In the life of every student of spirituality there are moments when the really tough lessons emerge. I call these experiences “the rubber hitting the road lessons.” During these trying times he or she discovers if the heart truly embraces his or her conscious wish for unlearning and healing. Recently, I’ve been experiencing a challenge through the unexpected death of my most beloved pet.
Before, I begin discussing the Course and how it would meet the challenges of healing from experiences such as death and sickness, I feel it important to emphasize that we have been given emotional states as part of the primary "human" package. Granted, in Truth we constitute the Holiness of God having a "human experience." In addition, it is true that all the images of the world that we may consider to be fact are far from fact within reality. However, it is not my belief that these being spiritual truths ask us to become callous and suppressive of our emotions. This being said, I would like to accentuate the importance of taking lots of time to observe and express your emotions especially after having the experience of significant loss in your life.
Personally, I needed (and still do feel the need) moments of crying and feeling the emptiness that is evident within my home and heart with his physical loss. Sunnie was a central part of my adult life. Not only was he the first cat I "owned", he lived with me for nearly 14 years -- of which, were some of the most transformational within my adult life. There were many moments during the past fourteen years where I felt Sunnie was the only respite of friendship I had on the entire earth. With this in mind, it would be unnatural if I were to just think that after his physical loss, I could snap my fingers and instantly return 100% back to "normal."
The Holy Bible states quite clearly that there were moments where Jesus not only wept, but laughed, was touched and showed compassion and empathy for his fellow Brother. Not once does the Bible recount occurrences where Jesus flippantly avoided bonding emotionally with anyone. He always met his Brother on the same road that which they walked, the only seeming difference was that he was awake within the journey and clearly saw the Light at the end of the road. When Jesus encountered a Brother who appeared challenged, never did he deny the challenge, but he always graciously offered Love to the space that felt flooded by fear. Truly, in order to do this, Jesus would have to be not only aware of his own human emotions, but fully accepting of them as appropriate and purposeful.
In the experience of loss, it is always best to offer love. The love that we always give only strengthens the healing. Consequently, as you experience grief, it is best to vigilantly (meaning mindfully and observantly) offer love to oneself, love to the mourners, love to the memory of the departed and love to any fear or emptiness which arises. Again, to suppress the grieving process is not healthy and never is the offering of empty platitudes to people or emotions helpful to our healing.
If one is familiar with the study of A Course in Miracles, two of the thorniest concepts for our minds to embrace are where Jesus teaches how there is no death or sickness in reality.
“All forms of sickness, even unto death, are physical expressions of the fear of awakening. They are attempts to reinforce sleeping out of fear of waking. This is a pathetic way of trying not to see by rendering the faculties for seeing ineffectual. "Rest in peace" is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping.”[1]
Good news, yes, but I can understand if you feel such words appear to be a bit harshly stated. In our loving sight we'll overlook the idea that Jesus himself just called us "pathetic" (smile). Actually, although your ego may be shouting “how dare him!” take a moment to breathe and remember that in his complete Love, Jesus never seeks to harm us. His ways have never been brusque and insensitive. I truly believe that Jesus specifically chose every word used in the dictation of A Course in Miracles with appropriate purpose. Keeping this in mind, if we research the origins of the word "pathetic" we find its Greek origin word "pathos" means: "liable to suffer" or "suffering." Therefore, when Jesus is saying, "This is a pathetic way of trying to not see..." what he is saying is that we blind ourselves with suffering when we invest in ideas of death and sickness.
All throughout A Course in Miracles we are asked to yield to Who We Are in Truth over the images our bodies see or experience. To the body this yielding seems nearly impossible because the body is designed to operate in a world of limitation, speaking the language of limitation. Images of loss and limitation then become the diagnostic and positioning system for the body. Death and sickness are quite "normal" for the body as its very purpose is to function within the limits of time and space. Although we struggle against the inevitability of death, as humans it would be impossible to fully dismiss the idea. In fact, most likely if someone attempted to depose the existence of death he or she would be considered insane. Therefore, I really do not believe that Jesus' A Course in Miracles teachings are asking us to pretend bodily death does not occur. He is not encouraging us to arrive at funerals around the world with party horns and resurrection powders. As Dr. Kenneth Wapnick says: "Don't be wierd."
