present reality truly is. Is it true that I am wholly ONLY as God Created me? Can I be that glorious? That perfect? That pure and without any sin or flaw? Can any part of me be that magnificent? Or am I just fooling myself by attempting to believe this.

Last night, I had a dream that I was lounging around with Jeshua. Personally, I don’t know any better way to describe my memory of this dream other than comparing it to how two best friends would lay around on a lazy day talking and sharing in complete awareness of their deep bond. I don’t remember much of our conversations, but do have a slight awareness remaining that I felt myself to be surrounded by a deep supportive and loving presence. I could lay in this presence and wholly be myself without question. In this presence, I was fully accepted and had nothing to hide. I was also completely there, alert and aware of exactly whom I was with and still felt absolutely comfortable. I can’t recall for exactly how long Jeshua and I laid there, because there are other snippets of recollection where we walked together, but I can’t remember to where or for what. I do remember me sharing with Jeshua, “I guess it is most important that I remember that you remember and know and that I do not remember that I do not know.” Or something similar to that, because it still feels slightly foggy and I did wake up soon after these thoughts were shared. Jeshua had no response to this thought other than a deep neutral look of listening to my words, but then again it was soon after that I did awaken from the dream.

Sitting here now, I’m wishing I could go back to this dream and spend more time with Jeshua. I feel especially drawn to the memory of feeling completely at peace, comfortable and welcome in this space of sharing. We were literally like two best friends laying around on a lazy day. We were in complete support of one another without question or concern. I find this part of the dream to be the most attractive.

Personally, I realize, that I couldn’t comfortably lay around, unhindered, with my best friend if I didn’t completely trust him, her or the space we were in. In order to be completely present and comfortable, there would have to be no awareness of fear or judgment. I think of how Holy Spirit originally inspired my learning / teaching to be called “simply being” because this is how I felt in the presence of Jeshua through this dream. If I am to “simply be,” I am to feel no hindrance of anything and hindrances only come from fear or judgment. Therefore, as I lay in this space with Jeshua last night, we were both simply being. Here, he completely trusted and desired only to be fully present, without hindrance, fear or judgment in my company and me the same with him.

Memories of this dream have me question now, “What is reality and what is dream?” If in the dream, I felt fully present and comfortable, but in this physical reality, I feel hindered, maybe the dream is reality and the physical reality is the dream. The Course in Miracles alludes to this teaching several times, asking us to release ourselves from every belief and value we hold to be willing to embrace another way of seeing. This other way of seeing is one outside of our judgments, fears, and hindrances. It is a vision where complete comfort and peace reign true as reality. Yet in order for us to accept this reality, we first have to be willing to let go of our dreams. According to the Course, these dreams – our dreams – are all the thoughts attempting to convince us of a limited world and limited being. These dreams would be our understanding of a separate human existence apart from how God Created Us.

If you think about it logically, why wouldn’t we want to give up an awareness that has us believe we are incomplete in order to accept an awareness where only completion and perfect comfort is possible. The only reason we do not give these thoughts up is that currently it seems that we have more evidence for the limited than the unlimited, and so we cling to our beliefs rather than release to a recognition that knows more than we ever could. This is why the one statement I remember from the perceived dream is the calling to remember that I do not know and that only Jeshua does. The more I allow myself to remember this fact, the more I am allowing myself to embrace a thinking outside of my own – which currently seems only to focus on its dream beliefs of limitation, judgment and fear.

Holy Spirit recently taught me that doubt requires a belief in two conditions. It is literally impossible to have doubt unless you have some sort of split conception of what could be an alternative reality. In fact, the origin of the word doubt means, “to have to choose between two things.” Honestly, what can we doubt in God if we do not first invest in an alternate reality? Therefore, if I am to allow myself to recognize in every moment, that my thinking is the dream and that God’s knowing is the reality, then slowly but surely I will come to simply release all my dreams and surround myself only with a remembrance of reality. Personally, I think this is the goal of enlightenment.

As we accept enlightenment, we are wholly releasing all beliefs in shadows. We do not argue with the shadows nor try to fit them pleasantly within our dream, but instead we simply let them go without any hindrance, fully accepted reality as the only truth. The acceptance of this truth does not require any effort or struggle. As I was laying in the company of Jeshua, I was fully there. There was not alternative and I did not sense of there being any other place that I could be. We were in full attentiveness to one another without doubt.

I see myself going back to this reaffirmation of reality’s qualities several times today. It will be my reminder for accepting clear awareness over dreams. Ironically, I will be doing this by seeking to replace a dream’s awareness with the physical, emotional, or mental presence that the world gives me. However, the bottom line will be the remembrance of how full, complete, and unhindered I felt in Jeshua’s presence, as this is nothing comparable to the world’s experience.

