Sitting in silence this morning, I began to make my annual list of all the things I’d like to trash / let go of as I move into the new year. For a new twist, Holy Spirit insisted on having His say(smile), which made this experience definitely a bit more introspective.
It began as I snuggled quietly in my bed. Journal in hand, I searched within to begin making my list. My mental intent was to seek out which aspects of myself that did not reflect peace. All aspects that do not reflect peace, I believe, must be an obstacle to love’s awareness. Therefore, as I intend to know love and truth more deeply in my life, I asked within for the discovery of which unpleasant aspects I value. As the saying goes, “ask and you shall receive.” Soon, I found Holy Spirit speaking up, so I allowed myself to listen. As usual, He does know best.
Here is my list of all I choose to let go:
1. Unwillingness to receive: When I am unwilling to receive anything, I am judging. I am using the judgment to justify not only that there can be something more powerful than God, but also that I am vulnerable or able to be hurt/wrong, etc. This is impossible. God is whole and cannot be harmed, limited, or wrong. In knowing this I know that everything is a blessing. Everything!! Therefore, if I refuse to receive, I am refusing to accept God.
2. Fear: Fear is False EXISTENCE Appearing Real. If I am to fear anything, I am aligning myself with false existence. God's Beingness has nothing to fear, for He is never in false existence. God's Beingness is always and ALL ways True. In my guidance to let go of fear, I am asking to let go of all ways that I keep myself in false existence. For instance, I have had an ongoing fear of using spirituality for an ego means. I've called this belief before the "prostituting of spirit," and all it really represents is my belief that Spirit can be misused. Spirit cannot be misused. If Spirit could be misused, that would mean that Spirit would be vulnerable. Spirit, being the same wholeness that God is, is never vulnerable or able to be manipulated or affected by anything. It only is Love and always will be Love. As I choose to open myself up beyond fear, I am choosing to recognize that I am never vulnerable because I am God's Holiness expressed.
3. Refusing my self / Self: Similar to both of the above, anything that I see as limited I see in confusion. If I am to refuse my self (body / personality) and hold this self in judgment I am making it real. Seeing anything in judgment is a mistaken awareness and only holds us apart from seeing the reality. Therefore, if I refuse my self in any way, I am making this self real (and more real than God's Self). God's Self is unlimited and never holds its Self back. God's Self is always expressing and is always saying "Yes" to itself. God's Self is constantly giving itself everything in freedom and love and there is no ceasing to this flow. Therefore, if I am to see myself in Truth, I must see myself as a part of this flow of completion, refusing nothing. Here I ask to expand myself to align with my Self. Rather than disown, hate or limit myself, instead, I ask God to use this self (body/personality) as an expression of the One Self. This way, I cannot hate, judge or close it down, but instead I let every experience I have to be one of wholeness coming through it as an awareness of remembering God.
4. Defining my self in comparison or dependency / Jealousy: It is impossible to be jealous unless I FIRST see myself as limited and dependent. I cannot idolize or covet anything my brother has unless I see myself as not having it. Therefore, I have to not only see myself as separate from my brother, but also limited from God's Creation. Then, I'll come up with some justification that I need or am dependent on something outside myself for completion, and then I see my brother as having it or having more completion than me. This is impossible. I cannot have anything different than my Brother, because in my completion I am PERFECT with my Brother. As I choose to see this, I choose to know I am complete. In my awareness of completion, I cannot be jealous.. it is also impossible.
5. Seeing myself in separation: In releasing this, I recognize that I am never alone or separated from God. Never.
6. Judgment: ONLY the ego can judge. Only the ego can justify judgment. Only the ego supports these justifications with my judgments.
7. Resistance: In order for me to be resistant against something, I FIRST have to see it as apart from me. For instance, if I choose to be resistant to Holy Spirit's suggestions, or God's Beingness, then I am FIRST saying that God's Beingness (and Holy Spirit's witness) is not me. In my resistance, I see myself as being separate from God and am judging with fear anything He offers me. Again, fear is False Existence Appearing Real, so if I am fearing God's Beingness, I am choosing instead to value an illusion of a separated self and denying my Truth.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Surrender
Surrender: 1441, "to give (something) up," from surrendre "give up, deliver over" (13c.), from sur- "over" + rendre "give back, present, yield, restore." Reflexive sense of "to give oneself up" (especially as a prisoner) is from 1585.
Surrender to God, it is a term you may have heard, but what does it exactly mean and why is it important for our inner peace? In most worldly cases, surrender is not a word often related with happiness. Often, we confuse surrender with sacrifice and superimpose ideas of fear or loss in place of surrender’s true meaning. For instance, "Surrender! Come out with your hands up!" usually foretells punishment or guilt. Moreover, we know that when troops surrender in battle, it is a sign they have given up any hope for victory.
Sacrifice is the ego’s idea of surrender. All ideas of surrender that entail loss of power mourn only out of the ego’s need to be a separate self in control, at the expense of all else. As a Course in Miracles teaches, there is no reality in separation, therefore only the ego weeps, as it perceives it must give up its self in order to surrender. However, there is no sacrifice in God, simply because there is no possibility for loss in perfect completion. Yes, we are perfectly complete in God and only perfect completion extends. Never wanting or able to lose, God, in His Completion, extended this Holiness to us, His Holy Son, without limit. Therefore, the very idea of sacrifice is impossible and true surrender is total extension of God’s Self in all ways.
In surrender’s true meaning, as we see from its origins printed above, the act of surrender only has us choose to give back and deliver over. If we are to surrender to God, all that we are doing is delivering over to God all that the ego ever thought it could place asunder. A Course in Miracles bluntly asks, “Do you really believe you can make a voice that can drown out God's? Do you really believe you can devise a thought system that can separate you from Him? Do you really believe you can plan for your safety and joy better than He can?” (Text pg. 88) The answer to these questions lies within our definitions of surrender. If we are to recognize how we are cannot successfully substitute another voice for God’s, only the desire to surrender all voices for separation to the Holy Spirit for his restoration remains. Therefore, in this willingness to give back to God all that has always been His, we choose surrender and thus accept all that has always been our Inheritance.
Is surrender giving up? Yes, but it is only letting go of the tension, stress, pain, and resistance that only serve as obstacles to our peace. Surrender is giving up the ego’s need to be in control, to judge and to will for its justifications for incompletion. Essentially, it is giving up the idea that we know better than God. Only in surrendering, do we then render over to God what has always been His and allow ourselves to release into our True Self of unlimited possibilities. This rendering over is the opening of the door to peace of mind.
In another sense, surrender is also a yielding forth. Here we allow our inner strength to yield forth beyond our presumed uncertainty. This surrender then becomes our freedom from all the mental strain that ties us up in resistance and fear. In this yielding forth, we literally choose to get out of our own way, recognizing that we do not know our own best interests. Thus, as we surrender, we ask only for Holy Spirit’s guidance to lead the way and tell us what to say and do in all things simply because he knows us best.
As I write this article, I am coming out of a period of 40 days of surrender. You may ask, “Why forty days?” Holy Spirit led me to this period, guiding that this span of time was the most opportune for lasting growth to yield forth. Furthermore, the Bible, and many other sacred texts, reference periods of forty days, weeks, and years as times representing preparation for a greater purpose. In numerology, forty is a number referring to growth and transition. In fact, we see the number forty cited repeatedly through many life cycles, including the average 40 weeks of human pregnancy. Therefore, forty days of surrender became my period where I asked to gain a deeper sure-footedness of certainty, instead of continuing in my ego’s cyclical pattern of suspiciousness and viciousness.
For each of these 40 days, I kept a journal seeking guidance for daily surrender. Within each day, there appeared a theme. Some days I surrendered ideas of judgment while on other days I surrendered ideas of unworthiness. Overall, I sought to release concepts of need, body identification, loneliness, sacrifice, loss and several other ideas that in the past only kept me fortifying the prison bars of the ego mindset. Using the miracle, each day revealed another opportunity for Self-realization apart from the limited self that I thought I knew so well and vehemently defended. In progression of this practice of surrender, I came closer each moment to remembering the freedom and peace that God Wills for us in His Truth. All it took was my daily willingness to give back to God all that I was holding apart from Him in my mind.
I know what you are thinking… because I was thinking it too. How could I give back everything to God? Is that asking too much? Do I not deserve anything for myself? Yes, you do! You do deserve everything! You do have everything in perfect completion! Only the little will has you perceive otherwise, and so this is all you are releasing. God’s perfect Will for us is always giving all to us – this is our inalterable freedom. Therefore, no right can be set apart from this. Not even your right to judge. Indeed, would you rather be right or happy? Surely, as the Course teaches and as I found in my practice, happiness extends only when we choose to give back to God all the little wills that appear to debate for our own incompletion.
Surprisingly, there were many incidences where I saw how the last thing I really wanted was to surrender. Several daily experiences called my attention to where I chose first to act and second to think again out of forgiveness. The practice of surrender led me to a conscious awareness of how this choice worked better reversed. First, I asked to see through forgiveness and second chose to act in genuine practice of this desire. Yet, even if I perceived I was not taking the action that my mind thought it should be taking, in time, the surrender of this understanding always led to a greater peace. I even surrendered the idea of not surrendering “good enough.” Overall, I came to see that the only thing I was losing was the belief that I actually could lose.
So, what is the point of surrendering to God? The point is simply to realize that it is not with our mind that we see the most clearly. As we choose more to yield forth to the Light of Truth within us, the Light of Truth that IS us, we gain a deeper awareness of how our mistaken ideas have only superimposed fear and loss where there never could be any. Without surrender we cannot see how mistaken these judgments and misperceptions really are. Surrender helped me recognize that it is not with my mind that I see most clearly, but with the Vision of Spirit is my peace best known. Here we fully step back and let God lead the way.