No, instead, when it comes to death and sickness, I really feel Jesus is only asking us to recognize where we place our identity. Are we to define and equate ourselves through the weakness of the body, or the strength of the Spirit? In other words, which world becomes our master, because we cannot truly value two worlds or serve two masters equally. Jesus does not want us to deny our bodies, however, he is asking us if we wish to be ruled by them. For instance, he is not asking us to declare triumphantly, "I am as healthy as a tri-athlete" while we vomitted profusely or rested in bed after requiring another cycle of chemotherapy. However, while we did feel and observe the body's experience of cancer, we could choose to take the experience in, allow ourselves to gently feel the situation, side effects and emotions included and in turn give the experience to God trusting that all is still perfect beyond what the physical body and senses receive.
Similarly, after losing a loved one (be it person or pet -- essentially love is love and loss is loss) we can come to listen, love and let go of any attachment the ego has which asks us to reinvest in the belief of limitation because of this event. Yes, you can still grieve. Yes, you still can allow the feelings of loss and emptiness to flow through you. Yes, you can sit quietly, rest and gently allow yourself to heal through any ritual within time or space which is most comforting for you. In fact, I would say that is a necessity. However, if you find yourself equating your identity with the loss, then you can serenely listen to the story, offer love within, and let go.
How do you recognize the difference between identifying with the feeling versus recognizing the feeling? Feelings through which we identify speak in "I am" concrete statements (which, by the way, is why these words are two of the most powerful in our language). Identified statements are often black or white / all or nothing. If we were to identify with the feeling of grief we would hear a declaration resounding "I am empty" or "I am alone". Alternatively, if we were to simply observe the feeling apart from equating ourselves with it, the inner dialogue would state: "I am feeling empty now" or "I am feeling alone now." In feeling alone now, we understand how the feeling is based on our perceptions and residing within a temporal framework. In a temporal framework we cannot believe that this feeling of aloneness is "forever," nor do we see ourselves as nothing because of it. Truly, the more you are able to keep your feelings to the level of observation and self- awareness, the more you are able to recognize the ego's modus operandi and release yourself from them.
One of the most powerful statements from A Course in Miracles about sickness and death is:
“The mind can make the belief in separation very real and very fearful … it is powerful, active, destructive and clearly in opposition to God ... There is no death, but there is a belief in death.”[2]
Does this sound like the recommendations of a teacher whom is asking us to merely turn a blind eye? No. He goes as far into the depths of his guidance to show us exactly how real the experience of death presents, and plays out the experience with his own physical form. Surely, if Jesus wanted us to only cover our eyes, there would have been no need for nails, a mallet and blood to show us how the demons in which we hardily invest and claim to be our savior. However, the apex of remembering occurs through the Course when we are reminded that no matter what our dreams of death put in the conceptual picture, we remain perfectly peaceful in Truth’s unyielding love.
"But realize that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation is a lie. Your creation by God is the only Foundation that cannot be shaken, because the light is in it. Your starting point is truth, and you must return to your Beginning. Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened. Your Self s still in peace, even though your mind is in conflict." [3]
With this lesson we are able to move from feeling the tacky tangled webs of ego tricks, to removing our hands into the sunbeams which display crystalline dewdrops of light beyond them.
Personally, this is one reason why I am so appreciative for the Course coming into my life. Through it, I have not only learned that in Truth we are the Holiness of God Himself, but that this True State of Being is constant. In alignment with this state of being, Jesus himself is adamant with his message. Not once does he wane on this central core and eternal fact. He is so consistent that he finds hundreds of ways to repeat and reinforce the same message upon more than a thousand pages of text, workbook, and manual. I guess he knew that we really needed fortification from our insane beliefs! With this fortification, I can more easily embrace the Truth of Who I Am and become significantly more aware of how the ego tricks us through its attempts to forget or distort our Holiness. Consequently, as a student of A Course in Miracles, I am given the opportunity to recognize how I am as God Created me, not any different from my Brothers and eternally unchangeable. Ye even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I can feel no evil for thou art with me --- thou art IS me.
