40 Days of Surrender: Days Twenty-Seven - Thirty- One

Day Twenty – Seven: December 1st, 2007

Surrender ideas of your identity and all representations of it today. Simply observe where you are asking to think with the mind of Pam or be seen as the body of Pam. Who is this person that you desire so intimately to be? What does it think that is different than the love of God? What does it need that can only be sustained through limited means? Is this the self you want? Is this the self you need? Do not see these ideas as a means to further judgment, but simply allow yourself to ask them how they serve you for peace. Do not expect to come to any conclusions today. I am not asking you to deny yourself of anything. However, I am asking you to observe the thoughts that appear to keep you in limitation. Why does Pam compare herself to other bodies? Why does she feel so different or in need? What does she hope to gain from or for herself and why? Yes, indeed, what is this all about? Do not feel surprised if you linger a bit in depression today, sadness is a feeling that the mind uses as an attempt to feel itself as separate. As you question ideas of separation today, the mind will recall all feelings of separation. However, do not fear. I am with you. I love you and do not ask anything of you that does not radiate in love and knowledge. I know who you are and this is my beloved.

Day Twenty – Eight: December 2nd, 2007

Permit yourself to allow Love today. Simply let the love flow through your mind beyond your thoughts. Seek to see where you allow love.

Devotion practice is not about devoting yourself to a separated God Self, it is about reawakening yourself to accepting the Love Self you are. Here you devote yourself to knowing once again. Devotion is a proclamation. It is the extension of a vow. Can you vow what you do not know? In asking to know your Self, you are asking to remember what you have simply forgotten. If you have forgotten, there was a moment that you did know. You merely have forgotten what you know. I know you as God Created You and cannot forget. In your devotion, you ask to remember and proclaim that remembering is possible. This is why I say you are allowing love. As you praise you come to realize your value and worth once again. You are remembering your Self as your Self.

When you want, you are calling out from a place of vacancy. It is the same as saying “but I do not know.” Think of the innocent child, he says he does not know, however you are aware how much he does know; only he does not see it in himself. I see the same in you, little one. You are crying out in wanting only because you have forgotten. If I ask you to allow love, I ask you only to remember. Place your value within you. Remember you are worthy.

The “I” is needed in this allowance, because you need recognize how you have chosen to forget. This “I” is the self that has agreed to forget. See how you have chosen to forget (The Dreamer of the Dream) so that you may allow an awakening.

Day Twenty – Nine: December 3rd, 2007

Be aware of where you desire to be in control today. Observe where you want to believe the old stories of limitation and fear. Rest into the simplicity of the day’s experiences. Remember, I am always with you and am always sending you your gifts. I love you.

(hours later) I am seeing some thoughts of judgment pop up.

What are they saying to you?

Hmm. Same old stuff. Trying to notice or make justification for ego’s claims and beliefs. These thoughts want to see me as separate from others. They want me to identify with the body and guilt. They want to see people’s actions and judge by them. However, funny thing is, I do not want these feelings or thoughts. Therefore, I’m just sitting here and looking at them. I feel some restriction in my stomach. I’m going to breathe there and let myself relax. I’m starting to see the game in all of this. I’m seeing the silliness in these thoughts and what they want me to believe. I do not want to believe what these thoughts want me to believe. I’m going to choose to rest instead.

Wonderful. Quiet your mind and breathe. This is a perfect response to a perfect realization. Remember not to cover up these feelings and thoughts, but watch them. Observe what they want to say. Is this representative of the peace you choose to be? Is this representative of the peace you are?

No its not. I want the peace of God. I give all these thoughts to you. They are not what I want and they are not the Truth.

Breathe, release and rest. All is perfect beloved. All is perfect. Rest in this space and know. I love you.

Day Thirty: December 4th, 2007

I don’t think I was doing much surrendering today.

All is perfect beloved. Do not judge yourself. Simply allow peace to flow through you and I will be there. Be aware of my presence and trust. I love you.

Day Thirty – One: December 5th, 2007

I’ve been having some judgments about teaching. I wonder if I should continue to teach the Course online. I wonder if there is any purpose to it.

Beloved One, purpose is always what you make of it. Your true purpose is always sure and whole. When you doubt, you are only seeing through the mind of uncertainty. The doubts you are having about teaching, are not about teaching, they are about how you see the role of teacher. You fear being seen as a teacher or in any leadership role. Think about, haven’t you feared those experiences most of your life?