NOTE: For anyone who is interested, I will be leading another 40 days of surrender practice starting on January 1st through February 9th. Email me if you would like to participate. If all goes well with this practice, I may just continue to lead these experiences. We teach what we most need to learn.
Surrender to God, it is a term you may have heard, but what does it exactly mean and why is it important for our inner peace? In most worldly cases, surrender is not a word often related with happiness. Often, we confuse surrender with sacrifice and superimpose ideas of fear or loss in place of surrender’s true meaning. For instance, "Surrender! Come out with your hands up!" usually foretells punishment or guilt. Moreover, we know that when troops surrender in battle, it is a sign they have given up any hope for victory.
Sacrifice is the ego’s idea of surrender. All ideas of surrender that entail loss of power mourn only out of the ego’s need to be a separate self in control, at the expense of all else. As a Course in Miracles teaches, there is no reality in separation, therefore only the ego weeps, as it perceives it must give up its self in order to surrender. However, there is no sacrifice in God, simply because there is no possibility for loss in perfect completion. Yes, we are perfectly complete in God and only perfect completion extends. Never wanting or able to lose, God, in His Completion, extended this Holiness to us, His Holy Son, without limit. Therefore, the very idea of sacrifice is impossible and true surrender is total extension of God’s Self in all ways.
In surrender’s true meaning, as we see from its origins printed above, the act of surrender only has us choose to give back and deliver over. If we are to surrender to God, all that we are doing is delivering over to God all that the ego ever thought it could place asunder. A Course in Miracles bluntly asks, “Do you really believe you can make a voice that can drown out God's? Do you really believe you can devise a thought system that can separate you from Him? Do you really believe you can plan for your safety and joy better than He can?” (Text pg. 88) The answer to these questions lies within our definitions of surrender. If we are to recognize how we are cannot successfully substitute another voice for God’s, only the desire to surrender all voices for separation to the Holy Spirit for his restoration remains. Therefore, in this willingness to give back to God all that has always been His, we choose surrender and thus accept all that has always been our Inheritance.
Is surrender giving up? Yes, but it is only letting go of the tension, stress, pain, and resistance that only serve as obstacles to our peace. Surrender is giving up the ego’s need to be in control, to judge and to will for its justifications for incompletion. Essentially, it is giving up the idea that we know better than God. Only in surrendering, do we then render over to God what has always been His and allow ourselves to release into our True Self of unlimited possibilities. This rendering over is the opening of the door to peace of mind.
In another sense, surrender is also a yielding forth. Here we allow our inner strength to yield forth beyond our presumed uncertainty. This surrender then becomes our freedom from all the mental strain that ties us up in resistance and fear. In this yielding forth, we literally choose to get out of our own way, recognizing that we do not know our own best interests. Thus, as we surrender, we ask only for Holy Spirit’s guidance to lead the way and tell us what to say and do in all things simply because he knows us best.
As I write this article, I am coming out of a period of 40 days of surrender. You may ask, “Why forty days?” Holy Spirit led me to this period, guiding that this span of time was the most opportune for lasting growth to yield forth. Furthermore, the Bible, and many other sacred texts, reference periods of forty days, weeks, and years as times representing preparation for a greater purpose. In numerology, forty is a number referring to growth and transition. In fact, we see the number forty cited repeatedly through many life cycles, including the average 40 weeks of human pregnancy. Therefore, forty days of surrender became my period where I asked to gain a deeper sure-footedness of certainty, instead of continuing in my ego’s cyclical pattern of suspiciousness and viciousness.
For each of these 40 days, I kept a journal seeking guidance for daily surrender. Within each day, there appeared a theme. Some days I surrendered ideas of judgment while on other days I surrendered ideas of unworthiness. Overall, I sought to release concepts of need, body identification, loneliness, sacrifice, loss and several other ideas that in the past only kept me fortifying the prison bars of the ego mindset. Using the miracle, each day revealed another opportunity for Self-realization apart from the limited self that I thought I knew so well and vehemently defended. In progression of this practice of surrender, I came closer each moment to remembering the freedom and peace that God Wills for us in His Truth. All it took was my daily willingness to give back to God all that I was holding apart from Him in my mind.
I know what you are thinking… because I was thinking it too. How could I give back everything to God? Is that asking too much? Do I not deserve anything for myself? Yes, you do! You do deserve everything! You do have everything in perfect completion! Only the little will has you perceive otherwise, and so this is all you are releasing. God’s perfect Will for us is always giving all to us – this is our inalterable freedom. Therefore, no right can be set apart from this. Not even your right to judge. Indeed, would you rather be right or happy? Surely, as the Course teaches and as I found in my practice, happiness extends only when we choose to give back to God all the little wills that appear to debate for our own incompletion.
Surprisingly, there were many incidences where I saw how the last thing I really wanted was to surrender. Several daily experiences called my attention to where I chose first to act and second to think again out of forgiveness. The practice of surrender led me to a conscious awareness of how this choice worked better reversed. First, I asked to see through forgiveness and second chose to act in genuine practice of this desire. Yet, even if I perceived I was not taking the action that my mind thought it should be taking, in time, the surrender of this understanding always led to a greater peace. I even surrendered the idea of not surrendering “good enough.” Overall, I came to see that the only thing I was losing was the belief that I actually could lose.
So, what is the point of surrendering to God? The point is simply to realize that it is not with our mind that we see the most clearly. As we choose more to yield forth to the Light of Truth within us, the Light of Truth that IS us, we gain a deeper awareness of how our mistaken ideas have only superimposed fear and loss where there never could be any. Without surrender we cannot see how mistaken these judgments and misperceptions really are. Surrender helped me recognize that it is not with my mind that I see most clearly, but with the Vision of Spirit is my peace best known. Here we fully step back and let God lead the way.
NOTE: For anyone who is interested, I will be leading another 40 days of surrender practice starting on January 1st through February 9th. Email me if you would like to participate. If all goes well with this practice, I may just continue to lead these experiences. We teach what we most need to learn.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Shadow Boxing
I'm feeling upset. What is this all about?
It is about you.
Don’t say that.
Why?
Because I feel you are saying its all about my ego. I feel that is a judgment.
Ah. Have I said that?
No.
So why do you think it? Do you think that this upset is all about the ego?
Maybe.
Let’s look at that.
Sighh.. okay.
Are you struggling today because you are believing that only the ego is defining your purpose here?
I haven’t thought of it that way today, but that does sound clearly why I feel a bit frustrated. I don’t want the ego to define me, however I feel like the only way I can gain definition is through the ego.
You are correct. The only way you can gain definition is through the ego. This is only because the ego does not know who it is and therefore tries to define itself through the world. The world is a substitution for remembering the Truth. As long as you deny the Truth of your Self, you do not know who you are and then you seek out definition from another Source. Your True Self does not need to define itself because in Truth you know your Self.
That sounds simple enough. I guess I’m frustrated because I do not know my Self. I want to know my Self.
Stop wanting and start allowing.
Que?!
Stop wanting and start allowing. You are very skilled at boxing shadows. The thinking mind is in continuous battle with its illusions. However, all you need do is recognize these illusions for being what they are and no longer would you have a need to fight them. As long as you use these illusions to define you, you do not know your Self. It is that simple. The only cure to this is to remember. Accept your Self and remember. Quiet your mind and remember. Take off the boxing gloves and remember.
How come remembering seems so difficult?
Because you are in battle with your Self. Your Self is not accepting the battle and so it appears to be a struggle. I say, “Hush” and you scream. I say, “Hush and rest” and you jump up and down on the bed. I say, “All is perfect” and you cry out of desperation. No matter what your need or response, my answers will always remain the same. This is only a battle of play, and never one of my reality.
Man… that makes me sound like a child. Why do I resist so much?
Only because you do not know and are afraid. But, do not worry, I do not judge you for your resistance. Simply I wait, watch, and trust with you in your freedom. Play this out for as long as you want, never will I judge you. It is always okay. It is always perfect. I send only love.
I guess I should settle down. I guess its time to finally get to business.
(laughter) This is not an assignment Dear One. You are not to follow my directions simply because you feel I have said them. Your desire is already within you. The perfect moment has already been chosen for your awakening. All is perfect now. There is nothing for you to do other than simply enjoy the love you are.
But.. but.. shouldn’t I…
No. Simply enjoy the love you are. That is all.
[A few days later]
Holy Spirit, I had the strongest waves of sadness and lonliness pass through me yesterday. First, it seemed like just a regular ego attack where I could see the distorted thoughts passing through my mind. One by one, I observed the thoughts and recognized the stories they were telling. However, suddenly, my mind began to understand what the ego thoughts were saying at a level just below recognition of them. I guess I started to believe the stories – because they must of hit an inner note of acceptance on my part. However, no matter the reason why it happened, I was swept up in realization of what these thoughts were saying instead of just hearing them and then the dam burst. I recognized how lonely I felt. I saw how pained I was within and although logically I saw that these were ego thoughts, I kept seeing the thoughts and feeling a wash of crying trying to break through – but then I would go back to observing them and feel a bit better. It is hard to describe. Since I was in a public place at the time, I restrained my crying, even though I really could have burst out into serious sobs. I don’t cry well in public. However, maybe I should have let myself cry. I don’t know. My friends in this place saw I was upset and kept trying to cheer me up, but within me I wanted to just go more deeply into these thoughts and feelings so I could release them. I didn’t want to forget them. However, by the time I did come home and let myself relax, the thoughts and feelings appeared to have cleared up. Should I have let them come through?
First off, there are no right or wrong ways to allow yourself these moments of awareness. And yes, that is what last night was, a moment of awareness. You finally allowed yourself to clearly see what you believed deep within you. Conceptualization can be a form of restraint and restraint does not heal. You cannot analyze yourself out of these deep beliefs. These are beliefs that you have stored within for eons. You cannot simply pack these feelings away in boxes labeled ego and expect yourself to feel renewed. Honestly, if you want to do that, it will do nothing. Truly, you must allow yourself to flow through these feelings for their release.