I remember once in my journaling where Holy Spirit asked me to pronounce the word “attachments” as “attack-ments”. Consider this for a moment and notice how this pronunciation clearly represents the adversity of claiming attachments. As we devote ourselves to need we set ourselves up for suffering. Clearly, it does not matter who or to what we absorbingly invest. If it is an idea, we will fight to be right. If it is an individual, we will define ourselves by his or her company or feel lost and abandoned when he or she is not around. Even if we attach to a preferred outcome, the potential for disappointment lingers in the shadows. This is why the Course teaches that we should be wary of special relationships and the wish to seek outside our One Self. Through any attachment, we are asking for separation and thus for God to limit Himself. With this in mind, as well as with a willingness to free ourselves from all self-judgment, all we need do is ask within: "why do I wish to limit God or seek separation? For what purpose in Love would this genuinely serve?" Given this blessing as not only students of the Course, but vigilant seekers of peace of mind, we can allow ourselves to pass through the valley with greater strength, wisdom and clarity. Personally, I recognize that as long as I see myself as a human in the mirror I will still feel many passing breezes of uncertainty. However, as I come to feel the bitterness of this uncertainty upon my cheek, I am always able to shine the warm rays of my heart's remembrance upon it. Individiually, I may not be able to completely end the experience of sickness or death, but nor do I have to struggle against it.
Before, I begin discussing the Course and how it would meet the challenges of healing from experiences such as death and sickness, I feel it important to emphasize that we have been given emotional states as part of the primary "human" package. Granted, in Truth we constitute the Holiness of God having a "human experience." In addition, it is true that all the images of the world that we may consider to be fact are far from fact within reality. However, it is not my belief that these being spiritual truths ask us to become callous and suppressive of our emotions. This being said, I would like to accentuate the importance of taking lots of time to observe and express your emotions especially after having the experience of significant loss in your life.
Personally, I needed (and still do feel the need) moments of crying and feeling the emptiness that is evident within my home and heart with his physical loss. Sunnie was a central part of my adult life. Not only was he the first cat I "owned", he lived with me for nearly 14 years -- of which, were some of the most transformational within my adult life. There were many moments during the past fourteen years where I felt Sunnie was the only respite of friendship I had on the entire earth. With this in mind, it would be unnatural if I were to just think that after his physical loss, I could snap my fingers and instantly return 100% back to "normal."
The Holy Bible states quite clearly that there were moments where Jesus not only wept, but laughed, was touched and showed compassion and empathy for his fellow Brother. Not once does the Bible recount occurrences where Jesus flippantly avoided bonding emotionally with anyone. He always met his Brother on the same road that which they walked, the only seeming difference was that he was awake within the journey and clearly saw the Light at the end of the road. When Jesus encountered a Brother who appeared challenged, never did he deny the challenge, but he always graciously offered Love to the space that felt flooded by fear. Truly, in order to do this, Jesus would have to be not only aware of his own human emotions, but fully accepting of them as appropriate and purposeful.
In the experience of loss, it is always best to offer love. The love that we always give only strengthens the healing. Consequently, as you experience grief, it is best to vigilantly (meaning mindfully and observantly) offer love to oneself, love to the mourners, love to the memory of the departed and love to any fear or emptiness which arises. Again, to suppress the grieving process is not healthy and never is the offering of empty platitudes to people or emotions helpful to our healing.
If one is familiar with the study of A Course in Miracles, two of the thorniest concepts for our minds to embrace are where Jesus teaches how there is no death or sickness in reality.
