I Want The Peace of God

"I want the Peace of God," the words exhale from my body as I collapse into the living-room couch after a standard work day. So often it seems that nobody is happy enough. Why are we going through these motions? "What's in it for me," is a mantra that I'm becoming increasingly nauseated from hearing. Is there not just a temporary oasis beyond the gnawing calls to react in fear, stress and need?

Insert the standard roll of the eyes, frustrated sigh and hiding of my head beneath the couch pillows: "I want the Peace of God." Oh wait, there are emails to read, articles to write, a project that is begging for completion, a manuscript I must proof-read, a few phone calls, a dog to walk and cats to feed who have been acting sallow from being ignored lately. Will the world just go away for a minute or two???

"I want the Peace of God." Grrr.. I think to myself, recalling an email I received earlier in the day. You know, that person really didn't have to say those comments!! Who the hell does he think he is?? That's not very spiritual of him! Isn't he supposed to be practicing this stuff? What makes him feel so superior? What makes him feel those judgments are justified?? I was more than rational and appropriate. I was being kind. I was being forgiving! What the f**k??! What does he want from me??!!! "Sighhh... I just wish everyone would practice what they preach!"

"I want the Peace of God." Why are those kids outside screaming at the top of their lungs?? What is it with little girls who feel that they have to break the sound barrier or audible limit of tea kettles??! How is that any fun?? Now, I think of those projects that need completion... my victim-identified mind has begun its monologue: "You know those people are just going to use you like all the others and toss you aside." "They don't really care. They don't really want anything but their own needs met." I feel overwhelmed with thoughts of being used, abused and confused...

"I want the Peace of God." God-DAMMIT!!! What is with those firecrackers?!? Jeeezuzzz Keeristttt!!! The forth was over three days ago!!! Why can't the world just shut up for a moment.. a minute.. a second?? Just one... while I close my eyes and try to push these thoughts out of my head. Can't I simply just sit here and rest.... because, "I want the peace of God."

There seems to just be too much to do, too much to overlook and forgive .... too much... too much ... too much and so much more! When can I get away? When will the world finally change? When will everyone get their act together??? Will the hot fudge sundae I'm craving help me respond? What if I go on that walk and sweat out these feelings -- pounding the pavement past the whoosh of cars on the highway? Can I blur out the hopelessness? How about a wonderfully chilled chocolate martini? Will the haze of temporary intoxication send them all away? Will it help me release the feelings of being a failure? Will that help me feel good enough or peaceful enough? Can anything out there help me with the resentment and judgment that yearns to be heard inside my mind? "I want the Peace of God." "I WANT the Peace of God!!!!!" But do I?

Long before the idea of the book Simply Being: One Year with Spirit came to fruition, Holy Spirit outlined for me why stress is such a problem in our society. "Stress is resistance." "It is the battle against yourself and your own dreams." "You cannot have stress without resistance ... likewise, you cannot be at peace without acceptance." "As you resist your dreams you make them real. You let them overpower you and trade the role of creator for victim. However, you can always remember where you genuine power remains." Well, surely that did seem to be the case right here and now as the world seemed to churn and churn at my peace of mind. Now was the time to ask myself, "Who is the one who is investing in the dream?"

All stress is rooted in the expectations, perceptions and choices I value. Any expectation that I have, especially of the outside world, reaffirms my dependency. An expectation is a need, that is why you get so mad when you don't receive what you assume should be. Is it possible for the Holiness of God to be dependent? If I say that I am in need, that can only give rise to a myriad of disappointment and victim stories. Emptiness seeking completion outside itself cannot overlook that fact that it is seeking outside only because it feels empty inside. However, if I affirmed my wholeness within and used this as my sight, then nothing "out there" would have any purpose other than just being a dancing shadow upon the landscape.

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the Peace of God." Ahhh, yes. So does this mean that I can haul up on this couch forever... let the bills pile up... smile while the neighbors scream... permit the work to just not get done... don't show up for work tomorrow... let the phone ring... the family give up on me... the dog poop... the cats hunger... the world be offended... if I let all that just happen.... will that bring the Peace of God?? Well, if I could do that and still be peaceful, there would be nothing wrong with it. However, I doubt that I could live in that type of experience and not be suppressing any resentment. Therefore, no the peace of God does not arise from ignoring the outside world, it comes from accepting the outside world and using each incidence as a learning rather than a destructive device.

The Peace of God does not seek escape. Escape requires a belief in something to escape from. However, the Peace of God accepts that all is perfect no matter what the seeming outer condition. The Peace of God does not judge itself by the outer condition. The bottom line is that this drama is my insanity only because I choose to see myself determinable by these outer conditions. I can have a whirlwind of activity around me and still remain perfectly peaceful. I can involve myself in a myriad of tasks and still feel completely centered in Strength and awareness because I choose to affirm my strength rather than deny it.

"[The Teacher of God] must learn to lay ALL judgment aside, and ask ONLY what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed."

Hmm. "I want the Peace of God." And so, what then of the world? What of comments and emails and work and piles of paper and screams and being treated unfairly and noise... noise... noise in my head? What then? What then?

Nothing. Holy Spirit is saying that I don't have to give anything up. I don't have to sacrifice any of my dreams or beliefs in need. However, I must simply be honest about how much I invest in those dreams and believe that they will somehow bassakwardly reveal the Peace of God. If I find these dreams valuable, I will see my world be commanded by a whirlwind of struggle and strife. I will see myself in weakness and not in magnificence. I will be the victim and the one who can offend or be offended. Both of these are equal mistakes... equal distortions.. to the reality of Who I Am. And so yes... it all can fade away. But not fade through conscious ignoring or wishful escape. All can fade away when I realize where my Truth strength lies within. This strength knows the Peace of God and sees no struggle. It is solid as a tree rooted deep within the earth. Even as the wind blows, the tree knows where its fortitude rests. Bend with the wind, but stand still in your Source. Rise back to the sky even higher and accept the sun upon your branches. Breathe, release and rest in the sturdy arms of God Himself.

Here is the Peace of God. Here is the reality of Who I Am... not in a whirlwind of tasks... not in a thinking-mind of judgment... not in seeking to escape or be saved from a world of too many demands or dependencies. No, the Peace of God sings hymns high above the ways of the world. You can do it all and live in love. You can embrace it all and see only peace. You can rest and settle without resistance. This is the Peace of God.