But if I would have let myself cry last night, I would have felt so embarrassed.
Did it feel good to restrain the cry?
No. It felt very uncomfortable.
Yes, and this restraint against yourself is something that you have been practicing for a long time.
But why then by the time I did get home I felt better?
Because you involved yourself in distraction and the feelings went back into storage.
I don’t like that. That means that I really did not heal anything.
Don’t judge yourself Beloved. It is okay. But yes, these feelings still do linger within you and it would do you well to let them out. I know that you believe you “know better,” but truly, knowing better does not keep you from believing what you feel you do.
So I have to let myself feel these feelings even though cognitively I can see they are based on error.
Seeing that they are based in error cognitively does not keep you from believing them. Again we are not here to shadow box or merely label boxes. It will be important for you to open some of these boxes up and look within them. Only when you look at some of these personalized pervasive treasures face to face can you allow yourself to release them. Restraint will not be the way here. However, you were able to recognize when your thinking mind wanted to input a projection on the feeling. You went through a litany of stories of whom you could blame or find anger with for this feeling. Through this experience, you also saw how intellectually these stories were ridiculous, but you also allowed yourself to play imaginatively which helped you release them. It is okay to do this. Yet, as you were doing this, you began to recognize the more concrete beliefs that supported these projective castles. This is why you began to feel these feelings more deeply. You peeled away the surface distortions to discover the foundation of all your projections, and yes, this is quite traumatic.
That is a perfect way to describe it. You know sometimes I feel really frustrated with this whole process. I feel like this is too hard. I feel that it will be too impossible to succeed and that the mistaken beliefs in my mind are just too powerful for me to overcome.
This is because you feel you must overcome them on your own. Honestly, as long as you see yourself up against the world, surely it will appear to be impossible. However, it is never you up against the world. You are never alone, and the healing of the mind is not a personal responsibility completed through an individualized thinking mind.
Yes, that is important for me to look at, because that is often how I feel. I feel that it is me that is doing this healing thing and is feeling lonely and afraid. I feel that it is the small and unworthy self that must overcome itself.
But that is not true. The small and unworthy self believes it can overcome nothing, and it has no reason to overcome anything. This self thrives on fear and defines itself through these shadows. Therefore, yes, it is impossible to heal yourself through your self. Healing is a remembering that you are not this lonely, small, and unworthy self dependent on fear and frustration. This is not you. That is why I say that you are boxing shadows. Only the small and individualized self believes it needs to fight. And what is it fighting? Nothing but more shadows. This small self makes the shadows by turning its back to the light, denying who it is in Truth. This then projects the shadows and allows the self to perceive itself in battle. Being in battle, now it must defend or attack in order to live. However, all it need really do is return to the Light. Remember to simply turn back around and remember from where these shadows emerged. Do not deny the shadows, but recognize what they really are and set yourself free.
It is about you.
Don’t say that.
Why?
Because I feel you are saying its all about my ego. I feel that is a judgment.
Ah. Have I said that?
No.
So why do you think it? Do you think that this upset is all about the ego?
Maybe.
Let’s look at that.
Sighh.. okay.
Are you struggling today because you are believing that only the ego is defining your purpose here?
I haven’t thought of it that way today, but that does sound clearly why I feel a bit frustrated. I don’t want the ego to define me, however I feel like the only way I can gain definition is through the ego.
You are correct. The only way you can gain definition is through the ego. This is only because the ego does not know who it is and therefore tries to define itself through the world. The world is a substitution for remembering the Truth. As long as you deny the Truth of your Self, you do not know who you are and then you seek out definition from another Source. Your True Self does not need to define itself because in Truth you know your Self.
That sounds simple enough. I guess I’m frustrated because I do not know my Self. I want to know my Self.
Stop wanting and start allowing.
Que?!
Stop wanting and start allowing. You are very skilled at boxing shadows. The thinking mind is in continuous battle with its illusions. However, all you need do is recognize these illusions for being what they are and no longer would you have a need to fight them. As long as you use these illusions to define you, you do not know your Self. It is that simple. The only cure to this is to remember. Accept your Self and remember. Quiet your mind and remember. Take off the boxing gloves and remember.
How come remembering seems so difficult?
Because you are in battle with your Self. Your Self is not accepting the battle and so it appears to be a struggle. I say, “Hush” and you scream. I say, “Hush and rest” and you jump up and down on the bed. I say, “All is perfect” and you cry out of desperation. No matter what your need or response, my answers will always remain the same. This is only a battle of play, and never one of my reality.
Man… that makes me sound like a child. Why do I resist so much?
Only because you do not know and are afraid. But, do not worry, I do not judge you for your resistance. Simply I wait, watch, and trust with you in your freedom. Play this out for as long as you want, never will I judge you. It is always okay. It is always perfect. I send only love.
I guess I should settle down. I guess its time to finally get to business.
(laughter) This is not an assignment Dear One. You are not to follow my directions simply because you feel I have said them. Your desire is already within you. The perfect moment has already been chosen for your awakening. All is perfect now. There is nothing for you to do other than simply enjoy the love you are.
But.. but.. shouldn’t I…
No. Simply enjoy the love you are. That is all.
[A few days later]
Holy Spirit, I had the strongest waves of sadness and lonliness pass through me yesterday. First, it seemed like just a regular ego attack where I could see the distorted thoughts passing through my mind. One by one, I observed the thoughts and recognized the stories they were telling. However, suddenly, my mind began to understand what the ego thoughts were saying at a level just below recognition of them. I guess I started to believe the stories – because they must of hit an inner note of acceptance on my part. However, no matter the reason why it happened, I was swept up in realization of what these thoughts were saying instead of just hearing them and then the dam burst. I recognized how lonely I felt. I saw how pained I was within and although logically I saw that these were ego thoughts, I kept seeing the thoughts and feeling a wash of crying trying to break through – but then I would go back to observing them and feel a bit better. It is hard to describe. Since I was in a public place at the time, I restrained my crying, even though I really could have burst out into serious sobs. I don’t cry well in public. However, maybe I should have let myself cry. I don’t know. My friends in this place saw I was upset and kept trying to cheer me up, but within me I wanted to just go more deeply into these thoughts and feelings so I could release them. I didn’t want to forget them. However, by the time I did come home and let myself relax, the thoughts and feelings appeared to have cleared up. Should I have let them come through?
First off, there are no right or wrong ways to allow yourself these moments of awareness. And yes, that is what last night was, a moment of awareness. You finally allowed yourself to clearly see what you believed deep within you. Conceptualization can be a form of restraint and restraint does not heal. You cannot analyze yourself out of these deep beliefs. These are beliefs that you have stored within for eons. You cannot simply pack these feelings away in boxes labeled ego and expect yourself to feel renewed. Honestly, if you want to do that, it will do nothing. Truly, you must allow yourself to flow through these feelings for their release.
But if I would have let myself cry last night, I would have felt so embarrassed.
Did it feel good to restrain the cry?
No. It felt very uncomfortable.
Yes, and this restraint against yourself is something that you have been practicing for a long time.
But why then by the time I did get home I felt better?
Because you involved yourself in distraction and the feelings went back into storage.
I don’t like that. That means that I really did not heal anything.
Don’t judge yourself Beloved. It is okay. But yes, these feelings still do linger within you and it would do you well to let them out. I know that you believe you “know better,” but truly, knowing better does not keep you from believing what you feel you do.
So I have to let myself feel these feelings even though cognitively I can see they are based on error.
Seeing that they are based in error cognitively does not keep you from believing them. Again we are not here to shadow box or merely label boxes. It will be important for you to open some of these boxes up and look within them. Only when you look at some of these personalized pervasive treasures face to face can you allow yourself to release them. Restraint will not be the way here. However, you were able to recognize when your thinking mind wanted to input a projection on the feeling. You went through a litany of stories of whom you could blame or find anger with for this feeling. Through this experience, you also saw how intellectually these stories were ridiculous, but you also allowed yourself to play imaginatively which helped you release them. It is okay to do this. Yet, as you were doing this, you began to recognize the more concrete beliefs that supported these projective castles. This is why you began to feel these feelings more deeply. You peeled away the surface distortions to discover the foundation of all your projections, and yes, this is quite traumatic.
That is a perfect way to describe it. You know sometimes I feel really frustrated with this whole process. I feel like this is too hard. I feel that it will be too impossible to succeed and that the mistaken beliefs in my mind are just too powerful for me to overcome.
This is because you feel you must overcome them on your own. Honestly, as long as you see yourself up against the world, surely it will appear to be impossible. However, it is never you up against the world. You are never alone, and the healing of the mind is not a personal responsibility completed through an individualized thinking mind.
Yes, that is important for me to look at, because that is often how I feel. I feel that it is me that is doing this healing thing and is feeling lonely and afraid. I feel that it is the small and unworthy self that must overcome itself.
But that is not true. The small and unworthy self believes it can overcome nothing, and it has no reason to overcome anything. This self thrives on fear and defines itself through these shadows. Therefore, yes, it is impossible to heal yourself through your self. Healing is a remembering that you are not this lonely, small, and unworthy self dependent on fear and frustration. This is not you. That is why I say that you are boxing shadows. Only the small and individualized self believes it needs to fight. And what is it fighting? Nothing but more shadows. This small self makes the shadows by turning its back to the light, denying who it is in Truth. This then projects the shadows and allows the self to perceive itself in battle. Being in battle, now it must defend or attack in order to live. However, all it need really do is return to the Light. Remember to simply turn back around and remember from where these shadows emerged. Do not deny the shadows, but recognize what they really are and set yourself free.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
40 Days of Surrender: Days Thirty - Two through Forty
Day Thirty-Two: December 6th, 2007
I’ve had quite a few thoughts of self-limitation this morning. I can see them flow through my mind making suggestions as to where I am limited, undeserving, not good enough, etc.