“All forms of sickness, even unto death, are physical expressions of the fear of awakening. They are attempts to reinforce sleeping out of fear of waking. This is a pathetic way of trying not to see by rendering the faculties for seeing ineffectual. "Rest in peace" is a blessing for the living, not the dead, because rest comes from waking, not from sleeping.”[1]
Good news, yes, but I can understand if you feel such words appear to be a bit harshly stated. In our loving sight we'll overlook the idea that Jesus himself just called us "pathetic" (smile). Actually, although your ego may be shouting “how dare him!” take a moment to breathe and remember that in his complete Love, Jesus never seeks to harm us. His ways have never been brusque and insensitive. I truly believe that Jesus specifically chose every word used in the dictation of A Course in Miracles with appropriate purpose. Keeping this in mind, if we research the origins of the word "pathetic" we find its Greek origin word "pathos" means: "liable to suffer" or "suffering." Therefore, when Jesus is saying, "This is a pathetic way of trying to not see..." what he is saying is that we blind ourselves with suffering when we invest in ideas of death and sickness.
All throughout A Course in Miracles we are asked to yield to Who We Are in Truth over the images our bodies see or experience. To the body this yielding seems nearly impossible because the body is designed to operate in a world of limitation, speaking the language of limitation. Images of loss and limitation then become the diagnostic and positioning system for the body. Death and sickness are quite "normal" for the body as its very purpose is to function within the limits of time and space. Although we struggle against the inevitability of death, as humans it would be impossible to fully dismiss the idea. In fact, most likely if someone attempted to depose the existence of death he or she would be considered insane. Therefore, I really do not believe that Jesus' A Course in Miracles teachings are asking us to pretend bodily death does not occur. He is not encouraging us to arrive at funerals around the world with party horns and resurrection powders. As Dr. Kenneth Wapnick says: "Don't be wierd."
No, instead, when it comes to death and sickness, I really feel Jesus is only asking us to recognize where we place our identity. Are we to define and equate ourselves through the weakness of the body, or the strength of the Spirit? In other words, which world becomes our master, because we cannot truly value two worlds or serve two masters equally. Jesus does not want us to deny our bodies, however, he is asking us if we wish to be ruled by them. For instance, he is not asking us to declare triumphantly, "I am as healthy as a tri-athlete" while we vomitted profusely or rested in bed after requiring another cycle of chemotherapy. However, while we did feel and observe the body's experience of cancer, we could choose to take the experience in, allow ourselves to gently feel the situation, side effects and emotions included and in turn give the experience to God trusting that all is still perfect beyond what the physical body and senses receive.
Similarly, after losing a loved one (be it person or pet -- essentially love is love and loss is loss) we can come to listen, love and let go of any attachment the ego has which asks us to reinvest in the belief of limitation because of this event. Yes, you can still grieve. Yes, you still can allow the feelings of loss and emptiness to flow through you. Yes, you can sit quietly, rest and gently allow yourself to heal through any ritual within time or space which is most comforting for you. In fact, I would say that is a necessity. However, if you find yourself equating your identity with the loss, then you can serenely listen to the story, offer love within, and let go.
How do you recognize the difference between identifying with the feeling versus recognizing the feeling? Feelings through which we identify speak in "I am" concrete statements (which, by the way, is why these words are two of the most powerful in our language). Identified statements are often black or white / all or nothing. If we were to identify with the feeling of grief we would hear a declaration resounding "I am empty" or "I am alone". Alternatively, if we were to simply observe the feeling apart from equating ourselves with it, the inner dialogue would state: "I am feeling empty now" or "I am feeling alone now." In feeling alone now, we understand how the feeling is based on our perceptions and residing within a temporal framework. In a temporal framework we cannot believe that this feeling of aloneness is "forever," nor do we see ourselves as nothing because of it. Truly, the more you are able to keep your feelings to the level of observation and self- awareness, the more you are able to recognize the ego's modus operandi and release yourself from them.