I see myself also desiring to review what thoughts I see myself favoring over God’s awareness of me. Where have I allowed myself to fall asleep to the grandeur that God Created me as? Where have I allowed myself to value these hindrances – these dreams – over God’s knowing? If I am to stay aware of these values, asking each one of them to be given over to Holy Spirit’s knowing, then I will also be seeking to release these dreams for God’s Reality. Thanking for joining with me here in witness to our True Self beyond dreams.

The Purpose of Stillness

2008-01-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

The purpose of stillness, within a worldly routine, is to use time to return to a deeper awareness of your Self. It is not a departure or resistance of anything in particular. However, stillness is a releasing of all distractions that keep you believing in a struggling self. When I ask you to rest, or to be still, I am asking you to return to God’s Knowing, rather than a knowing within your mind or intellect. This experience is not as much about a physical routine as it is about a mindfulness. And no, its not mindfulness in the sense of analysis or contemplation, but it is a mindful awareness of being aware rather than shallowly distracted. Therefore, when practicing stillness, positions, postures or environments do not matter as much as where you see your self settling within.

The mind, which you are most aware of, is a mind spinning through time on a path of judgment. It is constantly seeking to find itself through comparing what it thinks it is with what it thinks it is not. This mind is always qualifying in duality. Its comparisons never reveal anything other than more comparisons. This is then how you can realize that your judgments are never worthwhile. Take a moment to recognize what your judgments reveal. Do they not reveal only more judgment, consternation, and confusion? Do not these questions result in more questions and challenges result in more challenges?

As you see this, I can promise you, that God never acts in a haphazard manner. His answers are always certain and never mislead. In hearing God’s Word, you can never be left wondering about clarification or seeking loopholes. There is no possibility for misinterpretation when you know your Self completely and hear God reveal this knowing to You.

If I can put this point in metaphor, I would say that the ego mind is always putting on a show for you. It is always creating scenes and spectacles to distract you into its weavings. “Wait!” it says. “Before you settle down, don’t you want to take a look at this??!” Then, it dances for you. As it twirls, you feel enticed, almost entranced by its many fanciful moves and hypnotic mannerisms. Soon, you begin to think, “Uh, yeah... wow look at that idea. Hmm, maybe God can wait. I need to go check this out.” Then, the next thing you seem to recognize is another spinning tale of time and circumstance, challenge and wanting, all of which only leave you wondering where in the world your journey began from the start.

Therefore, and I want you to pay attention to this next part, stillness is a vigilance for the Spirit of Truth. Yes, you heard me correctly. When people often think of vigilance, they define it in terms of battles. They see their dedication to vigilance for the Spirit as a constancy of arguing with the ego. This is not the true meaning of the word. The word vigilance, if you are to go to its origin, means “wakefulness.” It is “an occasion for devotional watching or observance.” Consequently, the word vigil also means, “awake, strength and enliven.” Therefore, here, in this origin, we can see that there is no calling for battle. Likewise, there is no pizzaz or dance of the mind of seeking or discernment. Instead, vigilance is a simple beckoning. It adheres only to Spirit’s constancy. This constancy is the observance of strength, life, and light within you and has no need for challenge.

As you choose to be vigilant for the Kingdom, you rest solely in your knowing of what is True. God has no need to challenge anything, because He knows He is an expression of all and has no opposing force. This is what the concept of omnipresence is wholly. God does not earn His omnipresence through comparison. God does not realize Himself by sifting through what is or is not part of His Presence. No, this is not so, because that would mean that there could be things or circumstances that God is not, which would then lead to the need for comparison, duality, and all the vicissitudes of uncertainty.

However, God is certain and knows He is certain. This certainty expresses only for one awareness and this is Love. Therefore, as you choose to recognize God’s Certainty, you simply gain an awareness of your own omnipresence. You gain an awareness of how Love enthralls all and is never limited. This affirmation of certainty leads you to realizing that nothing can wholly distract you that is not another expression of Love (remember, omnipresence is a one and whole presence). Likewise, instead of seeing a need to fight for your certainty in every manner of experience, you simply and completely rest within its Love, accepting that all is a guiding Light to realizing your Self through all.

Now, comes the question, how does a mind perceiving itself as split, realize the one omnipresence within him or her? The answer is merely to return to stillness. This is not a stillness of a body, but it is the still beingness of God unchangeable. What this has you do is seek beyond forms and rest in a Self that is infinitely indefinable. Stillness has you opt out of the physical, mental, emotional and circumstantial distraction and rest completely in the openness of all moments. Stillness is not a mentality or individual doing a task right or wrong, but it simply IS. Stillness pauses and does not need to know, only because it already knows and rests comfortably there.