Yes, you doubt yourself heavily.
Why is that??!
You are afraid of your Truth.
Well, that just makes no sense. Why would I be afraid of Truth if it is supposed to be so grand?
That’s why it is called insanity in A Course In Miracles. This denial you have makes no sense. It churns on delusion and deception. In your doubts you are thinking yourself into more ideas of delusion and deception. As long as you see yourself as “not good enough” or unfavorably compare yourself to others, you only keep yourself in wanting. These are only affirmations of beliefs in loss and separation. You see yourself separate from your brothers here. You see yourself as separate from brothers who are supposedly more loved, appreciated or successful than you. This is symbolic of seeing yourself apart from love. Essentially all you long for is love. You long for love only because you deny it within. Why do you deny it within? Because you do not feel you are deserving of it, and you deny the Truth of Who You Are. Trust me, beloved, if you knew.. truly KNEW.. who You were, there could be no doubt.
Gosh! Why do I DO this??! You’d think in all the moments that I’ve practiced with you and spoken with you, that I’d get it by now!
And how is this judgment that you now cling to is purposeful?
Uhm… well, okay that it is not. I guess I need to re-center you myself. (Breathing) You know Spirit, sometimes I wonder that if the people who seem so much more successful at this Spirit thing, don’t have as much experience with self-doubt. What makes them get it so much more easily than me?
First off.. that’s more judgment. Second, that is seeing yourself as separate from your brothers. That is seeing them in form, and you in form, and you most definitely at a greater disadvantage than them. This is one of the ways that the mind keeps the dream churning.
(Breathing).. Okay. You are right. I can see that.
And so are you. Not right in your judgment, but right and whole and complete and perfect in your True Self. That is why I am here. That is why I am allowed to remember for you. If you had been so willing to completely deny, you surely would not be having this conversation.
You have a point there. Okay. But what I want is to truly get this. I don’t want to keep falling into this hole time and time again.
Sounds like a story I’ve heard before, about the choice to walk down another street.
(smile) Cute.
So, are you willing to walk down another street with me, here and now?
I’d like to.. yes.. I think.
Hmm.. sounds like a bit of resistance.
Well, I do feel the fear within me. I can’t honestly say that I am always certain.
And that is only because you find a value in the doubt and fear that you seem to torture your mind with.
I wish I knew what that value was.
Well, I could tell you one thing, it has not but made the entirety of the world in which you now see yourself. This is not a value as simple to your mind as choosing chocolate or vanilla ice cream. To your True Self it is that simple, but then again it did also decide to play and so this entire world rose as an answer to that wish. The self that you seem to know really has a significant belief in itself and in loss. It sees the sacrifice and destruction of everything it holds dear when you ask to challenge it’s choices. That is why I ask you not to challenge its choices, but simply to look at them. As you look, see if they bring you peace and if they do not, ask (with me) to see them differently. I will never pry from you anything that you still desire. In fact, I will not pry anything from you. In your desire to walk with me, all else will simply drop away. This is why I use the “mists before the sun” reference. These mists will simply fade from sight. In some areas of your consciousness, these mists may feel like barred and bolted cement walls. However, this is only true if you see them from a judging self or a self that believes in entrapment. This is the self of fear, and not the self who will ever give you a clear and appropriate vision of your Self. Remember, fear will always prolong fear.
Yes. We have spoken of this many many many times… gosh, why can’t I just get it by now? Especially after talking about surrender with you for nearly 40 days… I would have thought that I’d be at a more constant peaceful awareness now.
Stop it. Stop judging yourself now. This is not purposeful. Take a deep breath and clear your mind with me. And yes, we have talked, but now it is time to move from concept to practice. You can do this. You will not achieve out of a longing to succeed (and out of a longing to be equal with your brothers in form). You will achieve because you really have no choice but to know your Self. This is your One and ONLY Truth. Breathe and say that to your self. “Holiness is my one and only Truth.” Rest your mind and feel this peace, this Truth, flow through you, as it knows exactly whom you are. Keep this awareness within your mind today and trust that I am with you. Every moment that you catch yourself comparing or doubting, use this awareness. Holiness is your one and only Truth. I celebrate this with you, for it is a celebration of ALL we are as One. I love you.
Day Thirty-Three: December 7th, 2007
I give to remember I am. I share to remember I am. I accept to remember I am. Notice today all the ways you give in remembrance of me. This is not a giving of form, but a giving of thought. As you give me your ideas of need and separation, who is it that you remember you are? Who is the Self who knows and trusts? Who is the Self that accepts? Give to remember this Self, not in demand of it, but in awareness of it. Although trust may seem to involve an idea of a separated Self you are trusting in, essentially all you are trusting is the Self who knows. This Self is you, only you do not know it. It is okay not to know, however we are here to remember. What is your intention here? If it is to remember in Truth, trust is an essential part of the process. How can we give in remembrance if we are to cling to ideas of resistance and separation? Obviously we cannot have both and still peacefully be. I am with you in peace. I love you.
Day Thirty-Four: December 8th, 2007
Why do you think that you are not practicing surrender just because you are not choosing to write on here? That is a significant judgment that is making you dependent on the form of surrender, rather than just the experience. I have asked you to experience surrender, not to write about it. Conceptualization is a maze for your thinking mind and is not the center of your being. In being, you rest and do not need to think. You do not need to determine yourself with structure or form. Why? Because you know your Self in being and have no reason to define (or manipulate) it further. You have participated within these past days of surrender perfectly. Do not judge yourself for how it has occurred. I do not judge you. If you conjure some expectation of how these days should have been, you are only adding confusion to the awareness. Your awareness has opened during these past days. It HAS! Truly, if you look within and release yourself from judgments it will be easy to see that. Have there not been palpable changes in your awareness of peace as well as how you see / experience those around you? This is the beginning of the opening. This practice was never meant to be the end. You can continue to practice as days go on, in fact it can be an ongoing awareness. Remember I said from the start that this was not to be a routine. The experience was not to be ritualized or judged by time. I still intend for that to be.
All has been perfect in this experience and all will continue to be. Open yourself up to receiving beloved. This is essential for you. Open yourself up to receiving. Take some moments now to focus on the blessing you are. See and feel the completeness. This completeness is a constant flow of awareness, breathing in and out – sharing its wholeness in all and through all. A closed valve cannot share. You cannot open up if you are to hold tight to your judgments. Closed beliefs do not allow you to receive. This only keeps the mind focused on limitation and loss. Remember Beloved, the Holy Son can lose nothing. You are whole and in this awareness you open up to the flow of receiving. DO not place limitations on this receiving, or definitions / expectations. Simply open up to it. As you come before the remembrance of God you do not come to receive, you come to accept. Accepting has you open to all you already have received. However, without a willingness to open you cannot see the perfection of your Self nor all you receive. Surrender to this awareness of flow today. Do not feel the need to define it, just trust and it shall be shown to you perfectly in every moment. You are as God is. Accept this. Accept this! I am with you in realization of this Truth. I am as You are. My Light is your own. See this within you and all is made aware in perfection. I love you.
Day Thirty-Five: December 9th, 2007
Trust and do not fight for control. Release in the peace you are. Here we surrender past our intentions and thoughts. Here we simply allow our self to be.
Day Thirty-Six: December 10th, 2007
Continue to be open. You are progressing perfectly. Now we are progressing without any thought attached to the experience of surrender. Here you are not “doing” surrender, you are being surrender. In being surrender you open up to the moment without thought or resistance. You are not still asking to be in control of the choice to act out surrender.
Day Thirty-Seven: December 11th, 2007
Be mindful of all you give to God today. Allow yourself to be aware of the flow from within, connecting you to all there is to know and be. Remember I am with you. I love you.
Day Thirty-Eight: December 12th, 2007
Spend this day in review. Look at all ideas of surrender and review how these days have reflected upon your experiences. Did you feel sacrifice? Did you feel forced or frustrated? Allow your mind to enter into this experience, simply as an observer of all that appeared to go by. Remember you are loved.
Day Thirty-Nine: December 13th, 2007
Today I would like you to give freedom to all you see as others. No matter what they present you with, or display for you, I would like you to offer only love and freedom. In this, you recognize the awareness of love that you are and do not set any limits upon it. Here you do not ask to tell another story, such as one of need or restriction. Do not think or tell your brother what he or she can and cannot do, only allow them to lead the way through their own freedom. Bless the world today and every image that it makes for you. Bless the world and trust that all is always perfect in my knowing. I love you.
Day Forty: December 14th, 2007
You have come forty days permitting yourself to give your mind to me. This day is indeed celebrated! Sit back now and breathe in the awareness of your True freedom! Know I am with you. As you recall in my instruction, there is no right or wrong way to surrender as it is giving up judgment itself. Here we yield to our Truth. Here we allow the Self we are to shine through into its own awareness, beyond a need to think or control in any way. The self that you have seemed to be has never done you glory as long as I have known you. It hides your true nature. It would be helpful to ask yourself, “What do I wish to hide in myself?” What do you choose to keep separate through this individuality? Here you will come to recognize what you fear the most and what keeps you clinging to resistance. For as long as these hidden wishes are valued for being more than your simple childlike innocence, you allow yourself to sing behind prison bars. I am not asking you to sing from within the cage. However, I will guide you to the key for full release. This is not about release from a body, but a release from identification with the body and with all ideas of loss and limitation. You are free. Surrender to your freedom. In this surrender, you take the final step. Here you allow all restraint and judgment to fade away. Here you yield forth the light within you to be set free. Remember, there is no time or space that you are not. This is essential. There is nothing that can ever keep you from your Self. Settle within this awareness and you will settle within your grandeur. Peace and Love are with you all ways and always. They ARE you. Today you are free of all that appears otherwise. Today you see through these illusions. This is not just an exercise. This is a claiming of your own True Self in all and as all. I love you.