One of the most powerful statements from A Course in Miracles about sickness and death is:
“The mind can make the belief in separation very real and very fearful … it is powerful, active, destructive and clearly in opposition to God ... There is no death, but there is a belief in death.”[2]
Does this sound like the recommendations of a teacher whom is asking us to merely turn a blind eye? No. He goes as far into the depths of his guidance to show us exactly how real the experience of death presents, and plays out the experience with his own physical form. Surely, if Jesus wanted us to only cover our eyes, there would have been no need for nails, a mallet and blood to show us how the demons in which we hardily invest and claim to be our savior. However, the apex of remembering occurs through the Course when we are reminded that no matter what our dreams of death put in the conceptual picture, we remain perfectly peaceful in Truth’s unyielding love.
"But realize that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation is a lie. Your creation by God is the only Foundation that cannot be shaken, because the light is in it. Your starting point is truth, and you must return to your Beginning. Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened. Your Self s still in peace, even though your mind is in conflict." [3]
With this lesson we are able to move from feeling the tacky tangled webs of ego tricks, to removing our hands into the sunbeams which display crystalline dewdrops of light beyond them.
Personally, this is one reason why I am so appreciative for the Course coming into my life. Through it, I have not only learned that in Truth we are the Holiness of God Himself, but that this True State of Being is constant. In alignment with this state of being, Jesus himself is adamant with his message. Not once does he wane on this central core and eternal fact. He is so consistent that he finds hundreds of ways to repeat and reinforce the same message upon more than a thousand pages of text, workbook, and manual. I guess he knew that we really needed fortification from our insane beliefs! With this fortification, I can more easily embrace the Truth of Who I Am and become significantly more aware of how the ego tricks us through its attempts to forget or distort our Holiness. Consequently, as a student of A Course in Miracles, I am given the opportunity to recognize how I am as God Created me, not any different from my Brothers and eternally unchangeable. Ye even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I can feel no evil for thou art with me --- thou art IS me.
I remember once in my journaling where Holy Spirit asked me to pronounce the word “attachments” as “attack-ments”. Consider this for a moment and notice how this pronunciation clearly represents the adversity of claiming attachments. As we devote ourselves to need we set ourselves up for suffering. Clearly, it does not matter who or to what we absorbingly invest. If it is an idea, we will fight to be right. If it is an individual, we will define ourselves by his or her company or feel lost and abandoned when he or she is not around. Even if we attach to a preferred outcome, the potential for disappointment lingers in the shadows. This is why the Course teaches that we should be wary of special relationships and the wish to seek outside our One Self. Through any attachment, we are asking for separation and thus for God to limit Himself. With this in mind, as well as with a willingness to free ourselves from all self-judgment, all we need do is ask within: "why do I wish to limit God or seek separation? For what purpose in Love would this genuinely serve?" Given this blessing as not only students of the Course, but vigilant seekers of peace of mind, we can allow ourselves to pass through the valley with greater strength, wisdom and clarity. Personally, I recognize that as long as I see myself as a human in the mirror I will still feel many passing breezes of uncertainty. However, as I come to feel the bitterness of this uncertainty upon my cheek, I am always able to shine the warm rays of my heart's remembrance upon it. Individiually, I may not be able to completely end the experience of sickness or death, but nor do I have to struggle against it.
In summary, when it comes to healing from experiences with death it is best to be gentle and aware. Notice all the emotions and beliefs within and seek not to impose any further judgment upon yourself for these experiences. If moments arise where you are equating yourself with the feelings of loneliness or loss, allow these feelings without struggle. Do not demand to prove these feelings or beliefs wrong, but stay as observant as possible to the story. Be willing to sit with these emotions and beliefs in accepting gentleness. Hold yourself with them and feel them flow through you like the touches of a passing breeze. No matter what you feel, seek not to resist the feeling. Take plenty of moments throughout your healing to rest and release all these stories to God, acknowledging that in His endless care for you, He is willing to take all offerings and transmute them into the magnificence You are in Truth. Here we choose to remember our strength, seeing our perceptions as peacemakers rather than perpetrators and truly allow ourselves to rest in peace.
[1] A Course in Miracles, Text; 2nd edition, pg. 158
[2] A Course in Miracles, Text, 2nd edition, pg. 51
[3] A Course in Miracles, Text, 2nd edition, pg. 51
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