Only the ego tussles around wide-eyed and mad in its seeking. Only the ego squirms and screams at the top of its lungs, “I do not know! I do not know! How do I do this??!” Do you notice the adherence to an “I” in that statement? Therefore, what we are seemingly doing in our stillness is to rest the confused part of the mind that needs anything. Here we drop the "I" and choose instead to return only to the omnipresence of Love that is knowing. This is the Holy Instant, and here, a desperate you is not struggling to know, but all that wills to step aside gratefully bows to God’s awareness. This willing Self, asks for only one awareness, and this is the realization that only God can lead the way.

Therefore, settle your mind and seek not to accomplish anything with your thinking. Breathe, release and rest. Trust and accept that God leads the way in His Knowing. Focus within on the path that is unwritten and without your own expectations. Accepting this is the only purpose of stillness. It is a rest from all that once appeared to be in need and now chooses instead to see its Self complete in all. This completion is not left to suffer in any manner and is not dependent. This completion, that You are in every moment, is a one verse which sings out through the harmony of all experiences, gathering only the melodious Voice of Love for its choir. You may consider this to be a lullaby for the ego, where God only says “Hush Beloved, rest with Me, for I know you as You are.”

Surrender Ideas of Death

2008-01-27T11:24:00.000-05:00

No aspect of God’s Creation can ever be lost. Consequently, no aspect of God’s Creation can ever die. There is no ceasing to life. Likewise, there is no ceasing to You. When I have said before that you are as God Created, I did not mean in the sense of a body or a temporal nature. This Self, I speak of, is a Self eternal and has no beginning or end within time. God Created this Self as an extension of His Own Being, containing all the very same limitless qualities of His Own Being. In this manner, You are alike your Creator in all ways. Therefore, if it was possible for you to die, it would be possible for God to die, and this is ceaselessly impossible.

The idea of death represents within the world only because you dream of separation. Is not the idea of death the ultimate separation? Death itself seems to prove the temporary nature of all things. Because death appears to exist, you feel the need to rush through life. You are constantly judging life out of fear for losing it. You incessantly worry about not having enough of every thought, experience, material item, or emotion in the limits of time. Likewise, when it appears that life has prematurely ceased, you react in anger and pain, mourning all that you feel was lost forever. Surely, without the idea of death, no one could ever lose. Why? Because without death, it appears that there would always be time and consequently eternal hope.

The ego, though, believes that it is hopeless. In its own uncertainty, it sees itself as constantly being at a loss and limited. The ego then represents this idea of limitation through the playing out of ultimate loss within the world. It seeks out a myriad of ways to experience loss, only because this is what it believes it is. Moreover, truly, what can be more of an ultimate loss, than complete loss of life itself?

I have said before that everything of the ego is a lie. Everything the ego bases itself on is a lie and therefore everything seen through the ego is a lie. Furthermore, every aspect of life treasured because of the possibility of loss, is professing this lie. God does not want you to treasure life out of fear of loss. This is not genuine peace, but merely fear. Therefore, if you think in terms of this fear, you are only reaffirming the lie within you.
However, today, we will remember that it is wholly possible to stop believing in this lie. Today we will walk into the Light beyond the shadows of a mind seeing itself in loss. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you resurrect anyone (smile).. except your Self.

Before we begin to stop believing in the acceptance of death, we must gain a deeper understanding of what life truly is. Life is God. Although words cannot define God wholly or accurately, He is the energy that IS. His Being IS beyond every notion of loss or limitation that a definition can profess. If you were to take a deep breath and feel, truly feel in oneness, the WHOLEness within you, it would appear as if everything that contains, defines or encircles you, would simply disappear and in that ever-present instant you would be left in complete awareness of only being free.

To the one who appears to die, it is this beingness, this ever-present breath of complete freedom in awareness that is felt. This is the described relief of death. However, it is important to note that this relief is available to you always, and is not dependent upon a physical or material loss in order to be experienced. This relief is also known as the Holy Instant, and this Instant of Complete Awareness lives in your True Expression always beyond any imagined ego world.

Therefore, you do not need to escape the world in order to know yourself. As I have said before, the idea of escape is merely another playing out of loss. Escape believes that it is evading harm rather than revealing all. Thus, yes, suicide is never a true answer, just a delayed experience of professing fear.

Let us reveal more about the reality of life. Take a moment now to consider every aspect that you recognize within life. Think of all the ways life has expressed itself to you. This can be through thoughts, circumstances, emotions, sights, and sounds. All ways that you consider life as being life to you are perfect for this exercise. Make a list if you would like. Now, we are going to do something completely radical. I would like you to go to your local newspaper and review some obituaries. Yes, I did say that I would like you to go to your local paper and review some obituaries. If you do not have access to a newspaper now, try the internet. Look up some reviews of people who have died and search within these writings for references to the aspects of life that you have written on your list.