I’ve had quite a few thoughts of self-limitation this morning. I can see them flow through my mind making suggestions as to where I am limited, undeserving, not good enough, etc.
Yes, you doubt yourself heavily.
Why is that??!
You are afraid of your Truth.
Well, that just makes no sense. Why would I be afraid of Truth if it is supposed to be so grand?
That’s why it is called insanity in A Course In Miracles. This denial you have makes no sense. It churns on delusion and deception. In your doubts you are thinking yourself into more ideas of delusion and deception. As long as you see yourself as “not good enough” or unfavorably compare yourself to others, you only keep yourself in wanting. These are only affirmations of beliefs in loss and separation. You see yourself separate from your brothers here. You see yourself as separate from brothers who are supposedly more loved, appreciated or successful than you. This is symbolic of seeing yourself apart from love. Essentially all you long for is love. You long for love only because you deny it within. Why do you deny it within? Because you do not feel you are deserving of it, and you deny the Truth of Who You Are. Trust me, beloved, if you knew.. truly KNEW.. who You were, there could be no doubt.
Gosh! Why do I DO this??! You’d think in all the moments that I’ve practiced with you and spoken with you, that I’d get it by now!
And how is this judgment that you now cling to is purposeful?
Uhm… well, okay that it is not. I guess I need to re-center you myself. (Breathing) You know Spirit, sometimes I wonder that if the people who seem so much more successful at this Spirit thing, don’t have as much experience with self-doubt. What makes them get it so much more easily than me?
First off.. that’s more judgment. Second, that is seeing yourself as separate from your brothers. That is seeing them in form, and you in form, and you most definitely at a greater disadvantage than them. This is one of the ways that the mind keeps the dream churning.
(Breathing).. Okay. You are right. I can see that.
And so are you. Not right in your judgment, but right and whole and complete and perfect in your True Self. That is why I am here. That is why I am allowed to remember for you. If you had been so willing to completely deny, you surely would not be having this conversation.
You have a point there. Okay. But what I want is to truly get this. I don’t want to keep falling into this hole time and time again.
Sounds like a story I’ve heard before, about the choice to walk down another street.
(smile) Cute.
So, are you willing to walk down another street with me, here and now?
I’d like to.. yes.. I think.
Hmm.. sounds like a bit of resistance.
Well, I do feel the fear within me. I can’t honestly say that I am always certain.
And that is only because you find a value in the doubt and fear that you seem to torture your mind with.
I wish I knew what that value was.
Well, I could tell you one thing, it has not but made the entirety of the world in which you now see yourself. This is not a value as simple to your mind as choosing chocolate or vanilla ice cream. To your True Self it is that simple, but then again it did also decide to play and so this entire world rose as an answer to that wish. The self that you seem to know really has a significant belief in itself and in loss. It sees the sacrifice and destruction of everything it holds dear when you ask to challenge it’s choices. That is why I ask you not to challenge its choices, but simply to look at them. As you look, see if they bring you peace and if they do not, ask (with me) to see them differently. I will never pry from you anything that you still desire. In fact, I will not pry anything from you. In your desire to walk with me, all else will simply drop away. This is why I use the “mists before the sun” reference. These mists will simply fade from sight. In some areas of your consciousness, these mists may feel like barred and bolted cement walls. However, this is only true if you see them from a judging self or a self that believes in entrapment. This is the self of fear, and not the self who will ever give you a clear and appropriate vision of your Self. Remember, fear will always prolong fear.
Yes. We have spoken of this many many many times… gosh, why can’t I just get it by now? Especially after talking about surrender with you for nearly 40 days… I would have thought that I’d be at a more constant peaceful awareness now.
Stop it. Stop judging yourself now. This is not purposeful. Take a deep breath and clear your mind with me. And yes, we have talked, but now it is time to move from concept to practice. You can do this. You will not achieve out of a longing to succeed (and out of a longing to be equal with your brothers in form). You will achieve because you really have no choice but to know your Self. This is your One and ONLY Truth. Breathe and say that to your self. “Holiness is my one and only Truth.” Rest your mind and feel this peace, this Truth, flow through you, as it knows exactly whom you are. Keep this awareness within your mind today and trust that I am with you. Every moment that you catch yourself comparing or doubting, use this awareness. Holiness is your one and only Truth. I celebrate this with you, for it is a celebration of ALL we are as One. I love you.
Day Thirty-Three: December 7th, 2007
I give to remember I am. I share to remember I am. I accept to remember I am. Notice today all the ways you give in remembrance of me. This is not a giving of form, but a giving of thought. As you give me your ideas of need and separation, who is it that you remember you are? Who is the Self who knows and trusts? Who is the Self that accepts? Give to remember this Self, not in demand of it, but in awareness of it. Although trust may seem to involve an idea of a separated Self you are trusting in, essentially all you are trusting is the Self who knows. This Self is you, only you do not know it. It is okay not to know, however we are here to remember. What is your intention here? If it is to remember in Truth, trust is an essential part of the process. How can we give in remembrance if we are to cling to ideas of resistance and separation? Obviously we cannot have both and still peacefully be. I am with you in peace. I love you.
Day Thirty-Four: December 8th, 2007
Why do you think that you are not practicing surrender just because you are not choosing to write on here? That is a significant judgment that is making you dependent on the form of surrender, rather than just the experience. I have asked you to experience surrender, not to write about it. Conceptualization is a maze for your thinking mind and is not the center of your being. In being, you rest and do not need to think. You do not need to determine yourself with structure or form. Why? Because you know your Self in being and have no reason to define (or manipulate) it further. You have participated within these past days of surrender perfectly. Do not judge yourself for how it has occurred. I do not judge you. If you conjure some expectation of how these days should have been, you are only adding confusion to the awareness. Your awareness has opened during these past days. It HAS! Truly, if you look within and release yourself from judgments it will be easy to see that. Have there not been palpable changes in your awareness of peace as well as how you see / experience those around you? This is the beginning of the opening. This practice was never meant to be the end. You can continue to practice as days go on, in fact it can be an ongoing awareness. Remember I said from the start that this was not to be a routine. The experience was not to be ritualized or judged by time. I still intend for that to be.
All has been perfect in this experience and all will continue to be. Open yourself up to receiving beloved. This is essential for you. Open yourself up to receiving. Take some moments now to focus on the blessing you are. See and feel the completeness. This completeness is a constant flow of awareness, breathing in and out – sharing its wholeness in all and through all. A closed valve cannot share. You cannot open up if you are to hold tight to your judgments. Closed beliefs do not allow you to receive. This only keeps the mind focused on limitation and loss. Remember Beloved, the Holy Son can lose nothing. You are whole and in this awareness you open up to the flow of receiving. DO not place limitations on this receiving, or definitions / expectations. Simply open up to it. As you come before the remembrance of God you do not come to receive, you come to accept. Accepting has you open to all you already have received. However, without a willingness to open you cannot see the perfection of your Self nor all you receive. Surrender to this awareness of flow today. Do not feel the need to define it, just trust and it shall be shown to you perfectly in every moment. You are as God is. Accept this. Accept this! I am with you in realization of this Truth. I am as You are. My Light is your own. See this within you and all is made aware in perfection. I love you.
Day Thirty-Five: December 9th, 2007
Trust and do not fight for control. Release in the peace you are. Here we surrender past our intentions and thoughts. Here we simply allow our self to be.
Day Thirty-Six: December 10th, 2007
Continue to be open. You are progressing perfectly. Now we are progressing without any thought attached to the experience of surrender. Here you are not “doing” surrender, you are being surrender. In being surrender you open up to the moment without thought or resistance. You are not still asking to be in control of the choice to act out surrender.
Day Thirty-Seven: December 11th, 2007
Be mindful of all you give to God today. Allow yourself to be aware of the flow from within, connecting you to all there is to know and be. Remember I am with you. I love you.
Day Thirty-Eight: December 12th, 2007
Spend this day in review. Look at all ideas of surrender and review how these days have reflected upon your experiences. Did you feel sacrifice? Did you feel forced or frustrated? Allow your mind to enter into this experience, simply as an observer of all that appeared to go by. Remember you are loved.
Day Thirty-Nine: December 13th, 2007
Today I would like you to give freedom to all you see as others. No matter what they present you with, or display for you, I would like you to offer only love and freedom. In this, you recognize the awareness of love that you are and do not set any limits upon it. Here you do not ask to tell another story, such as one of need or restriction. Do not think or tell your brother what he or she can and cannot do, only allow them to lead the way through their own freedom. Bless the world today and every image that it makes for you. Bless the world and trust that all is always perfect in my knowing. I love you.
Day Forty: December 14th, 2007
You have come forty days permitting yourself to give your mind to me. This day is indeed celebrated! Sit back now and breathe in the awareness of your True freedom! Know I am with you. As you recall in my instruction, there is no right or wrong way to surrender as it is giving up judgment itself. Here we yield to our Truth. Here we allow the Self we are to shine through into its own awareness, beyond a need to think or control in any way. The self that you have seemed to be has never done you glory as long as I have known you. It hides your true nature. It would be helpful to ask yourself, “What do I wish to hide in myself?” What do you choose to keep separate through this individuality? Here you will come to recognize what you fear the most and what keeps you clinging to resistance. For as long as these hidden wishes are valued for being more than your simple childlike innocence, you allow yourself to sing behind prison bars. I am not asking you to sing from within the cage. However, I will guide you to the key for full release. This is not about release from a body, but a release from identification with the body and with all ideas of loss and limitation. You are free. Surrender to your freedom. In this surrender, you take the final step. Here you allow all restraint and judgment to fade away. Here you yield forth the light within you to be set free. Remember, there is no time or space that you are not. This is essential. There is nothing that can ever keep you from your Self. Settle within this awareness and you will settle within your grandeur. Peace and Love are with you all ways and always. They ARE you. Today you are free of all that appears otherwise. Today you see through these illusions. This is not just an exercise. This is a claiming of your own True Self in all and as all. I love you.