Yes, I have. I feel more like it is better to just remain in the background. But it is funny.. almost ironic. Because I enjoy teaching, I enjoy having that attention so to speak, but I also highly judge myself for it.

This is related to some unhealed emotional energy you carry about yourself. You judge yourself in this role, doubt yourself and insert fear where there need not be. One way you do this is by comparing yourself to other teachers. Likewise, you also judge the purpose of the teacher role and say it is shallow or seeking materialism. None of these judgments is purposeful to none but the ego. A more spiritual purpose is never found in judgment. Nor is a spiritual purpose found in doubt (which is Self-judgment). Doubt often denies the Truth of who you are. It says you (another or a situation) just cannot be that glorious. You turn a blind eye to truth out of a sense of perceived need for security.

In teaching, what do you fear?

I fear that I’m doing teaching for all the wrong reasons? I fear that I’m just trying to get ahead or a new career and using ACIM practice as an excuse for that. I guess I can compare it to a belief of selling my soul to the devil. I’m prostituting spirit for worldly gain. And honestly, that is something I would never want. I don’t want to give up spiritual truth for worldly gain. The world is just not that important.

Again, beloved, the world is what you made of it. But let’s go back to the idea of selling your soul to the devil. First of all, you can never do this, although I know you mean it in a metaphoric sense. However, it is important to know that you can never fully forget (or consciously exchange) the truth of who you are for illusion. We are always connected, even if you deny yourself the opportunity to be aware of this connection.

But there seem to be so many who have no clue of the Truth of themselves in this body form.

Just because they do not seem to be aware on the surface does not mean that they completely forget. There is a spark within you all ways and always. This spark eternally remembers and calls out the Truth. Many perceive this calling on a subconscious level, or they excuse it as something else, but truly, it is never completely forgotten. Trust me on this one Dear.

Okay, so you are saying that no matter what I do or think in the world, I can never completely lose myself?

Yes, you can never completely lose yourself. And it is only out of this belief in loss that you judge others who seem to use spiritual pursuits as money making pursuits. You feel that they soil the name of spiritual being. This is never possible, because spirit can never truly be offended nor soiled in any way.

But can’t I get lost in this journey? Can’t I waste time or divert myself from the path by investing in these useless means at worldly gain?

No and No.

But I think…

Never mind that. Listen, you cannot lose and this pathway is one that you have made. That is it. However you use it, all is perfect. Everything can be used for purposes of the ego mind, but even there you cannot be lost. Yes, you can hide your Self awareness in worldly purpose, but this is neither a sin nor a true diversion. I do not judge your process, nor do I supersede the purposes you choose from a mind in play. I completely respect your freedom. Why? Because I know you are changeless. Time cannot be wasted, because time itself is the illusion and you are never dependent on anything. Yes, this means you are never dependent on doing this spiritual path correctly within a certain period of time.

Well, I am aware that you give me the freedom to play out this illusion within time forever, but who would really want to do that, especially once they become more aware of a greater Truth.

Do not judge yourself or your brothers. This is all perfect.

But if I decide to play around here more and use spiritual practice as a way to gain in the world, am I not just choosing more illusion? Wouldn’t that lead to me just having to come back in this dream time and time again… life after life… until I just decide to give it all up??!

Wow.. that really sounds like a harsh punishment for the mind that desires to play.

Uhm.. yeah, I guess. I do feel that I’ll be punished by having to live another life of illusion and suffering if I were to desire to keep playing.

No wonder you fear diverting from the pathway you have made. Beloved, to hold yourself to principles of fear is never purposeful. IF you desire to will for awareness, it cannot be as an alternative to fear. That will not bring you peace. That is a desperate cry for awareness out of a fear of being fearful and that is just a willing for fear.

Okay.. yes, I can see that there is some fear there.

Some?

Okay.. okay.. okay! I see there is a lot of fear there! (smile)

(laughter) All is perfect Beloved. Do not allow yourself to ask judgment to forget this. Do as you would like in this experience, but keep awareness for when you choose out of fear. ALL ways that you choose out of fear and surrender these thoughts to me.

Sounds like a good practice for today.

Amen. I love you.

Okay.. but… should I still teach?

Do not doubt yourself. Find the Love you are within and entrust that to me to always speak first. Here there can be no fear. I love you.