For instance, if you have identified “family” or “parenting” as being an expression of life, see within these memorials where the writer mentions parenting. If the bestowing of happiness, peace or love to another is considered by you to be an expression of life, find within these memorials where it is stated that these people, in their life experience, expressed happiness, peace, or love. Find as many references as you can to your life expression list. We will use these memorials as the symbol for remembrance they are.

Now, I would like you to identify which of these life expressions are no longer possible.
Currently, since this person’s body is no longer in physical functioning, has anything from your list been permanently lost? Take a moment to consider this. Is any aspect of life expression permanently dependent upon a body’s existence? The point that I am making is that, in other words, has their body created the life expression, or was the life expression extended through the body? As you come to realize the answer, you will see how that even if these personalities have appeared to pass on – nothing is lost.

The body is a channel for God. It is a tool for expressing life, but the body is not life itself. Nor is God dependent upon this channel for His expression. Life expresses through all, but needs nothing. Nothing begins or ends in a body. Nothing that appears in a body, or expresses in a body, begins or dies in a body. This is the same with the world and all physical experience and is essential for you to learn. Once you come to realize how your life is not dependent on any THING, you will also no longer believe that Your True Self relates to the body or expresses solely in its limited terms. Likewise, once you realize how death is not anything but another form of the ego’s belief in limitation, you will realize how the absence of death is not just another concept to learn. The absence of death is reality. Trust me; Jeshua could not have demonstrated this if it were not true.

Your body has nothing within it. The body merely provides a channel for all that is real to flow through it. Therefore, life is always expressing without boundaries. It is the same with the personality. Your personality, likewise, is a channel for God. There is nothing forms solely from the personality or is dependent on the personality in order to be in existence. Consequently, when it appears the personality of someone is no longer in expression, this does not mean that life has left him or her. Instead, life is always expressing beyond a personality, body, or circumstance.

Life always is. Do not assume fear or judgment when life appears not to be expressing in the ways you have assumed it should. Therefore, I will say emphasize again, Life is never dependent and never ceases. Take this thought within you and dwell upon it. Allow yourself to realize, beyond your mind, exactly the awareness for which I am witnessing. Breathe and feel the knowledge (the revelation) for Who You Truly Are calling out to you, beyond all ideas of limitation. In this awareness, you shall come to reveal the Holy Instant as You are.

Tell me, when a light bulb burns out, does electricity cease to exist? When a radio is broken, does the signal stop broadcasting as well? Surely not. Thus, it is the same with you in relation to your body. Your body is a channel. It has no inherent value on its own. As a simple expression within the dream, it can be valued for its resourceful qualities. Indeed, even in your grandest imagination you can continue to express in memory of your Creator. However, no matter how ingenious your body’s workings are, to compare this tool to life itself would be the same as comparing a really finely crafted light bulb to the entirety of electric current. Fascinating idea, the body and the bulb, but surely neither can parallel in expression with the wonder of Love and Light You are.

Do not mourn for the loss of a body. Nothing that you love of it is lost. It is just merely misinterpreted. The current, which is the expression of Life, continues to thrive through all. Again, I do not mean for you to realize this awareness solely for intellectualization. Cease your attempts to think through this and simply be the life you are.

A significant obsession with the ego is that it believes it can be lost. This belief is one of the most false you possess. Creation is eternal. All aspects of creation are eternal. This is so and never undone. Therefore, today, as we come together to surrender the idea of death, we will allow the awareness of life to be unbound.

Take as many moments today to let the fullness of life’s expression to flow through you. Breathe and quiet your mind. I will show you exactly how to let this simple beingness express within the Holy Instant. However, in order to simply be, you first must release all dependencies. Most importantly, you must seek to release your dependency upon fear, for fear solely witnesses to your investment in limitation. Therefore, this is why I am asking you to approach your awareness today like a game. Please do go out into the world and delicately observe the flow of life all around you. See how it does not depend upon anything, but instead flows freely through all channels of body and mind. Be joyous for the sensation of warmth upon your face. Exult as you hear laughter and dedicate a quiet hallowed space for tears. All of these are expressions of life. Realize that God does not limit you to anything, but only celebrates in all forms of expression where life can simply be.

As you stay within this hallowed space today, call to your attention, that death has no place here. Recognize that death cannot mute life, for even silence is an expression of life itself. The flow you are continues through all, beyond all forms, revealing its Self eternally. As you surrender to this awareness, you step closer to resting completely in the Holy Instant You are always and all ways. I love you.

Daily Thought: The Holy Instant I am cannot die.