40 Days of Surrender: Days Twenty-Seven - Thirty- One
Day Twenty – Seven: December 1st, 2007
Surrender ideas of your identity and all representations of it today. Simply observe where you are asking to think with the mind of Pam or be seen as the body of Pam. Who is this person that you desire so intimately to be? What does it think that is different than the love of God? What does it need that can only be sustained through limited means? Is this the self you want? Is this the self you need? Do not see these ideas as a means to further judgment, but simply allow yourself to ask them how they serve you for peace. Do not expect to come to any conclusions today. I am not asking you to deny yourself of anything. However, I am asking you to observe the thoughts that appear to keep you in limitation. Why does Pam compare herself to other bodies? Why does she feel so different or in need? What does she hope to gain from or for herself and why? Yes, indeed, what is this all about? Do not feel surprised if you linger a bit in depression today, sadness is a feeling that the mind uses as an attempt to feel itself as separate. As you question ideas of separation today, the mind will recall all feelings of separation. However, do not fear. I am with you. I love you and do not ask anything of you that does not radiate in love and knowledge. I know who you are and this is my beloved.
Day Twenty – Eight: December 2nd, 2007
Permit yourself to allow Love today. Simply let the love flow through your mind beyond your thoughts. Seek to see where you allow love.
Devotion practice is not about devoting yourself to a separated God Self, it is about reawakening yourself to accepting the Love Self you are. Here you devote yourself to knowing once again. Devotion is a proclamation. It is the extension of a vow. Can you vow what you do not know? In asking to know your Self, you are asking to remember what you have simply forgotten. If you have forgotten, there was a moment that you did know. You merely have forgotten what you know. I know you as God Created You and cannot forget. In your devotion, you ask to remember and proclaim that remembering is possible. This is why I say you are allowing love. As you praise you come to realize your value and worth once again. You are remembering your Self as your Self.
When you want, you are calling out from a place of vacancy. It is the same as saying “but I do not know.” Think of the innocent child, he says he does not know, however you are aware how much he does know; only he does not see it in himself. I see the same in you, little one. You are crying out in wanting only because you have forgotten. If I ask you to allow love, I ask you only to remember. Place your value within you. Remember you are worthy.
The “I” is needed in this allowance, because you need recognize how you have chosen to forget. This “I” is the self that has agreed to forget. See how you have chosen to forget (The Dreamer of the Dream) so that you may allow an awakening.
Day Twenty – Nine: December 3rd, 2007
Be aware of where you desire to be in control today. Observe where you want to believe the old stories of limitation and fear. Rest into the simplicity of the day’s experiences. Remember, I am always with you and am always sending you your gifts. I love you.
(hours later) I am seeing some thoughts of judgment pop up.
What are they saying to you?
Hmm. Same old stuff. Trying to notice or make justification for ego’s claims and beliefs. These thoughts want to see me as separate from others. They want me to identify with the body and guilt. They want to see people’s actions and judge by them. However, funny thing is, I do not want these feelings or thoughts. Therefore, I’m just sitting here and looking at them. I feel some restriction in my stomach. I’m going to breathe there and let myself relax. I’m starting to see the game in all of this. I’m seeing the silliness in these thoughts and what they want me to believe. I do not want to believe what these thoughts want me to believe. I’m going to choose to rest instead.
Wonderful. Quiet your mind and breathe. This is a perfect response to a perfect realization. Remember not to cover up these feelings and thoughts, but watch them. Observe what they want to say. Is this representative of the peace you choose to be? Is this representative of the peace you are?
No its not. I want the peace of God. I give all these thoughts to you. They are not what I want and they are not the Truth.
Breathe, release and rest. All is perfect beloved. All is perfect. Rest in this space and know. I love you.
Day Thirty: December 4th, 2007
I don’t think I was doing much surrendering today.
All is perfect beloved. Do not judge yourself. Simply allow peace to flow through you and I will be there. Be aware of my presence and trust. I love you.
Day Thirty – One: December 5th, 2007
I’ve been having some judgments about teaching. I wonder if I should continue to teach the Course online. I wonder if there is any purpose to it.
Beloved One, purpose is always what you make of it. Your true purpose is always sure and whole. When you doubt, you are only seeing through the mind of uncertainty. The doubts you are having about teaching, are not about teaching, they are about how you see the role of teacher. You fear being seen as a teacher or in any leadership role. Think about, haven’t you feared those experiences most of your life?
Yes, I have. I feel more like it is better to just remain in the background. But it is funny.. almost ironic. Because I enjoy teaching, I enjoy having that attention so to speak, but I also highly judge myself for it.
This is related to some unhealed emotional energy you carry about yourself. You judge yourself in this role, doubt yourself and insert fear where there need not be. One way you do this is by comparing yourself to other teachers. Likewise, you also judge the purpose of the teacher role and say it is shallow or seeking materialism. None of these judgments is purposeful to none but the ego. A more spiritual purpose is never found in judgment. Nor is a spiritual purpose found in doubt (which is Self-judgment). Doubt often denies the Truth of who you are. It says you (another or a situation) just cannot be that glorious. You turn a blind eye to truth out of a sense of perceived need for security.
In teaching, what do you fear?
I fear that I’m doing teaching for all the wrong reasons? I fear that I’m just trying to get ahead or a new career and using ACIM practice as an excuse for that. I guess I can compare it to a belief of selling my soul to the devil. I’m prostituting spirit for worldly gain. And honestly, that is something I would never want. I don’t want to give up spiritual truth for worldly gain. The world is just not that important.
Again, beloved, the world is what you made of it. But let’s go back to the idea of selling your soul to the devil. First of all, you can never do this, although I know you mean it in a metaphoric sense. However, it is important to know that you can never fully forget (or consciously exchange) the truth of who you are for illusion. We are always connected, even if you deny yourself the opportunity to be aware of this connection.
But there seem to be so many who have no clue of the Truth of themselves in this body form.
Just because they do not seem to be aware on the surface does not mean that they completely forget. There is a spark within you all ways and always. This spark eternally remembers and calls out the Truth. Many perceive this calling on a subconscious level, or they excuse it as something else, but truly, it is never completely forgotten. Trust me on this one Dear.
Okay, so you are saying that no matter what I do or think in the world, I can never completely lose myself?
Yes, you can never completely lose yourself. And it is only out of this belief in loss that you judge others who seem to use spiritual pursuits as money making pursuits. You feel that they soil the name of spiritual being. This is never possible, because spirit can never truly be offended nor soiled in any way.
But can’t I get lost in this journey? Can’t I waste time or divert myself from the path by investing in these useless means at worldly gain?
No and No.
But I think…
Never mind that. Listen, you cannot lose and this pathway is one that you have made. That is it. However you use it, all is perfect. Everything can be used for purposes of the ego mind, but even there you cannot be lost. Yes, you can hide your Self awareness in worldly purpose, but this is neither a sin nor a true diversion. I do not judge your process, nor do I supersede the purposes you choose from a mind in play. I completely respect your freedom. Why? Because I know you are changeless. Time cannot be wasted, because time itself is the illusion and you are never dependent on anything. Yes, this means you are never dependent on doing this spiritual path correctly within a certain period of time.
Well, I am aware that you give me the freedom to play out this illusion within time forever, but who would really want to do that, especially once they become more aware of a greater Truth.
Do not judge yourself or your brothers. This is all perfect.
But if I decide to play around here more and use spiritual practice as a way to gain in the world, am I not just choosing more illusion? Wouldn’t that lead to me just having to come back in this dream time and time again… life after life… until I just decide to give it all up??!
Wow.. that really sounds like a harsh punishment for the mind that desires to play.
Uhm.. yeah, I guess. I do feel that I’ll be punished by having to live another life of illusion and suffering if I were to desire to keep playing.
No wonder you fear diverting from the pathway you have made. Beloved, to hold yourself to principles of fear is never purposeful. IF you desire to will for awareness, it cannot be as an alternative to fear. That will not bring you peace. That is a desperate cry for awareness out of a fear of being fearful and that is just a willing for fear.
Okay.. yes, I can see that there is some fear there.
Some?
Okay.. okay.. okay! I see there is a lot of fear there! (smile)
(laughter) All is perfect Beloved. Do not allow yourself to ask judgment to forget this. Do as you would like in this experience, but keep awareness for when you choose out of fear. ALL ways that you choose out of fear and surrender these thoughts to me.
Sounds like a good practice for today.
Amen. I love you.
Okay.. but… should I still teach?
Do not doubt yourself. Find the Love you are within and entrust that to me to always speak first. Here there can be no fear. I love you.
Surrender ideas of your identity and all representations of it today. Simply observe where you are asking to think with the mind of Pam or be seen as the body of Pam. Who is this person that you desire so intimately to be? What does it think that is different than the love of God? What does it need that can only be sustained through limited means? Is this the self you want? Is this the self you need? Do not see these ideas as a means to further judgment, but simply allow yourself to ask them how they serve you for peace. Do not expect to come to any conclusions today. I am not asking you to deny yourself of anything. However, I am asking you to observe the thoughts that appear to keep you in limitation. Why does Pam compare herself to other bodies? Why does she feel so different or in need? What does she hope to gain from or for herself and why? Yes, indeed, what is this all about? Do not feel surprised if you linger a bit in depression today, sadness is a feeling that the mind uses as an attempt to feel itself as separate. As you question ideas of separation today, the mind will recall all feelings of separation. However, do not fear. I am with you. I love you and do not ask anything of you that does not radiate in love and knowledge. I know who you are and this is my beloved.
Day Twenty – Eight: December 2nd, 2007
Permit yourself to allow Love today. Simply let the love flow through your mind beyond your thoughts. Seek to see where you allow love.
Devotion practice is not about devoting yourself to a separated God Self, it is about reawakening yourself to accepting the Love Self you are. Here you devote yourself to knowing once again. Devotion is a proclamation. It is the extension of a vow. Can you vow what you do not know? In asking to know your Self, you are asking to remember what you have simply forgotten. If you have forgotten, there was a moment that you did know. You merely have forgotten what you know. I know you as God Created You and cannot forget. In your devotion, you ask to remember and proclaim that remembering is possible. This is why I say you are allowing love. As you praise you come to realize your value and worth once again. You are remembering your Self as your Self.
When you want, you are calling out from a place of vacancy. It is the same as saying “but I do not know.” Think of the innocent child, he says he does not know, however you are aware how much he does know; only he does not see it in himself. I see the same in you, little one. You are crying out in wanting only because you have forgotten. If I ask you to allow love, I ask you only to remember. Place your value within you. Remember you are worthy.
The “I” is needed in this allowance, because you need recognize how you have chosen to forget. This “I” is the self that has agreed to forget. See how you have chosen to forget (The Dreamer of the Dream) so that you may allow an awakening.
Day Twenty – Nine: December 3rd, 2007
Be aware of where you desire to be in control today. Observe where you want to believe the old stories of limitation and fear. Rest into the simplicity of the day’s experiences. Remember, I am always with you and am always sending you your gifts. I love you.
(hours later) I am seeing some thoughts of judgment pop up.
What are they saying to you?
Hmm. Same old stuff. Trying to notice or make justification for ego’s claims and beliefs. These thoughts want to see me as separate from others. They want me to identify with the body and guilt. They want to see people’s actions and judge by them. However, funny thing is, I do not want these feelings or thoughts. Therefore, I’m just sitting here and looking at them. I feel some restriction in my stomach. I’m going to breathe there and let myself relax. I’m starting to see the game in all of this. I’m seeing the silliness in these thoughts and what they want me to believe. I do not want to believe what these thoughts want me to believe. I’m going to choose to rest instead.
Wonderful. Quiet your mind and breathe. This is a perfect response to a perfect realization. Remember not to cover up these feelings and thoughts, but watch them. Observe what they want to say. Is this representative of the peace you choose to be? Is this representative of the peace you are?
No its not. I want the peace of God. I give all these thoughts to you. They are not what I want and they are not the Truth.
Breathe, release and rest. All is perfect beloved. All is perfect. Rest in this space and know. I love you.
Day Thirty: December 4th, 2007
I don’t think I was doing much surrendering today.
All is perfect beloved. Do not judge yourself. Simply allow peace to flow through you and I will be there. Be aware of my presence and trust. I love you.
Day Thirty – One: December 5th, 2007
I’ve been having some judgments about teaching. I wonder if I should continue to teach the Course online. I wonder if there is any purpose to it.
Beloved One, purpose is always what you make of it. Your true purpose is always sure and whole. When you doubt, you are only seeing through the mind of uncertainty. The doubts you are having about teaching, are not about teaching, they are about how you see the role of teacher. You fear being seen as a teacher or in any leadership role. Think about, haven’t you feared those experiences most of your life?
Yes, I have. I feel more like it is better to just remain in the background. But it is funny.. almost ironic. Because I enjoy teaching, I enjoy having that attention so to speak, but I also highly judge myself for it.
This is related to some unhealed emotional energy you carry about yourself. You judge yourself in this role, doubt yourself and insert fear where there need not be. One way you do this is by comparing yourself to other teachers. Likewise, you also judge the purpose of the teacher role and say it is shallow or seeking materialism. None of these judgments is purposeful to none but the ego. A more spiritual purpose is never found in judgment. Nor is a spiritual purpose found in doubt (which is Self-judgment). Doubt often denies the Truth of who you are. It says you (another or a situation) just cannot be that glorious. You turn a blind eye to truth out of a sense of perceived need for security.
In teaching, what do you fear?
I fear that I’m doing teaching for all the wrong reasons? I fear that I’m just trying to get ahead or a new career and using ACIM practice as an excuse for that. I guess I can compare it to a belief of selling my soul to the devil. I’m prostituting spirit for worldly gain. And honestly, that is something I would never want. I don’t want to give up spiritual truth for worldly gain. The world is just not that important.
Again, beloved, the world is what you made of it. But let’s go back to the idea of selling your soul to the devil. First of all, you can never do this, although I know you mean it in a metaphoric sense. However, it is important to know that you can never fully forget (or consciously exchange) the truth of who you are for illusion. We are always connected, even if you deny yourself the opportunity to be aware of this connection.
But there seem to be so many who have no clue of the Truth of themselves in this body form.
Just because they do not seem to be aware on the surface does not mean that they completely forget. There is a spark within you all ways and always. This spark eternally remembers and calls out the Truth. Many perceive this calling on a subconscious level, or they excuse it as something else, but truly, it is never completely forgotten. Trust me on this one Dear.
Okay, so you are saying that no matter what I do or think in the world, I can never completely lose myself?
Yes, you can never completely lose yourself. And it is only out of this belief in loss that you judge others who seem to use spiritual pursuits as money making pursuits. You feel that they soil the name of spiritual being. This is never possible, because spirit can never truly be offended nor soiled in any way.
But can’t I get lost in this journey? Can’t I waste time or divert myself from the path by investing in these useless means at worldly gain?
No and No.
But I think…
Never mind that. Listen, you cannot lose and this pathway is one that you have made. That is it. However you use it, all is perfect. Everything can be used for purposes of the ego mind, but even there you cannot be lost. Yes, you can hide your Self awareness in worldly purpose, but this is neither a sin nor a true diversion. I do not judge your process, nor do I supersede the purposes you choose from a mind in play. I completely respect your freedom. Why? Because I know you are changeless. Time cannot be wasted, because time itself is the illusion and you are never dependent on anything. Yes, this means you are never dependent on doing this spiritual path correctly within a certain period of time.
Well, I am aware that you give me the freedom to play out this illusion within time forever, but who would really want to do that, especially once they become more aware of a greater Truth.
Do not judge yourself or your brothers. This is all perfect.
But if I decide to play around here more and use spiritual practice as a way to gain in the world, am I not just choosing more illusion? Wouldn’t that lead to me just having to come back in this dream time and time again… life after life… until I just decide to give it all up??!
Wow.. that really sounds like a harsh punishment for the mind that desires to play.
Uhm.. yeah, I guess. I do feel that I’ll be punished by having to live another life of illusion and suffering if I were to desire to keep playing.
No wonder you fear diverting from the pathway you have made. Beloved, to hold yourself to principles of fear is never purposeful. IF you desire to will for awareness, it cannot be as an alternative to fear. That will not bring you peace. That is a desperate cry for awareness out of a fear of being fearful and that is just a willing for fear.
Okay.. yes, I can see that there is some fear there.
Some?
Okay.. okay.. okay! I see there is a lot of fear there! (smile)
(laughter) All is perfect Beloved. Do not allow yourself to ask judgment to forget this. Do as you would like in this experience, but keep awareness for when you choose out of fear. ALL ways that you choose out of fear and surrender these thoughts to me.
Sounds like a good practice for today.
Amen. I love you.
Okay.. but… should I still teach?
Do not doubt yourself. Find the Love you are within and entrust that to me to always speak first. Here there can be no fear. I love you.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
40 Days of Surrender: Days Twenty-One through Twenty Six
Day Twenty-One: November 25th, 2007
Before we begin today, I would like you to re-read the guidance I provided for you yesterday and to listen once again to the teaching on prayer. As you listen, take notes. See where you can allow your mind to focus through it. This guidance will help you practice Devotion in a clearer manner. For the Infinite Way is the American version of this Devotional practice. It shall guide your path now. Use its guidance to help you release and move through out your daily experiences. Notice all the moments that you can have God on your mind, but not through your thinking. These devotions will bring you a greater peaceful knowing. Release all needs for results. Do not think of how this needs to be or where it will lead. Trust. Give all thoughts to me and rest your thinking. Delight in following my guidance. Remember this is the calling to a greater joy. Do not worry about judgment, it will continue to lift from you as you trust. Now go listen.
Day Twenty-Two: November 26th, 2007
What should I surrender today?
Rest your mind. This is not a process or ritual. Allow yourself to sink into the stillness. Breathe and quietly be within. Do not seek out distraction. However, if distraction appears to come, realize what your true desire is. Seek to know your true desire today. Seek it out in all places. Share this day with God. He is always with you, as am I. As you notice the thoughts of restraint and judgment, give them to me. You only fear knowing yourself. You fear this release simply because you do not know. However, you do know your Self. You cannot not know. Allow this awareness to rise up within you. You cannot lose anything, you can only know more, be more. I love you.
Day Twenty-Three: November 27th, 2007
I’m feeling a bit of mourning today.
Let go of the feeling that you are not good enough. This feeling has haunted you for some time. It is neither true or purposeful.
How?
Rest within. Trust within. You mourn yourself these feelings when you seek to compare yourself to the outside world. You tell yourself that you need to be like certain brothers or tell stories of how certain brothers are more appreciated, talented, etc. than you. You have nothing to prove Beloved. God’s Son does not live in comparison or needs to prove anything. However, do not see this in the form of ego-defensiveness. We are not here to close ourselves down, but to open our One Self up to its Truth. See your security in your True Self and you will know your Self as not dependent on anything. Remember, only your ego-mind wants to be somebody. This is only because it does not know who it is in Truth. It is dependent on a world to complete it, because it aligns with abandonment and vacancy. Only the ego’s thinking sees itself in need and desires to shine as a separate self in seeking a false completion. You do not need a false completion, because you are complete. You have merely forgotten your completion.
Likewise, do not feel that your self should avert from seeking opportunities to shine either. That would be withdrawing based on judgment. Simply be as you are and trust all can express in purpose. Do not expect the world to define you, do not need the world to complete you, but do not judge the world for seeking to honor you either.
I do feel scared and unworthy. I feel fear in the just the suggestion that the world should honor me. But oddly enough I crave it as well.
This is the insane thinking of the ego. It does not know who it is or what it wants and can only think in terms of extreme counterproductive fears and wills. It needs but fears. Do not seek yourself in need or fear. We are here to release both of these limitations for the ego bases them only on deception and lies. You do not need to lie to yourself, unless you do not want to believe the Truth of Who You Are. Is this your choice?
No.
Then simply seek out the light of all you are. Rest in this Light. Seek to share this Light and see this Light in all. Here you are neither hiding or depending. Here you are not seeking to understand a shadow self through misperception. Here you are simply being. Sound familiar?
Cute.
Yes, that is why I have guided you to these words. They will always be your comfort and guidance. Simply be Beloved. Do not pressure yourself for any more or deplete yourself for any less. Simply be. I love you as I know you to simply be all ways.
Day Twenty- Four: November 28th, 2007
I don’t feel like writing today. But I’ll definitely practice more.
Good. That’s all that matters. Be the love you are. I love you.
Day Twenty – Five: November 29th, 2007
Writing is not as important here as practice. Do not be concerned if you do not feel like writing. This is not the purpose of our joining. Allow yourself to simply notice and engage in the purpose of our endeavor. Here you will find the peace you seek. Remember, we are not seeking rituals or structure. We are seeking a release of all restrictions. Writing practice at times leaves you dependent on your thinking, or attempts to have you figure this all out with your thinking. Thinking is not the purpose here. Resting is. Therefore, notice if you do not want to write and be okay with that choice, rather than judge it. Judgment is never purposeful and does not bring you peace. Rest your mind. Rest your thoughts. Focus more on opening up your heart and feeling me there. I love you.
Day Twenty – Six: November 30th, 2007
Follow your instructions for practice. Center yourself in your heart awareness and allow yourself to be in peace. Do not think about process nor measure your experience. Simply allow. This is the full awareness of surrender, simple allowance. In this allowance, you withdraw from the mind demanding control and sink into awareness without attachment or need. In this space, your peace reigns free. Surrender always takes you out of your thinking mind and into the space of release. It is not with the mind or devices of separation it sees, but with simple awareness of clarity and connection. Ask yourself, do I choose to connect or withdraw? Fear withdraws only because it sees itself vulnerable and at risk. Fear escapes out of its reliance on protection and lack of faith. Faith is securing in willingness and this I cannot give you. Faith will only come when your willingness to have the peace you desire rests beyond your mind. The mind that needs control does not have faith. Why? Because it is still attempting to lead out of fear. It alone believes in attack or the possibility of “doing it wrong.” Remember, Dear One, you cannot do this wrong, you simply can just refuse to do this. Refusing to seek out and practice the peace you yearn for is only to choose illusion. Although this is not purposeful, it is your freedom. I do not chastise you for the choices you invest within, but I will show them to you with clarity. To my knowing, there is no choice, however I will always honor your wishes to see in variance. Can you?
I don’t understand.
Is it not true that you judge yourself for choosing to restrict and restrict yourself for judging? If you were to simply honor yourself for the variance of choices you have invested, you would not be so embattled. You can discover peace first by the release of all judgment and then through the acceptance of the choices you wish to call into existence. Once you accept these choices, you are not resisting them. Consider yourself beyond their restriction and see if there is a wish to choose beyond them. In other words, accept the choices you can have and then permit yourself to find peace beyond them.
You are trying to think your way through this. Don’t think, rest. Again, do not rely on the struggle of thought, but simply allow yourself to honor all that you choose. Take a moment now to rest in your heart. I will guide you. I love you.
Before we begin today, I would like you to re-read the guidance I provided for you yesterday and to listen once again to the teaching on prayer. As you listen, take notes. See where you can allow your mind to focus through it. This guidance will help you practice Devotion in a clearer manner. For the Infinite Way is the American version of this Devotional practice. It shall guide your path now. Use its guidance to help you release and move through out your daily experiences. Notice all the moments that you can have God on your mind, but not through your thinking. These devotions will bring you a greater peaceful knowing. Release all needs for results. Do not think of how this needs to be or where it will lead. Trust. Give all thoughts to me and rest your thinking. Delight in following my guidance. Remember this is the calling to a greater joy. Do not worry about judgment, it will continue to lift from you as you trust. Now go listen.
Day Twenty-Two: November 26th, 2007
What should I surrender today?
Rest your mind. This is not a process or ritual. Allow yourself to sink into the stillness. Breathe and quietly be within. Do not seek out distraction. However, if distraction appears to come, realize what your true desire is. Seek to know your true desire today. Seek it out in all places. Share this day with God. He is always with you, as am I. As you notice the thoughts of restraint and judgment, give them to me. You only fear knowing yourself. You fear this release simply because you do not know. However, you do know your Self. You cannot not know. Allow this awareness to rise up within you. You cannot lose anything, you can only know more, be more. I love you.
Day Twenty-Three: November 27th, 2007
I’m feeling a bit of mourning today.
Let go of the feeling that you are not good enough. This feeling has haunted you for some time. It is neither true or purposeful.
How?
Rest within. Trust within. You mourn yourself these feelings when you seek to compare yourself to the outside world. You tell yourself that you need to be like certain brothers or tell stories of how certain brothers are more appreciated, talented, etc. than you. You have nothing to prove Beloved. God’s Son does not live in comparison or needs to prove anything. However, do not see this in the form of ego-defensiveness. We are not here to close ourselves down, but to open our One Self up to its Truth. See your security in your True Self and you will know your Self as not dependent on anything. Remember, only your ego-mind wants to be somebody. This is only because it does not know who it is in Truth. It is dependent on a world to complete it, because it aligns with abandonment and vacancy. Only the ego’s thinking sees itself in need and desires to shine as a separate self in seeking a false completion. You do not need a false completion, because you are complete. You have merely forgotten your completion.
Likewise, do not feel that your self should avert from seeking opportunities to shine either. That would be withdrawing based on judgment. Simply be as you are and trust all can express in purpose. Do not expect the world to define you, do not need the world to complete you, but do not judge the world for seeking to honor you either.
I do feel scared and unworthy. I feel fear in the just the suggestion that the world should honor me. But oddly enough I crave it as well.
This is the insane thinking of the ego. It does not know who it is or what it wants and can only think in terms of extreme counterproductive fears and wills. It needs but fears. Do not seek yourself in need or fear. We are here to release both of these limitations for the ego bases them only on deception and lies. You do not need to lie to yourself, unless you do not want to believe the Truth of Who You Are. Is this your choice?
No.
Then simply seek out the light of all you are. Rest in this Light. Seek to share this Light and see this Light in all. Here you are neither hiding or depending. Here you are not seeking to understand a shadow self through misperception. Here you are simply being. Sound familiar?
Cute.
Yes, that is why I have guided you to these words. They will always be your comfort and guidance. Simply be Beloved. Do not pressure yourself for any more or deplete yourself for any less. Simply be. I love you as I know you to simply be all ways.
Day Twenty- Four: November 28th, 2007
I don’t feel like writing today. But I’ll definitely practice more.
Good. That’s all that matters. Be the love you are. I love you.
Day Twenty – Five: November 29th, 2007
Writing is not as important here as practice. Do not be concerned if you do not feel like writing. This is not the purpose of our joining. Allow yourself to simply notice and engage in the purpose of our endeavor. Here you will find the peace you seek. Remember, we are not seeking rituals or structure. We are seeking a release of all restrictions. Writing practice at times leaves you dependent on your thinking, or attempts to have you figure this all out with your thinking. Thinking is not the purpose here. Resting is. Therefore, notice if you do not want to write and be okay with that choice, rather than judge it. Judgment is never purposeful and does not bring you peace. Rest your mind. Rest your thoughts. Focus more on opening up your heart and feeling me there. I love you.
Day Twenty – Six: November 30th, 2007
Follow your instructions for practice. Center yourself in your heart awareness and allow yourself to be in peace. Do not think about process nor measure your experience. Simply allow. This is the full awareness of surrender, simple allowance. In this allowance, you withdraw from the mind demanding control and sink into awareness without attachment or need. In this space, your peace reigns free. Surrender always takes you out of your thinking mind and into the space of release. It is not with the mind or devices of separation it sees, but with simple awareness of clarity and connection. Ask yourself, do I choose to connect or withdraw? Fear withdraws only because it sees itself vulnerable and at risk. Fear escapes out of its reliance on protection and lack of faith. Faith is securing in willingness and this I cannot give you. Faith will only come when your willingness to have the peace you desire rests beyond your mind. The mind that needs control does not have faith. Why? Because it is still attempting to lead out of fear. It alone believes in attack or the possibility of “doing it wrong.” Remember, Dear One, you cannot do this wrong, you simply can just refuse to do this. Refusing to seek out and practice the peace you yearn for is only to choose illusion. Although this is not purposeful, it is your freedom. I do not chastise you for the choices you invest within, but I will show them to you with clarity. To my knowing, there is no choice, however I will always honor your wishes to see in variance. Can you?
I don’t understand.
Is it not true that you judge yourself for choosing to restrict and restrict yourself for judging? If you were to simply honor yourself for the variance of choices you have invested, you would not be so embattled. You can discover peace first by the release of all judgment and then through the acceptance of the choices you wish to call into existence. Once you accept these choices, you are not resisting them. Consider yourself beyond their restriction and see if there is a wish to choose beyond them. In other words, accept the choices you can have and then permit yourself to find peace beyond them.
You are trying to think your way through this. Don’t think, rest. Again, do not rely on the struggle of thought, but simply allow yourself to honor all that you choose. Take a moment now to rest in your heart. I will guide you. I love you.
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